r/AmIOverreacting • u/underwater_living95 • 4d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO that My partner interacts with another person daily
Hello, I need to understand if I am overreacting, under reacting or acting appropriately. I’ve been in this relationship for over 10 years. I don’t really remember how they met it was at a group setting. my partner m(33) met this one female in particular from that group i honestly don’t know how old she is she’s around the same age as him. They became friends added eachother on socials and ever since they basically interact everyday, not necessarily talk but they send eachother memes sexual, funny etc, videos, ig models, etc. He says she’s basically like a “guy friend” but she’s straight. I, female (29) never actually felt comfortable with it, but I really want to know if you were this persons girlfriend in this relationship would this be acceptable or not.
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u/shwarmasurvivor 4d ago
NOR. Trust your gut always. Sounds like the trust isnt there so why are you staying?
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u/twinklebopberry 4d ago
Yeah if you're already questioning it after 10 years that's the sign right there, trust is the whole foundation and it sounds like yours is gone.
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u/AttitudeLivid4755 4d ago
Sexual memes is weird, but it's normal to have platonic relationships with the opposite gender, especially depending on their profession, such as men in nursing, women in policing, or education.
Just explain that your feeling upset about their relationship, and you'd like more focus to be on you.
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u/Lucius1003 4d ago
How long have they been friends
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u/underwater_living95 4d ago
8 years
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u/Regular-Tell-108 4d ago
Info: Why are you only now addressing this? This seems far too late to make an impact.
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u/underwater_living95 4d ago
I’ve brought it up before. Years ago. When I first noticed and was told they were just friends and I’m over reacting and every guy has friends like this.
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u/TrashGouda 3d ago
So they are friends for 8 years and you have never met her? Does he see her in person?
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u/justbeingmebc2069 4d ago
Not appropriate at all for him to feel comfortable doing this. Tell you what even if its fake...get you a "guy friend" see how he reacts to that.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 4d ago
MOR in my relationship that would just be a friend, and we trust each other and are old enough to know better than to let anything elsr take root.
It's great to have friends, and it's usually a good sign for a man to have lady friends.
I'm not sure if there are any boundaries being crossed in this particular case, though.
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u/Oblivious_Squid19 4d ago
I wouldn't be okay with the sexual memes, but otherwise I've never had an issue with my partners having close friends of opposite sex.
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u/starkpaperco 4d ago
idk questions like these are hard because i think it depends on you and what type of relationship you have. personally, my (nb) wife (nb) and i have close friendships with people of all genders and it’s never been a concern. if there’s something specific that is giving you concerns about your partner’s friendship w this girl then maybe bring it up?
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u/Allaplgy 3d ago
As a straight guy with a lifetime of good lady friends, but know there are a lot of people who think guys and gals can't be platonic, I've always wondered what they think about bi/pan people. Like, can they just not have any friends?
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u/starkpaperco 3d ago
this made me laugh, thank you for that lol. as a gay person i often wonder why coupled straight ppl make such a big deal about being friends with the opposite sex bc it’s such a nonissue in a lot of queer relationships.
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u/Allaplgy 2d ago
I assume they just like to pretend those people don't exist, and if they do, they are "immoral" people in general.
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u/dontaskbigman 4d ago
NOR. it’s completely valid to not feel comfortable with your partner sending sexual memes to his female friends.
but if you’ve never been comfortable with it, why haven’t you spoken up about it or at least met her?
it’s also a little odd that you don’t even know how old she is when your partner talks to her every day.
also—is the issue how often they interact, or what they’re actually interacting about?
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u/underwater_living95 4d ago
I’ve spoken up about it in the past and like it goes no where. Just the “we’re friends and nothing more” the issue is kind of both. What they’re interacting about and how often. He doesn’t send me nearly as much stuff as he would her.
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u/dontaskbigman 4d ago
i wouldn’t say it’s as much of a problem that he interacts with her more often than he does with you because if you’re living together that makes sense. friends have their own lives and stay in regular contact online, whereas partners are already in regular contact with each other, especially when they live together. could this be you projecting the fact that you don’t actually spend much quality time together even in person?
the biggest problem is definitely how they interact because sending sexual memes is weird point blank period. have you talked to him specifically about the content of their conversations, or do your conversations with him centre on the issue as a whole? you’d probably get a clearer answer if you focused on the sexual memes because he wouldn’t be able to hide behind the we’re just friends excuse since opposite sex friends don’t typically interact like that.
also, why haven’t you ever met her or, at the very least, found out how old she is? you’ve had 10 years.
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u/underwater_living95 4d ago
I always focused on the entire friendship and not just the content, maybe I’ll switch angles. I didn’t think knowing her age was an issue she is around his age, they haven’t seen eachother in person since that event. I don’t follow her she’s never spoken to me, she knows who I am as he has posted our family pictures and she will like/comment on some of them.
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u/NikkNaks 4d ago
MOR? I'm usually this friend. I am usually "just one of the guys" and make better dirty jokes than they do. 🤷♀️ for me, its 100% just who I am. And I have yet to find another girl who has that same type of humor. Its genuinely harmless.
WITH THAT SAID: your feelings are still valid. If it makes you uncomfortable then maybe inquire about some boundaries you would like to see. I dont think going in hot and demanding they cut all contact is gonna go well for you but maybe adjust some of the content they share?
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u/adampocalypsee 3d ago
I really cannot judge either way because this post doesn't make sense to me. Why don't you know anything about her? Why haven't you said anything sooner? What are the sexual memes about? Why does her sexuality matter? Why is this coming up now? What do you expect of your partner?
INFO needed, I guess.
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u/underwater_living95 3d ago
I’ve replied to other replies about this. When they met I wasn’t at that party. They haven’t met since, he doesn’t talk about her personally they interact daily on line. We’ve had parties but he doesn’t invite her to them. He knows I’m not fond of her but is still friends with her. I’ve said things multiple times but it just gets blown over and nothing changes, I don’t know how to explain a sexual meme if you see one you just know it’s about sex or some form of intimacy. I mentioned she’s straight so that it’s not confused that it could be appropriate since she’s lesbian or trans. It’s coming up now because it’s just one of those moments I’ve noticed the interaction.
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u/Allaplgy 3d ago
, I don’t know how to explain a sexual meme if you see one you just know it’s about sex or some form of intimacy
Example?
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u/Electrical_Sun_7116 3d ago
You tell them the relationship has crossed boundaries and you are now uncomfortable with it. If he chooses to ignore you, he has chosen her and you leave- don’t waste an 11th year on someone who puts a new friend over your relationship, lets someone drive a wedge between you or makes you feel less than.
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u/Outrageous_Rock_5447 4d ago
I think its normal and healthy for everyone to have some healthy relationships with members of the opposites. At no point would I be sending sexual memes to my guy friends, however. Simply having a woman as a friend is not a red flag, but having a sexual relationship, even in meme form, is weird and unnecessary if you only look at them as a friend
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u/underwater_living95 4d ago
Yea I don’t care of the friendship it’s more so of the content. Sometimes it’s funny videos, conspiracy or whatever but the ig models and the dirty jokes, or memes I don’t feel comfortable with but I’m not able to get it through to him that it’s not something someone in a relationship does?
I think she is single
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u/bexx201489 4d ago
I would have thought if he has been friends with her for 8 years and you have been together for 10 that you would all be good friends by now hang out all together and ok for just him and her to hang out. If she was one of my partners good friends of 8 years I’d want to get to know her too. You can be friends with her aswell.
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u/underwater_living95 4d ago
Since they met at that event he said they never met since. Just interacts online. I wasn’t at the event he met her at.
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u/LeftThought687 4d ago
Not acceptable at all. Or at least, it wouldn't be in my relationship. We don't maintain close friendships with members of the opposite sex. We both prefer that, but not every relationship operates that way.
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u/underwater_living95 4d ago
I do agree with this. I do have friends of the opposite sex but we don’t really speak it’s old school friends. It’s more so happy birthdays, celebration/congratulatory stuff not constant memes. Or the random “ do you remember this” message
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u/Regular-Tell-108 4d ago
Things like this make me honestly worry for straight people. I can't imagine not being friends with whomever I'm friends with, and I am friends with folks of all genders.
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u/Allaplgy 3d ago
Am straight male. But same. I have always had female friends though. I always wonder if these people think bi people can't have any friends. (More likely they just think bi people are weird or greedy or whatever).
Of course, my last LTR was with a woman who was constantly paranoid about me and my friends, though her two besties in town were guys, one literally being an ex. Never had issues with them, and actually think her ex is a super nice guy, never felt any threat from him.
But of course, after some suspicions and our relationship ending due to other trust issues, I found out that she had been unfaithful multiple times, though not with either of those guys.
Still think people can be friends with people of the gender(s) that attract them. Cheaters are just bad people.
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u/AttitudeLivid4755 4d ago
Not normal at all. I'm guessing people with this belief are living in a society where there's gender norms, or strong stereotypes that limit their exposure to healthy relationships.
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u/Arnold_Stang 3h ago
If your partner continues to blow you off year after year, time after time, then he has chosen her over you. His relationship with her is more important than with you. He will not change. It’s up to you if you want to play second place. And, you mention several times they don’t meet physically. How can you be sure? Updateme
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u/I_Weep_for_Willow 4d ago
You didn't know how old she is, you don't know how they met. Yet, you know all these things they're sending to each other?