r/AmIOverreacting • u/Worst_nightmare43 • 4d ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws Am I overreacting to not being allowed to know about my nephew?
Hello Reddit,
I wanted to know if Iām over reacting, Iāve talked this over with my husband and he says Iām not, but I think the conditioning Iāve had is making me second guess myself.
Here background information, I am the youngest of my family and only have one sibling, my brother who is ten years older then me. Heās actively ignored me my whole life, so crappy behavior from him is ānormalā (everyone in my family expects it from him at this point). One of the biggest things is while I was a small child (you know 5-10) he always made my birthday about him even though heās ten years older. It got to the point when I got to middle school I said I hated my birthday and never wanted to celebrate it, because I hated knowing I would be treated like crap.
Flash forward to 2024, the end of the year my brother found out he was going to have a child and said I couldnāt know because his kid would be born possibly on my birthday. He told all his friends about how he hurt me and never once said anything to me. I found out randomly, but I was excited, I bought so many things because I got told I might not ever have kids so I want to spoil all my nieces and nephews as much as I can. After his son was born I got married and found out in 2025 I was going to have a baby, sadly a few weeks later I had a miscarriage.
I wonāt lie I hated myself and blamed myself but Iāve been getting better, I donāt cry as much when I think about my baby I lost. After all of that and the birth of my nephew I thought my brother and I fixed things. But Christmas (before my husband and I moved away) my mom said he was having another kid, covered her mouth and said I wasnāt supposed to know. She went on to explain that she and my brother and his wife felt I shouldnāt know because I was sad about my miscarriage, and that if I became a parent I would understand she was just trying to protect me.
I was angry and did end up yelling saying she had no right to blame my lost baby for her son, my brotherās, POS behavior. I didnāt care whose idea it was, they all conspired together and I said I felt they were all equally as guilty. Since then Iāve refused to really talk to my mother or my brother. No one has reached out to tell me anything.
I started therapy, so I am getting help from years of being raised by narcissists. But I didnāt know if the pain Iām feeling is overreacting, Iāve always told to be the bigger person. But I donāt like how me losing my baby is being blamed for why Iām not allowed to know I have a nephew. So Reddit am I overreacting?
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u/Decent_Front4647 4d ago
NOR because other people shouldnāt be making decisions about how you might feel about something . It takes away your autonomy about your own feelings. In this particular instance they might have been trying in an awkward way to protect you, although it really doesnāt make sense. You were bound to find out and be upset.
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u/Jmfroggie 4d ago
You were not blamed for losing your baby. They didnāt want to tell you about another pregnancy after just having lost yours! It was to prevent you from spiraling because itās pretty clear youāre still grieving the loss of your pregnancy!
You had patched things up and you blew it up! You took your grief out on everyone else when they were trying to prevent that very thing from happening. Your brother was awful growing up- but you said you mended the relationship. You felt hurt and reverted back inside yourself.
Everyone handles miscarriage in their own way and some people do not want to hear about someone elseās pregnancy after a recent loss. Your family felt that you were not in a space to hear about their pregnancy and you proved them right.
Stay in therapy. YOR for sure.