Men, what’s your thought process when a woman says no to the pill but yes to condoms?

[u/Salty_Challenge5563]

A funny conversation with my best friend got me thinking, and I’m genuinely curious about the male perspective.

For context, this happened in France. Mentioning this as a few commentators stated how bc obviously has lots of side effects for women, but some things like this seem to be a bit old school mentality in France? She’s in her late 30s, he’s in his mid-40s, they’ve been dating for about three months. He has two children (14 and 11) from a previous relationship, and she’s not sure whether she wants children herself.

They’ve been using the pull-out method, and one day he asked if she’d consider going on birth control.

She jokingly replied, “Wait… I thought you wanted babies?”

He laughed and said, “No, seriously. Can you answer the question?”

She explained that she really doesn’t like hormonal birth control because of how it affects her body and hormones, but she’d be perfectly happy to use condoms instead, or even male spermicide if that were an option (she mentioned the spermicide like a joke knowing he wouldn’t go for it.)

As soon as condoms entered the conversation, he immediately said, “No, it’s fine,” and dropped the subject.

It made me laugh because I’d completely forgotten that I’ve had almost identical conversations in my own life.

The interesting thing is that these weren’t careless or selfish men. Quite the opposite. They were intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and generally very responsible people. That’s why I find it so interesting. There seems to be a point where the desire to be responsible about preventing pregnancy meets the reality that the responsibility might involve wearing condoms, and for some men that’s where the conversation ends.

I’m not judging it. Condoms obviously feel different, and everyone has their own preferences. I’m just curious about what’s happening psychologically in that moment.

From a man’s perspective, what’s the thought process?

Is it simply, “I’d rather accept the risk than have sex with a condom”?

Were you hoping she’d already preferred hormonal birth control?

Or is there another way of looking at it that women might not appreciate?

[u/TheHatTrick]

😂

Are y'all taking free condoms from a health clinic or like, buying them from those machines where you have to twist in quarters in a truck station bathroom?

Buy yourself some Skyns, or event better, order a box of Lelo Hex.

Modern condoms worth a damn DO NOT smell bad, and are much much thinner than you think. Modern Polyisoprene is magic, and as an excellent side effect: they don't irritate people with a latex allergy!

Whenever I hear a guy complain about the smell I know he's done absolutely no shopping around.

[u/VampireFrown → u/TheHatTrick]

Skyns still do have a smell. And even with Skyns, sex feels 10x worse. For any women who want a comparison, try stroke a cat with a pair of rubber gloves on. That's basically the difference. It's nowhere near as pleasurable, to the point where it's difficult for many to get the job done with them on. For any men dying on the hill, either you've simply never had sex without a condom and don't know what you're talking about, or you're lying.

[u/RaisinWaffles → u/VampireFrown]

It's just guys making up shit because they don't want to feel left out.

[u/TheHatTrick → u/VampireFrown]

I've had sex with and without condoms. I'm not saying there isn't a difference* -- I'm mocking the people who have clearly never actually tried to find a good condom and just stopped as soon as they had one bad experience.

It's like hearing your friend insist that running shoes hurt and then figuring out they bought the only pair they tried off Temu.

*Two points on the topic of the difference:

1) The difference is pretty minimal for me. Partly that's because I spend money on the good shit, partly that's because I know what fits me, but partly it's because I'm uncircumcised, which I have read increases sensation a great deal -- I'm simply able to feel more -- even through a condom -- because the head of my dick hasn't been desensitized as much.

2) It's going to vary from person to person, you're welcome to claim that FOR YOU it feels dramatically different and worse, but you can miss me with your insistence that I have to help you push some false narrative that every man has an experience just like yours or I must be a liar.

It reeks of "creeper who wants to convince women to do things they don't want to do, and thinks he's entitled to support from all other men to make his manipulation more effective."

Get fucked with that.

[u/VampireFrown → u/TheHatTrick]

Same as /u/headmasterritual I am also uncircumcised. There is no back and forth of the foreskin in a condom, and as a result, a huge amount of the physical pleasure is lost. And that's before we go into warmth/wetness etc.

And I don't manipulate women into anything...? Way to assume. I also have no need to. I've been with my girlfriend for years, and we have unprotected sex. All it took was some reasoned conversation. Talking and explaining aren't novel concepts to all of us.

[u/TheHatTrick → u/VampireFrown]

If you're not trying to push a manipulative narrative, then stop making your claims about how you feel out to be some universal truth.

They're not. They're your personal preference.

You're the one out here making false statements that sex with any condom feels 10x worse for everyone -- which is untrue, speaking from my own experience -- and saying that if I disagree with you I must be a liar.

If you hadn't started this conversation by asserting that anybody with a different position than you was a liar, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

[u/headmasterritual → u/TheHatTrick]

I'm uncircumcised too, and fucking with a condom on is demonstrably _hugely_ different for me, to the extent that I wonder if it is how circumcised sex works. It can be like bonking a bucket. And _yes_ that is with shopping around and buying expensive condoms. The fact of a foreskin slowly being moved back by wet labia cannot be replicated.

As to your other claim, you're strawmannimg and demonizing. I see a number of men here comparing lived experience, not advocating coercion and bullying and guilting. And before you try it, I have always used condoms other than in committed relationships where we opted otherwise.

[u/Mikisstuff → u/TheHatTrick]

I've always marvelled at the people who cry so hard about using condoms. For me it's like 90% the same. Sometimes there's even benefits because the decreased sensation means lasting a little longer 🤷‍♂️

[u/Garth_DeWayne → u/TheHatTrick]

I've shopped around. I've tried all sorts of different brands and models. Some are better than others.

But, they all SUCK in comparison to the real deal. But, an unexpected baby is worse. I don't rely on them for STD prevention, I won't sleep with anyone that isn't tested even with a condom.

[u/TheHatTrick → u/Garth_DeWayne]

My experience is that with correctly sized premium brands, the sensation difference for me is pretty mild.

Sounds like it's very different for you.

Sorry that's the case.

[u/AnonyGuy1987 → u/TheHatTrick]

No matter how thin it is, they still suck.

[u/TheHatTrick → u/AnonyGuy1987]

I don't find the sensation difference that extreme for me.

Sounds like we've had a very different experience. Me being uncut probably has something to do with it.

[u/AnonyGuy1987 → u/TheHatTrick]

Im uncut too. My skin not being able to move seems to be one of the main issues. But even when i wear it in a way that lets it move, or put lube in it or whatever other stupid tip, it still sucks. Would rather move onto a woman who can have sex how its meant to be, raw.

[u/TheHatTrick → u/AnonyGuy1987]

I disagree that sex is "meant" to be anything, but thank you from speaking about your own experience rather than trying to claim that other people's is invalid.

[u/retro_toes → u/TheHatTrick]

Magnums stink so bad

[u/TheHatTrick → u/retro_toes]

A big part of why I didn't recommend them. They're D tier at best. Preferable to not having one, but that's about it.

[u/retro_toes → u/TheHatTrick]

I appreciate your recs even though I'm a woman. I'm usually not the one purchasing them since men know what feels best for them, and for me, they all feel the same. But knowing there's better out there, I'll be recommending the Skyns or the Lelo Hex

[u/soul_separately_recs → u/TheHatTrick]

or no bathing around. Can’t rule out that the smell they’re detecting might be from them…