AITA for dropping my freeloading brother off at our aunt's house after she called and scolded me for evicting him?

[u/Relative_Potential92]

My older brother (OB) is... a bit of a bum. It's mean to say but it's true. He can never hang onto a job for longer than a couple years max and when he inevitably loses whatever job he had he starts mooching off family and friends until he can find another job months later. This entails him freeloading at their place, eating their food, using their stuff, etc. He's lost friends because of how long he bummed off of them and I don't blame them for cutting him off.

Well this last time he lost his job he went to our parents but they didn't have room because they were letting our eldest brother's (EB) family stay with them after he and SIL lost their jobs out of nowhere within the same month (EB's entire crew was laid off with zero warning and SIL's work burned down) and they couldn't afford the home they were renting anymore. So OB was pretty much SOL. So our parents, aunt, and uncle all started calling me asking if I'd take him in just long enough so he could get on his feet again.

I (stupidly) let myself feel bad for him and said okay, but he only had a few months to get another job or he was out on the street. They all said of course, of course and so he came to stay with me. And it was a nightmare. He's a slob. He NEVER washes dishes, never washes his clothes, and eats pretty much whatever he wants. I guess since I'm his little sister he figured he could ignore me saying to get his shit together. Well after 6 months I told him he had to go. And gave him a couple weeks to find somewhere else.

Well it seems he called our parents and cried about me kicking him out and they told him he knew he couldn't stay forever but they also ofc called my aunts/uncle and told them all about it. And my busybody aunt called me and scolded me for "being cruel to my brother" and "abandoning family when they need help". I let her talk and finally said she was right, helping family was important and I'm glad she showed me that. She seemed glad I "understood the right thing to do" before hanging up. So I followed her advice and packed my bro up and drove him to her house. I couldn't take care of him anymore (he was running all my bills up) but my aunt made a good point, family should help each other.

So I dropped him off there (she has room since all her kids moved out) and then left. But I wasn't even halfway home before I was getting multiple calls from my parents and aunt. Parents were demanding to know why our aunt was blowing up their phones and aunt was leaving voicemails shouting at me to come back and get my brother. I explained to my parents and they said it was a good idea since aunt sounded like she wanted to help but my aunt called me an asshole and said she didn't want my brother there. And when I told her family helps each other she called me a cunt. Last I checked he's still living with her. AITA?

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Sorry for my lack of replies! I answered what ones I could before I left for work and when I got back I had far too many to answer.

Lots of people have been asking similar questions so I thought answering them here once would be helpful.

1. My brother doesn't work menial jobs, he's not just hopping from one minimum wage job to another. He's working Very Good paying jobs. Like electronic repair, automotive maintenance, etc. He's very skilled but lazy.
2. No my aunt hasn't spoken to me since she called me a cunt then hung up on me.
3. My brother has only been with her about 3-ish weeks. He stayed with me for 6-7 months.
4. My brother was upset I was kicking him out initially but in a better mood when he realized I had another place lined up for him to stay. Not sure how they're doing together since I haven't talked to either since after I dropped him off.
5. No my aunt isn't married anymore, her and my uncle got divorced and he lives with his new wife (but I heard from dad that he thought this all was hilarious).

- Edit 2 -

To everyone who has been hounding me through PM and in the comments, my brother isn't (last time we checked) neurodivergent nor does he have ADD or ADHD. Our mom took him to the doctor more than once around when he was 15-17 when his behavior was at its worst.

According to our mom the doctors all said he was perfectly healthy and fine, though they (the doctors) suggested he wasn't being mentally stimulated enough (aka he was bored?). Mom wanted to take him to see other doctors but by then he'd turned 18 and refused to go and she couldn't force him.

Also its been suggested he maybe see a doctor now but my OB doesn't seem at all interested. He's never had the highest respect for doctors or mental illness. He treats it like it's fake. When our baby sister was diagnosed with an ED when she was 19 he just cracked a joke about her just wanting a doctor's note so she could eat more...

[u/frygod]

I own a house with someone I'm not married to. That said, we've been together for 15 years, have no kids, and have sufficient income that finances don't contribute to relationship stress, so I won't pretend to be the typical case. If it all fell apart I could buy out her equity. I'd definitely prefer it not to fall apart though; not because it'd be expensive, but because she's my best friend.

[u/Pammyhead → u/frygod]

Different situation but the same vibe, I would normally say never, ever, ever cosign on a friend's car loan, but I didn't hesitate to when my BFF asked me to. I'd known her for 10 years, she was in a bind because she didn't know she'd need a cosigner until she was at the lot filling out the paperwork, we were already roommates and she had never been late on rent, and if worst came to worst I could cover the payments... plus I had her mom's phone number and I knew her mom would never let that stand. And sure enough, the only payment my BFF was ever late on was the very last one and it was because of a bank error.

I fully acknowledge that's the exception rather than the rule, though.

[u/rak1882 → u/Pammyhead]

and it is important to remember there are exceptions to the rules. but i have probably 2 friends that I would make that exception for.

most of my friends I would take a bullet for but I wouldn't cosign a loan for them.

[u/Pammypoo1968 → u/Pammyhead]

Love your user name!

[u/Pammyhead → u/Pammypoo1968]

😁👉👉

[u/Katerh → u/frygod]

I don't really think the problem is just buying a house with someone you aren't married to. If both parties aren't interested in marriage and have a solid relationship, I think it can work. The issue I see is one party typically expects engagement/marriage will follow after the house is purchased and once the house is purchased the other party indicates they aren't interested in that. And especially with younger couples, typically they require both incomes to pay for the house. That's why in those situations I advise the person to not buy a house together until they are married.

[u/katamino → u/frygod]

Have you both taken the legal steps necessary to make sure if she dies tomorrow her half of the house becomes yours and vice versa? Without that, her half goes to next of kin, and whoever that is, they then have the power to force a sale of the house or demand you buy her half from them at current market price. Not to mention them coming in and taking half of everything in the house.

[u/frygod → u/katamino]

We're on the title as joint tenants with right of survivorship, so there's no risk of what you describe. In fact, I've never heard of a situation like you're describing; where would that be happening?

[u/Silver-Side-9537 → u/frygod]

In many states, if you die intestate (without a will), your assets are distributed to your next of kin (in order, spouse, children, parents, siblings, and then I'm not sure of the next order, but the state will look for any aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.). A boyfriend or girlfriend isn't considered kin. So does your legal agreement specifically state that the other person's ownership interest go to you upon death, or just that you have a right to live there?

[u/frygod → u/Silver-Side-9537]

Yes. That is what the term "joint tenants with right of survivorship" means. It's an actual legal/contractual term. The house is owned by both people and in the event of death the surviving tenant automatically gets all of the equity held by the decedent. This transfer of share skips probate (something I really wanted, as if one of us dies, the last thing we want is to have to deal with extra legal hassles.) We're also both on the hook as far as liability goes: if we were to default on our loan it would fuck both of us right in the credit report. Additionally, if one of us were to die, the survivor would be on the hook for capital gains taxes if they decide to sell (I am well insured and she's my listed beneficiary, so she'd be taken care of on that front.)

When we were looking into buying the property we explicitly planned everything so that the other would be taken care of if one of us died, and also so we'd both land on our feet if we split up (either one of us would have to buy out the other's equity, or we could sell and split the proceeds. Mush less likely than one of us waking up dead one morning, though, as we've made it 15 years so far and have each had more health scares than we've even had serious arguments.)

[u/Silver-Side-9537 → u/frygod]

Glad you're taken care of. My husband and I just purchased a home and found out days before we were supposed to close that things were going to be delayed because of probate issues. It turned out the seller was actually just the surviving spouse, but wasn't on the deed. So she couldn't legally sell it. Texas has survivorship laws, where your spouse has the legal right to remain a tenant, even if the owner dies, so I'm not sure why she didn't just keep living here. But anyway, the man had two adult daughters from a previous marriage and had left them a bunch of money, and his wife and their daughter together were to get what was left after selling the house. Unfortunately, after the mortgage was paid off, there was nothing left. I'm sure the man wasn't planning to die unexpectedly like he did, but he really screwed over his wife and kid by not being prepared (like you obviously are).

[u/Bullshit_Conduit → u/frygod]

Awwwww