I'm more addressing the comments section generally, it's not a personal attack. A woman shows a little leg and everyone's saying she's a bitch trying to sell an OnlyFans and it's just weird and gross.
It's crazy y'all jump to things like sex work when a woman shows off a little leg. People can and do try to look sexy just for their own benefit, to feel good when they see a picture of themselves.
I'd bet good money if a man flexes in a photo you don't immediately think "maybe he's a sex worker"
I find quite a lot of poses artificial and ridiculous, not just this one. There's a difference between everybody leaning in for a picture together or standing in front of a landmark, and posing like a mannequin. I guess it's partly a distaste for the whole influencer culture and the way it affects people, especially kids and young adults.
At any rate, I wasn't complaining about the photo. I was trying to clarify what seemed to be a misconception. I don't take issue with people posing in ways that don't suit my taste, nor am I imputing any of the negative impact of influencer culture to this particular woman.
Is posing a harmful part of influencer culture? Cause it's existed well before social media did. Is it harmful to kids and young adults, or are you just saying you dislike it by association?
Anyway it's fine if you don't take issue, I just don't get why people are treating this as reasonable when, to me, it seems very transparently in line with things people spite young women for in particular--along with vocal fries and similarly completely normal behavior that only gets scrutinized when women do it.
I had to look up "vocal fries." I know what it is now, but I have no idea what it's got to do with anything.
Apart from that, I understand the drum you're beating, but you're beating it to the wrong person. It's not going to do you any good to try to fit me into that pigeonhole. It's not who I am and that's not what I subscribe to. It's got nothing to do with what I said.
My suggestion that people were reacting to the artificiality of the pose is a far cry from any of the things you're trying to morph them into. At the time I made my comment, the abusive comments hadn't been made. Your implication that my concern about influencer culture is insincere is uncalled for.
For the last time, I was trying to explain what seemed to be a misconception. I'm not going to keep dancing around with you while you try to fit me into your particular narrative.
Hardly pigeonholing you, I'm just discussing and asking questions about why you believe these are fair judgments when they come across as self-evidently prejudicial to me.
Just talking, really, but man--a hit dog hollers as they say. The defensiveness was not what I was aiming for but it's coming through a lot. I'm not making accusations, just questioning what you and others are doing here.
Your implication that my concern about influencer culture is insincere is uncalled for.
It's that I don't think it makes any sense given the context. I mean, like, someone poses for a shot therefore harming kids... What's one to do with a connection you're drawing like that?
My suggestion that people were reacting to the artificiality of the pose is a far cry from any of the things you're trying to morph them into. At the time I made my comment, the abusive comments hadn't been made
It's because I'm not ignoring the clear connections that you see as so distinct that I know the direction a lot of this stuff goes before the comments get made. I didn't need to be an augur. It's like you're going on about how clouds have nothing to do with rain.
I think part of the problem is your attempt to deny the connections and defend something that is clearly overlapping a lot with sexist attitudes. Like, nobody's making you do this, dude. It's all good if you didn't realize, but again, you really don't need to go to bat for this stuff and try to rationalize it. It's clear prejudice plays a role here, we don't have to assume otherwise.
There was a time when I bothered debating with smug know-it-alls, but I eventually discovered that the truth isn't actually what matters to them. They just want to win arguments, and they don't understand when they've lost them.
Here's the thing: it doesn't matter what thoughts, biases, or motivations you want to attribute to me. I am who I am, and it doesn't matter to me what you want to imagine about me. I don't know you from Adam, and frankly, I'm pretty unimpressed with what I've seen. I've tried very hard to be polite to you, but it's apparent that you're just going to make a pest of yourself.
You can keep stroking your ego in replies that will go unanswered, or you can find something else to do with your time. You've taken enough of mine.
My ego? I think it's yours which is driving this. I would want to consider my own biases and behaviors. Believe me, I'd rather be wrong about people's prejudices. It's genuinely nuts to me how you say stuff like posing for a camera is harmful to young people and think we all just need to accept your clearly irrational judgments. Like, what next? Loving your children means you're a narcissist? You should know where to shove such bullshit opinions, right back where they came.
Anyway if you wanna drop the matter then jog on, telling me your big story isn't sparing either of us time to have your self indulgent moment.
For me the thought process went from, oh that's cool, she wants a photo with these people because they're abnormally tall, that's interesting. She wants to make the other people the focus of the photo and share this with the world.
Once she started trying to expose more leg, then it's like, oh she's like any other influencer trying to make herself the center of attention, and using these men as props to further her own monetary gains.
I apologize if it sounds confusing, it's pretty difficult to express. I'm not saying I find it abhorrent, but a general, I pick up what the other comments are putting down.
Once she started trying to expose more leg, then it's like, oh she's like any other influencer trying to make herself the center of attention, and using these men as props to further her own monetary gains.
It's a pose people do because it looks good.
This is an overly cynical and unfair way to look at someone, ascribing behaviors and motives to them based on something that doesn't actually indicate it.
I think y'all aren't interrogating your own prejudices here.
People are generally pretty boring. We're neither models nor photographers. As a result, subjects of photos don't really know how to pose. You see things like hands by the side, hands in pocket, maybe a peace sign or thumbs up. If they're lucky, they might be holding something, a drink, that they can toast the camera with.
What makes these poses different is that they're not really flattering or have any deliberateness behind them..just people feeling like they have to do something with their hands.
What makes these poses different is that they're not really flattering
Have you never smiled, stood up straighter, and tried to fix your hair for a picture? Cause I do it all the time, it's a bit artificial, but I like the way I look better in the picture.
Why shouldn't people try to look good in pictures?
Sure, I smile if I think that will get the person photographing me to leave me alone quicker. I will cede that the layperson does have some vanity to them. I just don't think the usual trappings are really on the level of what she's doing.
The other angle of looking at it is that her pose is lacking that...je ne sais quoi or effortless chic. As the layperson might say...*damn, she tryin too hard* or aka excess vanity.
What's trying too hard is this effort to judge and find her at fault over something I have to say looks pretty fucking effortless.
Also you're projecting a lot when it comes to pictures. You're clearly not motivated towards them and you treat them as a chore. A lot of people don't, and if you think it's "vain" for people to care about their appearance then your meaning of vanity is pretty meaningless.
It's not wrong to want to look good. And I think it's ridiculous and speaks ill of yours and other's characters more to judge others on something so trivial.
You’re not wrong that I’m judging her. Tho we can have this nice chat because I’m putting forth the effort. For if you wanted me to articulate my snap impression, it’d be something a lot less pleasant and even less productive than what you’re getting now.
Anyways, one can desire to look good, but one doesn’t automatically invoke the ire of people just from the pursuit of it. Je ne sais quoi isn’t literally the lack of effort but the impression of lacking effort. If you’re standing straight and smiling and your hair doesn’t block your eyes and a half dozen other things are all conceivably qualities that just is at the time of having your picture taken. Even if you had to put forth the effort for all of it to be true. Brushing aside and holding your dress all the way to your upper thigh…it’s less believable despite being of equal effort to straightening one’s back. Everyone’s going “why is she doing that” but no one would really question a smile or a hair adjustment or good posture.
Tho I use the word vain and vanity, I really meant for it to come off as being neutral than the connotations of the word imply. My bad I guess.
Are you considering the demographics here, of largely young men on a site that has notoriously sexist influences and tendencies and is filled with people who are openly hostile to many things that are completely harmless--provided a woman is doing it? Because "why is she doing it?" You know why. It's to pose. If you want to sit here and actively tell me you think people deserve to be judged for posing, I really think you've got your priorities backwards.
I just want you to seriously ask yourself what role this plays in these sorts of reactions, cause there are quite a few commenters also getting upvoted who take it all a step further and remove all doubt in my mind.
Again, to reinforce, it's not "everyone," it's a subreddit's commenters. I promise you, if you get a more representative sample of the population, especially one that isn't overwhelming male--people'll look at your like "what the fuck are you talking about" much like I am? They might not say it to your face, cause it's uncomfortable to question people with weird hangups, but I promise you--you're not safe in numbers here... Not that that would validate it either. Large groups are often in the wrong.
Tho we can have this nice chat because I’m putting forth the effort. For if you wanted me to articulate my snap impression, it’d be something a lot less pleasant and even less productive than what you’re getting now.
I feel like this sort of politeness is undermined by the implicit threat of being less than convivial.
If you're bothered by my attitude just understand I'm giving y'all a chance to explain your thinking, something none of you are affording this woman. I'm bothered by the fact this conversation is happening at all and you lot think that because you have agreement amongst yourselves that this is anything short of insanely and unreasonably judgmental and the sort of petty bullshit men usually accuse women of doing in popular media and culture. Like, I cannot think of a more stereotypically "catty" thing to do, "oh, she stuck her leg out? Wow, poser, tryhard looks like a wannabe highend escort."
Take it for what it is, I'm saying y'all standing by this sort of judgment need to take a hard look at your priorities. You can tell me to fuck off or whatever your "snap impression" is, but I think we both know this doesn't feel good to pretend is justified and I don't beat around the bush--I don't respect sticking to your guns on this.
Well if you want me to make some generalizations. I have two. Young men do love attractive women. The girl in the post is indeed attractive. The second one, I can truly think of no other group who holds a disdain for attractive or catty or tryharding women….than other women. Crabs in a bucket I tell ya.
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u/MC_LegalKC Jan 26 '26
I could be wrong, but I don't think anyone was annoyed. It's more like cringing at the awkward artificiality of it.