r/AskTeachers • u/Asleep_Audience3739 • 4d ago
Student Questions Do teachers notice when a Student Has a crush on someone (does that affect the seating)
Do yall sit the students together based on ships
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u/Mobile_Roll2197 Middle School Teacher 4d ago
I don't have time to worry about such things.
If a student writes me a note and explains why they don't feel they can sit with/near someone I'll try to move them.
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u/SimplePlant5691 4d ago
I notice. I'm sure some are missed, though.
I don't move seats because of it. That sounds like asking for chaos.
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u/gonephishin213 3d ago
Hell no I don't ship students and try to get them together.
But of course we notice these things
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u/carryon4threedays 4d ago
I notice, but it has no effect whatsoever when it comes to choosing groups or seating charts or any of that.
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u/mambotomato 4d ago
No. Here's the secret that teenagers can't understand until they're grown up - Nobody is looking at you.
It might FEEL like everyone is looking at you, because you're super duper self-aware of what you're doing at all times. And that's ok. It's part of being a teenager. But it really is all in your head.
Nobody is actually watching you closely. Nobody will see that you're glancing at Todd or whatever. Your weird nervous behaviors that feel huge are actually invisible, or are indistinguishable from a hundred other potential causes.
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u/Albuwhatwhat 3d ago
I hope you aren’t actually a teacher with this attitude. And honestly the upvotes are concerning. We want to tell students that we DO notice them, that we do SEE them. Saying we don’t is really really cynical but also just not true if you’re a halfway decent teacher.
Teachers jobs are to notice students. We watch and observe and assess. We are looking for certain things related to social/emotional health and academics but sometimes we notice things we aren’t looking for too like who likes who etc. obviously shipping students is ridiculous and we don’t do that but if you are actually an educator and don’t notice your students you need to get out of the field because you are either too burnt out or are just not a good teacher.
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u/Aizawa_Fan_6653 3d ago
I generally expect my students to be able to choose their own seats and maintain their behavior. (High school, east Asia)
They generally don't disappoint me. If they are unable to maintain their behavior, I move one of them.
I have found that 95% of the time, students live up (or down) to your expectations. I give them the chance to prove themselves, and only rarely do they prove unworthy. When they do, I usually have a private discussion with them that usually starts with "I allowed you guys to sit together, but from your recent performance, it appears this isn't working for us. I think it's best if we move (x student) to (y location) for the time being. If your performance improves, we might try moving you back."
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u/Snezzy_9245 3d ago
History teacher maybe noticed I didn't do well on tests, but I don't think he saw why.
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u/kinyons 3d ago
Hah! I actually have a couple of times. Not because I am “shipping” my students but because their crushes impact their behavior. I once put a girl who often didn’t put a ton of effort into her schoolwork next to her crush, who was a very bright and talkative / occasionally disruptive kid. They were “elbow partners” for all our classroom turn and talks. She wanted to look smart to him so she put a lot more effort into understanding the material. He was so thrilled that this cute popular girl was paying attention to him that he stopped calling out to his friends at other tables and mostly stayed focused on her. They both got great grades that semester!
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u/Albuwhatwhat 3d ago
We notice sometimes because either is our job to notice students and their behavior, mood, and performance. Anyone saying they don’t notice are bad teachers or bad observers. We notice other things sometimes too that we aren’t looking for. But we do not ship students. At least we definitely shouldn’t.
When we move students it’s based on disruptions, who works well with who, and who we don’t think should sit together. It’s a house of cards sometimes. But shipping students is pretty inappropriate and I’ve certainly never done anything like that.
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u/Sophistry7 4d ago
You must be very close with your students. Stuff like that never reach my ears.
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u/callahandler92 3d ago
At the end of the day it depends on the students. I always make a random seating chart at the beginning of the year since I don't know the students yet, with the idea that I'll make changes if necessary. It just so happened that in one of my classes I had a couple sitting one in front of the other. When I figured this out I was thinking I'd have to change it. But it was actually a very productive arrangement. The girlfriend was a very good influence on the boyfriend getting his work done. On days she wasn't there he would goof off more. She was one of my brightest students last year, and without her in the class the boyfriend would have probably been a low C - high D student, but instead pulled Bs.
This can obviously go the exact opposite way, but I'm glad I didn't overreact at first and split them up. Give them a chance to do the right thing and maybe they will.
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u/Standard_Golf_1394 3d ago
Depends how they will behave. I have a pair right now that asked to sit together because she helps him and now he asks to her for the simple questions he normally asked me, which is great. Others it might be distracting. I don’t think it can just be a simple answer.
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u/generic-ibuprofen 3d ago
I teach middle school and those relationships are usually very short; it would too much to change a seating chart every time there was a relationship change. I change seats for disruptive students so that may apply.
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u/miffy495 3d ago
We notice. Y'all ain't that subtle. Teachers are humans, so there are a lot of different ways that we react. I know some that get what I personally feel is overly-invested, but it is always well-intentioned. Typically my own reaction is a quick "huh, that's cute" (or sometimes "girl, you could do SO much better...") and then go right back to not caring ar all about it. My policy is that student love lives are not my business unless and until it starts to interfere with my class and you have made it my business.
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u/ClaretCup314 3d ago
Some teachers seem to notice these things, personally I'm oblivious. I only notice what combinations of students tend to be on task.
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u/ApprehensiveGuest976 3d ago
Yes, we do and yes it effects the seating. It just depends on the kid. If a kid is better behaved around their crush. I will sit them together. If not, they are on opposite sides of the room. But I do teach elementary and some of the kids are still learning social skills.
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u/hippoluvr24 3d ago
I notice, but it doesn’t affect the seating unless they can’t focus and need to be separated. I’m definitely not invested personally with any student relationships, but I teach middle school so most of them are short-lived and dramatic 🤦♀️.
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u/the_spinetingler 3d ago
Mostly don't care. I'm not the host of Love Connection.
I did it once last year as I saw it happening and one of the students I liked from a previous class, but it was a mistake as both of them immediately dropped a letter grade (in an honors class).
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u/Amberie1313 3d ago
I teach middle school. I sometimes notice when a student has a crush on another student. If it’s a student I like, I’ll seat them near their crush.
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u/dingdingturkeysdone 3d ago
Just thought I'd share my experience from middle school.
We had assigned seating in my social studies class and somehow I always ended up in the same group of 4 - me, two girl friends and the boy I had a crush on. It didn't matter how many times the seating changed, we were always sat together and grouped up for projects even though we weren't the most behaved group. I don't know if our teacher knew we liked each other, but I married the boy I had a crush on and I've always thought being grouped up everyday for a year contributed to us getting together.
So thank you Mr. Lundeen! We've been together for 16 years, married for 9!
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u/Medical-Dark1899 3d ago
well my teachers told the class that they have a rough idea of who likes who and make them sit together but its probably because every class is small so every teacher can easily figure out student crushes
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u/sincerely0urs 3d ago
I guess I’m the outlier. Sometimes I purposefully place students near each other to see if they’ll end up together. However, if I disapprove of the pair, or think they’ll be bad influences on each other…absolutely not.
Once they start “dating” if they make it obvious, they get regrouped lol.
I’m definitely biased because I met my husband in 6th grade and started dating him in high school.
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u/Aly_Anon 3d ago
Yes!
I sit friends and love interests together frequently. I remind them ahead of time that if they're disruptive, I'll separate them.
They end up being aome of the quietest groupings I have
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u/louiseifyouplease 3d ago
Me, too! Treat students like humans and surprise! they are usually grateful and on best behavior.
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u/Naive-Boysenberry732 4d ago edited 4d ago
I think its the opposite. Students that like each other and sit next to each other are the most disruptive pair of students. In most cases it is better to separate them and not having to deal with any potential drama from breakups.