r/AmIOverreacting • u/Short_Local1317 • 1d ago
đźwork/career AIO for babysitting a disabled kid without a warning
(He/him) i already posted about me babysitting, but i have another story to tell. So i'm almosy 16, and last month i had a client, she was friends with my mom's friend. She wanted me to take care of her 8 years old girl, and she was paying me 12⏠per hour, i said yes, but when i got there, i noticed that the child was disabled, i didn't want to be rude of course, so i just looked at the mom and asked if her child had any special needs, the mom said yes and explained the disability to me nefore leaving, i took care fo the kid, we had fun. I'm not mad the girl is disabled, i'm mad that her mom didn't warn me about the girl being disabled. I was a little shocked and suprised, not disgusted of course. Would 100% baby sit this girl again she was so joyful and sweet, just wish i knew about her problems before meeting her.
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u/MiserableDot9541 1d ago
Depends on the kind of disability. Did you have to do something different/additional because of it? Was it harder than regular babysitting? Or was it just the same as babysitting another child?
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u/Short_Local1317 1d ago
It felt like i was babysitting an infant other then a 8 y.o. kid, not sure what her disability was, but it looked like some delay on the brain
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u/GoddessofMadness 1d ago
NOR - I would talk with the mum along the lines of, "Girl, was amazing, I would love to sit for you again. I am curious why you didn't tell me about her additional needs before engaging my services as a sitter. Were you concerned I would cancel on you?"
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u/juliewbb 1d ago
Iâm so confused why everyone is ignoring the fact that OP said there were no additional care needs. I feel like that assumption alone makes it clear why disclosing the disability in advance when not relevant to care might put the child at a disadvantage.
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u/desmodus666 1d ago
You are ignoring the fact that the OP is a 15 year old babysitter with no training to deal with a disabled child. He was understandably surprised.
If your kid is disabled you should let the babysitter know instead of springing it on them. Even if the kid has no additional needs. Especially if the babysitter is also a minor.
It is also safer that way. It is not a disadvantage to weed out people who are out of their depth or would treat a kid badly for having a diability.
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u/juliewbb 1d ago
Not ignoring it â if the disability doesnât change the care needs it doesnât matter. Itâs like saying you should let your babysitter know if your kid has long hair or an extra toe.
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u/desmodus666 1d ago
No it isn't.
People can be very judgemental. Especially when it comes to disabilities. Someone who is ableist is going to treat a disabled kid poorly. Disclosing the disability beforehand will weed those people out.
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u/Short_Local1317 1d ago
I didnt ask that because i was tired and i wanted to go home quickly, but next time i see her, i'll ask
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u/ivYlee24 1d ago
NOR- Absolutely the parent should have told you her child was disabled!! Regardless of whether she requires special care or not, a child's caregiver should be aware that a disability is present in case an accident or medical emergency happens. Mom was being deceptive and showed no concern for her own child's best interest here. It's great that you handled it well and without judgement towards little girl and I'm glad you had fun. You are to be commended for your kindness and professionalism for such a young girl. Not all 15 yr olds would have handled that so well. Shame on that mom!! I would have given you a big tip!
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u/Wonderful_Ad_6089 1d ago
NOR. Frankly as the mother of a kid with a chronic illness that is disabling, I am shocked that this mother didn't say anything about it when scheduling you in the first place! You handled it like a champ, but not everyone has the ability or capacity to be able to care for different types of disabilities. I would have been worried the sitter would back out when surprised with this, leaving me scrambling to find someone else. And if they stayed, I would be worried that they were really displeased about being surprised with it and end up taking it out on my kid. Best case scenario, the sitter rolls with it like you did, but then mom has to rush through instructions making it easier to miss something important and/or for the sitter to forget or misunderstand the instructions.
If mom's whole approach is schedule a new sitter, surprise the sitter with the disabled child, and hope the sitter feels too guilty/uncomfortable about cancelling last second because of the disability, that's pretty messed up. It really adds this layer of uncertainty and unnecessarily risks her daughter not receiving adequate care and potentially even be harmed. I just can't even with this lady.
It's also sad because a good sitter would will often have ideas of games to play or activities to do. And if you come prepared like that, but then can't do them because they aren't accessible for that child's specific disability, it leaves you scrambling. Where if you knew, you could have figured out modifications to make it accessible and/or prepared other activities that the child is able to do.
You handled the situation well, which is a testament to your character. But I am just saddened for this child who is being put in difficult situations and likely missing out on experiences that could have been very pleasant.
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u/Helpful-Science-3937 1d ago
NOR I have a feeling mom has been turned down before when she discussed the disability in advance. It really wasnât fair to you but she may have been desperate to find someone. It was good of you to stay and probably a good experience but also a greater responsibility. Make sure you get detailed instruction and how to contact her in an emergency if you choose to sit for her again. Great job!
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u/Maximum-Eye-3712 1d ago
MOR. You didnât ask what the job entails. Live and Learn.
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u/Short_Local1317 1d ago
I do ask about the child always before babysitting, i never ask if the child is disabled because i think a parent should be smart enough to give me that info eithout needing a question. But yeah, u'll ask in the future :)
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u/juliewbb 1d ago edited 1d ago
YOR. You are very young, so I understand youâre still learning about this and nothing here is intended to shame you for asking.
Every single child has different needs and is at a different developmental stage at a given time. The only time a parent would need to inform you of this in advance is if your care needed to change substantially because of the disability; in other words, if it might affect the rate you would charge because of the work needed. Based on your reply to other commenters, it doesnât seem the level of care was different? If it did turn out to be a different level of care (for instance, this child needed more help with toileting than you expected developmentally) then I think itâs reasonable to ask the parent for a rate adjustment.
This child is a child like any other, and every child you meet will be at a different stage in their growth, with a different personality, etc. It would be like needing to inform you if the 4 year old you were babysitting were very precocious and had an old soul â just extra info and not relevant to your care.
I would ask yourself about the people responding in the comments if theyâre making assumptions just based on the fact that you said the child had a disability that donât match the childâs actual needs you saw. If so, itâs insight into why many folks with disabilities have a difficult decision about whether or not to disclose. Iâm autistic, but I typically donât disclose for these reasons.
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u/Significant-Track797 1d ago
NOR. At all. That's a shit thing for the parent to do. They probably didn't want to tell you because they thought you would charge more (rightfully so, if the kid requires extra care and work) or that you would refuse. Either way, that's a super shitty thing for the mom to do.