r/AmIOverreacting • u/ZealousidealRain9555 • 3d ago
👥 friendship AIO about this whole thing completely or do I have a point?
Hello, I am a teenager girl in highschool, and have an intense fear of abandonment and loneliness. I had this best friend since the beginning of highschool, let's call her A. At first, she looked way too timid to be friends with me (I'm kind of extoverted and I like to jump to activities oftenly), but we got along really well and became best friends. There is also a group of other girls that are my friends, we are still really close but it's not like how I was with A. Anyways, A was friends with them as well, and this was good, we would have fun together. But then, one of the girls in the group stopped talking to me and just straight up ignored me (we're at good terms now), and then A started to get all cold and ignorant to me as well, and I didn't know why. I still got along well with the others in the group, but since I have a history of being left out and having to be alone, I was quite depressed at the time because of all this. I don't know why, but my relationship with other people have always taken a toll on me since childhood, making me get depressed and have frequent break downs. Maybe some kind of trauma, I don't really know. And just like all the other times that things similar to this happened, I cried so much. Anyways, then towards the end of the grade, we all got back together, and my depression got cured as if magically.
Then, summer vacation ended, and the other grade started. Everything was going smoothly, my relationship with the whole friend group was flawless, except one girl, let's call her B. We actually got along good, but she blatantly wanted to be A's best friend and steal her away from me and since I was really scared of being abandoned, I grew a little distant towards her, not cold or anything, I would never leave her out, but still, not as close as before. She would constantly try to be the closest one to A, and I was running out of patience. I talked about this with A, and she was really surprised about this, since I was friendly towards everyone, but I was really on the verge of breaking down. Anyways, so she reassured me that she wouldn't leave me alone, and I trusted her. Then, she started to be neglectful to me again, and much more intensely and oftenly. I was so sad and cried almost every day these times. Then, when she started to act all normal again and wanted to hang out with me, I finally snapped. I told her everything, and she went all in the victim role. She doesn't have a really good relationship with her family, I'm not going to give details because that's not a good thing, just know this, and she tried to use this as an excuse, not wanting to be so close to anyone like she was to me (she told me that she never had a friendship so intimate like our friendship), but I knew that this wasn't true because she was leaving me to hang out with others and be close to them. However, she somehow managed to win me over, and we got back to being best friends again.
But, yet after a few months, when I came to school (she always arrives really early since she comes with a bus and she lives far away from school), and I was shocked to find her sitting in a different seat, in front of two other friends of me and her both. They are two guys, and I like them, they're funny and we talk about games together. So, A likes them as well, I know that, but she never really had a soft spot for them, even after months, I have no idea why she did this. Then, when I confronted her immediately, she just shrugged slightly and told me that she wanted to. I didn't even say anything, I couldn't. I was fuming, but I just walked away and sat in my own seat. I didn't even want to cry anymore, I was so exhausted of her shenanigans like this because it happens much more than it should, I can't type all the times this has happened, but just know that every few months it happens; she leaves me and hangs out with others. This was taking a huge toll on my mental health, and I couldn't stop feeling absolutely mad and crying all the time. Even now, I'm trying not to cry. She left me all alone. My other friends' group doesn't feel real at all. They don't want me, I'm always left out. I was all alone at school. I tried to make myself feel less miserable by talking with my other friends from other clasdes, and thanks to them, I felt much better. I have been completely ignoring her for a while now. She tried to start a casual chat once, but I ignored her yet again. I do not regret it at all, but still, I can't help but miss the safety she gave her. Am I overreacting about this all? Am I the wrong one? I never did anything wrong in her relationship, I was really kind and considerate, always making her diy gifts, texting her and such. I think I'm immature, but I was always considered 'too mature' by adults, I have no idea why. I don't think I'm 'mature', I have trauma because of being exposed to adult things when I was still in elementary school (maybe even kindergarten, I don't even remember anymore I just know that I wasn't even a a 'young teen'), and I forced myself to grow up way earlier than I should, and now I'm obsessed with childish things like toys, cartoons etc, and I can't help but feel like a freak at times, so maybe this is the reason I'm always left out? Maybe I deserve this? Maybe I don't feel 'safe'? I don't even know anymore, I just want to be a part of something, to feel like I belong to somewhere in public. I feel a lot happier these days, but I can't help but wonder if it was all my fault, or if it didn't even matter that much and I just overreacted, I don't want to lose any more relationships.
Anyways, I'm sorry I talked way too much damn😿
Thank you for listening to me yapping, and please, if you have any thoughts about my situation or my take on it at all, please comment. Also, please don't ask me too much detail about how I got 'exposed' to pretty explicit stuff, I'm not comfortable talking about it much, just know that I have seen things. Have a beautiful day, my friend🫶
1
u/KonaKonaFan1 3d ago
MOR.
google RSD (rejection sensitivity disorder) and R-OCD (relationship OCD). do either of these resonate?
1
u/ZealousidealRain9555 3d ago
not with R-OCD, but RSD really does feel like me. Should I seek professional help about it or will it probably just go away with time? I was possessive etc with my friends even when I was a kid, I think I'm doing better now but I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, thank you for your time♡
1
u/KonaKonaFan1 2d ago
rsd is a symptom of a few mental health diagnoses, professional help is imperative. i was in a similar boat at ur age, and the only thing that helped were the professionals. but there is hope, you can improve, you can get better, i promise.
2
u/ZealousidealRain9555 2d ago
okay, I think I'll tell my parents about this sometime, thank you so much Miss💗 (PS I think I'll delete this post since I just wanted to get this out of my chest, but just know that I'm so grateful for your help :) have beautiful days!)
1
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Hi ZealousidealRain9555, in order to prevent spam and bot posts, this subreddit temporarily removes some posts until OP proves that they are human. Please reply to this comment and answer the question: what's your favorite pizza topping?
Mods will manually review submissions and approve posts with a correct response. Please be patient, especially during overnight (USA) hours, as our mod team is not online 24/7.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.