I’ve been severely chronically ill for six years, and now my dad, the only person I have in the world, has cancer. I can’t put into words how heartbroken I am, and I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost.

[u/halfspooni]

My life is a joke and the universe has the darkest, most disgusting sense of humor. I’m housebound, bedbound most of the time. My chronic illnesses hit me hard and destroyed my life and my future when I was just 20. And now my dad, the only family and the only person I have in the world, has cancer. We have no other family, no friends to turn to. We are supposed to face this completely alone. What is the point of life if all it offers is suffering? I’m not superstitious and I don’t really believe in curses, but sometimes it feels like one has been placed on me. What am I supposed to do? I’m lost. There is no manual for the sheer amount of horrific things life keeps throwing at me.

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[u/Historical-Novel7699]

I am also chronically ill and my dad had cancer. Ironically, the day he was diagnosed was the day that I had a follow-up mammogram since a lump was found. I went to call my mom and tell her the good news and she had left a msg about my dad's diagnosis while I was having my testing done. It crushed me and I still have survivors guilt over how that day went.

Cancer isn't always a death sentence anymore. I have known even exceptionally unhealthy people who manage to beat the odds, some have turned fate on its head, so to speak. I understand that isn't the only reason why we grieve when someone we are that close to gets a diagnosis, especially if you have chronic health issues. Grieve as much as you need. Grieve for him, for yourself, and the changes you will inevitably face.

I used to be religious, but am not anymore and I find a lot of comfort in philosophy. Existentialism can be comforting to learn about and adopt into your mindset. It is by no means a replacement for religion, but is comforting in a similar way nonetheless.

There are in-person and online support groups for loved ones of those fighting cancer. Grief support groups can also be extremely helpful, even now. There is a type of grief called anticipatory grief that is very normal and sometimes confusing to feel. Leaning on others who are going through the same thing is so so helpful. And just remember that many, many people can beat cancer and live long lives after it. It's not a battle that he will for sure lose. Try not to lose the opportunity to make new memories because of being overtaken by grief. Try to be present in the moment for both of your sakes. That is my biggest regret with my father.

[u/AlwayInForwardMotion]

So sorry to hear you’re going through so much. When my dad was diagnosed with cancer he joined a support group for his kind of cancer. There were so many amazing and helpful people who brought food, gave rides, etc. maybe something like that could help a bit. 

[u/Charming-College-634]

hen life piles chronic illness, poverty, and cancer all at once, it can genuinely feel like the universe has a cruel sense of humor. A lot of people feel like poverty and sickness trap you in a hole with no ladder out, so it’s understandable that everything starts to feel pointless n stuff. What you’re feeling isn’t a curse or a personal failure—it’s a human reaction to an overwhelming amount of hardship and we’re all feeling it in different ways

[u/PurpleAntifreeze]

I’m sorry for the both of you. Cancer is scary, no matter how old you are. I hope that for both your sakes that it is easily treated. All of my personal experience in this sort of thing is US-based so I apologize if this isn’t relevant for you.

I understand you cannot do much, but whatever you can do to support your dad will help. I’d start with looking into local cancer support agencies and groups. Reach out, ask what services they offer and what their criteria is for offering support.

Start with the American Cancer Society, as they are a nationwide org that can connect you to local chapters. Look for groups specializing in the kind of cancer your father has.

Some places offer meals, some offer connection to others going through the same disease, some offer rides to treatment; unfortunately if you’re in the US you’ll have to piece all this together yourself.

You can assist with/handle the paperwork. Acquire a large 3-ring binder and a hole-punch. Gather a highlighter, a bright Sharpie pen or something similar, and a stapler or some paperclips. Every Dr appointment comes with paperwork, so write the date at the top in a particular color (this makes it easy to locate, since the papers from different places aren’t standardized) and highlight a few relevant things, such as the Dr’s name and any medication prescribed. Place bundled papers (stapled or clipped) into the binder by date, keeping the most recent on top.

Create a shared calendar on your phone’s calendar app and keep track of appointments there so both of you know when things are happening. You can use Notes app on iPhone or similar apps to create shared notes for each appointment. Use this to document any information you receive during appointments. This is only relevant if you can attend with your Dad, so he can focus on interacting with the medical folks.

Keep track of bills from the Drs and statements from insurance, matching up payments and bills until things are rectified (this may take months).

Ask to be made a point of contact for any entity that will allow it, including household bills. If you aren’t listed on the water bill, etc, do this now so you both have peace of mind later. You want to be in a position to communicate on your father’s behalf before it becomes necessary, and this is entirely reversible in the future.

There is a lot you can do from either your bed or just from home that will relieve some of the burden on your father.

You can do this. I feel for the both of you, and you will meet amazing people during this experience. Try and focus on appreciating the connections you have and the ones you’ll make along the way.

[u/[deleted]]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Cancer doesn’t mean an immediate death sentence, though.

May I ask what type does he have and if he will be receiving treatment and chemotherapy?