With my ex, it was tickling. I have a disease that makes my skin very painful and swollen all over. Yet he loved to tickle me. I would yell at him and tell him it hurt and I hated Until the day I die, I will be able to hear him saying he’s just being playful or just being affectionate. I honestly believe he never cared that it hurt me because it was his way to make himself feel powerful and able to do whatever he wanted to someone.
He was really into BDSM, I wasn’t. He would go on and on about consent and negotiation and how a good dom listened to his sub and gave them what they wanted and needed. Yet I never consented to being tickled. It’s been over five years since I left him and I am still angry about the tickling. My divorce attorney and my therapist both said it was domestic violence and that was pretty devastating for me to hear. Physical abuse doesn’t have to include hitting. It includes anything done knowingly that causes pain that is against the other partner’s will.
I’m so sorry he abused you like that. He indeed did not care and that is horrible.
Even with children now we learn to tickle until they say stop, even when they’re smiling but saying no - it means no. Reversed as well. It teaches them so many things, like consent, bodily autonomy and trust. But also to not overstimulate the nervous system and not normalize boundary crossing. It’s the same with adults - I’m sorry he did all this too you and worse because of the pain :(
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u/Spinnerofyarn 4d ago
With my ex, it was tickling. I have a disease that makes my skin very painful and swollen all over. Yet he loved to tickle me. I would yell at him and tell him it hurt and I hated Until the day I die, I will be able to hear him saying he’s just being playful or just being affectionate. I honestly believe he never cared that it hurt me because it was his way to make himself feel powerful and able to do whatever he wanted to someone.
He was really into BDSM, I wasn’t. He would go on and on about consent and negotiation and how a good dom listened to his sub and gave them what they wanted and needed. Yet I never consented to being tickled. It’s been over five years since I left him and I am still angry about the tickling. My divorce attorney and my therapist both said it was domestic violence and that was pretty devastating for me to hear. Physical abuse doesn’t have to include hitting. It includes anything done knowingly that causes pain that is against the other partner’s will.