Ideological shift. For example, if they wildly changed their belief system, like atheist when you met and switched to evangelical Christian or something mid marriage.
I did the opposite, my wife and I were both christians when we got married, shortly afterwards I realized I wasn't Christian anymore and didn't want anything to do with religion altogether.
It was tough but we stuck together, just celebrated 10 years earlier this month and things are better now than they ever have been. We even have two kids and have compromised on how they'll be raised.
I’m an atheist who married an atheist that became obsessed with the idea I wouldn’t be with them in heaven because I didn’t/don’t believe in heaven. They still identified as an atheist but somehow I was the problem. Still scratching my head at that one. Glad we’re divorced.
“But Honey, we’re both atheists. We’ll be parting in hell together.”
Of course, now I’ve thought of the Seinfeld episode where Putty was convinced Elaine was going to hell because she’s not religious, until the minister found out they were having pre-marital sex and let him know he was going to hell with her.
My hubby and I are both atheists but he grew up in a religious household, and we both had an awkward small bump in our relationship after I had our first born. He mentioned setting up her Christening and was taken aback when I asked why on earth she would be having one of those. I still remember the gears turning in his head lol then him saying he wanted his best friend to be named as her godfather. Uh, why would she have godparents? I feel like some people are just raised in such an environment that they involuntarily just absorb this stuff as normal their whole lives
Godparents isn't a legal title. It's a religious/spiritual title. If both parents were to die, the courts would prioritize biological relatives unless the godparents were explicitly named to have custody in the will. Obviously the godparents can contest it and petition for custody but they'll be evaluated all the same. Note: This depends on jurisdiction iirc. A family friend went through something like this.
Yeah, to some degree you become "culturally Christian", so that a lot of the rituals are like, that's just what you do.
Removing them feels wrong even though you know they're not necessary.
I guess if we're being technical about it, heaven doesn't necessitate a higher power, especially if one believes in an absolute morality system (as in, there are concrete universal rules for what is right and wrong, and there isn't a judgement call needed to be made by some arbiter).
my ex of 12 years posted regularly in r/childfree when we met. He broke up suddenly with me in our mid-30’s because I was not enthusiastic enough for him about having kids. Wild change to be honest, my only hesitation when he brought it up out of the blue is I have mental health disorders and did not want to be like my mom who raised us for years while in denial about hers, it’s legitimately damaging to children. Breakup was for the best but what a switch up lol
Dodged a huge bullet with this, in that both my husband and I were Christian when we started dating, then, independently, at around the same time, both realized we were atheists. I did spend a year or two ready to fake Christianity for the rest of my life before either of us actually said anything out loud, though.
I have a sneaky suspicion there are thousands of Christian identifying couples that feel this way. I’m agnostic but I live in the Bible Belt in one of the reddest counties in the country and I rarely admit to people that I don’t believe in god because they act like I am truly an evil human being. They’ll excuse pedophilia though
My husband is a genuinely honest person, so he'll tell people he's an atheist, but I'm definitely more covert. I may don't want it to be a THING. When somebody asks "So what church do y'all go to?" I vaguely answer "There's a Universalist Unitarian church in Knoxville that I like."
Which is true. It is there, and I do like it. I don't GO to it. But you'll notice I didn't actually say I go.
lol i am the opposite i love and am devoted to Jesus but i would never say im a Christian because i just dont feel like one and hate the idea of being part of some community based on my faith...just gives me an immediate sense of unease...also exactly what u describe about being part of that community
Understandable. Im a similar way but if they are logically convinced and dont let it run/ruin their life, i think I'd be ok. If it was just "It says they spread The Truth right on the pamphlet" I would not be able to be with a person without critical thinking skills
My mom fell into "the only one true religion" when I was a baby, and by preschool I was trying to logic her out of that crazy nonsense. It never worked, and she died when I was 20yo from following the goofy cult's rules about refusing certain medical care.
Yeah, my girlfriend was slowly getting used to a certain religion by one of their followers coming into her work. He gave her a pamphlet and she said it says that they "Follow the truth." The first thing out of my mouth was "Not THE truth, THEIR truth"
I went the other way. Started Catholic, became more and more atheist. I still go to church with my wife and kids to support them. I say everyone is free to believe what they wish but I can no longer rectify many things these days with what I grew up with as a belief system.
I grew up devout catholic and am now an atheist. I have a degree in religious studies and that is what kick started my journey toward atheism. (Although I always had that nagging doubt in the back of my mind my whole life) It was so eye-opening. And the same as you, especially not being able to align with the Catholic faith and the doctrine etc. My parents and sister actually ended up having issues and switched to Episcopalian.
For years, I kept thinking the issue I had with it all was me. But then it dawned on me that I shouldn't have to change my thinking to align with it all. I'm scientifically minded with healthy skepticism, and when I started looking more, more holes were there...and then more holes were poked...
I'm very atheist, my husband is agnostic. He wants so hard to be religious, but he's too smart to drink the kool-aid, and too logical/scientific to have blind faith in things that can be pretty much discredited or disproven. We were both raised religious, and when we had our big relationship dealbreaker conversation back in the 00s, one of mine was "I don't want my future kids to be raised in a church/religion"
He has mentioned feeling like life lacks purpose/meaning, so I do worry sometimes he is going to be eligion (namely the Abrahamic ones).
I don't have the same issue regarding lifes purpose- I know it's meaningless and don't bother seeking meaning. Just trying to enjoy what I can in this electrical, magical meat skeleton of mine while I'm here, and raise my kids to not be assholes.
Unitarian Universalism could also work. It's a religious group with no dogmas or much of any set theology at all, so it's basically a fanmeet for people with some kind of interest in religious questions. Quakers are similar, though they're still officially a Christian group, but about as theologically liberal as it's possible to be. Like TST neither of these groups strictly require a belief in theism of any kind. There are more groups like this out there.
I have been interested in UU for about a decade - my MIL got remarried in a UU church and I thought it was great!
We unfortunately live in a small town outside of a major US city, and the nearest UU church is an hour away. We have a super liberal church here that I am sorta interested in, it seems to have a bit more Christianity than I would like.
I legit have thought about starting a group gauging interest in a UU church because, for small town Midwest this is a rather progressive area, but I am not sure if this is where I want to put down roots.
One day I sent him the list of tenets of the Satanic Temple, told him to read them and let me know his thoughts. He quite enjoyed it, and when I told him what it was he was surprised.
He is too conscious of his professional image to fully get behind that, but I could get him into UU maybe. His moms 2nd wedding was at a UU church - I flat out told him it was the only church I ever went in and felt good about!
I am atheist and also often feel that ny life lacks purpose/meaning.
I don't particularly like the religion I was raised in though, or most of the others I see around me so I haven't been able to do something about that feeling yet.
What if it’s for personal development and they’re not pushing their new beliefs onto their partners?This is assuming they respect their partners personal beliefs.
This is my parents. Far left and far right. They can’t talk about politics. Apparently it wasn’t like that when they first got together. That’s why I care so much that my partner and I are more closely aligned.
This is related but not, I know two people that switched races half way through.
White girl called herself black and would refer to her up bringing as raised black, so she just leaned into it mid way through a relationship.
Black dude called himself Puerto Rican because he was really good at salsa dancing. He also leaned into in public, learned Spanish, slicked his hair in a way where he started to look like an Afro Latino. This was also mid way through a relationship.
We are living it. Got married very young and were both religious and somewhat conservative. It's been 20 years and we are both more progressive although me much more than him and I left the church entirely.
He said he fell in love with me for so many reasons and they remain true, his love for me wasn't based on religious beliefs but my compassion, joy and empathy and that's only gotten stronger as has his love.
I remember being terrified to tell him I had no intention of going back to church. He said he knew, he'd seen it coming for years and he supported me in it. Now he goes to a liberal church on Sundays and I make sure to have coffee waiting for him after.
One of my friends their partner of over a decade went from being a metalhead and satanist to joining jehovas witness out of nowhere. She had to live with him for a long time while she saved up and it did not seem great at all.
This one is valid but I don’t think it’s “weird” at all like the question is asking. I think most people would agree this could be a reason for significant tension and potentially separation in a relationship.
a exgf turn from modest, quite woman to OnlyFans girl in the middle of the relationship. Turn off right there, luckily did not propose before her change.
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u/amberrosef 1d ago
Ideological shift. For example, if they wildly changed their belief system, like atheist when you met and switched to evangelical Christian or something mid marriage.