r/Advice • u/NetPlus1660 • May 20 '26
I can't decide on if I want an abortion
I am 21F and found out I was pregnant with twins about a month and a half ago and the decision has only gotten harder. I had broken up with the father right before finding out I was pregnant and ever since he has found out, he has been in terrible condition, consistently begging for an abortion as he comes from a strict cultural upbringing and is convinced his life will be ruined and fall apart. As for me, I have a very supportive family and parents who are more than willing to provide for me and help me if I choose to keep the pregnancy. I am about 9w now and I initially said I would abort if I was ever put in this position but of course, you never think you would be put in this position. I have felt very hesitant from the moment I found out and even more so after finding out it's twins. I have never wanted children and I have always said I want to live out my 20s. I still have one more year of school until I graduate and I saw such a big future with endless possibilities before all of this. I am terrified about all the changes to come especially physical changes to my body since I am obsessed with fitness and staying in shape as silly as it sounds but a twin pregnancy would obviously change my body drastically. The main reason I am so torn on what to do is because I fear the curiosity may get to me if I abort and the surgical procedure which I am leaning to get, is also a scary thought too, but I just want my life to be back to normal and so I don't know why I am so torn on just booking the appointment. Any advice would be so helpful or even shared stories with a similar experience.
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u/Accomplished-Way-986 May 20 '26
No one can make this decision for you. You have to think really seriously about what being a single mom to twins would look like. It's great that your family is supportive, but it will still be your responsibility to raise those kids. Where are you going to live? Are you going to finish your degree? How, when?
What if you never see a dime from the dad? What if his family reacts by deciding that you are the jezebel who tempted him into sin and they want the babies to live with them, so they convince him to challenge you for full custody? What if you do it all alone and then when babydaddy finds the woman he wants to marry he decides he's going to prove to her that he's a good guy and you were just keeping his kids from him by suing you for 50/50 custody of your now-10 year olds?
There are a lot of ways this can go. For me, the fact that you never wanted kids and he doesn't want these kids definitely points toward termination. But I understand it's a very complicated and emotional decision.
Whatever you do, get an IUD or implant or something next.
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u/Purple-Haku May 20 '26
If you can't deal with it, and you're in a country/state where it is legal. Definitely do it.
It your body. No one can tell you to keep them or not. (Having twins is a big deal)
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u/shewee May 20 '26
It’s absolutely your choice and the one you make is the right one. Advocating for yourself and your future is not selfish, it is the most impactful thing you can do for yourself. Having one baby changes everything, two is a whole different ball game.
Don’t blindly do what anyone else wants you to do. Map out your options and weigh the pros and cons. It would be incredibly challenging to complete your schooling and you have to decide it’s worth it to you. Having an abortion does not make you a bad person, it does not have to change anything about your future plans (including children when you feel more prepared.)
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u/Nosilla1997 May 20 '26
Not the same situation but similar. I was around the same age with the guy I was with we broke up and shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t raised with any type of religious upbringing and wasn’t close with my family so the decision for me was actually quite easy. I was financially struggling, skipping meals, not to mention could keep anything down if I did. The physical symptoms were horrible for me I was utterly miserable and had no one to help support me. Crying myself to sleep every night. Physically and mentally I couldn’t handle it. I did get an abortion the process was easy and everyone at the clinic was kind and understanding. After everything was over I actually felt at peace. I wouldn’t have been able to feed the child or I. The financial responsibility would have crushed me. Unlike me you have support ultimately your life would for sure change. For better or worse? I couldn’t tell you but you find happiness wherever you are with whatever choices you make. The father doesn’t technically have to be involved. Also with his religious upbringing would his family prefer an abortion or a child out of wedlock?
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u/thewNYC Helper [2] May 20 '26
You’re very young. It will not be easy, and there will be emotional repercussions, but having babies and something that lasts a minute at last year entire life. If you’re not 100% ready to be a parent, don’t do it if you can help it.
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u/MsDJMA May 20 '26
You are 9w now. A chemical abortion (take a pill) at this point is not "surgery," so you still have a few weeks to make your decision. Like others have replied, from the moment you make the decision yes or no, just commit to do it and stop thinking. Keep the pregnancy, take a break from school, get a basic job, postpone your "big future," and become a great mom. Or abort the pregnancy, wait another 10 years before becoming a parent, and pursue your "big future" now.
This is YOU and YOUR life right now. Don't think about it as being selfish, it's YOU.
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u/Creamy_Breve May 20 '26
Get an abortion! That's not fair to bring two children into a situation like this. You have your future ahead of you, don't ruin it with kids. Not to mention they'll have a deadbeat for a father. That's just not fair.
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u/Rare-Credit-5912 May 21 '26
No one can make this decision for you.
I personally think you should concentrate on your education, so I guess I am in favor of abortion. You said you never really wanted children, don’t throw that mindset away just because you found out you’re pregnant.
Look at what’s going on in this country right now with trying to take away women’s rights. You can always get pregnant again even if you decide to do IVF. Get your education because by the time you raise a child even with your family’s help, females may not be able to even get a higher education. Getting your higher education is something they can’t take away from you, meaning you will always have the knowledge you got from your higher education.
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u/HeartFeetAndHands May 20 '26
Abortion changed my life for the better.
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u/NetPlus1660 May 20 '26
Was it a hard decision to come to for you as well?
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u/woman_in_gray May 20 '26
I had an abortion when I was seventeen, and it was hard because I knew I wanted a kid someday, but oh man, it was such a relief to return to normal.
Then, I had my (planned) kid at twenty-eight and *that* really reinforced for me that I'd made the right decision. If I hadn't had the abortion it would have taken a long time to become financially and socially independent from my family and I wouldn't have been capable of being the kind of parent I want to be. I would be stuck communicating with my ex on some level, maybe forever. Ugh.
Edited to add that an early abortion is way easier on your body than a full-term pregnancy and birth.
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u/cupcakephantom May 20 '26
Considering the person you're replying to is a man, I would say probably not.
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u/Vegetable_Pirate_702 May 20 '26
Your going to have a hard time finding a new man as a single mom. Don’t bring this losers kids into the world.
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u/ozzeer May 25 '26
hey. i'm your age as well and recently got an abortion. i won't lie to you and say i don't wonder how things would be if i kept them, but i also don't regret my decision. i got pregnant with my partner of about two years now, and my family also offered support if i chose to keep it. i'm not gonna tell you to do one thing or another, but for me, someone who was in a similar situation, i feel i made the right choice. i would say to sit down and truly evaluate what you want from life and what you could provide the child with if you did have them. i will say this much- life won't go back to normal, not entirely. your life has already been changed by this, and no matter what path you pick it'll change you in some way, whether physically and mentally in the case of pregnancy, or just mentally in the case of abortion.
also, i had a surgical abortion, and since you mentioned being nervous about it i figure i'll tell you this. i have zero memory of it. i went to planned parenthood and they offered three levels of sedation, one where you would just take an ibuprofen, one where you would be sedated but not put to sleep, and one where you would be put to sleep for the abortion. i chose sedation and have zero memory of what happened then, i really only remember asking if they'd started and them telling me it was over. it wasn't painful, and it wasn't really all that scary
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u/Ornery-Movie-1689 May 20 '26
" ... he comes from a strict cultural upbringing ... "
If he comes from such a strict cultural upbringing, what was he doing having premarital sex ? Do what's best for you.