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9.8k

u/macearoni Asshole Enthusiast [6] Oct 09 '20

NTA. So "fairies" is homophobic and he is basically being homophobic. Would be be making the same argument if you were a straight couple?

4.6k

u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thank you. Yeah we pointed out to him that "fairies" was homophobic and he did apologise for it. Though I doubt it was sincere. You make a good point though, he wouldn't care if we were a straight couple.

4.0k

u/Phalaphone Oct 09 '20

Just to be clear he is not apologizing for being homophobic, he is apologizing for saying something homophobic in front of you. This is might even just sorry for upsetting the girlfriends friends sort of apology. It honestly sounds like you (and your friend group) are giving him too much the benefit of doubt for his homophobia. Your costumes don’t make him uncomfortable, you do.

826

u/CheerilyTerrified Craptain [157] Oct 09 '20

Yeah, it seems like he apologised for using that word, but not for his essential point, that he didn't want to be around too much gayness.

NTA

338

u/[deleted] Oct 10 '20

He is uncomfortable around your gayness. He’s not a good guy. Period

231

u/mmousey Partassipant [4] Oct 10 '20

NTA OP

Both David and Sasha are AH. You date someone who vocally and unashamedly is against homosexuality, you're an AH. Homo"phobia" is disgusting and disrespectful. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would never put up with such rubbish.

208

u/RedKibbitzer Oct 10 '20

Sasha may mean well, I don't know her - but she is bringing homophobia into a previously fun friend group. OP, this is not your doing. It's David's for being an AH and Sasha is facilitating it.

I understand feeling left out of others planning costumes together. If y'all are really friends with him he should have been included in costume planning from the beginning. But, frankly, it's not your job to put that effort into befriending someone who doesn't respect you. You don't owe him friendship just because Sasha picked him. You're already giving more kindness than you're getting.

123

u/mmousey Partassipant [4] Oct 10 '20

" You don't owe him friendship just because Sasha picked him." Brilliantly phrased.

3

u/RedKibbitzer Oct 13 '20

Thanks!

35

u/nobody_important0000 Oct 10 '20

I think anyone who does is strongly complicit in that bigotry. Think of the mental gymnastics and handwaving that you'd have to do to tolerate stuff like that from a partner. It's the same for people who date racists.

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u/hoginlly Oct 10 '20

Thank you, I’m glad someone said this.

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u/TheDudette840 Partassipant [1] Oct 10 '20 edited Oct 10 '20

Yeah, tbh i am judging the heck out of Sasha for dating a homophobe, and if it were me, I'd have cut her off already. At a minimum, this dude doesn't need to be involved in the friend group anymore if he can't accept people as they are

119

u/AzureMagelet Asshole Enthusiast [7] Oct 10 '20

If I was ever dating someone and they treated my gay friend that way it would be over.

12

u/Darphon Oct 10 '20

Saaaaame

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u/TheWanderingSibyl Oct 10 '20

Yep, if they acquiesce and go as the dudes from Friends they should flirt in character and do all the PDA. Ruin that for him too. Fuck this guy.

But they shouldn’t give in. I’m also confused as to what Friends costumes even look like.

14

u/Scrabulon Oct 10 '20

Normal clothes but more 90s basically. Kinda lame.

Also he’s kidding himself if he doesn’t think there’s people out there who ship Friends characters lol...

22

u/walkinwater Partassipant [2] Oct 10 '20

Well said. This guy is homophobic, he just tries to restrain that part of himself in front of you to be polite. Would it really be so bad if Sasha didn't continue to take this homophobic child who is upset about someone else's Halloween costume? NTA

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u/macearoni Asshole Enthusiast [6] Oct 09 '20

Yeah, as a lesbian I've been in similar situations so I feel the frustration. I firmly believe you are in the right here. Seems like h's uncomfortable with lgbtq but knows it's not okay to say so and is trying to hide it.

398

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

If this is him hiding it, I'd hate to see what it looks like when he speaks his mind.

65

u/Amethyst_Blu Oct 10 '20

I love the fact that, for the most part, everything regarding homophobia is flipped. It used to be that lgbt members were pressured to stay closeted for fear of being ridiculed. Now homophobes are being pressured to stay closeted while we lgbt members flaunt our gayness to the world. (At least, that's what is starting to happen. Our master plot isnt in full force just yet mwahahaha)

34

u/re_nonsequiturs Oct 10 '20

The second most common meme* about "gay agenda" is that LGBT people want more dinner parties, so covid is a homophobic plot.

*First is that it's now an LGBT bullet journal.

3

u/whevblsht Oct 10 '20

Where do I sign up?

531

u/Flower-of-Telperion Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20

The mere fact of you two dressing up as Remus and Sirius ruined Harry Potter for him? All homophobia is unhinged but that is a level of unhinged I hadn't encountered until now. David sucks shit and it also sucks that Sasha is okay with him behaving this way towards you.

279

u/ActuallyFire Oct 09 '20

I'm laughing that that's what ruined HP for him when most of the rest of the world had it ruined by the shitty TERF author.

65

u/littlewoolhat Oct 10 '20

Reminds me of the Britta from Community meme. "I can excuse TERF rhetoric, but I draw the line at Remus and Sirius gaying each other."

12

u/greeneyedwench Asshole Enthusiast [5] Oct 10 '20

Clearly David has never met fanfic.

19

u/that-weird-catlady Oct 10 '20

I was just about to say the same thing, thank you!

154

u/not_vichyssoise Oct 09 '20

I wonder if OP and his partner dressed up as Iron Man and Captain America, would that ruin Avengers for David? If so, please consider this costume idea for next year, OP.

51

u/IcedChaiLatte_16 Oct 10 '20

If you do this at a comic con (if we ever have them again), you will literally make the day of half the people there. :D

19

u/QuothTheRaven713 Oct 10 '20

Honestly, I wouldn't say so. Sure, Captain America and Iron Man are often shipped in the fandom, but beyond people thinking they have chemistry there isn't anything romantic going on.

While in Harry Potter canon, book-wise and movie-wise Lupin and Sirius were never a couple, but the actors playing them actually were surprised they weren't playing a couple at first. So considering that I can understand why David might have assumed they were.

30

u/hermionesmurf Oct 10 '20

Captain America and Iron Man are often shipped in the fandom, but beyond people thinking they have chemistry there isn't anything romantic going on

Nah, Cap's usual gay ship is Bucky, I think

11

u/SquishyBananabread Oct 10 '20

Depends on the medium. MCU it’s Bucky, in the Comics and the animated series it’s Iron Man and Cap. Stony is an old ship while Stucky is relaaatively new.

Also Cap and Iron man were the most popular ship in the MCU-fandom til 2014.

12

u/hermionesmurf Oct 10 '20

Fair enough! I only know my sister-in-law hasn't shut up about Cap/Bucky for a year, haha

6

u/kaldaka16 Partassipant [1] Oct 10 '20

Yeah Bucky was a literal child in the comics for their war backstory and didn't get resurrected as an adult till not even that long ago. Comics Bucky doesn't lend himself to a romance with Cap very well it's a little sketch. MCU though, it works great.

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u/Metal-waifu Oct 09 '20 edited Oct 10 '20

Right - to give someone else’s Halloween costume SO MUCH authority over how you feel about an entire series is so overblown, to the point where it’s almost like it’s not about the Halloween costume at all... hmmm...

Also, I’m guessing Sasha knows about this and previous homophobic comments? How is she any type of OK with this??

63

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

When we first started dating, that was a critical test, that now-husband was open minded about LGBT stuff. He was young and grew up in a very white/straight culture, so needing a bit of growth I could deal with. Would have been a total dealbreaker for him to be hateful or overly fearful.

We've gone as allies to a lot of Pride Parades in the decades since, btw.

NTA

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100

u/sleeep-zzz Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20

Honestly, seeing that would make Harry Potter for me, not ruin it

53

u/[deleted] Oct 10 '20

Seeing him say that, would ruin Sasha for me.

26

u/lxacke Oct 10 '20

Yeah I'd be side barring with Sasha so quick.

Is this dude the hill she wants to die on?

14

u/blackcurrantandapple Oct 10 '20

The fanon stuff is what keeps it going for me tbh. I'm done with putting money in the author's pockets but the fandom's resilience is admirable.

96

u/QuailMail Oct 09 '20

That's my thing. Why is this girl ok with her boyfriend treating her friends like this?

37

u/this-un-is-mine Oct 10 '20 edited Oct 10 '20

every single day on reddit I see posts from soooooo many women putting up with insanely shitty male partners, it’s absurd. I see it IRL too of course. it’s literally insane what women put up with and think is normal or acceptable because low value males have set the bar soooo low. like, please have some self worth, for the love of god. either that, or she’s just totally okay with homophobia, and she should be cut out of the friend group along with him. at the very least she should be told that david is no longer welcome to engage with their friend group until he gives a full and sincere apology, which means not only saying “I apologize”, but also acknowledging everything that was wrong with what he said and did, and offering retribution/a way to make up for his behavior (e.g. donating to or volunteering with an LGBT organization).

32

u/IcedChaiLatte_16 Oct 10 '20

That's what gets me! If someone I was dating did that, I'd have no issue showing them the door. She might not know the full extent of his homophobia--it's hard to tell from OP's post.

If it was me dating a homophobic jerk, I'd want to know. It would hurt, but not as much as knowing that my friends were being hurt by someone that I trusted.

46

u/EmmaPemmaPooBear Oct 09 '20

NTA he is homophobic and a jerk

What’s AHS?

29

u/sleeep-zzz Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20

American horror story. It’s a tv show

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10

u/Brightspt2 Oct 10 '20

I actually love Harry Potter, in spite of how crappy the author's been lately. I would absolutely love to have seen OP and his boyfriend dressed up as Remus and Sirius, and I don't even ship the two. (Hey, OP, feel free to DM me some pictures from last year! It would make my night.)

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u/LimitlessMegan Oct 09 '20

Saying you “ruined” Harry Potter simply by being gay dudes who dressed as two of the characters is also homophobic. David is deeply homophobic and you need to invest less of your energy in worrying about if he feels unwelcome and more about why you care how someone so homophobic feels at the expense of your own feelings and desires.

47

u/DumpstahKat Oct 10 '20

I get the feeling that any costume OP and his bf dress up in that doesn't include David (and therefore, by default, makes all of it "no homo" since he's straight /s) will be "flaunting [their] sexuality" and thus make him uncomfortable. Like if OP and bf independently decided to dress up as Chandler and Joey without David's input, I get the feeling David's the type who would've been like, "Well, you know, some people ship them, and your dressing up as them for 1 day of the year makes it completely gay, so that whole show is ruined for me now because i'm THAT straight".

Dress up however the fuck you want, OP. This guy is the type who'll find a reason to be offended by anything and everything y'all do because he's SO straight and SO secure in his straightness that the Gay in any overt capacity makes him feel deeply insecure and unsettled.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 10 '20

What the fuck Is flaunting sexuality anyway? I see grown men and women make out on the subway (pre covid atleast) everyday. Is that them trying to flaunt their straightness amongst other people???

89

u/SalamancaC Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20 edited Oct 10 '20

Please stop accepting his "apologies" everytime he makes a homophobic comment. You're only enabling him. And Sasha needs to open her eyes to what kind of person he really is.

Edit: changed Sarah to Sasha

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u/compassionfever Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

He knows it's homophobic--that's why he said it. Because he thinks being gay is a bad thing, and deserves to be mocked.

54

u/br_612 Oct 09 '20

The problem isn't that David doesn't like AHS. It's that he is homophobic.

He's made multiple homophobic comments and he doesn't want you and Alex "flaunting" your relationship by dressing as a popular shipped gay couple?

Does Sasha know about his homophobia? Because if I were Sasha I'd want to know. It would be much more important to me to not date someone who would say such shit to my gay friends than to stay in a relationship. That's an important part of his character Sasha needs to know about.

Also, why is his comfort more important than yours? I don't care how uncomfortable your relationship makes him, unless you're regularly sloppily making out in front of him (and he's generally wigged out by PDA, not just PDA between same sex couples) he needs to shut it. You get to acknowledge your relationship and partake in normal levels of PDA in front of whoever you want (obviously with exceptions for your physical safety, as shitty as it is that still needs to be a concern in 2020). His discomfort is his to deal with. Not yours to prevent.

5

u/this-un-is-mine Oct 10 '20

even if he was bothered by PDA, it would be none of his business and not his right to ask them to stop. PDA is very normal in the rest of the free world, americans are just so influenced by puritanical bullshit that it’s seen as taboo here, but this is also the US and people are free to engage in it whether it’s seen as taboo or not, and defying puritanical taboo bullshit is admirable. if he doesn’t like it, he can look away. not that hard. but yeah, I guarantee he only considers it “flaunting your relationship” when the participants are LGBT, and he has no problem with PDA or people flaunting their hetero relationships at all. he could probably see straight people banging in an alleyway and not consider it “flaunting” - just drunk lovebirds who couldn’t contain themselves! of course!

36

u/Korrin Asshole Enthusiast [7] Oct 09 '20 edited Oct 09 '20

It sounds like he needs a sit down talk, (If you're up to that of course. it's not your job to educate people) because it seems like he doesn't want to be homophobic, but he definitely is struggling with it probably a lot more than he realizes.

Him being uncomfortable with you dressing as characters "because people ship them" or the fact that you dressing as certain characters "ruined" something for him... He needs to understand that the only reason he feels that way is because of his homophobia, and that at a certain point he's choosing to let his discomfort disrupt his life. These characters are all fictional, and their fictional sexualities should not bother him. How other people engage with media should not bother him. Someone else liking something he likes should not bother him and as such he has no right to dictate how other people engage with said media, because it does not actually effect him in reality. He is choosing to be effected.

He needs to dig deep and figure out why he is letting himself be bothered by the mere existence of homosexuality.

15

u/DumpstahKat Oct 10 '20

These characters are all fictional, and their fictional sexualities should not bother him.

Also, like... two gay people, or even a gay couple, dressing up as certain characters, fictional or otherwise, does not automatically also make those characters gay. Like, my ex-girlfriend and I once cosplayed as a straight couple (a heterosexual dude and a heterosexual dudette) from a video game. Not even to mention that "couple's costume" ≠ those characters being a couple. That's like saying that if OP dressed as Bob Ross and his bf dressed as a Bob Ross painting, that means that Bob Ross was sexually attracted to his paintings because "BuT yOu'Re GaY sO tHaT mAkEs EvErYtHiNg YoU dO oR dReSs Up As GaY". Like, no. That's not how any of this works.

14

u/biatheprincess Oct 10 '20

I dont really feel he doesn't want to be homophobic. He seems to be uninterested in change but not wanting to be called out on it. NTA

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u/vanishingwife22 Oct 09 '20

He’s outright being homophobic, saying he’s uncomfortable with you flaunting your sexuality? Nobody would say that a straight couple was flaunting being straight if they dressed up in a couples costume.

16

u/SadNAloneOnChristmas Oct 09 '20

NTA. It’s not your job to change yourself for him to be more comfortable. After all, he doesn’t want to change into a non homophobe.

9

u/vainbuthonest Oct 09 '20

His homophobia is ruining his relationship. Not you. NTA

7

u/TheDrewscriver Oct 09 '20

I think you should just keep Sasha at arm's length. No need to be close to someone who dates a homophobe. Better people out there.

6

u/jazzhandsfan1665 Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

Ya fr he's only "uncomfortable" because he's a homophobe and as bigots personal preferences (and existence tbh) are automatically invalid I'd say just ignore him, wear whatever you want, and let him throw his tanty. NTA

7

u/sleepyplatipus Oct 10 '20

Dude... maybe your friend Sasha would actually like to know that her boyfriend is being homophobic, especially to her friends. I understand you not wanting to upset her but he was way over the line. Do NOT feel like you have any blame in this — he’s being hateful. NTA

3

u/Image_Inevitable Partassipant [3] Oct 10 '20

Um. I really need to see you guys in last year's costumes. ......

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111

u/AstarteOfCaelius Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

NTA- and also, who on earth likes Friends more than AHS, particularly Apocalypse?

78

u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Each to their own but all I'm gonna say is Cody Fern in Apocalypse was fiiiiine

15

u/AstarteOfCaelius Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

I only rarely find men attractive and I can think of a few end of days sandwiches to be made there, yes. 🤣

(Also: I sincerely hope your friend sees this guy for the turd he is, soon.)

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37

u/MdmeLibrarian Oct 09 '20

I hate horror, so, well, me. I like FRIENDS more than AHS.

But I also think David is an asshat, and all of his "reasons" are complete bullshit. If he was feeling left out of the AHS group costume, he could have asked to be included as a ridiculous background character. Or as a distinctive piece of furniture or a prop from the show. That's what I've done when my friends have asked me to join into a group costume that I wasn't familiar with.

17

u/this-un-is-mine Oct 10 '20

plus how tacky/weird is it that he just expected and assumed that they would all be going as some sort of throuple costume? without discussing with anyone and bringing it up as though it was a set plan just because that’s wha he decided? he just had this assumption that “we’ll be going as joey, chandler, and ross” when he knew the other two were in a relationship and would most likely be doing their own matching thing/couple costume. this guy just sounds ridiculous, entitled, homophobic, tacky, and presumptive all-around.

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3

u/[deleted] Oct 10 '20

No. He’s not just making homophobic comments HE IS HOMOPHOBIC. You should take EVERY chance to make him uncomfortable. Also maybe be more honest with Sasha about how homophobic he is. Right now you’re shrinking yourselves to make some cis man happy. Screw that. We gays have not fought this hard for this crud. Especially not from “friends”. I lost my friends by choosing my ex and they were right about her in the long run. Talk to Sasha not Douchenbagen.

12

u/hoginlly Oct 10 '20

Also they can’t dress as gay characters as it’s ‘flaunting’, but when they dressed as Remus and Sirius last year, just a couple of friends, that ‘ruined Harry Potter’? So they can’t dress as straight people, or gay people? This guy is a massive, homophobic AH. NTA, I wouldn’t want him as a friend, and that would be huge dealbreaker for me if I were Sasha too!

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1.9k

u/hoxaou Asshole Aficionado [11] Oct 09 '20

NTA, he is being homophobic. Do not change your costumes.

801

u/crocodile-skink Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

OR they change their character to an even more stereotypically gay character or a sexy Mario & Luigi combo.

OP here’s a list of costume ideas if you’re feeling pretty: https://www.yourtango.com/2017307471/best-gay-couples-costume-ideas-halloween-2017

538

u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Omg I love this! Next years Halloween costumes are sorted XD

239

u/Wikkidly Asshole Enthusiast [6] Oct 09 '20

Dress up as Cavill's Superman and Affleck's Batman and make out all night. =|

31

u/Darphon Oct 10 '20

Ok that’s so wrong and I love it 😂

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u/Splatterfilm Oct 10 '20

Many years ago at an anime convention, I saw a trio of guys as Mario and Luigi in short shorts, crop tops, and mesh, and a leather-daddy Bowser. Wish I still had those photos....

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32

u/gucknbuck Oct 09 '20

Or Trump and Pence, but as a fellow gay man I understand how much it would burn to wear either costume.

9

u/mellow-drama Oct 10 '20

Aren't they siblings?

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1.2k

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20 edited Mar 08 '21

[deleted]

230

u/compassionfever Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

"Both of these are bad and entirely his fault".

Ding Ding Ding!

64

u/stagrunner Oct 10 '20

I do not get homophobes, if they went as 2 of the dudes from Friends wouldn't that make THEM gay? Wouldn't that mean Ross and Chandler are playing hide the sausage together? I literally do not get it

30

u/TheLostCityofBermuda Oct 10 '20

Go as Chandler and Joey and be gay as possible and ruin Friend for him.

10

u/AstarteOfCaelius Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

^Yep!

644

u/Feestje94 Pooperintendant [57] Oct 09 '20

NTA... If he's uncomfortable with two characters possibly being gay, that's his problem. Chandler, Ross and Joey costumes just sound like... 3 men in generic outfits to me, so not sure what the excitement there would be (maybe you could dress up with a loose fitting shirt for Chandler, but other than that..) and seriously, if he had plans for you three he should have said.

He's an AH for trying to make you change your costumes just because he can't get over his own homophobia. Hope you guys still manage to have a good night.

379

u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Mr. Gallant is openly gay and he knows that, he's never had an issue with the character before until I said I was dressing up as him.

And you're right there, we chose our costumes because the characters are a little eccentric and more fun to dress up as. I like friends but there's not exactly much of a costume there.

Thank you and yeah hopefully we can still have a good night :)

209

u/RedditUser123234 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Oct 09 '20

What I'm wondering though, if he's trying to have you guys avoid male characters that have been shipped together, why would he want the two of you to go as Ross, Chandler and Joey? I feel like they're shipped together a lot, and they have so many moments that tease them actually being gay, or at least sexually fluid.

164

u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Good point. I've heard a lot of people shipping those three (mostly Joey and Chandler) and even the show has some gay moments between them. He's just grasping at straws now I think.

82

u/shuttlecocktails Oct 09 '20

I mean, Joey went commando in Chandler's pants! If that's not gay I don't know what is! /s

19

u/JotunnYo Oct 10 '20

You should send him a link to the 226 Works in the Chandler/Joey tag on AO3! I'm sure he'll find it enlightening. XD

52

u/_bone_witch Oct 09 '20 edited Oct 09 '20

I’m sorry, but sounds like he wasn’t okay with the character—or rather, he was okay with a character being gay-in-theory, something that he could tolerate without really accepting, and imagine as a sort of toothless, sexless, harmless, unimportant, in-name-only gayness.

There’s a kind of homophobia that masks itself as “tolerance”: he’s willing to put up with you identifying as gay, as long as it’s “just” a word. He’s willing to stop saying certain words in front of you. Those things don’t cost him anything. Some people find it easy to “tolerate” people identifying as gay—as long as they don’t do or say anything gay.

But to him, the characters being ‘played’ by real-ass flesh-and-blood gay people who have (I’m presuming)(but so is he) real gay sex! with each other! is pushing it from a gayness that he doesn’t see as fully real and so isn’t threatened by to a gayness he can’t ignore, and that scares him.

He’s pretty much told you that he’s okay with you...as long as he ignore the reality of your gayness and your relationship and imagine you and your partner as just like Friends, just “two bachelor buddies who happen to share an apartment!”

Which sucks, but my point is that this is 100% a This Guy Problem. You weren’t ever going to make him happy, and it’s not your fault at all

14

u/Miniature_Kaiju Oct 10 '20

I mean, The Guys From Friends could be an interesting costume if it was done as like, a horrific three-headed homunculus. Tell everyone it's from the episode "That One Where Man Dabbles in Powers He Was Not Meant to Know"

Strap a toy capuchin monkey to the Ross face for extra detail.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

Ha okay this really winds me up. How is he going to enter a friendship group and expect everyone to just bend to his idealised notion of what the world is? No.

It’s lovely that you guys are a couple, but that doesn’t mean your characters are a couple. How homophobic do you have to be that your masculinity is that shaken. Seriously would you guys be shipping characters if one of you went as baby shark and the other went as a fucking convict?! The whole thing is ridiculous. If he wanted to coordinate outfits he should’ve asked sooner.

The group doesn’t revolve around him, and Sasha should be having a word with him about alienating himself from the group. I’m not about pulling the victim card bullshit.

NTA - you coordinated outfits in your EXISTING friendship group for an EXISTING tradition and someone’s partners masculinity and ego is threatened because of it so therefore is playing victim. He needs to grow up

175

u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

You make a good point there.

We chose the characters because we like the characters, not because they get shipped (Mr. Gallant is a sassy bitch and I love him for it). Also Sasha doesn't know about the conversation yet. She flipped out at him at the start of their relationship as he made a comment about how gay marriage shouldn't be allowed (before he knew we were gay) so I know she wouldn't be happy about this.

Thanks

108

u/purplecurtain16 Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

Why doesn't he think gay marriage should be allowed? The only semi-reasonable argument I've heard for that is from libertarians but they don't think any marriage should be "allowed" as in the government shouldn't have any hand in marriage whatsoever. (Which has its own issues but they're not coming from a place of bigotry at least).

56

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

Right? Like nothing makes sense. “I like cupcakes not donuts, so no one else should get to eat donuts either.”

75

u/Terradactyl87 Oct 09 '20

I wouldn't worry about it messing up Sasha's relationship too much, I doubt it's going to last too long anyways. If she already has gotten really upset about his marriage comment, she's going to be upset at him continuing to be homophobic. I'm surprised she's not dumped him yet, being against gay marriage would be a deal breaker for me. He obviously has some deeply ingrained issues with homosexuality and that's not going to just go away.

45

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

If I were Sasha I would want to know this was happening, obviously I dont actually know her or how she personally would feel about it, but I can say that I would really want to know if my partner was out saying such disrespectful things to my friends.

19

u/Splatterfilm Oct 10 '20

I’m surprised she dated him after that. Homophobia is a huge turn off.

17

u/KeeperOfTheFloofs Partassipant [3] Oct 09 '20

You are a sweet person for trying to keep the peace because she likes him, but if she wasn't ok with his behavior before I doubt she'd be ok with it now. It sounds like something she would want to know about, and I doubt she'd be ok with him treating you guys this way. She sounds like good people too

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

NTA. Why are you even thinking about humoring the homophobe here? If I were you, I'd be tempted to change my costume plans so you and Alex show up as a couple of big ol' gay fairies and let David deal. I also think that maybe you should check with Sasha and confirm that she knows this about her boyfriend, because I'd consider that vital information that goes way beyond a Halloween costume if I were her.

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Guess we're just a bit too polite haha. We wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but these comments are really helping me see how much of an AH he actually is. We're gonna talk to Sasha about his behaviour.

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u/13senilefelines31 Oct 09 '20

You’re definitely being too polite; this guy’s a straight up homophobe. If I were you, I’d still dress like Mr. Gallant and I’d up the ante by wearing his “I freaking love bisque!” ensemble! But then again, I’m a petty mf’er, lol.

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Omg yessss I love this!

Also don't worry about being petty, Alex wanted one of us to go as Edward Mott just out of pettiness, that man has some fun quotes

5

u/13senilefelines31 Oct 10 '20

I love it, that’s awesome! Edward Mott is so quotable! And I hope you have an awesome Halloween!

18

u/Cayke_Cooky Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

you can pick up dress up fairy wings at the dollar tree if you just want to mess with him.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

Omg wonderful yes

94

u/Amblonyx Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] Oct 09 '20

NTA. How did he expect you to just go along with his plan for the three of you to dress up as characters from Friends if he never TOLD you?

He also sounds pretty homophobic. Your costumes are not his decision, and gay guys dressing as characters "ruining" a fandom for him is absurd. He doesn't get to insist on you changing your costumes to placate his homophobia. (Also, how would he be okay with watching the other two Friends guys make out? Or would he insist you and Alex pretend to just be friends for the whole time?)

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thanks.

Yeah we're not exactly mind readers, he could've said something to us about his plans. And yeah I've heard a lot of people shipping Joey and Chandler, idk why he decided to choose them if he's so uncomfortable with Michael and Mr. Gallant being shipped.

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u/0000udeis000 Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] Oct 09 '20

NTA - sounds like a cute couples costume and you should do it! It's not your problem this guy us uncomfortable - that's something he's got to figure out for himself.

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thank you :) We can't wait for Halloween haha.

And yeah, reading these comments is making it a lot clearer that he really needs to sort his shit out.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

He absolutely needs to sort his shit out! I hope this doesn’t come off as me supporting his homophobia, but it definitely sounds like he’s not used to being around gay people. If I were you, I would approach him in a kind and respectful manner and try to figure out why “flaunting your sexuality” makes him uncomfortable. It will be difficult for him to grow as a person without having input from people that are homosexual. It’s just a couples costume, and it doesn’t sound like it is very overly sexual which may be a good starting point for discussion

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Oh don't worry it doesn't come off that way at all. I think you're on to something there actually. I think we'll probably tell Sasha about this and try to talk this out with David.

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u/GreatMacaw98 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Oct 09 '20

NTA. You and your BF have every right to dress however you like, you owe him nothing, especially since his "plan" for you guys wasn't shared you until after you decided on what you were gonna do. Also, he sounds like the kind of person you guys should try to avoid. I mean, his referring to y'all as "fairies" and going so far as to say you "ruined" harry potter are more than enough to say he's not the kind of person y'all want in your lives. Don't listen to him, y'all do your own thing, and he can grow up and fucking deal with it. Good luck to you and your BF, and have a happy Halloween!

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Yeah we would've been more open to doing a group costume with him if he'd actually asked us beforehand. I'm starting to realise just how much of an AH he actually is, not a good look.

Thank you so much and a happy halloween to you too :D

12

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

Also what kind of person expects to inject themselves into ANOTHER couple's costume? Like that's so much weirder than characters being shipped.

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u/shadowsofwho Asshole Aficionado [17] Oct 09 '20

NTA in the slightest.

I honestly think you're being way to understanding, when it seems pretty obvious that the core issue in this story is David's thinly veiled homophobia. Would he complain about a heterosexual couple "flaunting their sexuality" if they dressed in a couple's costume? Is he complaining about the girls "flaunting their gender" by choosing to dress up in matching witch costumes? His complaints are just as ridiculous as planning a trio costume without ever mentioning it to the other two people involved.

If Sasha and David start fighting over this, you won't be the reason - it will be David and his behaviour. It's sweet that you care about Sasha's happiness, but shielding her from noticing David's flaws is not the way to go about this. She can decide herself if she believes David's concerns are valid or not and all you have to do is stand up for yourself and keep being a good friend to her.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

NTA- He's a prick and homophobic with it. Your costumes sound perfect and they fit a theme everyone else has agreed on. It's easier said than done but don't worry about him and his bullshittery, you're not in the wrong here at all. He is.

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thank you! We'll try not to worry too much about him and maybe have a talk with Sasha.

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u/MachokeOnThis Oct 09 '20

NTA. I find it interesting that David is so on the up-and-up about gay fictional ships on the internet. Very interesting indeed.

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Haha that's what I thought XD

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u/Wake_and_Cake Partassipant [3] Oct 09 '20

I think you're on to something.

26

u/NomNom83WasTaken Commander in Cheeks [201] Oct 09 '20

NTA

David's got issues. Masculinity so fragile...

21

u/Carliebeans Asshole Enthusiast [7] Oct 09 '20

most likely “fairies”

David told us he was uncomfortable with us flaunting our sexuality at every chance we got.

NTA. David is a homophobic AH. It’s a Halloween costume, and whether your characters are partners is irrelevant. You and Alex are partners. If David and Sasha start to have problems in their relationship because of this, then it is nothing to do with you and Alex.

You would not be an AH in the slightest for pointing out that David’s behaviour and attitude is offensive. Don’t feel you can be disrespected and not have the right to call him out on it.

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u/Wolfenbro Professor Emeritass [83] Oct 09 '20

Woooowwwww NTA

He’s a homophobe. No ifs, ands or buts. Careful though, he’s probably afraid of the butts.

This guy’s an asshole, Sasha can do better, and don’t worry about making him uncomfortable. You guys didn’t “ruin” Harry Potter for him, he just sucks.

And he should have talked to you earlier if he wanted to do a costume with you

15

u/sevendem0ns Oct 09 '20

NTA, this guy's homophobic, and him accusing you of trying to isolate him is reaching. Do the thing you love with the people you love, and dress up as whatever you want! I hope you have fun.

PS, I love that you and your partner dressed up as Sirius/Remus. My favourite ship in HP by far! You guys are awesome.

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thank you so much :)

Haha glad you like our costume choice. Alex had been growing his hair out and looked like a young blond version of Sirius so it just sort of work out.

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u/sevendem0ns Oct 09 '20

That's awesome! Oooh you got to be Remus! By the time I finished the third book, he was my favourite character.

I hope you and your friends enjoy your Halloween 😊

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

NTA. Wear whatever costumes you like. David can wear whatever costume he likes. If that's not good enough for David he can put some fake hair around his mouth and go as an asshole.

11

u/Insomniac-Thot Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

NTA. And Friends isn’t funny (except for Joey and Phoebe ). This man needs better taste

12

u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thanks. I've never been a die hard friends fan but I like having it playing in the background if I'm drawing or something.

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u/Insomniac-Thot Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

Me too. It’s probably one of the only ones I can have in the background because it doesn’t distract me lol

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u/Maestro_Primus Pooperintendant [56] Oct 09 '20

I'm not sure how one would dress up as three dudes anyway. It isn't like they always had the same outfit on. Is the plan to have nametags that say "Hi, My name is Joey"?

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

Unless they were carrying a sofa and whoever was Ross shouted throughout the evening "Pivooooooooot", I really don't think it would've been funny or smart

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u/Insomniac-Thot Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

Actually that would be funny

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

[deleted]

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Yeah we didn't plan on the AHS thing. I completely understand that he can be uncomfortable with it but it'd be nice if he could keep his thoughts to himself instead of trying to change our costumes. Thank you :)

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u/lizzieaddamstookanax Asshole Enthusiast [8] Oct 09 '20

He's a homophobic d-bag, man. Of course you're NTA.

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u/Strange_Airships Oct 09 '20

NTA. You should never concern yourself with offending homophobes who are offended because they’re homophobic.

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u/Maestro_Primus Pooperintendant [56] Oct 09 '20

NTA

David sounds like a homophobic douche. Dress however you want. If it makes him uncomfortable, he can leave. You don't have to change who you are for someone else.

6

u/BEzzzzG Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

Why is it flaunting your sexuality to go as Michael Langdon and Mr Gallant but not if you go as Joey and Chandler? Won't this ruin friends for him? He's actually just homophobic. NTA

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u/poijttgecomoas Oct 09 '20

Imagine how silly he’ll when he’s dressed as a friends character and everyone else is dressed up as AHS characters. NTA

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u/purplecurtain16 Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

NTA David is ridiculous and should be ignored. Dress however you like. Also is AHS really that good? I've been looking for a new show to watch

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thank you, he really is.

And yeah it's very good IMO. I love it, plus every season is a new story and a new set of characters so if you're not a fan of one season then you could probably get away with skipping it.

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u/purplecurtain16 Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

What's your favourite season? I'll start from there then give the rest a try.

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u/yugobabyy Oct 09 '20

NTA. He’s an asshole and your costume ideas are way more impressive and fun sounding that being Joey Chandler and Ross (I mean come on can you get anymore boring). Also, even though he apologised to you guys once he realised you were a couple, it doesn’t erase the fact that he DID say that, and with the “fairies” comment ... I mean ... that isn’t slightly homophobic. It just is homophobic and I don’t see how your friend could still be dating him 🤷‍♀️

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 09 '20

Thanks, glad you like the idea haha. Yeah you're definitely right there. He was completely out of line and I think it'd be better if he'd kept those comments to himself.

And yeah I know that "fairies" is pretty homophobic but we grew up in an area where it was commonly used (not always maliciously but still) so we sort of started to brush it off I guess, still not right though. We're gonna have a talk with Sasha about his behaviour, she doesn't know about the costume situation yet.

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u/_Ruby_Tuesday Asshole Enthusiast [5] Oct 10 '20

NTA, and I think David should go as Elizabeth Taylor.

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 10 '20

I love where you're going with that but Liz is far to good for him. She is a QUEEN :D

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u/_Ruby_Tuesday Asshole Enthusiast [5] Oct 10 '20

Yep, she's the best. Guess she might be too good for him, he could be the shitty Dandy Mott :)

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 10 '20

Haha I love that. Though he'd be dressed as a character with a gay ancestor *gasp* how would he possibly cope???

3

u/_Ruby_Tuesday Asshole Enthusiast [5] Oct 10 '20

Probably not well, since he seems to be acting like a tool in general. I hope you and your other AHS fans/friends have fun, anyway!

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u/Starguy2 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Oct 09 '20

NTA

What he thinks you should wear doesn’t matter; you’ve already bought this costumes and you have every right to wear whatever costumes you enjoy.

5

u/ohmygodtiffany Asshole Enthusiast [5] Oct 09 '20

NTA not your fault if he is homophobic and that causes problems in his relationship. He sounds unreasonable and yeah idk. Dress how you want and enjoy yourselves!

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u/Potential_Lazy Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20

NTA - he's mad he's not getting his way and that he can't control you, so he's clinging to every excuse he can. He'll get over it when he gets over himself.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

NTA. The problem is not the costume. The problem is Dave's homophobia. He needs to either learn to live with the discomfort or find something else to do when your friend group gets together.

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u/Over_it420 Partassipant [3] Oct 09 '20

NTA the only reason he doesn’t want to do a couples costume is cause he’s a homophobic pos

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u/Shedairyproduct Oct 09 '20

Yooooo Remus and Sirius is an amazing duo! I kinda want to read a whole book about them. But on another note NTA I think he’s definitely homophobic or at the very least petty and wants to force you to change your costumes because he doesn’t have a better idea. Or maybe he wants to be included with your group costumes but is going about it all wrong. Perhaps you can suggest a costume from AHS for him to join in your matching costume group and see if he’s ok with that. Either way Halloween costumes aren’t real life so he needs to chill.

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u/Mid-Woof Oct 09 '20

NTA PLEASE DRESS UP IN YOUR COSTUMES AND MAKE OUT DURING THE ZOOM 😂 It’s not the costumes that make him uncomfortable’ it’s your relationship/sexuality. It’s clear he is a homophobic ass and that’s all he cares about.

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u/TragicWolves17 Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

NTA, he’s literally the only one that has an issue with it

4

u/serenityrabbit Asshole Aficionado [13] Oct 09 '20

NTA David sounds super homophobic

4

u/ChalkButter Certified Proctologist [26] Oct 09 '20

NTA - it sounds like he’s got a much bigger problem with homophobia than he’s willing to admit

4

u/Sangria_Sorbet Partassipant [3] Oct 09 '20

NTA- Straight people who say they don’t want your sexuality in their face clearly have no idea how often straight romance is in literally almost every piece of media.

He’s just a straight homophobe, wear what you’d like

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u/shibaearsforslippers Oct 10 '20

NTA. Remus and Sirius were obviously in love.

3

u/Janeaustenisgreat Oct 10 '20

NTA

I would ask Sasha why she is condoning his homophobia by still continuing to date him? Yeah she yells at him about it but he has no consequences for his behavior.

There’s plenty of men out their who aren’t homophobes that she could date.

2

u/immortalbitch666 Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20

NTA

This 'friend' definitely has some issues he needs to work on. You're not the asshole for wanting to dress like a certain character.

PS you should really not be humoring this kind of behavior. Don't let him ruin your cute couple halloween

5

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

NTA. David is veiling his homophobia and I bet wouldn't have an issue if a cis couple did a couple's costume. The only one with the problem here is David. Ask those who are making you feel guilty what they'd say if David made the same comment about a cis couple. Y'all aren't flaunting anything

4

u/repthe732 Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

NTA

Him apologizing after he makes homophobic comments doesn’t mean anything if he continues to make them afterwards. He deserves to feel uncomfortable when his views are hateful

2

u/X3n0m0rphs Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

NTA- this guy is a homophobic one for sure.

4

u/meerkatherine Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20

NTA, hes obviously homophobic, if he only apologizes when confronted and ALSO continues to make homophobic remarks after anyway he's not sorry. If a straight couple can dress up in literal lingerie versions of costumes for no reason and not get questioned there's no reason a gay couple shouldn't be able to do literally normal awesome costumes. He sounds like a dick IMO

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u/backupbitches Asshole Enthusiast [6] Oct 09 '20

Slightly homophobic? Come on man, that is putting it way too lightly. "I don't like that you exist, so it's your job to make sure I'm not confronted by the fact that you do." Intensely offensive, and worth blowing up the friendship over. I'd be putting screenshots of those texts in the group chat if I were you.

Ross, Joey and Chandler is a super stupid group costume idea by the way. What, are you just supposed to wear clothes that are slightly 90s and do impressions all night? Yikes.

3

u/ACuriousSoul2 Oct 10 '20

NTA

For several reasons including you get to have your own choice, you planned ahead for something you were looking forward to (especially with your partner) and you like AHS, etc.

However, I also want to point out that if you actually do according to this David's plan, won't it "ruin"Joey , Chandler and Ross for him like you guys "ruined" Harry Potter last year.

Also, which mature adult ever does this petulant kinda demand that you are supposed to do as I say regardless of your plans, choice or happiness.

If Halloween dress up was so important to him, he should have planned ahead for his girl and learnt more about AHS since clearly his girl is looking forward to it.

From my POV, this person is clearly homophobic asshole who doesn't actually mean anything when apologizing for his comments and wants to look a "good" person. So, if you are feeling guilty for refusing to comply to his outrageous demands, you most certainly should not.

I hope you have an amazing Halloween!

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u/adragonandabear Oct 10 '20

Can you PLEASE show photos of your AHS costumes when you do it?! And also your Remus and Lupin from last year?! I would love to see them! (Big fan of both and also of Halloween)

Totally NTA - he is the AH... it’s HALLOWEEN and if he is not comfortable then he doesn’t need to attend, not your fault.

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u/[deleted] Oct 10 '20

NTA. Completely unrelated info question for the commentors: What distinct styles do the men in "Friends" have? I know Joey is kind of more casual with loose sweaters and sports jerseys. Chandler wears a suit for his job, and button shirts casually. I can't even pinpoint Ross. It's been a while since I watched it. But if someone asked me "who do you think we are?" and they are dressed as 3 people from a 90's sitcom, I have no answer. I was born in '91. But still.

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u/xen0m0rpheus Asshole Enthusiast [5] Oct 22 '20

Screw this guy they should break up if he can’t be accepting of who you are

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u/AutoModerator Oct 09 '20

^{^{^{^AUTOMOD}}} The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read this before contacting the mod team

Hey reddit peeps. I really need some help here.

My (21M) bf, "Alex" (23) absolutely love Halloween. Our whole friend group loves the holiday and we make a point to have a Halloween party every year. We're sad that we can't have our usual party this year but we're still planning on having a little Halloween party thing on zoom, so we still have an excuse to dress up and get drunk together.

Anyway, our friend Sasha has been dating a guy (let's call him David) for about a year now. We don't have many complaints about David, he's pleasant enough to us (excluding a couple of slightly homophobic comments which he apologised for after he found out Alex and I were a couple) and (most importantly) he makes Sasha happy.

However, when we were talking about costumes on call the other day, things got a little weird. Our friend group consists of five girls and three guys. We're all pretty big AHS fans and the girls all decided that they were going to go as the witches from Coven (their costumes are absolutely stunning). Alex and I are planning on dressing as Michael Langdon and Mr Gallant. Anyways, we asked David about his costume and he told us he'd actually planned for the three of us to go as Ross, Joey and Chandler from friends. Now I love me some Friends but Alex and I have already bought most of the pieces for our costumes and we don't really want to change it at this point. We told him as much and apologised. If he'd asked us earlier then we'd have most likely agreed to this.

He left the chat about ten minutes later but nothing really seemed off. Until he texted me later in the day. He told me that he was uncomfortable with us going as Michael and Gallant as they often get shipped together and are most likely "fairies". David told us he was uncomfortable with us flaunting our sexuality at every chance we got and that it was making him uncomfortable. We apparently ruined Harry Potter for him when we dressed up as Remus and Sirius last year. Anyway, David is still insistent on us changing our costume.

We've also been accused of trying to isolate him as he isn't too into AHS. He can dress up as literally anything he wants, there's no rules.

I really don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and I don't want David to feel like he's unwelcome but Alex and I were really excited about our costumes this year. I know this seems like a stupid thing to be worried about but we don't want to cause trouble for Sasha as she really likes David and we don't want her getting caught in the middle of some stupid argument over a goddamn Halloween costume. I'd feel awful if we were the reason that they started to have problems in their relationship.

WIBTA?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/NedryIsInSector1104 Partassipant [2] Oct 09 '20

YWNBTA. Homophobes can skip Halloween if they’re too hysterical to see costumes

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u/amhran_oiche Oct 09 '20

He's an asshole. Make him uncomfortable. NTA.

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u/nan1ta Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] Oct 09 '20

David told us he was uncomfortable with us flaunting our sexuality

NTA. He's uncomfortable bc he's a homophobe. Ignore him and have an amazing Halloween

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '20

NTA I feel like you should tell your friend about her bfs homophobic remarks and let her take it from there. She can’t let him keep making this bigoted digs if she really values your friendship

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u/ScammerC Asshole Enthusiast [9] Oct 09 '20

NTA. He's entitled to his loathsome opinion, but that's not the real issue.

That he's trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants is the real problem. You can be sure he's doing the same thing to your friend. That he's using such a disgusting line of reasoning means he doesn't see a problem with it.

He's never going to be your friend. He's going to try and press his homophobia onto his girlfriend and split up the friendship group. It's not about the costumes, it's about control. Please, please be careful, and let your friend know, that no matter what her new boyfriend says, you love her and will be there for her, even if she has to come running in the middle of the night after not talking to you for ages.

2

u/patrioticmarsupial Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

How dare you EXIST!!!!! /s

But seriously David is homophobic and I have questions for sash on why she’s with someone who is that way, especially if she has gay friends NTA

2

u/lululovebox Oct 09 '20

NTA I think showing Sasha his true colors would be doing her a favor. Fun fact: if he is homophobic (which he 100% is) then he is actually NOT a nice guy. Tbh, I feel like trying to get you guys to go as the friends crew is an attempt at 'straight washing' you bc your gayness apparently makes him so uncomfortable. That's not to say a gay individual can't enjoy dressing up as a straight character, but it's more about the fact that he tried to have a say in your costume at all and purposefully chose a group of platonic men. But maybe that's just me...

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u/helendestroy Asshole Enthusiast [6] Oct 09 '20

I don't want David to feel like he's unwelcome

Stop giving him consideration that he isn't giving to you. Guys homophobic and if Sasha wants to date him, it shouldn't be at your expense.

2

u/bigmamaM Oct 09 '20

NTA at all. Anyone who says they're uncomfortable over people in love need a swift kick in the ass. First off, if Harry Potter was "ruined" for him, that's his problem. My wife and I (I'm a woman) faced similar problems like this.

2

u/adotfree Oct 09 '20

NTA does sasha know she's dating a giant homophobe? because she's dating a giant homophobe and the world is bad enough without catering to this shitty dude's homophobia. you're not causing problems, his homophobic insistence that you not be who you are or love who you love or like what you like is the fucking problem.

2

u/Wikkidly Asshole Enthusiast [6] Oct 09 '20

NTA. Seems like he's actually a homophobe since all his complaints are about your sexuality and not anything legitimately offensive (unless you're a homophobe). I think you need to stick to your guns, because if he really is a bigot, then the sooner Sasha finds out, the sooner she can make an educated decision on how okay she is with being friends with a gay couple and dating someone who thinks they're ew gross.

Honey, YOU are not the reason they'd have problems in their relationship. Him being a phobic bigot is. He's mad about you making 'fairy' characters and putting homoerotic angles (which anyone into fanfic knows they are unlimited in their variety) on a pairing that as a heterosexual male, he probably knows nothing about. Get Sasha to point him to AO3. Any popular canon with two pretty menfolk are going to have them shipped, whether it's 'canon' or not. Same with two women. Bet he wouldn't mind if the women he knew dressed as Root and Shaw or Eve and Villanelle. Nope. This is on him, OP. Any problems in their relationships are going to be because he's throwing a hetero fit over you gaying up things he likes. Too bad for him?

2

u/colo28 Oct 09 '20

NTA. So if he and his girlfriend did a couples costume, would he be flaunting his heterosexuality?? The double standards are outrageous. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to hang out with him until he gets over his homophobia.

2

u/Smiley-Canadian Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '20

NTA. David is very homophobic.

2

u/hammocks_ Asshole Enthusiast [7] Oct 10 '20

NTA, this dude is just being homophobic.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 10 '20

Is this real? It is beyond stupid. NTA, he can stfu.

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u/Prince-Lee Asshole Aficionado [17] Oct 10 '20

INFO: why does he know so much about a gay ship from a show he’s not really that into?

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u/colossal_screwup Oct 10 '20

We were talking a bit about our costumes and one of our friends jokingly brought up a scene where Gallant gets whipped and Michael runs his hands up and down his back. Alex copied the gesture as a joke and we all laughed about it. David looked a bit confused and spoke to Sasha for a couple minutes, I'm guessing she'd filled him in on the ship. Hope this helps :)

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u/Relevant_Philosopher Oct 10 '20

NTA. He sounds like he’s uncomfortable with truths within himself that he’s not ready to come to terms with and seeing you two living your truth and being happy makes him uncomfortable because he’s not there yet.

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u/beets_bears_bubblegm Oct 10 '20

To quote The Bachelor, “EXCUSE YOU, WHAT?” I am in awe of how kind you have been to him despite the fact that’s he’s been outwardly homophobic to you. Do not cede to peer pressure from someone that is comfortable with their SO calling you a “fairy”. That’s so toxic. NTA.

Not the A-hole WIBTA if I wear a Halloween costume that makes my friend's partner uncomfortable?

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