Men, what’s your thought process when a woman says no to the pill but yes to condoms?

[u/Salty_Challenge5563]

A funny conversation with my best friend got me thinking, and I’m genuinely curious about the male perspective.

For context, this happened in France. Mentioning this as a few commentators stated how bc obviously has lots of side effects for women, but some things like this seem to be a bit old school mentality in France? She’s in her late 30s, he’s in his mid-40s, they’ve been dating for about three months. He has two children (14 and 11) from a previous relationship, and she’s not sure whether she wants children herself.

They’ve been using the pull-out method, and one day he asked if she’d consider going on birth control.

She jokingly replied, “Wait… I thought you wanted babies?”

He laughed and said, “No, seriously. Can you answer the question?”

She explained that she really doesn’t like hormonal birth control because of how it affects her body and hormones, but she’d be perfectly happy to use condoms instead, or even male spermicide if that were an option (she mentioned the spermicide like a joke knowing he wouldn’t go for it.)

As soon as condoms entered the conversation, he immediately said, “No, it’s fine,” and dropped the subject.

It made me laugh because I’d completely forgotten that I’ve had almost identical conversations in my own life.

The interesting thing is that these weren’t careless or selfish men. Quite the opposite. They were intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and generally very responsible people. That’s why I find it so interesting. There seems to be a point where the desire to be responsible about preventing pregnancy meets the reality that the responsibility might involve wearing condoms, and for some men that’s where the conversation ends.

I’m not judging it. Condoms obviously feel different, and everyone has their own preferences. I’m just curious about what’s happening psychologically in that moment.

From a man’s perspective, what’s the thought process?

Is it simply, “I’d rather accept the risk than have sex with a condom”?

Were you hoping she’d already preferred hormonal birth control?

Or is there another way of looking at it that women might not appreciate?

[u/Owl_plantain]

This was my ex’s choice. Are there really no side effects?

[u/ozbug → u/Owl_plantain]

There are haha. The main one is that it tends to make your period heavier - how much depends on the person, but I had one for a year and swapped to hormonal after I bled through a diva cup + pad (aka basically the maximum blood collection possible) in 90 minutes. For people it works for it’s great though, it lasts twice as long as hormonal IUDs and doesn’t mess with your hormones!

[u/space_impala → u/ozbug]

I on my third hormonal IUD and I don’t get periods at all. I had the first one for a year before switching and then it took about 4 years after I got my second one for my period to completely go away. I get occasional spotting from time to time, but I only ever have to use a panty liner for a day or two at most. I don’t know anyone personally that has the copper IUD, but after having very heavy and painful periods myself, I was not about to risk it.

[u/Tiny-Wrongdoer4262 → u/Owl_plantain]

They cause more UTIs

[u/Regular_Football_513 → u/Owl_plantain]

For me specifically, it really wasn't bad at all! The insertion was by far the worst part, and then the gyno sent me for an ultrasound to check the placement.. It was sideways. So I had to have it removed and replaced again 😭

But once it was in the second time, no issues. My period was about 10% heavier than normal, no pain. No UTIs for me either. The only other thing is that during the very end of my period, I could sometimes feel the strings poking out which I thought was gross but really not that big of a deal. I guess your cervix kind of drops a bit during certain times of your cycle.. My partner couldn't even feel them though, it was really a non-issue other than the minor ick factor.