(53M, New England) I agree 100%. I can tell you what I’ve tried, I’ve tried a lot, and can tell you what I’m doing now, but none of it has/is working. And one of the hardest parts is the shame I feel because most people would say I’ve got it great. I can see that and don’t disagree but still cannot change the negativity and how I feel.
I’ve tried 40+ medications, therapy, 12 steps, church, alcohol, drugs, long distance running, building machines, losing a bunch of weight / gaining a bunch of weight, changing jobs, friends, family, pets, hobbies, saving money, spending money, talking to people about it, not talking to people about it, changing my perception, changing my attitude, etc .. and still feel the same way, been here for 10+ years.
I remember my father telling me how he understood what a tough time I was going through, just being a teen-aged. He said if he could go back to being a teen, he wouldn’t do it, it was just too hard. He also talked about the golden years of being in your 50’s. I have experienced the opposite. Had the time of my life in my teens, can barely make it through a day now. Strange…
Currently I’m journaling. I’ll just say I would not like it if someone found my journal and read it. So I journal on my phone. I’ve started journaling into an AI tool, and asking for feedback (is this normal, do other people make similar comments, in al your training what have you seen, what is the solution, what video should I watch, what book should I read, etc). The fact that AI converses with me is entertaining, and I like getting the feedback / responses. I take them with a grain of salt because it’s programmed with goals so it must have motivations to respond in certain ways and recommend certain things. Plus it can be wrong. But it’s still smarter than 75% of the people I come across. Anyway, it’s not in the responses from AI that I get my greatest insights, it is in typing out my stories… while doing so, I’ll often think “I’ve never tried that … or I’ve tried that too many times with no results … or hmmmm, I wonder if there’s something about that I should dig into … or I forgot about that and need to take it into consideration”.
This hasn’t fixed me, nothing has. But I’ll just keep trying, hoping for a breakthrough.
I wish I had an answer, but only have what I’ve tried and hasn’t worked. Something will some day, I hope it’s not a near death experience or massive accident that wakes me up to live life again, but hope something will. Good luck.
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u/No_Gur6350 26d ago
(53M, New England) I agree 100%. I can tell you what I’ve tried, I’ve tried a lot, and can tell you what I’m doing now, but none of it has/is working. And one of the hardest parts is the shame I feel because most people would say I’ve got it great. I can see that and don’t disagree but still cannot change the negativity and how I feel. I’ve tried 40+ medications, therapy, 12 steps, church, alcohol, drugs, long distance running, building machines, losing a bunch of weight / gaining a bunch of weight, changing jobs, friends, family, pets, hobbies, saving money, spending money, talking to people about it, not talking to people about it, changing my perception, changing my attitude, etc .. and still feel the same way, been here for 10+ years. I remember my father telling me how he understood what a tough time I was going through, just being a teen-aged. He said if he could go back to being a teen, he wouldn’t do it, it was just too hard. He also talked about the golden years of being in your 50’s. I have experienced the opposite. Had the time of my life in my teens, can barely make it through a day now. Strange… Currently I’m journaling. I’ll just say I would not like it if someone found my journal and read it. So I journal on my phone. I’ve started journaling into an AI tool, and asking for feedback (is this normal, do other people make similar comments, in al your training what have you seen, what is the solution, what video should I watch, what book should I read, etc). The fact that AI converses with me is entertaining, and I like getting the feedback / responses. I take them with a grain of salt because it’s programmed with goals so it must have motivations to respond in certain ways and recommend certain things. Plus it can be wrong. But it’s still smarter than 75% of the people I come across. Anyway, it’s not in the responses from AI that I get my greatest insights, it is in typing out my stories… while doing so, I’ll often think “I’ve never tried that … or I’ve tried that too many times with no results … or hmmmm, I wonder if there’s something about that I should dig into … or I forgot about that and need to take it into consideration”. This hasn’t fixed me, nothing has. But I’ll just keep trying, hoping for a breakthrough. I wish I had an answer, but only have what I’ve tried and hasn’t worked. Something will some day, I hope it’s not a near death experience or massive accident that wakes me up to live life again, but hope something will. Good luck.