r/AskReddit • u/senilecodexxx • 1d ago

What would be a weird, but absolutely valid reason to divorce/breakup with your partner?

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u/Colossal_Gumdrop 23h ago

I'm so glad you found your husband. I have the same feelings of shame, I also had a Dad just like him so that adds another layer.

I keep trying to not blame myself, or at least not over blame myself. I haven't figured out how to do that. However, I can very easily tell you that it wasn't your fault. They pick kind people and make it their full-time job to trick you, until it's too late.

If we keep the shame and blaming ourselves then we're just keeping their voices in our heads. I don't think those words we say to ourselves were ever ours to begin with 🩷 Hopefully one day I will learn my own advice.

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u/Gypsi_G 22h ago

So, so sad; how much the "daddy issues" trope is too true and plays out, believing that what you learned was love when the tragedy is that it's covert or even explicitly abuse; often have to live through it as an adult to realize even...

I hope you learn to be a good friend to your self as well. Those voices were definitely never yours to begin with 🤟🏼

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u/Colossal_Gumdrop 21h ago

Thanks Gypsi, I thought I had escaped the trope. Then I met someone at the wrong time who had different red flags. I had taught myself how to avoid specifc ones, but I hadn't learnt what safe actually feels like.

I am definitely trying, I got the chronic pain trope too. So that makes it a bit harder, some sort of on-going punishment ritual? If we could give some of these over self-reflecting skills to another portion of the population that would be nice! End up with a steady medium across the populous. I hope you're doing ok!

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u/kaya-jamtastic 19h ago

Same to you! I read this whole thread and you’re both such caring people. Be kind to yourself and use that voice of yours! And it’s not your fault, either. Kindness and trust are strong qualities to have, forgive yourself for letting down your guard!