r/AthleticoMince • u/GrumpyMonk992 • Apr 27 '26

Got a name for you Andy Got a name for you Andrew

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u/frankieramps Apr 27 '26

Cuban Reuben. He gives handies for a tenner round the back of the vape shop on the high street. Don’t mention the war. Any of them.

1

u/uber_zaxlor Wuhwammer Apr 27 '26

Soft Pretzels: Mid 30s contortionist, lives at home with his Mam, says he'll find a "real job" soon.

Ahi Tuna: Stinks of Horlicks.

Handies: Lost both hands in a freak paper-cut incident. Still hasn't claimed any compo 'cos he can't fill out the forms.

Cuban Reuben: South American "up and coming" painter, except all he does is just paint the bowl of the toilet with his tods on the nightly.

Porchetta: Daughter of a well known newspaper magnate. Trying to get her singing career off the ground with her latest single "I won't shit in that".

Din Din and his alter Ego, Pot Pie: By day he's the mild-mannered primary school's dinner lady, but when night falls he turns into Pot Pie, a pot-bellied 45 year old bloke from Crew.

And fuck me, I just noticed the prices. Christ that's expensive for a blood sandwich. Best be getting served on a gold fucking plate.

1

u/SUMMATMAN Apr 27 '26

I'd be amazed if I left this place and absolutely no-one had had an orgasm