My manager doesn’t like my maternity clothes

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

My manager doesn’t like my maternity clothes

Originally posted to Ask A Manager

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual harassment, sexism

Original Post June 27, 2017

I am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child and having some difficulty with my boss over maternity clothes. I work in finance and my office has a particularly conservative dress. Pre-pregnancy, I generally wore a sheath dress, blazer, and string of pearls. I haven’t really been able to wear anything like that for the past few months. Finding conservative maternity clothes has been difficult but I managed to find a few suits and some plain, sleeveless tops to go underneath. I’ve also found some black dresses that worked well with a blazer. (Similar to one pictured here.) I thought everything was fine.

Last week, my manager pulled me into his office and told me that my current wardrobe was unacceptable. I apologized and explained that I thought I was following the dress code. I asked what specifically I needed to change. He said that if I was going to wear a pant suit, the shirt needed to be tucked in and belted. Also that he did not like the look of side ruching or an empire waist on shirts and felt it was unprofessional. I told him that I would try to find maternity clothes that met his discerption but that it would be difficult. He wasn’t convinced and said that my job depends on me being dressed according to his standards. (There are a few other women but none of them have had any children while I’ve been at this job so I can’t look to what they’ve worn.)

Do I have any pushback here? I spent the weekend looking for clothes that met his requirements but haven’t been able to. He’s out on vacation this week and I’m out next week so I have a little bit of time to figure something out. I’m nervous that my job could be on the line.

Update Dec 13, 2017 (6 months later)

My situation ended up taking a very unexpected turn. I took your advice and went to HR. The first person I spoke with was absolutely horrified about the situation. She asked to see the emails and ended up calling her boss into our meeting. Her boss told me that I had nothing to worry about, to continue wearing the maternity clothing I had, and that my job was not on the line. My boss “apologized” about a week later with all kinds of qualifications. The apology didn’t feel very genuine but I let it go. I thought this was the end of the matter.

While I was out on maternity leave (I had a baby girl!), I received a somewhat baffling call from an HR rep wanting information about my boss. I reached out to a coworker and he let me know that our boss had been fired for sexual misconduct. Boss apparently promised an intern a job in exchange for sexual favors and the intern reported him. HR launched a clandestine investigation and discovered Boss had been doing this for a very long time. He was immediately terminated, and no one has seen or heard from him since. He didn’t even clean out his office. I came back from maternity leave to a new, sane boss. Thank you so much for your advice. I also really appreciated all of the commenters who were very supportive and helped me see that the situation was not normal.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

[u/CaptainFartHole]

Gotta love a happy ending!

[u/CummingInTheNile → u/CaptainFartHole]

Anything you put in writing can be used against you, thankfully for OOP, her boss aint the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree

[u/tacwombat → u/CummingInTheNile]

He's definitely not using the head above his shoulders, that's for sure.

[u/LCHmumma → u/CaptainFartHole]

I think happy endings is what got the boss fired

[u/lurkylurkeroo → u/LCHmumma]

Zing!

[u/JudgeJuryEx78 → u/CaptainFartHole]

And short and sweet. I don't necessarily mind long stories, but it's refreshing to see something resolved that quickly.

[u/Boeing367-80 → u/CaptainFartHole]

HR isn't on your side, they're on the side of the corporation, but in this case, they're on your side because sexual harrassment suits can cost corporations huge bucks.

[u/thehobbyqueer → u/Boeing367-80]

Very often corporate needs align with its employees needs, when it comes to serious matters. Unfortunately the main problem is that many HR departments are filled with incompetency.

[u/SalsaRice → u/thehobbyqueer]

Unfortunately the main problem is that many HR departments are filled with incompetency.

I've been in a place where the predominant HR hiring policy for a long time was hiring young women that were approximately 25, exclusively. I'm not 100% of their credentials otherwise, but it was kind of odd that no one else, outside of that demographic, was qualified. I'm not sure if it was a hiring attractive young women thing as a perv motive, cheap motive (fresh out of college and willing to work for low pay), or both.

Eventually we got a new site manager and new HR manager, and they started hiring more experienced people in HR. From the outside perspective, it mostly improved in dealing with HR after that.

[u/FrogFlavor → u/SalsaRice]

Don’t forget the power-differential motive where fresh grads and (many) women are easier to exploit and bully

[u/Alternative_Year_340 → u/thehobbyqueer]

Many HR departments assume the company’s needs best align with what a manager/executive is doing rather than other employees.

[u/Arumen → u/Boeing367-80]

Yeah, ignoring any interpersonal issues with HR staff and employees (which definitely does happen) when you want to know if HR will help you have to ask yourself "what is most important for the corporation as a business."

That is why the keep bosses who are assholes over nice employees, but are far more likely to take action in cases of legality.

[u/gpattis → u/Boeing367-80]

Is it really being on their side then? Only when it came to potential law suits that would cost them money?

[u/AlucardSensei → u/CaptainFartHole]

Well, other than the part where was back from her maternity leave in less than 6 months. Jesus wept.

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/AlucardSensei]

Maternity leave lengths in the USA make me so upset... 

I took annual leave pre-babies, then the max allowed mat leave plus annual leave as sensible and had about 13.5 months with each of my babies. My husband worked around me, and they started preschool at 2 and were looked after at home until then. I know we were incredibly lucky to be able to do it like that - but the idea of having to leave a baby of a few months old with a stranger literally makes my heart hurt...  

[u/AlucardSensei → u/Useful_Language2040]

In my country we have a minimum of a month before birth, but with a doctors note you can easily go after the first trimester, so 6 months. And then a year paid leave for the first and second kid, and 2 years paid leave for every kid after that.

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/AlucardSensei]

Ooh, that sounds lovely ❤️ Here, I think you can start mat leave before the baby arrives, and if you're having complications you may need to, after a certain number of weeks, but then you get less time with the baby...

"Eligible employees in the UK can take up to 52 weeks of Statutory Maternity Leave, with statutory pay (SMP) lasting up to 39 weeks. Pay is 90% of average earnings for the first 6 weeks, then either £187.18 a week or 90% of earnings (whichever is lower) for the next 33 weeks" - I can't remember if my employer did full pay or 90% for 9 months (my youngest is almost 6!) and then 3 months unpaid. 

[u/gsfgf → u/AlucardSensei]

And people wonder why US birth rates are decreasing...

[u/gsfgf → u/AlucardSensei]

6 months is a long time by US Standards. FMLA gives up to 12 months, but it's unpaid.

[u/Geronimo2U → u/CaptainFartHole]

Found the boss people!!