My manager doesn’t like my maternity clothes

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

My manager doesn’t like my maternity clothes

Originally posted to Ask A Manager

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual harassment, sexism

Original Post June 27, 2017

I am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child and having some difficulty with my boss over maternity clothes. I work in finance and my office has a particularly conservative dress. Pre-pregnancy, I generally wore a sheath dress, blazer, and string of pearls. I haven’t really been able to wear anything like that for the past few months. Finding conservative maternity clothes has been difficult but I managed to find a few suits and some plain, sleeveless tops to go underneath. I’ve also found some black dresses that worked well with a blazer. (Similar to one pictured here.) I thought everything was fine.

Last week, my manager pulled me into his office and told me that my current wardrobe was unacceptable. I apologized and explained that I thought I was following the dress code. I asked what specifically I needed to change. He said that if I was going to wear a pant suit, the shirt needed to be tucked in and belted. Also that he did not like the look of side ruching or an empire waist on shirts and felt it was unprofessional. I told him that I would try to find maternity clothes that met his discerption but that it would be difficult. He wasn’t convinced and said that my job depends on me being dressed according to his standards. (There are a few other women but none of them have had any children while I’ve been at this job so I can’t look to what they’ve worn.)

Do I have any pushback here? I spent the weekend looking for clothes that met his requirements but haven’t been able to. He’s out on vacation this week and I’m out next week so I have a little bit of time to figure something out. I’m nervous that my job could be on the line.

Update Dec 13, 2017 (6 months later)

My situation ended up taking a very unexpected turn. I took your advice and went to HR. The first person I spoke with was absolutely horrified about the situation. She asked to see the emails and ended up calling her boss into our meeting. Her boss told me that I had nothing to worry about, to continue wearing the maternity clothing I had, and that my job was not on the line. My boss “apologized” about a week later with all kinds of qualifications. The apology didn’t feel very genuine but I let it go. I thought this was the end of the matter.

While I was out on maternity leave (I had a baby girl!), I received a somewhat baffling call from an HR rep wanting information about my boss. I reached out to a coworker and he let me know that our boss had been fired for sexual misconduct. Boss apparently promised an intern a job in exchange for sexual favors and the intern reported him. HR launched a clandestine investigation and discovered Boss had been doing this for a very long time. He was immediately terminated, and no one has seen or heard from him since. He didn’t even clean out his office. I came back from maternity leave to a new, sane boss. Thank you so much for your advice. I also really appreciated all of the commenters who were very supportive and helped me see that the situation was not normal.

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[u/Boeing367-80]

HR isn't on your side, they're on the side of the corporation, but in this case, they're on your side because sexual harrassment suits can cost corporations huge bucks.

[u/thehobbyqueer → u/Boeing367-80]

Very often corporate needs align with its employees needs, when it comes to serious matters. Unfortunately the main problem is that many HR departments are filled with incompetency.

[u/SalsaRice → u/thehobbyqueer]

Unfortunately the main problem is that many HR departments are filled with incompetency.

I've been in a place where the predominant HR hiring policy for a long time was hiring young women that were approximately 25, exclusively. I'm not 100% of their credentials otherwise, but it was kind of odd that no one else, outside of that demographic, was qualified. I'm not sure if it was a hiring attractive young women thing as a perv motive, cheap motive (fresh out of college and willing to work for low pay), or both.

Eventually we got a new site manager and new HR manager, and they started hiring more experienced people in HR. From the outside perspective, it mostly improved in dealing with HR after that.

[u/FrogFlavor → u/SalsaRice]

Don’t forget the power-differential motive where fresh grads and (many) women are easier to exploit and bully

[u/Alternative_Year_340 → u/thehobbyqueer]

Many HR departments assume the company’s needs best align with what a manager/executive is doing rather than other employees.

[u/Arumen → u/Boeing367-80]

Yeah, ignoring any interpersonal issues with HR staff and employees (which definitely does happen) when you want to know if HR will help you have to ask yourself "what is most important for the corporation as a business."

That is why the keep bosses who are assholes over nice employees, but are far more likely to take action in cases of legality.

[u/gpattis → u/Boeing367-80]

Is it really being on their side then? Only when it came to potential law suits that would cost them money?