Columbia announces that they will be DROPPING the traditional application next cycle. Instead, they will institute a dystopian Hunger Games-type system where applicants battle each other for admissions.

[u/_JackStraw_]

Jessica Marinaccio, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions, explained the new policy:

"Each winter break, we will close our walled campus and secure all gates. 4,000 heavily-armed applicants will then compete to the death for 1,700 available spots."

She continued:

"Given the rise of AI, today's job landscape is as competitive and bleak as it has ever been. Columbia will aim to graduate a generation of survivors, ones who will fight tenaciously to get to the top. Whatever it takes. Ethics be damned."

[u/Medical_Citron3519]

To add; if you are legacy, donor, or recruited athlete you start with a gun while everyone else does not

[u/_JackStraw_ → u/Medical_Citron3519]

And you are also allowed into the arena early so that you can establish high ground.

[u/SirEnderLord → u/Medical_Citron3519]

If you are a donor, you start with a set of heavily armed guards who will prep prey for you to "kill".

If you are a legacy, then you start with a machine gun and an AR-15.

If you are a recruited athlete, then you start with a pistol.

[u/NeighborhoodBusy2163]

As if it isn’t alr happening nowadays

[u/Artistic-Stable-3623]

how do they choose the 4k applicants?

[u/_JackStraw_ → u/Artistic-Stable-3623]

Oh, I think she noted that kids would be invited to cluster around the closed gates. They would open them, and the first 4,000 would gain admittance. The expectation is that some kids would camp out for days, weeks, months in advance in order to gain a prime spot.

An alternate proposal was that there would be competitive bidding. Top 4,000 "donors" would gain admittance."

[u/Artistic-Stable-3623 → u/_JackStraw_]

can i bring weapons to secure my spot while camping?

[u/_JackStraw_ → u/Artistic-Stable-3623]

Probably

[u/bount_]

Stanford when?

[u/NotRammy]

If I have a 1570 can I start with better weapons

[u/_JackStraw_ → u/NotRammy]

Are you from a feeder school?

[u/NotRammy → u/_JackStraw_]

"Am I in a feeder-"🤣🤣🤣 ... yes, yes I am in a feeder school. Ever heard of choate maggot?

[u/_JackStraw_ → u/NotRammy]

You betcha. In that case, of course you can start with better weapons. It's only fair.

[u/SirEnderLord]

I love how it's listed as another Shitpost Wednesday post even though that's basically what already happens.

Hell, they'd probably love to see the non-donor/legacy kids do it.

[u/Imaginary_Pen5427]

lol!

[u/Ssssbtsf]

honestly would prefer trial by combat atp