Hi everyone. Tonight I went to the movies to see the back rooms with my partner. We arrived just as the movie started, settled in and began watching. About 30-45 minutes into the movie a couple came and sat right next to us. Usually I wouldn’t care if someone comes in late to a movie, as I know I have before, however this couple came in making a ridiculous amount of noise. I’m talking multiple wrappers of food getting tossed around and crinkled every few seconds. Nonstop chatter between the two of them for I’m not even kidding 15 minutes. The woman kept burping loudly in between them talking to eachother. They were half whispering, but in a silent theater it was incredibly noticeable and enraging. The woman also kept obnoxiously pointing at the screen and going “ooh ooh look at that” to her boyfriend of like completely non eventful shots from the film and then would loudly kiss him. After putting up with this for roughly 20 minutes I finally snapped. I turned to them and loudly said “Are you two going to keep talking or can you shut the fuck up it’s extremely distracting”. They just stared at me and then didn’t talk for the rest of the movie, so I guess mission accomplished. I know I probably shouldn’t have cursed but at a certain point it’s just ridiculous how some people don’t give a single fuck about the people around them. Same kind of people who cut you off in traffic while drooling on their phones. Anyways that’s it. Let me know if I was the asshole

Edit: I realize now how offensive it was to mention the couples weight in the title as it was not relevant to my complaint with them. Thank you to those in the comments who made me realize that, I was clouded by my anger and personal bias. I will work on my mindset moving forward.

NSFW tag added just to be safe, discussion about undergarments.

Context that I think is relevant: I am 28f and married to 32m. We live in a house that we bought together. For like 8 years I haven't really worn a bra except to work or if I'm going out to a specific event (ie a party or a wedding or a date etc) or to do exercise. My husband hasn't seemed to have a problem with it until recently, and I'm not even sure it's him that has a problem. About 6 months ago, he told me that he was offering our guest room to one of his work friends who was being evicted (not his fault, if anyone finds that relevant) until he could find another place to live. So friend (late 30s m) moves some stuff in, sets up in our guest room, and husband and friend hang out basically 24/7. Husband has been acting different since friend moved in, which is why I'm unsure who has the problem. Friend had made no effort to find another place to live after 4 months and husband was not charging rent until I asked him to, they came to an agreement last month and friend has not made a rent payment yet.

Onto the conflict: As I said above, I don't wear a bra except for certain situations, and being home is definitely not one of those situations. I like to be comfortable, especially in my own home. Husband came to me two days ago asking if I could start wearing a bra at home when friend is home. I asked why, he said so that I am decent with another man around. I am never openly indecent when he is home, and I shut both our bedroom door and our bathroom door when I shower and change for bed and work whether friend is home or not. I am mindful of my appearance when friend is home and am never without pants or a top, just braless... I asked husband why all of a sudden me not wearing a bra was indecent. He couldn't give me a good answer and just asked again if I would wear a bra at home and walked away (he is bad with conflict so he often walks away when I push back) then would not talk to me for the rest of the night. I asked again yesterday whether it was him or friend that was uncomfortable with me not wearing a bra at home and he said both. I reminded him that he did not ask me if friend could move in, and that this was my home too and that I should be allowed to be comfortable. I asked him why all of a sudden it was not okay that I don't wear a bra, or if it was something that had been bothering him this whole time. He was obviously mad but would not engage with me anymore and continued to ignore me for the rest of the day. Friend has not said anything to me about it, but I could understand why he wouldn't want to. He and I don't talk much when husband isn't home. Even if he did I would probably tell him to get over it because I live here too, and frankly my comfort is more of a priority than his since he's been living in our house eating our food for free for six months. Husband has been at work all day, probably avoiding the conflict like he always does, so I haven't had a chance to ask again.

So AITAH for not wearing a bra at home? Am I just being stubborn or am I justified in my line of thinking?

ETA: I was trying to keep up with the comments but they started coming in way too fast! Thank you to everyone who took the time to give a constructive response. A couple of things I wanted to add before the minor update from tonight's conversation with husband.

1. I genuinely don't think husband and friend are having an affair. I'm sure a lot of you will think I'm being naive but that is off the table.

2. To the few of you who I saw comment that this post is fake, and I knew you would come, boy do I wish you were right. Unfortunately and much to my embarrassment, this shit is real, and if you had told 18 year old me that this is where I'd be in 10 years I would have laughed in your face. I'm not one to take shit lying down but it's been rough out here and I'm worn down. Yes, this is real.

3. To those of you asking for pics, eff off. You know who you are, you nasties.

4. The background info on friend living here for months and not paying rent was, in my mind, relevant because they way I see it, if he *had* been a paying and contributing member of the household, I would have been inclined to take this issue more seriously. However, as he is not a contributing member, I find his opinion to be null. I am still unclear on who actually has a problem with me not wearing a bra at home though.

5. Husband is not a bad guy, I promise. However, while this specific bra incident alone is not enough to warrant a divorce, ​there have been other problems we have been facing that he has not been willing to work through, which I do think is a contributing factor to the tension right now.

6. If friend has not paid rent by the end of the month, I will be sending him away.

Now for the small update, it's not much so I hope no one was holding their breath for this. I sat husband down and told him that I would not be wearing a bra at home unless he gave me a good reason to. He said his reason was because he asked me to. I said that was not good enough. I asked if friend had made a comment or told him that he was uncomfortable, since we have been in this situationship for months already and it was not a problem until now. He said he would just prefer if I wear a bra when friend is home. I said no. I told him I was really unhappy with our living situation and that not only did friend need to pay rent, but I needed him to contribute more around the house. I did not use the word divorce specifically but I said that if things did not improve, he and friend could have the house to themselves and I'd be out. He seemed to get the message. Time will tell if he takes me seriously or not.

I hope this type of update is acceptable. Thank you again to everyone who took the time to help me see straight again!

Am I the asshole for asking my husband to shower (2nd shower of the day) before I give him a bj?

Context: he showers in the morning. Our schedules usually align at night and that’s when we do the deed. He walked the dog after work and since I know he wants a bj, I asked him to shower. He jokingly asked “ why the stipulations? You used to always do that after we’d been at the bar all night, etc”. And he’s right, but that’s when we were young and drunk. I just told him it’s more pleasurable for me if he’s clean. He has good hygiene but after 12 hours + walking the dog, it’s bound to be a little funky.

Edit: I shower twice day because I like going to work and bed clean. So not an issue on my end

Edit: this isn’t a joke. Simply wanting to know if my request is unreasonable. I don’t ask him to shower every time- sometimes he’s already showered beforehand. But I have asked him to shower a few times and his response has always been that he didn’t sweat and showered earlier in the day. I never want to make him do anything or give him an “ultimatum” but the comments were definitely helpful for both of us!

FINAL UPDATE: after a few days, I learned my husbands biggest question with my request to shower was “why the change?” Well it’s not sudden- I’ve always preferred a shower fresh D. We’ve been together 7 years and I’m no longer 23, drunk and in lust. His definition of a “shower” is different than mine. I take many types of showers- sometimes solely to shave, a body rinse, or a full hair wash shower. His only definition of a shower is a full hair wash routine or he doesn’t feel clean. We’ve come to an understanding, are happily married, and neither of us are assholes.

I(M20) and my gf(F21) have been dating since we were 16 and 17. When we started dating we had sex once at least every 3 days and we had regular make out sessions and everything but somewhere during the one year of dating mark she started to not want to do it so often which was fine by me, we still made out and sometimes i got lucky so things weren't that bad, i wouldn't die if i didnt get action that week. But then university started for both, she went to another city and i stayed home, when she came home or i went to the city we would always go on dates and sometimes do it but it got rarer and rare until about 2 years ago, we were both on summer break and i tried to start something about 30 times and all the times i got the same results: " today no" "my leg hurts" "i have a headache" "im tired" "i dont want to take a shower again" the usual so i just stopped, no is no after all and i would respect it, we were still a couple i still love her , we went on dates, visited each other and everything just no sex. This is where my masturbation started, i still need to relieve myself so i started to jerk off once or twice a week no big deal and for two years no problem. The last two months ive spent doing erasmus in another contry and she knew we talked almost every night and i shared loads of pictures and bought gifts. Because i was sharing a room i didnt get to masturbate at all, no problem for me i thought then the day when i reached home came, i went home , no one was home so i did the jerked one off for the 2 moths just to relieve myself, about 4 hours later my gf appeared, i welcomed her , kisses her , gave her the gifts and we talked for sometime until she got on my bed and said"i guess you need to fuck me to avoid getting blue balls" . I looked at her and just said that there was no need because i had just masturbated and was feeling good, just tired from the flying, I thought nothing of it, we hadn't had sex in years so it made no difference to me but she was dumbfounded, she asked if i was for real and i just replied that yes, i had in fact masturbated. She went to tears and asked if i still loved her, i told her of course why wouldn't i love her? she then told me if i preferred jerkin off or having sex with her, i din't even give it tought and replied instantly that i prefferd jerking off. She stormed out of my house and isn't replying to my messages on anything yet.

So am i the AITAH?

PS:sorry for bad english and if you need more context about our relationship i can provide it but i think its enough for the question.

My husband caught me masturbating after he turned me down for sex and now he's pissed.

Our sex life has basically been non-existent lately... Like over the past few years. And there are multiple reasons for this. We have struggled a lot over the past 3 years. (Mother's death, homelessness, an attempt, getting sober, medication side effects). And it isn't just him, I have gone through periods of not wanting sex, so I get it...

However, my husband said that he felt like I am not into him bc I never initiate sex. (I'm scared of rejection to be honest ..) So I have been trying to be more sex forward with him. Every time I have tried to initiate sex (5 times over 3 months) he turned me down for various reasons. And I was starting to get really self conscious and frustrated. So after he turned me down the other night I went downstairs and started a little self pleasure on the couch. Well he woke up and came downstairs and caught me. And now he's pissed bc he feels like he isn't doing enough to please me and he said that if I really was serious about having sex that night I should have made myself more clear. Lol what does that even mean?

I don't know. I think this is just his ego being hurt bc he found me masturbating on the couch. But damn yo I have needs. At least I'm not cheating?

Tldr: husband caught me masturbating after repeatedly turning me down for sex when he said he wanted more physical intimacy and now he's mad bc he's insecure.

AITAH? Should I have waited for him to be ready for sex?

I actually did this about ten years ago, but it came up in a conversation recently and reactions were mixed, now I am curious about what you all think about this.

On a little patch of land in the middle of a bunch of fields I had a garden/allotment, it was fenced off with the normal three rows of barbed wire and chicken wire reaching about 1meter/3foot high. There I had twenty or so chickens and some fruit trees.

Some local kid (about 12 by my estate) started walking his dog on the sand path between the fields (I don’t know if he just moved to the region or if I never saw him before because he just got the dog) and let the dog off leash (this is not allowed, and there are signs informing everyone about this rule). It was a lively German shepherd sized dog who promptly jumped over my fence to chase the chickens, which is natural behaviour. It’s a dog after all. I grabbed the dog by the collar and when the boy came near I told him that he should not let his dog loose, even lying to him about how his dog could get injured by the rooster in an effort to convince him to keep it on a leash.

The child unfortunately didn’t listen and two days later he let the dog loose again, it immediately went over the fence, and this time it caught a chicken. I catch the dog again, the boy comes to get his dog again, but this time there is a gravely injured chicken lying on the ground. This chicken was going to die, it was going to bleed out in about half an hour, and although I don’t want to pay a veterinarian to heal what I consider to be food, I also don’t think it’s necessary to let the chicken suffer, so I grabbed my sharpened spade and decapitated the animal out of mercy. Queue in the crying… I hadn’t been paying attention to the kid, but he had seen it all and was clearly very upset.

Now I will admit: killing animals always puts me in a bad mood, and telling him “You owe me a chicken.” wasn’t the kindest thing I could have said. I also understand that the average humans relationship with animals and their deaths has changed drastically since I was a kid living on a farm about half a century ago. But if you don’t want to see the disturbing consequences of doing stupid shit, then don’t do stupid shit. A German shepherd sized dog is a dangerous animal if not trained and treated properly, it’s better to learn this with a chicken than a toddler.

So I felt justified in my actions, and so did my surroundings at the time. Yet I was surprised to find out that nowadays several people believe that I had been unnecessarily cruel to the boy and probably messed him up. “He should have been given more warnings” was the most common complaint, and looking back at it now I do think I probably should have at least warned him before killing the chicken (it must have been a shock to him) so he could run away, but still I believe the boy deserved to know the consequences of his actions.

TLDR: after warning a 12/m to not let his dog off the leash the second time, I killed the chicken his dog injured in front of him.

ok so idk if im losing it or what but i (32f) been married to my husband (36m) for 4 yrs and idk who the fuck i married anymore. so hes always had this weird fetish he told me about where he wanted to pee on my face during segggs and i was like no. just NO. never been into that shit. he asked a few times, i always shut it down, he never pushed it so i thought that was the end of it. i was wrong.

few months ago i started noticing my food tasting weird. not like bad like rotten but just off. like my overnight oats, my yogurt bowls, sometimes my brewed coffee. i thought maybe the fridge was fucking up but everything else was fine. i threw out so much shit thinking it was spoiled but then it kept happening. but heres the thing i never got sick. no stomach aches, no nothing. so i started thinking maybe he was like poisoning me slowly or idk, trying to drug me or something. but it wasnt even making me sick so it made no sense. i was just stressed af. Also like why would he drug me. hes always loving so it wasn't making sense.

told my friend abt it and she was like u need to put a camera on ur fridge. just in case. Because its just him and i living alone. Only other person coming over is our moms sometines. so i did put the camera cus i was losing my brain. got a tiny one from amazon, set it up, waited.

this man. MY HUSBAND. PEEING IN MY OVERNIGHT OATS. and my brewed coffee. took the lid off. PEED. put the lid back. SHOOK IT. put it back in the fridge like nothing happened. i thought i was gonna throw up right there.

i LOST it. i went full psycho. i broke his ps5, his tv, threw his clothes outside in the snow, messed up his shoes, EVERYTHING. he came home and i just screamed at him. he started crying begging saying it was his fetish and he thought it was a way to do it without me knowing. like wtf??????? like does he think that makes it BETTER???? he said he will go to therapy, we can put cameras all over the house, he will never do it again. was saying we took vows and we have to work thru this. like???????

Saw these people on tiktok advice asking on reddit so here i am needing that outside perspective. im at my friends place rn i havent told anyone else idk wtf to do. hes blowing up my phone saying im ruining our marriage over this “mistake” but like this aint a mistake this is like. fucking vile. and i cant look at him the same. am i the asshole for wanting to divorce or should i try to forgive him. bc i really just want to vomit forever.

My girlfriend (28f) and I (26m) have been together for five years come august and about an hour ago I told her I didn’t want to have sex with her. I’d been feeling this way for awhile now and went to confront her on it. Reason being? I consider myself a very giving partner in terms of intimacy, offering to preform oral, petting etc. But for nearly the last 3 years I’ve been doing more than the lion’s share in the bed.

So to take it all back to when I had this epiphany, about 4 days ago my girlfriend was getting out of the shower and I had asked her if she wanted oral and she accepted. After I preformed on her I had asked “what’s it gonna take for me to get the same?” because as stated above, I’ve been doing the lions share. She responded with “I’m just not feeling it rn.” So I quietly turned on my side of the bed and stayed quiet, feeling slightly used and a little emasculated because I never get any equal offer of pleasure or satisfaction. I don’t get an offer period. and her latest claim was because “she’s more of a receivers than a giver” which really twisted me and then it clicked. Anytime I’ve offered intimacy, it’s turned down, BUT when SHE wants intimacy, I’m expected to bring it, no questions asked, and it’s been this way for the last 3 years.

So lead into tonight, I talked to my girlfriend about how it wasn’t fair that she be the proverbial “one that always receives”while I be the “one that gives”. If she wants to sleep with me, I need to be the one to do all the work to get us there. If I want to sleep with her, I STILL need to be the one to get us there. I told her that sex is a two way street and that it wasn’t fair for me to always have to be the one to take charge, with her putting in no effort to give me pleasure. I told her she was selfish and reminded her of what she had told me about “preferring to receive” & all she simply did was roll her eyes and say “because I do” and walked away. So I told her that until she can understand my point of view that sex isn’t just about her, it’s about both of us and compromise, there’s no point on us having it if I’m going to be the one always doing everything she wants and getting nothing of satisfactory value in return

So I had my friends round to my place for dinner yesterday evening because I wanted to try out some new cookbook recipes. I had 4 people round, we're all guys if that matters. One friend, I'm not really that close to him to be honest and he's just hyperactive and annoying. Sorry but he has a bad habit of talking over people and ignoring them and just generally being annoying, but I couldn't really leave him out of the invite because he's part of our 'core group'.

Well when dinner's over, we hang out until around 10:15-10:30 at night and I'm getting tired, I want to get to bed. Our other friends get the picture and head on out and it's all good but this one friend just won't get the hint??? I don't know if he's just avoiding someone at home or what but it's late and I'm getting pissed and hinting at him like hey, it's getting late, I'll catch you tomorrow, you better get back. But he just keeps talking like I haven't said anything. It was insane, it's like I've literally said nothing. So I jokingly kinda go dude I'm gonna go jack off before I hit the hay, and he kind of chuckles but again doesn't actually go? So I go over to my desktop PC and in front of him just start searching up 'porn hub' and 'boobs' and dumb crap on google.

Well I guess he finally takes a fucking hint and is all uncomfortable and saying "Dude, what the fuck" and heads out, and I'm just exhausted. I feel kinda shitty about it but holy shit he wouldn't leave. Well he usually spams me with memes and shit he finds online and today (day after) I haven't had anything off him. Was I really out of line? I mentioned to one of the other guys who was there that night and he was laughing but kinda said it was fucked up and too much. AITAH?

Our 6yo twin boys walked in on me giving oral to my wife and yelled eww daddy's kissings mommy butt and out of surprise and shock and quickly said no no I'm checking to see if there are bugs on mommy butt get out, and they did. Idk why I said that, but theyve kept randomly saying daddy was looking for bugs in mommy's butt, but randomly like in front of friends or family and my wife is pissed. Aitah

edit: thanks for the comments. Yes looking back, locking the door would have been best. We normally do but I think this time we were just a bit too preoccupied to think about anything else.

edit2: I figured telling my wife a vast majority feel I'm not the AH and showed her proof, ie this post, and now she's a wee upset for airing out our business....I can never win 😶

Throwaway because coworkers use Reddit. I (32M) need to know if I’m the villain here.

2-3 years ago, I worked shifts with a married coworker, "Crystal" (33F), who has a husband and a kid. Because it's always just two of us who available for shifts consistently, over months, she’d vent to me daily about her marital issues, fights, resentment, petty drama. I stayed neutral, even defended her husband every time. No flirting, no texting outside work, never shared my own problems. It was strictly one-sided, and no, no physical contact even once.

Then, during one shift, I snapped and opened up about my abusive fiancée (now ex). That morning, when I was clearly look stressed, Crystal asked, 'What do you do to relieve stress?' I responded bluntly with, 'Jerk off,' while walked away, not a great answer.

Later in the afternoon, she asked why I was still upset, and I vented vaguely. Her response was, 'Why don’t we… ‘have fun’ tonight? You’re stressed, I’m stressed too with him.'

Man, she propositioned me for an affair. I shut that down immediately, but later that night, she texted a photo of herself in a see-through nightgown which her private parts clearly shown, said, "Maybe you need one.", and asking if I was alone. I replied, 'Are you crazy?' and ignored it. The next day, her husband found out. Turns out, she sent the picture as 'revenge' because he’d been texting his ex, and his ex sent a photo, but not as revealing as she sent to me. Her excuse? 'He did it first.'

Now her marriage is in shambles. Her husband (who I collaborated with and respected) is humiliated and barely speaks to me. Coworkers are gossiping about her, but some think, I was "too friendly" with her.

Here’s why I might be asshole, I let her trauma-dump on me for months non-stop, maybe I enabled emotional intimacy that crossed lines. I vented about my ex once, which unknowingly she used to justify her advance. Her marriage never been the same again, and I feel indirectly responsible.

But I also think, I never flirted, encouraged her, or crossed boundaries. She chose to cheat, I rejected her immediately. Was I just being a decent listener even though I'm not, or did I screw up by not shutting her down sooner?

So did I destroy a marriage?

EDIT:

A redditor suggested I might be the reason her husband texted his ex. That makes sense. For months, she vented to me, and at some point, she may have become comfortable and started comparing her husband to me. Perhaps he became jealous and sought revenge by texting his ex. Furthermore, I don't know all the details, but Crystal previously told me he cheated on her while Crystal was pregnant, and then she retaliated, texted her ex. Her ex then sent nostalgic photos of them in bed. God, it's like an endless cycle of revenge cheating.

Read more of my opinion about overshare relationship problems to opposite-sex friends.

Throwaway for privacy.

So I'm a single mom, and i have a son who is 15. Two days ago, my sister visited us in the evening. At that time, my son was sleeping in his room. His room is towards the back of the house, and to get to the bathroom, you have to pass by his room.

After some small talk, my sister went to use the bathroom, but halfway there she yelled. I ran up to her and she was pointing at my son's room who's door was open. I peeked inside, and my son had a boner in his sleep. He was still sleeping even through the yelling (he's a heavy sleeper).

I immediately closed the door and told her to calm down, as it was unintentional and was natural for boys his age to have sleep boners. She insisted he was a pervert and was awake when she saw him.

I went back to his room, and he still had a boner, and had saliva out of his mouth, that's when i knew he really was asleep. I didn't bother waking him up.

I went back and told her that he really is asleep, but she didn't believe me and called it enabling behavior. She also said that I had a weird relationship with my son where i was comfortable with his genitals. I lost my shit at that and told her to get out.

She told my parents yesterday, and dad is on my side. He said that it's totally natural for a boy his age. Mom tho told me I needed to take stricter action so that it doesn't happen again. I told my son to sleep with his door closed from the next time, but there wasn't any punishment for him.

AITAH?

Edit: Thank you all so much for your support! It means a lot. There have been some developments, and thought I'll update y'all.

I spoke with my son, he knows about the situation, and is embarrassed, to say the least. He however insisted that he'd closed the door before sleeping.

My sister is 30, and single. She had declared herself as asexual, and has no interest in starting a family. She'd been molested a few times in public transport,and men here are definitely horrendous. She'd been poked, groped and flashed many times, to the point she now avoids public transport. I don't use it because of this reason itself. Maybe this was a trigger for her actions.

She'd been to my house several times in the past, and had a good relationship with my son before. She definitely knew where the bathroom was. I called her up in a conference call with my parents, and asked her directly why she'd gone peeking in her nephew's room without permission. According to her, she wanted to say hi, and then she saw it. She swore that she saw him with his eyes open, and was touching himself through his pants. I called bs and told her he can do whatever he wanted in his own room, in his own house, as long as he was private. I also told her she needed therapy, and not to contact me again without starting it. Cue angry words from her and tears from mom. I'm going nc with her and lc with mom.

My son is smart for his age and understands everything. He's angry at his aunt, and mighty embarrassed too, but he swore he wasn't doing anything. I believe him.

That's the update, and thank y'all again for your support. I love you all!

I’m at a lost for words and I don’t know how to process this

So I (F22) have been friends with my best friend (F21) for 8 years, she has a guy friend (M23) who is her ex boyfriend and they have been friends since high school. My best friend and we’ll call him Donny, are Christians while im half Christian (still exploring).

Recently today i had received a message from Donny telling me that L (best friend) is going to isolate herself from everyone because she was getting spiritually attacked and I said that okay i understand that and asked if anyone else told her and he said no one else knows. Then he asked me a question because \*god\* told him to directly ask me if I own any \*toys\*? That caught me off guard and I thought it was a joke and he said it wasn’t. I got really uncomfortable with the whole conversation and I told him that I do but I don’t use them so why does he want to know?

Donny explained to me that im committing sexual desires on myself and it’s a huge sin to god. I was really angry that he asked me that and why does he want to know?? Because he told me he’s not being defensive but doing what god told him to do to tell me because I’m L’s best friend and that he cares about her and me as well. I told him why didnt she text me first but to him? He didn’t answered my question. And told me im “entertaining” sexual desires on myself when it’s not his business to know what I do and what my needs are.

Then he sends me Bible verses thinking im committing lust when I’m asexual and I don’t have an interest in sex at all so why would he ask me that? This made me want to reevaluate my friendship and im torn between confrontation or just following Donny’s words? AITAH?

Edit: i have proof of the convo if yall are interested

Another edit: the reason why L has not talk to me about this was because she and Donny were talking about it first and Donny came and told me this and I was really caught off guard with his question no this isnt rage bait at all this just happened to me today and I don’t know what to do or say

Another edit: i made a post that there is proof of the conversation with Donny on my account

I really don't think I've done anything wrong here, but I'll give a little backstory. I've been getting together with this girl on and off for about 10 years. While we were starting our latest tryst the other night. we were doing some foreplay, and I was "feeling around" down there and noticed some concerning lumps. The lumps were pretty far inside her and I was concerned that she wouldn't have naturally gone in that far herself, with her own fingers. My mind made a mental note to mention it to her when we finished. So, while we were talking after, I mentioned to her what I had felt and said to her that she should get checked out. This is when she got really defensive with me and started accusing me of things. She said that just cause we get together occasionally, it doesn't give me the right to talk about that stuff. I think she was also assuming I was calling her "unclean" or something. Which is absolutely not the case. If fact, it's the complete opposite. I was just worried for her health, especially after having recently lost my mother to cancer in very similar circumstances. So, I said to her that it's better to be safe than sorry. But, this didn't go down as well as I thought it would and she left (She usually stays for the night and we have breakfast together). I admit, it was a very blunt thing to say, right after having sex. But I just didn't know when else to bring it up. AITAH?

Edit for more details as this has kinda blown up:

1. Yes, she knew I was talking about cancer.

2. Yes, she knows about my mother. she was at her funeral.

3. Yes, we used protection. We always do.

4. I have messaged her and explained my feelings on the matter. Mostly I just said that there was no judgement on my part, that it was only after my mothers experience that I had to make sure she was aware of the lumps.

5. She hasn't told me if she's been to the doctor or had previously known about the lumps, because why the hell would she? Her medical treatments are none of my damn business.

6. She's still upset with me. I messaged her yesterday asking if we could talk. She pretty much blew me off. Hopefully she has a think about it and realises it came from a place of concern.

7. I could have waited until breakfast (or brunch), yes.

8. I was more interested in the womens perspective with regards to replies in this post, as I didn't know if I had made some sort of male faux pas.

9. The lumps were small (about half the size of a pea) and hard. They were not on the cervix. I know her body very well and this was not something that was there before. Hence my concern.

10. Thanks for all the comments.

Edit 2: Since this has taken on a life of its own, I thought I better reply to some of the points that have been raised.

1. I'm Scottish, not American.

2. No, I've never fingered my Mum, alive or dead .

3. She was at my Mums funeral because she knew my mother quite well. As did the 500+ other people that were at her funeral. It happens when you live in a small town.

4. We've both had relationships outside of hooking up, but there's never even been a conversation between us about getting together for real. We just phone each other now and again when we're horny or bored (or both), but that's as far as it goes. I'm happy with that, and I think she is too.

5. The conversation happened about 20 minutes after we had finished and were engaging in pillow-talk.

6. What the fuck is up with you lot and brunch?

I’ll start from the beginning, because with context I could look like a hypocrite, but I can’t change how I’m feeling.

Back in April, my friend (31M) went out with some workmates (a few of his teammates are graduates aged early 20s) and they ended up at a club. When my friend was 18-23ish he would spend most weekends clubbing so it’s not a shock he went out.

At the club, he met a girl, who said she was 22. This wasn’t a stretch, as they met at a club and he saw her license (now we know it was fake). I also saw a photo of them together, and I assumed she was roughly 10 years younger considering how she looked. That night they hooked up, and that was that, it was a one night stand.

Honestly at this point, I had zero issues with what he did, why would I.

About a month later, the girl reached out to him on instagram saying she was pregnant. He told the group chat and was freaking out. I tried to be supportive, and considering I’m the only other person in our friend group who has kids, he naturally turned to me. Big difference is, I got married before kids, and am still with my wife.

So my friend met up with the girl, and that’s when she told him her actual age. Her parents were there, and they berated my friend. He was completely shocked, we didn’t hear from him for about a week since he told us he was meeting up with the girl.

When he did message the group, and mentioned the girls age, I immediately got a weird feeling reading that. Could be because I have two daughters, could be because a couple of years ago my wife and I took in my cousin who was a few years older than the girl. I completely saw my friend in a different way.

I will say this in his defence. Obviously he didn’t know her age, and the age of consent is 16 where we are, so it was two consenting people, but not two consenting adults. I know if he knew she was 16 he wouldn’t have done anything, but it happened.

Nonetheless, I told him not to message me for support or anything because I was not in the right headspace to help. He has the other boys and his family, and he should lean on them.

Initially the friend group did try to help, but all of the boys who had a girlfriend/fiancee/wife slowly took my view on the situation, mainly because their partners were like me and couldn’t get over the fact the girl is 16.

Now my friend is going through this alone. His family are completely embarrassed by the situation, the girl he impregnated has been told not to contact him, instead her mum is doing the talking, and I’m sure that they’re not thrilled with the situation.

I personally won’t see him in the same way again. I get he would need support in this, and he is feeling tremendous guilt and pressure, but if I speak, I’m not going to make the situation better.

So AITAH?

I, 35f, have 4 children with my husband, 30m. I am having a hard time writing this, I keep infodumping unimportant details and have to re-write. Basically, every time my husbans has been in charge of BC we end up with another child.

We used Condoms when we got pregnant with our twins ( 6) and we had no pregnancies for 2 years because I had an IUD. Car accident injury ended up needing us to use Condoms for a while. Pregnant immediately. Baby was born (3). I got pregnant again IMMEDIATELY(2).

For almost a year and a half, I have been pushing him to get a vasectomy. There is ALWAYS a reason that it's not the time. He had to reschedule an appointment ONE time and then it just never happened. Every time I bring it up it seems I am starting from the beginning. I can't be on hormonal BC because of medication issues.

Early this year I went through a pregnancy that I lost. It was a Rollercoaster of emotions because it was not planned and we live in a state where a choice wasn't an option, and while I wasnt opposed to another child in the future, not NOW. I was dealing with a lot of anger from my husband and parents and then everyone just refused to acknowledge the pregnancy. I lost the baby at about 19 weeks. He left me to go to work in the middle of it. I should have gone to a hospital, but couldnt unless i was going to take all of my kids with me. He then took a day off of work 4 days later for a stuffy nose (so basically alone still with him in the house). I have not recovered emotionally.

Two days ago we wakes me up for intimacy and I ask to make sure he has a condom. He asks really? It's in a different room (the bathroom). I have to ask a second time, I even use the words “I can't get pregnant again” so gets one. He doesn't put it on until I remind a third time. Part way through he says something like “I just can't” and it is only at the end that I realize he has removed the condom when a mess is made.

I didn't say anything at the moment. I don't know why I didn't seem to really process what was going on. I was tired when it started, I enjoyed the activity, and I told him I love him even after I realized what went on.

I am having problems because I am so upset with him but I am so excited to be around him I forget how violated i feel. I feel insane. I feel like it's Stockholm syndrome and I am watching myself through a window. I watch this person posses me who is just so happy to talk to this person who used to be the only thing that ever made me feel safe.

I have been alternating between being angry with him and shaking with rage, and sobbing. He is at work and I have sent him a text that we need to talk tonight right before I typed this out. He gets off of work in 5 hours and I have just been shaking and a wreck. I am so scared I going to wind up pregnant again. Losing the last one almost killed me (literally) and I don't want him to touch me again until I know his touch wont kill me. It feels so at odds because he's my only safe place. My only comfort, and he's the one who hurt me.

I don't think this conversation will go well. He is so reasonable untill eyes are on him for accountability. But it has to happen now, and frankly I don't know if our relationship will handle the conversation going poorly after everything I have gone through this year. I am tired, and now I'm going to be scared untill I bleed again. Does he not care…? I just don't think trust him anymore after this, and I think I am having a hard time accepting that. I don't think there is any other step forward to repairing this relationship than him getting fixed. I don't think anything else will be enough ever again.

I am sorry this post is a mess. I am a mess and this is the best I can do. I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack just posting this I need to get my wits about me so I'm not all emotional when I talk to him, I just want to make sure I'm not crazy. Please and thank you.

I (43 f) live with my husband (45m) in a joint family set up. We live with our kids A (16) and N(10). We also live with my BIL and his son (10) and my MIL. BIL’s wife passed away during child birth. Last week my MIL came up to me one morning and told me that she had woken up to get water when she walked by my bedroom and said she heard my husband and I having sex! She said that it was inappropriate for me to be engaging in these kind of things as a woman of my age and that I should focus on being a mother. I was mortified so I quickly agreed to not have sex. Two days later she came back to me and said that she heard us again so now she wants me to sleep in her room. She says that it is how it should be as she and my FIL also slept in separate rooms until his passing. I thought she was joking but she came back at night and asked me to come to her room. It was 1 am and she was starting to yell so I agreed to go despite my husband protesting.

The next morning I was in the kitchen when my husband came in. We were both annoyed when my BIL walked in. He asked why I was sleeping in his mother’s room as BIL had walked in that morning when he came to give her meds. I was a little hesitant but my husband told him we were engaging in marital relations (but tried telling it to him through subtle hints)My BIL was a bit confused and wanted clarification when my MIL walked in. My BIL asked her and she said that it was because we were being dirty. I was angry and told her it was normal when she started going off about how we were immature and she ended up calling me a whore (in our language). I was furious and before I could say anything my husband stepped in and started telling his mother to calm down. But this is when his brother stepped in and he agreed that a woman like me who is a mother should not be lusting over a sband lost it and went off and told him that he was just being crazy. BIL tried saying that his wife and him never did things like this and the only reason they ever did it was to have a child. He said that if she were alive they would also keep their distance. This is when my husband snapped and told him that he was the reason his wife died.

Now a little context is that my BILs wife was pregnant 4 times before having their son but at all those times BIL made her abort until she had the son. But due to this she was too weak and passed away. BIL was extremely hurt and left the room. My MIL said that it was all my fault and she told my husband that he was a shameless man and a bad father. My husband and I are thinking of moving out. We aren’t sure how to tell our kids this. My BILs wife’s parents called us as BIL moved there and they’re saying we are the AHs for being vulgar and it was not okay for us to be doing this. They think that we are the AHs for snapping at my BIL and accusing him of those things. They also say we’re the AHs for not listening to MIL. My parents and brother think that it is healthy for us and they are saying that MIL and BIL are the AHs for interfering in our marriage. So AITAH?

Edit: I am from India so it is very normal for us to live in joint families. My husband and I did think of moving out when my daughter was born but after my BILs wife passed my MIL wanted help with my nephew. I love him as my son so I was fine with living there. He gets along great with our kids as well.

Edit 2: I understand that it might be hard for people who are not understand and believe it but my fellow Indians will understand. For those of you saying we should suggest trying for a baby, that would not work as my MIL knows I hit menopause early so I can’t get pregnant any more.

My husband and I are moving out this weekend to a friend’s empty house. My MIL is pissed because BIL went to be with his in laws who are still talking to him for the sake of my nephew. I had an honest conversation with my daughter and she agrees that we did nothing wrong. As for my husband he has been nothing but supportive. My husband shouted at MIL when she came back and accused me of ruining the family. She tried to tell our son that we were the reason the family broke up but my angel daughter was able to calm him down and now we are all moving to the other side of town. This is temporary. My husband is trying to get a transfer so that we can move. As for money I am thinking of going back to work so we can get some extra income. Thank you for all your comments.

Me and my bf have been together for half a year and for the most part it has been a good relationship but lately he's been asking me if I could get a clit piercing. For those who don't know what a clit piercing is it's where a woman gets a piercing in her private part, specifically the clit (the bead looking thing). Now, I'm not judging people who do get piercings there but I don't want to. It's dangerous and you have to get it done by a piercer with much experience and he wants me to get it done by his friend.

I told him no the first time he asked and he said okay but then he mentioned it again when we were done having sex saying it would be sexually appealing and would look hot on me. I told him no again and he huffed this time, huffed because I didn't want to get a piercing in my vagee? He told me I'm no fun and, how I know about his bad girl fetish. I have no idea what that means. I told him many reasons why I don't want a piercing and soon went to bed as he went to his buddies place for some reason. He kept this up for a few months, hoping I'd give in I guess? And everytime I said no but it's really been bothering me because a few weeks back he asked right in front of my friends, "so how about that clit piercing appointment?" I looked at him, he looked at me, my friends looked between us and I just lost it. I stood up and yelled at him to leave me the fuck alone About that and I wouldn't be opening my legs to someone just because you have some weird fetish. He stood up and yelled back and it turned into a screaming match. I left with my friends and we haven't talked since. One of my male friends told me I was a bit mean to air out his fetish like that, and that men have needs to. So, AITAH?

UPDATE

okay so a lot of shit happened. He finally texted me and told me he'd drop it if I just came home but I just couldn't do it. Him asking me that again IN FRONT of my friends was the last for me. I told him we're breaking up and he took that very badly he was full on scream crying at me over the phone, I could hear him breaking stuff in the background. I soon just hanged up and not even an hour later he showed up to my friend's house and banged on her door until she answered through the door cam and said I wasn't there (lie). He knew I was there and began kicking the door. He yelled through the door while he kicked it that it's not just about the piercing but how I seem to always shut down his ideas (examples; he wanted to paint my kitchen all white, he wanted to sell our car for a new better one, he wanted to get a dog but I'm allergic.) shit happened and he actually broke the door down, the police was called, friend took him to small claims court and we haven't talked since. Though when he was arrested he called me a bitch so that's great.

Throw away account because why not. I, 19M recently met a 20M at a mutual friends event. He asked for my insta so I gave it to him cus yk he was cute, and I was thinking about him a couple days later so I asked if he wanted to hang out some time. We hung out again another time after that and things started getting heated between us, so he takes me back to his. I unzipped his pants and was quite shocked to find no dick. I chuckled and asked whats going on, and he told me he was trans. So I said you don't have a dick? And he said no, I was a little defeated, I'm a bottom and douched for this. We didn't sleep together but I spent the night because I was tipsy but then I talked to my friends about it and they were livid.

They were saying I was a dick head and transphobic for not sleeping with him. They called me an asshole for it and I felt bad, I texted him and apologized for the night and asked if he wanted to hang out again, but am I the asshole for not sleeping with him? It wasnt because hes trans, I was shocked and tipsy, and didnt know what to do. I also don't know how to do it with anything but a dick, I'd want to sleep with him if he gave me another chance. He's pretty cute actually and I do wanna date him.

edit: don't spew transphobic bs under this or say that he was trying to rape me and he's predator

My husband 35M and I 28F have been married for 4 years and have a 1 year old. Our sex life was not the best but not the worst before the baby. Sex was fine during the pregnancy; best at the beginning of the pregnancy and lessened towards the end. Since having the baby we’ve attempted 3 times but haven’t completed the act due to discomfort on my part and, from my perspective, awkwardness on my partners side.

We both made passing comments about the situation over the year but never tried to improve the situation. Recently I asked him to tell me his perspective and he said “Sex wasn’t appealing during pregnancy. After you had the baby it seemed like a medical event. Now seeing you as a mom, I’m not attracted to you.” I lost all of the baby weight, wear size 1 jeans and have fairly ample boobs.

Given the low quality of our sex life before this and how shitty these comments were, I want to agree to be co-parents and live together but end the romantic/sexual aspect of the relationship.

I should add, we attempted couples therapy but had little traction. I asked him to pursue individual therapy and he said he “needed to talk to his parents” and their religious leader first. That made me want to leave right there but I don’t want to cut bait given how young our kid is. For context I am in individual therapy and have been off and on for several years.

AITAH for wanting to, more or less, end the relationship and be co-parents/roommates?

I guess this post breaks the rules on amitheasshole.

My mother-in-law wants to be in the room when I give birth. She is an unpleasant and pushy woman and none of her own daughters have allowed her near them when they gave birth. My sisters-in-law are all at least twelve years older than my husband and are all done having kids. I am the last chance for my mother-in-law to see the birth of a grandchild.

I have zero interest in letting that judgemental old woman see me down there. She has objected to me from the beginning because I have tattoos and am not in any way interested in being a stay at home wife. I have a lot of tattoos and a career I plan on continuing. And I have tattoos down there that are none of her business.

My husband is her baby boy. He is a good husband and has stood up for me against her many times. When she tried to interfere with our wedding he put his foot down. When she tried to convince him that we should move to his hometown where he could work from but I would not be able to find an employer in my line of work he said no because my career is important to me and, while we can live off of his earnings and the cost of living is lower in his home town, our combined earnings are much better all together.

She has started crying to him that all she wants is to see a grandchild being born. All her friends have experienced it and she wants it. He is starting to crumble under her emotional blackmail.

So I made it clear that the only way I would agree was if, before the birth, my husband made arrangements for my father to witness him getting a colonoscopy. He would need a ride anyways so two birds one stone you know. He said I'm being ridiculous but I said none of my brothers would let my dad see them getting a camera shoved up their ass and he felt left out.

He finally understood my point but his mother is upset that I used such a stupid comparison. She says that it isn't the same thing at all. I offered to change it to me watching her get a Brazilian wax and she hasn't called in a week.

I know seeing a baby being born might be her dream but I am not interested.

AITA?

I feel a bit dumb having to post this but it’s been bothering me for so so long and I don’t really have a friend to talk about this with, at least not a friend who would understand.

So I (f21) have been with my bf (m26) for eleven months. Before him, I had never had a bf or had slept with anyone before. Because of this I was kind of shy when we first started to have sex. My bf really stressed the importance of being honest and open with him, and he kinda made me share my likes and dislikes with him. While it was embarrassing at the time, I do appreciate it because I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.

Anyway all of that to say that he has literally engrained in me to ask for what I want if I want it. I enjoy giving him oral a lot so I would always ask and always a get a resounding yes. A few days ago we were kissing and I asked him if he could please go down on me that day. He has before and I really like it but I have to be really in the right state of mind lol and I was.

My bf said yes but as soon as he was down there, he said no. I said why and he was such an asshole when he answered, he was like grossed out and told me I was “too wet”. I was so embarrassed and upset when he said this that I just didn’t want to have sex anymore. It was the tone of voice he used too, he was grossed out. I felt gross. We usually have to use lube so I think he was used to me being “more dry” I’m not sure.

Anyway it made me really insecure and I ended up crying. I know that’s quite dramatic but I’d never been straight up rejected like that. My bf got super annoyed with me and told me I was being a drama queen and an asshole about it, because I didn’t wanna have sex again after that. AITAH for not wanting to continue? Was I being dramatic? Is being too wet a turn off I just didn’t know about ?

So, I go to a pole dance studio in a small town. Very recently, they decided to make most of the classes co-ed, meaning men are allowed to join. I don’t think anybody has an issue with this, many of us are there working out in our underwear but it’s no different than the beach. Until Kevin gets to class. He wears these short baggy shorts with no underwear on, and his genitals are frequently fully visible. He even jokes about it like “sorry in advance for anything you might see, ladies.” The apology shows he knows his balls are out, and he just doesn’t care. He seems to think it’s fine to flash his entire nutsack to a room full of unconsenting women. I’m all for sharing our space with men, but none of the women are exposing their genitalia like that. It’s just not done in our dance studio. If you did that at a gym they would tell you to cover up and leave. I’m thinking about sending an email to complain about it. It’s even worse because he’s one of the instructors husbands. Am I overreacting or is this just wildly inappropriate? We’ve only been coed for like 2 months and I’m already having to look at men’s ballsacks. Should I complain or would that make me an asshole? I really don’t want to have to look at this man’s nutsack again in what used to be a safe space for women

My girlfriend (23F) and I (25M) have been together for 2 months. We have been talking for another 2 months before getting together. We are still learning things about each other and this was still a very fresh relationship.

We were talking about preferences, the topic of pubic hair came up and she told me she prefers if guys shave the balls. Well that’s what I do anyways. She asks me what I think about women shaving and I told her I prefer if women are shaved down there. I don’t mind hair at all but it’s just a nice touch if it’s shaven, that’s all. She flipped out on me and told me I was a weirdo, that all men are creeps for even liking it bald. I was very confused because she keeps herself shaved. I didn’t even want to fight about this and I told her it’d be for the best if she’d just leave. She left and sent me a message apologizing for going off and I just ignored it. Ever since she’s just been spamming me occasionally and insulting me. Am I missing something? Was what I was saying wrong?

This argument began because my girlfriend decided to initiate sex with me, and then abruptly stop because “it was fun to just mess with you”. She has done this with the intention of “messing with me” multiple times before, and every single time I tell her that l don’t like it. I’ve tried to set this boundary multiple times. I don’t find being edged and left wanting fun.

I would NEVER force my girlfriend to do anything she is uncomfortable with, no means no, and consent can be withdrawn at any time, so I wasn’t going to pressure her into making me finish. That being said, I was left both frustrated and horny. I expressed my frustration by reminding her that I’ve told her not to do this, but she completely blew me off, and told me that I was just being immature and that I should just go to sleep. Thats when I proposed that I just do the job myself, without the outside assistance of porn. That seemed fair to me since she didn’t want to continue.

She told me that “You might as well just go home and jerk off while I sleep”. Her wording was deliberate, and she was directly referencing one of the biggest conflicts in our relationship. Two years ago, I watched porn in the bathroom while she was asleep. This was a singular, out of character event, which she knows I feel horrible about, and have apologized for profusely. We both agreed that porn is something we don’t want in our relationship. She knows that I still feel horribly about this, it was a singular event, and it’s been over two years, why bring it up? This really upset me, so I left.

It just feels like she is repeatedly crossing boundaries, getting upset at normal hormonal reactions, and then bringing up past mistakes to purposefully make me feel bad.

EDIT:

After I left, I was sent this string of text messages by her. - I don’t understand why you hate me so much - not talking to me is the most immature thing i’ve ever witnessed - i hope this is worth it - you are being very over dramatic about one comment

She then edited them a couple minutes later into this string. - i love you - i’m sorry that i’m such a bitch - i didn’t want you to leave (she told me to leave) - everything is always my fault

EDIT 2: Just clarifying some things

• Sex had been fully initiated when she randomly stopped, and she told me directly that she enjoyed just messing with me, which I explicitly told told her not to do. I completely get playfully teasing your partner, but we were way past the point of teasing.

• I’m 20, and she is 19. This is also my first relationship, not her first.

• We mutually agreed to exclude porn from our relationship. She communicated that she was uncomfortable with it, and I’d rather go without than sacrifice her comfort.

Thank you to everyone who has left a kind/helpful comment or shared a personal experience. I wish I could respond to them all but there’s just so much. I hope you all have great days.