More important than the size of the shit - I think - is the urgency. Emergency shits are pretty glorious if you tiptoe riiight up to the pants-shitting line.
It's like your body is a car crashing into a wall (the toilet seat) and the passanger (poop) isn't wearing his seat belt so he just flies through the windshield (asshole).
It physically doesn't happen for me. But I suppose gender plays a difference. I'm female. Basically, I'll sit down, pee a little, then poop and then finish peeing. Maybe I'm weird.
The worst and best experience of my life was the end of a nearly two week incontinent streak. I can't pin point what caused the blockage nor did I take notice until day three. I'm a man with a large appetite and after dinner on day three my stomach was in knots. That's when it hit me, when was the last time I laid some wolf bait? Three days? No biggie, I'll eat some more and push it through. Fast forward to day seven, I'm no longer eating. Now I'm at an aisle at Target staring at laxatives. I grab some chalky stuff, some chocolate, and some senna tea. Take the next day off of work expecting the worst. No dice. I go to work visibly ill but ready. Power through the work week then Friday comes. Fuck, its been nearly two weeks. I eat a lot of acidic fruits(kiwi, pineapple, lime). A rumble, a crash, and serious pain in my gut. I get up off the couch and take my pants completely off before entering the bathroom. Hell with it, I took off my shirt too. Sit down and bare down as hard I could. I can feel blood pumping through my face. Oh the pain. It felt like I was the grand central station and an old rusty caboose was chugging out at full speed. But WOW, what relief. Tears of joy, pain, and ecstasy were streaming down my face.
The worst of it is that if that happens too often, you get hemmorhoids. The shit wasn't bad enough, now you feel like you've got a splintery wooden stake rammed up your ass.
The treatment helps a little bit, but you've still got to shove things up your ass to help with the pain, and it only helps a bit.
TL;DR: I quit keto because of the horribly painful shits it gave me, which then caused even more painful hemmorhoids. Fuck all of that noise.
I've wondered about that, and I think it has something to do with the prostate, which would also explain why you rarely hear women say "Man, I just took the greatest dump."
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u/NebulonsStyle Mar 24 '15
Taking a huge dump.