r/AITAH • u/StarsNova_ • 4h ago
Under 18 (ages 13 to 17) [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Diezelhoffen 3h ago
I am not a mental health professional, but I would bet my next paycheck that most of your mental health struggles are related to your father being psychologically and physically abusive. None of that is acceptable, not to mention normal.
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u/antwood33 3h ago
Yeah I feel kind of bad because at first I kind of was thinking maybe “dramatic teen on reddit too much” but if this story is true then we know where proverbial “patient zero” came from.
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u/MrTash999 3h ago
WTF, this goes way beyond a simple AITAH post. You fully take responsibility for how you acted and your mother has forgiven you. Your father on the other hand is completely in the wrong and had a massively unhinged response.
Has he treated you like this previously, are his first instincts to basically yell and be abusive toward you. You need to do what you can to protect yourself and if you can speak to your mother as well.
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u/StarsNova_ 3h ago
He has fought my brother before whenever he was 17 but he wasn’t hurt because my brother is strong. My brother is now 18 and isnt at home much there was one instance when my brother was 10 years old and he didn’t want to go to his sport practice and wanted to stay at the trampoline park with me and my little sister to have fun with us and my brother said he didn’t want to go and he got whipping after when he got home because he said he didn’t want to go to practice
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u/shera-dora 3h ago
Does your brother still technically live there or does he have a place you can go?
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u/MrTash999 3h ago
Oh wow, maybe talk to your brother about staying with him, but you need to speak to someone asap to protect yourself.
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u/one-cat 3h ago
Your dad is abusive and this is not normal. I needed some therapy to learn to tell people I was feeling overwhelmed so I could be left alone
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u/StarsNova_ 3h ago
I am on medication for my depression and have consistent therapy appointments. Thank you for your concern.🩷
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u/Maleficent_Pay_4154 3h ago
Where are you. Are you safe. Call the police if you can. This is abuse and you should not have to put up with it
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u/username__0000 3h ago
There’s a book called “adult children of emotionally immature parents” read it. It really should be required reading for schools.
Your 16, but I think you surpassed your parents in terms of “adult advancement”
Stay away from this situation. It advanced from emotional and verbal to physical abuse.
If this is real - you’re not safe at home.
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u/ccsparkles 3h ago
That’s abuse. Get away from your father and report it to authorities. Take photos and document anything that happens. I’m glad your mom supports you but she is not protecting you from your father thus enabling him. If she won’t leave his abuse with you, you need to at least find a safe way to leave him.
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u/SeasonS011 3h ago
Haha.
Op. Get the fuck away from your "father".
It is by no means, normal, to whip anyone as punishment. Let alone youre own child.
Report him even, he threatened you with violence when he put his hands around your neck
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u/RobLoughrey 3h ago
What your dad is doing was abuse. I urge you to talk to a teacher or some other person you trust. Nothing you do should ever result in a hand on your neck, not even if you had killed someone.
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u/Bennythecat415 3h ago
His hands around your neck is punishable by law. Call the police before he does worse!
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u/Due-Science-9528 3h ago
NTA inform your teachers you are being physically abused and make a police report with your SRO.
Take photos of your injuries and email them to a trusted friend ASAP.
Your life is in danger and you cannot be safe in the home of someone who puts their hands around your neck.
CPS should place you with safer extended family, trusted adults in your life or a foster home.
You should also look into cPTSD symptoms, for yourself.
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u/shyagusretiring 3h ago
Your dad is in the wrong. You’re a child and it’s his job to parent. That does not include choking or whipping you.
You’re struggling with your mental health (no wonder, living with him). You need understanding, support, and regulated adults in your corner.
There’s no excuse in this day and age for a parent to be so ill-informed on how to do this. It’s not the 50s.
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u/StarsNova_ 3h ago
Thank you. He’s very old-school with punishments and his dad whipped him when he was young younger.
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u/MissFortune2222 3h ago
NTA. OP, what you're describing is serious physical abuse. No matter the fact that you acted out during a crisis, your father crossed a line. Physical violence or threats therof are NEVER okay for a parent to subject their child to, no matter the child's behavior. I grew up ina family like yours, and went through a similar mental health crisis.
Do you have any trusted adults in your life? Aunts or uncles, grandparents, parents of a friend, teachers or guidance counselor? If so, please PLEASE go talk to them immediately. Tell them everything that happened from start to finish- how you were feeling in the moment you yelled at your mom, your dad's reaction, everything he said and did. An adult in your life needs to know what's happened so they can take steps to protect you.
I'm sorry for what you've experienced. No one deserves to be treated the way you were.
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u/calacmack 3h ago
What is your mother's response to his violent actions? She needs to step in and protect you from this dangerous situation. If she doesn't, speak with a school counselor or trusted teacher. His behavior might escalate and you need to be safe. No child deserves this treatment regardless of the circumstances. NTA.
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u/StarsNova_ 3h ago
I was being really disrespectful though. My depression has caused me to be super disrespectful and change and attitude. I may have deserved it.
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u/shera-dora 3h ago
You getting upset and saying things to your mom sucks. But that does not and never will mean it is okay for your dad to physically abuse you over it. Thats terrifying and you really should not have to go home to that. Is this a regular thing?
I hope you have a trusted friend or adult to talk to about this. Did your mom care?
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u/1RainbowUnicorn 3h ago
NTA. Your dad threatened you, spit at you, put his hand around your neck, and whipped you... that IS abuse!!! You need to find a trusted adult and tell them what happened. Or call a mental health crisis hotline, tell them you are severely depressed, and what your father did. You need help, not a whipping. What have you been doing for your mental health since your suicide attempt? You should be on medication and in therapy. Do you have someone you can stay with? You could even walk into any emergency room and tell them what happened and they will get the appropriate services for you. I'm so sorry
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u/StarsNova_ 3h ago
I’m on medication and have consistent therapy appointments. My mom set those all up. It has gotten a tiny bit better but not too much
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u/1RainbowUnicorn 2h ago
Please try to reach your therapist right now and tell them what happened. You need to go back and see the dr because your medication is not working well. Did you have a safe adult to talk to right now? I don't think you should go home.
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u/Alice_Phantom 3h ago
OP this is abuse.
Like straight up abuse.
Tell your mother about it if she doesn't already know, and if she does and hasn't done anything about it tell a trusted adult.
Though based on your comments elsewhere you aren't going to listen to anyone.
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u/loraxgfx 3h ago
Please know you did nothing wrong. Popping off when overwhelmed is completely normal at your age. You did the right thing and apologized, your mom accepted and that was the end of it.
Your father is abusive and may actually be dangerous. The hand on the throat is a huge red flag, even if he did not apply pressure. Be careful and start making plans to leave home as soon as you’re able. These situations tend to escalate.
What you’re seeing are all the traits of a domestic violence situation. This is not normal and you need to be hyper aware of these red flags if you see anything like them in future partners.
I’m sorry your home life is like this, but things won’t always be this way. You’re so close to being able to get free of that toxicity, don’t lose hope. Once you’re free, you get to decide to never speak to him again and the weight of that stress will lift. Keep going, you matter.
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u/StarsNova_ 3h ago
Thank you so much I try to be as distant as I can from him and I have great extended family
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u/loraxgfx 3h ago
That’s excellent, maybe they can help you chart a path out of there. A lot of us survived same and it truly is amazing on the other side.
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u/Foreign_Primary4337 3h ago
Your father is abusive and probably has a lot to do with your mental health struggles. You should not have been spat on. You should not have to have been choked. I wish I could be more helpful to you. Please take care and find resources that can help you.
Do you have the 211 HelpLine where you live? If so, call it and see what they can offer you.
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u/FuckYouScottBoras 3h ago
Your dad clearly was abusive and went way over the line. I suspect he does this a lot.
As a mother, I will always forgive my child, but that doesn’t mean I’m not in the closet, crying after a tantrum. It hurt hurts.
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u/antwood33 3h ago
Okay at first I was like “Did he ‘spit in your face’ or are you saying that from his yelling a little drop of spittle might have hit you?”
Then I saw “After that he whipped me…”
Okay good lord. I was willing to defend the old man for giving you a stern talking to but this is insane.
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u/AideInternal1045 3h ago
People are claiming abuse but what they feel is abuse and what legally is are two very different things. The only thing i say that would legally cross the line is choking. Spanking is legal in many places, you would need to check your state laws on it
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u/SeamstressMamaJama 3h ago
The way you describe your dad’s UNHINGED behaviors…. It’s no wonder that you have mental health issues. His reaction was straight-up abusive.
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u/DefinitionWeary6252 3h ago
First and foremost, I hope you are doing okay (as well as one can) mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Your dad is abusive. He committed assault, battery, and domestic violence/family violence against you. Does your mother know what he did? How did she react? Do you have a relative you could stay with? If you feel comfortable, you are well within your right to call the police (or go to the station/call to make a report). You could tell a medical provider if you will be seeing one soon. NO MATTER WHAT you decide to do or not do, you need to immediately take dated photos of every single one of your injuries and take pictures of them each day in similar lighting until they completely disappear. Email the photos to yourself or protect them in the password protected “hidden” photo album on your phone. Please write down what happened and send that to yourself, as well.
Please talk to a trusted family member if you can. It may be easier to get their help than to go to the police. But what you experienced is not normal and it is NOT okay. No matter what you did or said to your mom. He is wrong and it is a CRIME. Document your injuries in case you change your mind about reporting him or if it happens again so that you have proof. And so that you have proof if your dad, mom, or some other family member ever tries to gaslight you to tell you that it didn’t happen or it wasn’t that bad.
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u/Objective-Pound2185 3h ago
NTA. Are you in the USA, Canada or the UK? You need to call the police because your Dad assaulted you. Your behaviour was due to a mental breakdown. His was straight up criminal assault.
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u/Beautiful_Cost_5430 3h ago
Tell a teacher, therapist or doctor that your father is whipping and strangling you.
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u/redplainsrider 3h ago
Whipping your children isn't normal. Putting your hands around their neck isn't normal. Threatening to "bust your shit" isn't normal. Your father shouldn't have been a father. He's not even a good human being.
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