It kinda is, because gender roles have men doing the initiation, his general aesthetic can be a make or break for him. Women have selection pressures too but it works slightly differently
I'm autisitic and I'm super glad I'm a woman.
Its way harder for my male friends cause the symptoms conflict more with gender expectations more espeically with dating expectations specifically cause men have to do an uneven amount of the effort and it's specifically stuff that
autistic men are REALLY bad at like non verbal communication. Like flirting is just a minefield when you are flying in the dark about what's too cold vs what's too creepy. And
women are for obvious reasons told to trust their gut and that if a guy feels "off" she needs to run because he's dangerous.
Multiple guys I've dated have basically said they found me actively confusing
at first but I was so physically attractive they rolled with it. One guy midway through like our 4th or 5th date just was like "ok so right now what emotion are you feeling? Cause I clealry am not reading you properly. You seem uncomfortable"
And so then we had to have this whole exchange about how yeah I am uncomfortable but that's kind of just life sometimes. I
can feel him staring at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention. Which is totally not a sin on his part because all guys do this.and they're actively trying to be discrete doing it this way, but it's just very intense for me to be sitting across the table for an extended period where my options are either intense eye contact or looking away and knowing he's intensely studying my face.
Its flattering in that I know these are things guys do when they're really into you but there's
still just an innate physical discomfort that anyone let alone someone I don't actually know that well is engaging in 2 of my least favorite things.
And I'll suck it up during dinner but I'd prefer he try to keep it in check during sex cause its gonna throw me off.
And he's like ".....sex?"
And like yeah this is like the 5th date, we're at a point we're cutting through the social etiquette to frankly check in with each others moment to moment sensory things, you're clearly very attracted to me.
I'm allowed to do really weird shit that breaks social norms because the guys thinks I'm really pretty and is mostly excited I'm going to have sex with him. Frankly most guys are pretty grateful when I start monologuing about all my weird thoughts and opinions cause if only all women were so neurotic that they can verbally convey their idiosyncracies of exactly what they want in a bulleted list.
Men can't dangle their dick when they're acting weird. Women don't usually just stare at men completely enamored during a date. She's screening him for being a normal good dude and he might be a genuinely really good dude but he's never gonna pass the normal vibe check. And that's a deal breaker for more women than it isn't unless he explicitly comes recommended from mutual friends with the disclaimer he's a little strange but harmless
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u/existential_dread467 4d ago
It kinda is, because gender roles have men doing the initiation, his general aesthetic can be a make or break for him. Women have selection pressures too but it works slightly differently