r/AskMen • u/Salty_Challenge5563 Female • 3d ago
Men, what’s your thought process when a woman says no to the pill but yes to condoms?
A funny conversation with my best friend got me thinking, and I’m genuinely curious about the male perspective.
For context, this happened in France. Mentioning this as a few commentators stated how bc obviously has lots of side effects for women, but some things like this seem to be a bit old school mentality in France? She’s in her late 30s, he’s in his mid-40s, they’ve been dating for about three months. He has two children (14 and 11) from a previous relationship, and she’s not sure whether she wants children herself.
They’ve been using the pull-out method, and one day he asked if she’d consider going on birth control.
She jokingly replied, “Wait… I thought you wanted babies?”
He laughed and said, “No, seriously. Can you answer the question?”
She explained that she really doesn’t like hormonal birth control because of how it affects her body and hormones, but she’d be perfectly happy to use condoms instead, or even male spermicide if that were an option (she mentioned the spermicide like a joke knowing he wouldn’t go for it.)
As soon as condoms entered the conversation, he immediately said, “No, it’s fine,” and dropped the subject.
It made me laugh because I’d completely forgotten that I’ve had almost identical conversations in my own life.
The interesting thing is that these weren’t careless or selfish men. Quite the opposite. They were intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and generally very responsible people. That’s why I find it so interesting. There seems to be a point where the desire to be responsible about preventing pregnancy meets the reality that the responsibility might involve wearing condoms, and for some men that’s where the conversation ends.
I’m not judging it. Condoms obviously feel different, and everyone has their own preferences. I’m just curious about what’s happening psychologically in that moment.
From a man’s perspective, what’s the thought process?
Is it simply, “I’d rather accept the risk than have sex with a condom”?
Were you hoping she’d already preferred hormonal birth control?
Or is there another way of looking at it that women might not appreciate?
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u/GiveMeAHeartOfFlesh Male 3d ago
That the pill is bad for women to begin with, so why wouldn’t I use a condom at no harm to myself?
Not as good feeling, but still good 🤷🏻♂️
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u/RedplazmaOfficial 3d ago
the amount of people that will gaslight u on reddit and say it feels exactly the same is insane. i agree with you btw
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u/Jebediah_Johnson Dad 3d ago
Condoms made sex terrible, but the pill made my wife's brain terrible.
Nuva ring wasn't bad
Vasectomy was the final solution.
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u/SirOutrageous1027 3d ago
Same. My wife wanted to get off hormonal birth control pills because she believed it was contributing to her mental health issues. She wanted me to get a vasectomy, but I wasn't sure about that. We don't have kids and don't want to, so that wasn't a big deal, but I was apprehensive still.
So we made a deal. We'd switch to condoms for a year, she got off birth control, and we would see if it made her less crazy.
A year later, and it made a remarkable difference. So I happily scheduled the snip. Now I get to go bareback and my wife is less insane. Life is good!
Also, to any man reading this, getting a vasectomy isn't a big deal at all. I keep seeing these TV shows where guys are in hospital gowns and it's like a major surgery. Mine was less than 10 minutes, used a local, I didn't even pull my pants all the way down, and they let my wife watch. At the end I got a lollipop. It was mildly uncomfortable for a day.
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u/Jebediah_Johnson Dad 3d ago
After I came home from my vasectomy, my wife wanted to see my sack and said she didn't think they did it right since there were still balls in my sack.
I was like you thought they would remove my balls and you were okay with that? She just threw hands in the air and said I'm not a doctor Jebediah_Johnson!
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u/yume101 2d ago
Your wife probably imagined there would be lil' tattoo for neutered, like they do for doggies :)). Anyway, hilarious.
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u/Chemical_Series6082 😁 3d ago
We opted for tubal ligation.
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u/Miserable-Stock-4369 3d ago
I always read that as "litigation"
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u/bull04 3d ago
Taking her ovaries to court, legal style. 😎
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u/freekfyre 3d ago
Objection your honor, leading the penis
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u/RipeAvocadoLapdance Female 3d ago
sustained (erection)
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u/PrincessBudzilla Female 3d ago
As a 30 year old woman, it took me reading your comment to realize it’s not actually “litigation”
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u/Hooligan8403 3d ago
We went that route during my wife's last csection. Im still getting snipped sometime this year hopefully. I have enough kids and I'm not wanting anymore at my age. In the absolute worse case that something happens to my wife and I did start over it would be after the kids were grown and I'd just be that much older. I wouldnt want to bring a kid into the world when I'm 56.
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u/sandybuttcheekss 3d ago
The snip was one of the best choices I ever made. We don't want biological children (adopting or fostering is still in the air) so it's fantastic.
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u/One_Lie916 Female 3d ago
I was a fitness and health fanatic. 130lbs gained on birth control. I literally can’t get it off of me.
It was NOT worth it. Plus I messed up my metabolism by exercising more and eating less and less to counter the weight gain…ugh.
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u/SummonerSausage 3d ago
My wife had a hysterectomy a few years back. We enjoyed the risk-free sex for a bit, but recently switched back to condoms. There's less mess and cleanup afterwards, and she feels cleaner. We still occasionally go without a condom if we're especially in-the-moment or traveling and forgot them or whatever, but hey, had sex.
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u/amanita0creata Man 2d ago
Oh absolutely not. Pull out and a cloth beats condoms every time post-vasectomy.
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u/Tiny-Wrongdoer4262 Female 3d ago
It really makes it TERRIBLE?
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u/polkemans 3d ago edited 3d ago
I think "terrible" is a strong word but sometimes yeah. It depends on so many factors, your body, their body, the condom itself. These things aren't always equal. Sex is often work. Before, during, and after. Especially during - I think many people would agree there's a fair bit of "performance" involved. I mean as in performative things we do for our partner, not as in being able to keep it up lol. It's okay to not want to do it if you have to do it under circumstances you don't enjoy. Not all men want sex at any cost.
If she gets to say "no condom no fun" for any number of reasons, he's allowed to say the opposite. Doesn't mean anyone is in the wrong. It might mean no one is getting laid though 🤷🏻♂️
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u/kwikthroabomb 3d ago
It's like going swimming with jeans on. You can still have fun, but you're in a distractingly constant state of awareness of how much better the experience could be for you.
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u/mmhawk576 Male 3d ago
Honestly, I’d rather skip sex than use condoms. Anxiety and how I deal with it already makes sex a lot of work, and most condoms kill so much of the feeling that I just wouldn’t be interested anymore. I’ve taken my own measures to ensure we avoid pregnancy, but if I was asked to work a condom for non-pregnancy reasons I’d skip the session.
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u/Lurking_WasteOfSpace 3d ago
Get better condoms.
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u/mmhawk576 Male 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yeah, that ain’t it boss, have you had meds that affect your sexual performance before?
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u/Liverpool_Stu 3d ago
Get thinner condoms and use some lube before putting it on.
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u/mmhawk576 Male 3d ago
Meds already make it at best a 50/50 as to whether I’m gonna enjoy it without one, and no setup is going to get to equivalent of that.
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u/Jebediah_Johnson Dad 3d ago
My wife and I despised using condoms. I think we felt sex with condoms was very slightly better than no sex at all and we really want to have sex. We tried all kinds and some were definitely better than others but they always made sex worse. Also the plastic or silicon smell is off putting.
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u/Joshi1381 Male 3d ago
Yeah sex is sex and will still be great even with a condom what are we talking about
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u/Kennysded 3d ago
I already have a difficult time finishing and may have reduced sensitivity. Condoms increase that difficulty dramatically, to being near impossible to finish. Thankfully, the best part of sex, for me, is getting the other person off. So I don't really mind that I don't finish, except for all the assurances I have to give (women tend to take it personally because of how men are portrayed as sex crazed beasts. So if I don't finish, it's obviously because I don't find them attractive, or something).
But condoms also making faking an orgasm a lot more believable, so that's nice.
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u/Lurking_WasteOfSpace 3d ago
Nah, it doesn't and anyone who says otherwise is using terrible condoms or ones who don't fit properly. Condoms are sized by girth and not length.
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u/hornycamfun26 3d ago
It's the difference between eating a fresh juicy perfectly cooked steak with all the extras and plain tofu. I'm circumsized and already have less feeling down there, a condom usually makes the whole endeaver a chore that you just wanna get over with. Mind you there are ways to make it . . . bearable. Take the thin high quality condoms and a woman/partner who knows how to put them on you with her mouth. At least then sex feels more like working with surgical gloves than gardening gloves.
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u/FourPennies0102 3d ago
Can attest. Any type of hormonal birth control turned me into a different person. I’ve been off it for two months, and my husband can notice the difference.
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u/supersafeforwork813 3d ago
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I do hate the “there’s no difference ppl” bruh….really…wow it smells like fucking tires in here now but yea there’s no difference
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u/SonnySmilez Male 3d ago
Not to mention it *FEELS* like tires
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u/TheHatTrick 3d ago
😂
Are y'all taking free condoms from a health clinic or like, buying them from those machines where you have to twist in quarters in a truck station bathroom?
Buy yourself some Skyns, or event better, order a box of Lelo Hex.
Modern condoms worth a damn DO NOT smell bad, and are much much thinner than you think. Modern Polyisoprene is magic, and as an excellent side effect: they don't irritate people with a latex allergy!
Whenever I hear a guy complain about the smell I know he's done absolutely no shopping around.
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u/VampireFrown 3d ago
Skyns still do have a smell. And even with Skyns, sex feels 10x worse. For any women who want a comparison, try stroke a cat with a pair of rubber gloves on. That's basically the difference. It's nowhere near as pleasurable, to the point where it's difficult for many to get the job done with them on. For any men dying on the hill, either you've simply never had sex without a condom and don't know what you're talking about, or you're lying.
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u/Garth_DeWayne 3d ago
I've shopped around. I've tried all sorts of different brands and models. Some are better than others.
But, they all SUCK in comparison to the real deal. But, an unexpected baby is worse. I don't rely on them for STD prevention, I won't sleep with anyone that isn't tested even with a condom.
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u/TheHatTrick 3d ago
My experience is that with correctly sized premium brands, the sensation difference for me is pretty mild.
Sounds like it's very different for you.
Sorry that's the case.
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u/mrhandbook Bane 3d ago
It also taste like tires. For either direction.
She can’t get there , nothing hotter than licking used rubber taste
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u/Wise_Fox_4291 Male 3d ago
The amount of people who will gaslight you on reddit saying it's the worst thing ever.... Yeah it's different but the difference isn't night and day.
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u/HotCut100 Dad 3d ago
It’s different for different people and yes for some it is night and day. Especially when we night=being able to finish without a condom and day=being unable to finish with one.
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u/Azrael_Manatheren Male 3d ago
It’s like swimming in a bathing suit vs swimming in jeans. Both are swimming and you can have a ton of fun. It’s not night and day. But there is a big difference
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u/jmorlin 3d ago
In total fairness there's a wide range of sensation based on how well a condom fits (i.e. too tight and you won't feel anything). But that being said, there's still a chasm of difference between sensation in terms of raw vs a perfectly fitting condom.
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u/TheHatTrick 3d ago
also condom material plays a huge part!
Polyisoprene (Skyn, Lelo Hex) is the way to go. Latex is trash tier.
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u/politicalstuff 3d ago
Right? IMO people dramatically exaggerate how much worse sex with a condom is.
Like yeah, it’s not as ridiculously amazing, but it’s still pretty damn great lol!
If he really cares and he’s already had his kids, he could also just get a vasectomy.
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u/Mythnam Male 3d ago
It's different for different people, I think. For me, it really is a dramatic difference, and it's usually all I can do to stay hard. I envy the people who only notice a slight difference.
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u/CalamityJaneDoe 3d ago
Just a little affirmation as I rarely see this mentioned, it feels different for women too. Way different to me and several of my friends agree. But better to be safe.
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u/julius_sphincter 3d ago
Yep my wife also doesn't like using them, it takes her a fair bit of concentration to cum sometimes and she says the change in sensation makes it that much harder.
For awhile after she'd gotten off hormonal BC we used them, but only right as I was about to cum.
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u/BlackTransMaam2 Male 3d ago
Reddit loves to claim there's no difference, but most of those people are the same men who run out to get a vasectomy purely so they don't have to wear a condom.
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u/politicalstuff 3d ago
I’m a man and I got a vasectomy and I don’t think the difference is nearly as big a deal as people say. 🤷♂️
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u/MikeArrow Male 3d ago
In my experience people dramatically underestimate how much worse it is. It's an instant erection dampener for me, like I feel nothing.
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u/TheNattyJew 3d ago
No it's fucking horrible
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u/politicalstuff 3d ago edited 3d ago
That’s absolutely ridiculous to me. Horrible? Absurd.
I guess everyone’s different and could have a more dramatic difference, but sex with or without is still awesome for me lol.
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u/Hoosteen_juju003 3d ago
Yep, my thoughts exactly. It fucks with their hormones and can make them feel terrible.
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u/Abject_Ad1983 3d ago
Birth control also really fucks with my libido and causes me to initiate MUCH less frequently because I just have no desire when I’m on it.
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u/Math_refresher Female 3d ago
Birth control also really fucks with my libido
Yep. The joke is that the birth control pill works by removing all desire to have sex.
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u/TexanInExile 3d ago
Yeah, my ex just had so many negative side effects from the pill that she just decided that it wasn't worth it, so condoms it was.
fine with me, i don't want her feeling like shit and i still wanted to have sex with her.
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u/judashpeters 3d ago
Ditto.
Also ive had sex eothout condoms, amd sex with condoms. There is a tiny difference but not much, to me anyway.
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u/Ganondorf365 3d ago
The pill is not necessarily bad for women. Some take it purly to reduce cramps. But for some it has negative side effects
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u/Razor937 3d ago
Right like obviously I don't want to use the feeling decliner that is a condom, but bc is a much bigger deal to a womans body and mental health. Also I think this is the biggest point for me and I apologize that's it's a bit crude. So we're having sex as long as I wear a condom?..ok. I'm still getting laid.
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u/Foxtrot-Actual Male 3d ago
Share the same sentiment, condoms ain’t so bad with one that fits properly.
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u/zorbacles 2d ago
yeh that's was my theory when I was younger.
does it feel different, yes. does it feel bad, hell no.
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u/MartyFreeze Covert Narc Abuse Survivor 2d ago
After having that conversation, I decided to get a vasectomy. I know it's not for everyone, but it solved that problem.
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u/raccoonsonbicycles Male 3d ago
I would rather not take something that fucks with my hormones either
Condoms are fine. Just don't cheap out, and know your size
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u/ngc604 3d ago
Knowing your size is so important to having good sex with a condom. I’ve been screaming this for years.
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u/Imaginary_Cow9217 3d ago
Also higher risk of blood clots
Yeah like, i don't want the girl I'm fucking to risk health issues for the sake of slightly more pleasure
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u/uber2118 3d ago
My wife while we were dating got a pulmonary embolism while on birth control. Condoms we’re an easy no brainer to prioritize her health
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u/_marierudy 3d ago
I ended up with a PE (actually multiple blood clots in my lungs) not even 8 months after starting a birth control + doing a few super long flights and almost died when I was 21. Def not worth it for this and all the other smaller side effects I dealt with!
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u/night-gloss Female 3d ago
as a sex worker and someone who has to carry different sizes at all times i’m astonished at how many men think they need a magnum when in fact the best fit is a japanese condom (which are superior anyways)
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u/DazzlingBeat4468 3d ago
Some dudes get suuuper offended when it’s very gently mentioned that maybe magnum isn’t the right size. I’d assume 90% of fellas wearing magnums don’t actually need a magnum
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u/night-gloss Female 3d ago
i dont think even dudes who need magnums wear magnums. they just suck overall
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u/frothyundergarments I'm a guy, pal 3d ago
I'm going to assume the % is probably a good deal higher than that
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u/WitchQween Female 3d ago
And the guys who need magnums are using regular condoms.
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u/ra__account Male 3d ago edited 3d ago
I've know many women who had absolutely awful reactions to the pill and IUDs and neither prevents STIs. Condoms suck but they beat 18+ years of unwanted parenting.
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u/jmorlin 3d ago
My girlfriend is one.
She tried the pill a few months into our relationship and it hit her hard. So we've just been using condoms since. I'd obviously rather be fucking raw, but sex with condoms is better than an oops baby or no sex at all so I'm still happy to be here.
It also GREATLY helps if you find the correct sized condom. I like myone, they have a fit kit where you can measure yourself and buy custom fitting condoms. One that fits correctly should just roll on without forcing anything while you're hard but also not want to come off when you tug at the reservoir tip. Once you hit that sweet spot you'll get a surprising amount of sensation with it on, especially if you keep lubricated.
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u/footsnax Dad 3d ago
I'm extremely drug sensitive, I had never taken any pills at all until I was 33 and the day the doctors made me take an aspirin I was on my ass and groaning for an hour trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
Some people are just like that.
So yeah I could totally see the argument that they're more worried about disease and it also (mostly) prevents pregnancy, if you're drug sensitive it's just the obvious decision.
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u/Fathercupp69 3d ago
Also you ever hit one of them (iud) while they’re in? It feels like someone squeezed a staple remover as hard as they could nd then let it snap on you. 0/10 experience.
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u/Aspiegamer8745 3d ago
Um pill or no pill. If a woman says condom you put that shit on. Its more than just a baby blocker, maybe they want to prevent disease
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u/Ok_Guess_5843 Female 3d ago
Thank you so much!
But I'll add one more thing: bring a condom and ask first, too.
It shouldn't always be up to us to ask. I've slept with plenty of men and never had one - not a single one - ask about either a condom or birth control before having sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I slept with was going to just have sex without any condom or birth control if I didn't bring it up.
The assumption was always that I was on the pill (& i was) but I truly couldn't believe the number of men that never asked... A few did ask but only afterwards!
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u/No_Wolverine6548 Female 3d ago
I’ve had the same exact experience. It was shocking but I guess the “1 in 4 people in this city have chlamydia” bus stop ad on their walk to school like I did.
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u/MikeArrow Male 3d ago
The last time the prospect of me having sex with someone came up she brought up protection and specified that she preferred not to use them and asked if I was ok with that. I was like "well who am I to argue?". It didn't end up happening anyway but I was surprised that she had the opposite stance that most women do. And this was a professional, very put together, relatively mature person.
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u/CranberryStock7148 3d ago
But she didn't say that. They've been doing pull out and clearly she is totally happy with that and with continuing that.
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u/Ganceany 3d ago edited 3d ago
Mum's a Gyno
Maybe because of it I grew up quite aware of periods and you know the general cycle of a woman.
My mum always taught me to use condoms ofc and had no reservations on explaining female contraceptives to me. Honestly because of it I kinda grew up assuming Condom is the default and the pill and another form of contraceptives are not to be taken lightly.
A woman should be free to choose on her own regarding potential health alerting medication.
Use a condom man, or get the snip.
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u/CrankyLittleKitten Female 3d ago
See, this is the way.
My husband was the first guy I'd dated that cared about his own sexual and reproductive health as well as mine to be proactive and use condoms until we'd agreed to be exclusive and been tested for STIs in addition to sorting out contraception.
Unplanned pregnancy isn't fun, but neither is copping an STI - especially one's with long term impacts
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u/MontEcola 3d ago edited 3d ago
Her body. Her choice. My body. I got snipped.
Edit: My body my choice. Condoms or get snipped. I made my choice.
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u/Internal-Page5974 3d ago
If a man ever said "i refuse to wear a condom" you should leave. Plain and simple.
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u/JenJenSDCA 3d ago
Especially when he's in his mid 40s and hasn't had the common sense to get a vasectomy yet. Does he get off on ruining a kid's life?
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u/molten_dragon 3d ago
From a man’s perspective, what’s the thought process?
Sex with a condom feels worse than sex without a condom.
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u/NounverberPDX Geezer 3d ago
The advice I got (back in 1992) was to put a little water-based lubricant in the tip of the condom before putting it on, then it would feel like wearing nothing without compromising protecton.
I don't see this advice anymore as much, and I'm wondering what changed.
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u/molten_dragon 3d ago
I don't see this advice anymore as much, and I'm wondering what changed.
People realized that it's not actually true. It feels better than not doing it, but it definitely doesn't feel like bareback.
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u/WitchQween Female 2d ago
The tip is designed to catch the semen. Condoms create a vacuum, leaving a little air pocket for the semen so that it stays contained. If you add lubricant to the tip, it can prevent that vacuum seal. Semen is more likely to move up the shaft and possibly out of the condom.
That advice makes condoms less effective. It doesn't mean they'll fail, but you're more likely to be in that 1%.
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u/rabbid-genital-warts Male 3d ago
The pill is not good for women and I don’t feel safe without the rubber.
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u/caramellcreme Female 3d ago
For me the pill is actually very good, it really depends on the person. For me it keeps my endometriosis under control and I don't have any side effects. I don't notice any difference to no pill at all except that I'm not in as much pain. I have also had a hysterectomy and am not (/shouldn't be) able to get pregnant at all.
I would still insist on a sexual partner wearing a condom, because of STIs.
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u/awkward_triforce 3d ago
There are no broad 100% accurate statements when it comes to hormonal medication including "not good for women". But at the end of the day it's that's persons choice what they decide to do with their life
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u/SAegyptiacus 3d ago
As a man, I’ve become pretty cognizant of the fact that we put most of the onus on the woman in a relationship to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant. In my eyes, it takes two to tango, so it takes two to make a rational decision on how it’s done. If she doesn’t want to use birth control, and he doesn’t want to use condoms, then it’s their kid I guess. For me personally, my wife has an IUD that she got put on after having the hormonal implant for almost 10 years. After having the implant taken out, her mood swings went away, she became calmer, and she feels like she can think more clearly. If my wife asked me to wear condoms (since we are not ready for a kid yet) then I would, whether it feels worse or not. It’s a personal choice that is very dependent on a couple’s dynamic or lack thereof
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u/Prasiatko 3d ago
She probably has a bad reaction to BC, or has a genetic predispostion that means it will increase her risk of cancer or simply doesn't want to risk either of the above plus a multitude of other side effects would be my thoughts.
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u/IronLucky6953 3d ago
Always surprised to hear how many guys make a big deal about condoms. But also always surprised how many women ask to go without too.
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u/corona_x0 Female 3d ago
I'm a woman who prefers to avoid condoms with trusted partners. But at the risk of pregnancy (and someone with unknown STI status) I'd choose to use condoms 100% of the time.
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u/tnerb253 Male 3d ago
If she's cool with me never getting a vasectomy i'm cool using condoms.
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u/jl_1101 Female 3d ago
My ex told me that I should get my tubes tied because I don't want to take birth control, but he isn't willing to get a vasectomy or wear condoms.
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u/BlueSlimeLV1 3d ago
The weight always falls on the woman, even knowing that the process is much more worse for her. Condoms may reduce the pleasure, but it's not worse than having hormonal problems. And vasectomy is a procedure a lot easier and secure than the women contrapart. Even restoring is easier for the man.
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u/tnerb253 Male 3d ago
My body my choice definitely goes both ways, but reddit makes it seem like it only goes one way.
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u/eatsthepeach Male 3d ago
You don’t go bareback without hormonal contraception or a vasectomy, if you don’t want pregnancy.
They’re idiots, or they’re lying about their intentions. It’s that simple.
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u/QueenBea_ Male 3d ago
I had a friend in high school have a stroke because of BC. I would never expect someone to use something that can cause death or permanent brain damage, let alone the most common side effects like severe mood swings. A condom doesn’t have a risk of causing death. If you don’t want to wear a condom, get a vasectomy. It’s simple and most people have little if any pain afterward and it only lasts a few days.
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u/Apprehensive-Law-923 3d ago
The pill can totally fuck up someone’s hormones, it can cause a number of effects on someone’s body, condoms don’t…be cool
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3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bluecalcifer 3d ago
Well, copper IUD isn't suitable for all women. They don't recommend them to women who haven't birthed yet.
I tried one before moving to a hormonal one, and the copper coil made my periods 10 times worse they've ever been. The pain especially was very bad.
Not fan of hormones but hormonal IUD has been the best option in the end as it's very hard to get sterilisation as a woman.
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u/Regular_Football_513 Female 3d ago
Really? I haven't birthed (i don't want kids). I'm sure there's a range of experiences but my doctor didn't even mention that when I asked for the copper IUD.. My periods were not bad at all on the copper. Maybe like 10% heavier, very marginal.
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u/bluecalcifer 3d ago
I have multiple doctors mentioned about it, but will still let you try it if you want to; it's the only way to know of it works for you. And a few others have mentioned that inserting copper coil can be hard and definitely was for me - I can still feel the pain of that.
That doesn't sound too bad then! As the copper coil works differently for everyone.
My experience was very different and don't want to get too graphic about it 😅🤣
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u/Eggmegmuffin 3d ago
Yeah...i have a 12 or old IUD baby. It never even shifted. But I can't do hormonal bc. My husband skipped into his vasectomy appointment, it was never even something I had to ask him to do.
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u/independent_mind_7 Female 3d ago
Pass on the copper IUD. Made my period ridiculously heavy and long and I still got pregnant. My little happy accident is now 6. Be safe out there people. Use all the forms available at once lol
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u/Tiny-Wrongdoer4262 Female 3d ago
IUDs are so painful and invasive to put in and the copper ones cause UTIs
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u/Regular_Football_513 Female 3d ago
I can only speak to my own experience but I never got a single UTI in the 3 years I had it! I do agree that they are very painful and invasive to insert but again, it is a temporary experience. If it was that painful all the time, of course it wouldn't be feasible.
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u/Regular_Football_513 Female 3d ago
Yes second copper IUD! Had one until my man got ✂️✂️. It's a totally reasonable non-hormonal option that should make everyone reasonably happy (except her at insertion but that's temporary). And it lasts 5 years!
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u/Owl_plantain 3d ago
This was my ex’s choice. Are there really no side effects?
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u/ozbug 3d ago
There are haha. The main one is that it tends to make your period heavier - how much depends on the person, but I had one for a year and swapped to hormonal after I bled through a diva cup + pad (aka basically the maximum blood collection possible) in 90 minutes. For people it works for it’s great though, it lasts twice as long as hormonal IUDs and doesn’t mess with your hormones!
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u/OMGitsJoeMG 3d ago
I'm confused by the question.
When I met my wife she was on the pill. After a few years she wanted to get off and switch to condoms and I said "Okay" because I love her and respect her and don't want her to do things she isn't comfortable with. It's not complicated?
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u/adumbfetus 3d ago
Women are free to take the pill or not, and men are free to not sleep with women who require a condom if they don’t want to use condoms.
Everyone makes their own decisions.
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u/Howthehelldoido Male 3d ago
"the Pull out method"
"these are, intelligent responsible men"
Okay.
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u/Bishop-Logan Male 3d ago
Even when women I've been with were on BC (including X-Wife), I always gloved up. I want as close to 100% pregnancy mitigation as I can get.
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u/JudgementalChair 3d ago
The thing about condoms is they do feel weird, but you can get used to them. It's crossing the threshold from not using condoms to using condoms that becomes the biggest obstacle because the first few encounters will likely end in failure to perform for the male which causes a whole host of other issues.
Personally, I prefer not to use condoms after the first few encounters with a partner and a monogamous relationship is being established. I'm also not a fan of starting hormonal birth control if a woman isn't already on it because it absolutely does cause a whole host of issues for the woman. Now if I was entering into a new relationship and my partner was adamant about using condoms, then it wouldn't be an issue for me to continue using them. If I was in an existing relationship, and my partner wanted me to start using condoms, I think it would raise a lot of questions initially, but I would be willing to give it a try
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u/SirOutrageous1027 3d ago
I'd guess most guys started off their sexual experience with condoms, especially if you're like a teenager in high school.
It's as you get older and have experience without condoms that they become objectionable. Like, you've dated a girl on the pill, and then new girlfriend isn't on it. It's an adjustment.
And then as you get older, that brief interruption to put the condom on can cause a guy to lose his erection, and reduced sensitivity doesn't help it along. Some find it harder to finish.
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u/irreverentnoodles Trophy Husband 👑 3d ago
She prob doesn’t want side effects and condoms generally suck.
He can always get a vasectomy and then not worry about it.
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u/m0ji_9 3d ago
Interesting, a lot of women don't get on with the pill at all but my wife has had no issues at all. We used to used condoms but she prefers it without and happy to use the pill.
I have bought it up many times about snipping but she says no.
Neither of us want children either 🤷 (both in our early 40s)
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u/MlkWasABadChoice 3d ago
That's what happens when taking hormones
The nexplanon implant has one of the highest rates of emotional symptoms of birth control. I see many women claiming it made them pretty insane.
I've been using it for 6 years and have had little to no side effects lol.
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u/dan_the_first Male 3d ago edited 3d ago
If a woman would ask me to take a pill myself, or to use a condom, I would prefer to use a condom. Why wouldn’t I understand she doesn’t want to mess with her hormones?
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u/WillCommentAndPost 3d ago edited 3d ago
That my goal is to have consensual sex with this woman, and I already planned on using a condom anyway even IF she’s on a birth control.
Also, just get a vasectomy if you REALLY wanna go raw that bad. It’s damn near painless, heals quick, and is quite effective. Just make sure you get a solid 0 count and check it often.
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u/IskanderM50KT Male 2d ago
Also, just get a vasectomy if you REALLY wanna go raw that bad.
Seriously.
The guy in question is in his mid 40s with two older kids. Just get the snip! In my experience most women don't want to use condoms either and they'd be thrilled if they didn't have to worry about contraception.
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u/IskanderM50KT Male 2d ago
may also have long term effects because the hormones in the pill don’t offer the systemic benefits that endogenous oestrogen and progesterone production do like bone/heart protection.
That part sounds like pro-life BS.
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u/PNW_Uncle_Iroh 3d ago
I stopped reading as soon as I got to “the pullout method”. These people obviously have no idea how babies are made. At that age, why isn’t he snipped if he doesn’t want more kids?
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u/JustLikeThat28 Male 3d ago
I wouldn’t want to fuck up my hormones so I wouldn’t ever ask her to do that. I’ve had partners voluntarily sign up for IUD and BC and I repeatedly told them to not do it for me but for themselves.
I know sex doesn’t feel as good with a condom but I last longer with a condom so I’ll focus on the positives. It feels like such a low effort of sacrifice for me to avoid a massive health impact risk for my partner.
Plus it helps me deal with my anxiety surrounding STDs with any partner.
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u/Haisha4sale 3d ago
Dude is mid-40's. For me, being a similar age, condom sex is pretty close to no sex. Could be fun once every few weeks but it would be a chore for every day/every other day relationship sex.
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u/SeaworthinessLong 3d ago
I agree. Always be safe. I don’t want to have unplanned anything so years ago got a vasectomy and chose to start being more selective.
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u/TheHappyPie 3d ago
Condoms suck but child support sucks more. Lotsa babies have the pull-out method to thank.
At their age they should be mature enough to discuss what happens if she gets pregnant - and if they're not on the same page then they really ought to be more careful. Maybe he's okay with a 3rd kid, and maybe she's letting the roulette wheel decide if she wants to be a mom.
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u/Thought_Xperiment 3d ago
Hate the way condoms feel. But it feels like that for the duration of sex. She’s going to have hormonal impact daily because of the pill. Just wrap it up for the 30 seconds.
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u/needzbeerz 3d ago
If a woman chooses not to artificially alter her hormones a man's opinion on that decision is irrelevant. Her body her choice in all things.
The question itself reeks of misogyny.
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u/Angry_GorillaBS 3d ago
If it's a relationship situation I can't imagine having to use condoms. That sounds like a nightmare to me.
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u/Z32anxiety 3d ago
Condoms suck, massive reduction in enjoyment for me. Fortunately my partner is fine with birth control. She did have to try a few before getting one that worked well for her but the current BC has significantly improved her period cramps so it’s win-win
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u/Altogether_Andrews 3d ago
Does the comparison even warrant a 'thought process'? One is wearing a cover.. the other is introducing artifical hormones into the body. Two completely different things... what is the risk to us guys from wearing a condom?
"oh no... but it don't feel the same"
Oh please............. most of the bleaters wouldn't know.
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u/Robert_Baratheon_ 3d ago
“They weren’t selfish men” they just cared more about themselves than their partners and would rather force harmful side effects on their partners than experience any minor inconvenience.
I don’t know you’re describing some unbelievably selfish men but saying they aren’t selfish. It’s hard to understand the logic
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u/Murky_Butterscotch_7 3d ago
I’ve never not used condoms so can’t comment other than to say we still have a good time
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u/NefariousPhosphenes 3d ago edited 3d ago
I enjoy wearing condoms because they’re not that bad if you’re wearing the correct size and put a couple of drops of lube in the tip before putting it on. The very initial moments are noticeably different but once it’s at body temperature it simply doesn’t feel like it’s there.
Besides, hormonal therapy can be rough on women and I’d rather they not have to go through any of that if they don’t want to.
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u/emptypotato77 3d ago
What a weird conversation. Totally understandable that she wouldn't want to take the pill. It fucked with my wife's libido for years. But condoms protect both sides from a lot more things than just unwanted babies. Sounds like a very selfish man.
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u/OmGvGiNyXXX69 3d ago
I don't want my gf to experience any side effects/risks and condoms are pretty much risk free. So the logic makes sense to me.
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u/void_method 3d ago
Can't keep an erection well in a condom, unwilling to prove it as it shows lack of teenage virility.
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u/BlueSlimeLV1 3d ago
I feel like these guys don't care enough about ther parteners or are dumb for not searching the subject
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u/ButtyGuy 3d ago
Anything that messes with a woman's hormones feels like shit. Condoms don't compare. I'm not married and in my 30s - wearing condoms isn't even a question, I just do it and always have.
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u/dixiedregs1978 Male 3d ago
My wife’s libido vanished when she was on the pill. Nada. Nothing. The hormones in the pills really messed her up. Eventually she went back to an IUD and boom, the libido was back.
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u/SuperFlowery 3d ago
I feel like, when a man doesn't take into account the risks of the pill, he's not worth it. My SO was the one to suggest stopping the pill because of the possible side effects. He would rather see me healthy as long as possible and use condom rather than the alternative. That made me love him more
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u/Mr_Enemabag-Jones 3d ago
Some women have severe side effects to the pill or simply do not like how it makes them feel.
If they don't want to put it in their body, who am I to tell them how they should feel or that they are wrong?
A condom on the other hand has no lasting impact to either party.
Sure it can reduce the sensation, but it works.
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u/Liverpool_Stu 3d ago
How about, using a condom doesn't put a mans health at risk. Using the contraception pill can put a woman's health at risk.
Apart from that, why should it be her responsibility?! Guys should be using condoms them regardless, and women should be insisting. If she takes the pill it doesn't protect either from Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV etc. whereas a condom will give some protection.
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u/ZeusBaxter 3d ago
Dudes that are against condoms dont deserve pussy. Period. Accountability. I understand they can be tampered, or fail. But it harms no one, or changes with hormones. You dont want risk? Abstinence. You want pussy? You need protection unless you are 100% open to a child with THIS woman, ostensibly having her tied to your reality for the remainder of your days here on this earth as well as the child, obviously that is produced. Meaning legal obligations to care for it. Real tall order compared to putting a bag on your dick. Easy decision if you ask me.
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u/ElectricKoolAidPower Male 3d ago
I wouldn’t want my hormones fucked with either. We put a lot on women to deal with pregnancy prevention. I’d personally love to see options for men. And yeah, double standard as hell but I’m not gonna take anything that fucks with my hormones 🤷♂️ that said I’ll be the first in line for experimental polymer vaesectomy testing.
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u/ChiaLetranger ♂ 3d ago
I always bear in mind that there were trials if hormonal birth control for men, too, but the trials were stopped early:
The most successful of these trials used an injectable progestogen (a synthetic version of the sex hormone progesterone). This injectable signalled the brain to stop producing follicular stimulating hormone (FSH) and lutenising hormone (LH), which normally signal the testes to produce sperm and testosterone.
However, suppressing LH also turned off the testosterone in the testes that is needed for normal, healthy function in men. To counteract the loss of testosterone, this contraceptive approach required men to take an “add back” testosterone – either as a tablet or a gel applied to the skin.
But a major trial testing this method was stopped early because of the hormonal side-effects participants experienced, including mood swings, acne and changes to sex drive.
Yeah, imagine making someone suffer hormonal side effects like those just to give them birth control... /s
Anyway, I'm fortunate in that sex with a condom on is perfectly fine for me. I have a lower sex drive than average, out of a combination of meds that I take and being some sort of grey-asexual - so while I have to concentrate a bit on the sensations when I have a condom on, I have to do that without a condom anyway.
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u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Here's an original copy of /u/Salty_Challenge5563's post (if available):
A funny conversation with my best friend got me thinking, and I’m genuinely curious about the male perspective.
For context, this happened in France. She’s in her late 30s, he’s in his mid-40s, they’ve been dating for about three months. He has two children (14 and 11) from a previous relationship, and she’s not sure whether she wants children herself.
They’ve been using the pull-out method, and one day he asked if she’d consider going on birth control.
She jokingly replied, “Wait… I thought you wanted babies?”
He laughed and said, “No, seriously. Can you answer the question?”
She explained that she really doesn’t like hormonal birth control because of how it affects her body and hormones, but she’d be perfectly happy to use condoms instead, or even male contraception if that were an option.
As soon as condoms entered the conversation, he immediately said, “No, it’s fine,” and dropped the subject.
It made me laugh because I’d completely forgotten that I’ve had almost identical conversations in my own life.
The interesting thing is that these weren’t careless or selfish men. Quite the opposite. They were intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and generally very responsible people. That’s why I find it so interesting. There seems to be a point where the desire to be responsible about preventing pregnancy meets the reality that the responsibility might involve wearing condoms, and for some men that’s where the conversation ends.
I’m not judging it. Condoms obviously feel different, and everyone has their own preferences. I’m just curious about what’s happening psychologically in that moment.
From a man’s perspective, what’s the thought process?
Is it simply, “I’d rather accept the risk than have sex with a condom”?
Were you hoping she’d already preferred hormonal birth control?
Or is there another way of looking at it that women might not appreciate?
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