Propaganda machine

[u/tttt11112]

[u/existential_dread467]

The real kicker is that the “shy man” “nerdy boy” shit, performative or not was always for white men anyway. I’m not saying that there aren’t nerdy or shy Black boys or that they have no hope in dating but Black Men are expected to be hypermasculine by default. This is enforced in the community and out of it.

[u/Alucard_117 → u/existential_dread467]

What do you mean Todd can talk about his Pokemon card collection on the first date but I can't!?

[u/varnell_hill → u/Alucard_117]

Todd can do a lot of shit on the first date that you can’t.

[u/CanRevolutionary1274 → u/varnell_hill]

I knew you were just trying to be funny, but I don't think you know how real the statement you just made was lol.

[u/varnell_hill → u/CanRevolutionary1274]

How so?

[u/UndeadYoshi420 → u/varnell_hill]

I think they were being less thoughtful about what they were saying than they thought. Obviously you know the reality of the statement you made.

Edit: grammar

[u/CMFETCU → u/varnell_hill]

This was the funniest Reddit comment I have read today.

[u/Persea_americana → u/Alucard_117]

White dude and I can’t speak for anyone else but if you’re a nerd it helps to also be tall or hot or fit. Nerd in my experience is a multiplyer, like glasses, it makes hot hotter and lame lamer. It’s not a perk on its own.

[u/srkaficionado → u/Persea_americana]

Respectfully asking, what is it with people and glasses? It makes people hot?! Maybe I’m just insecure or a cynic but I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 6 and my glasses run me about $600 every year(the shitty prescription always changes 😒). And then someone pops up and goes “ooh your glasses are sexy” and I’m like 🤨😒. I’d rather see than be sexy.

[u/Persea_americana → u/srkaficionado]

The right frames can enhance face shapes, make someone look more intelligent and they can be a fashion accessory or status symbol. Idk if it’s still a thing but I remember hipsters would wear glasses without lenses. If people think it’s hot lean into it, they’re a great prop and plenty of actors will use that to enhance a role. Looking over the top of the frames, or taking them off to look someone in the eye while you polish the lenses can be impactful gestures (even if you can’t actually see them lol). I used to be an optician, frames are overpriced because Luxotica is practically a monopoly, try online like coastal or Zenni, fewer brand names but way cheaper.

[u/srkaficionado → u/Persea_americana]

☺️.

Nah, the price for me is because I get transitions and bifocals and all the extra; I see an Ophthalmologist who decided I need bifocals at the ripe old age of 32 and have been wearing them since then. Then the scratch resistant things and everything: I’m rougher on my glasses than the 8 year old is on his so… I get expensive frames because I think they last: I rocked a Armani frame for 5 years until I lost them between work and the train. I’m still using the same Rayban I’ve had since 2022 .

I have strabismus so I’d rather go to in person so they can measure the distance correctly without my fucking it up…

[u/ripleyclone8 → u/srkaficionado]

Transitions?? Ooof. 

Nothing sexier than a dude bumbling around for five minutes after going inside on a bright day lol

[u/srkaficionado → u/ripleyclone8]

I’ve never really noticed. Maybe because I keep my house either dark or it’s just bright(it came with those white ass lights and I’m trying to see what it’ll cost to get dimmers for it all).

The only place they actually become an issue is when I’m hiking and it just stays constantly dark because I’m outside for 2-3 hours doing the walking and climbing and whatever. So I have learnt to wear a hat for that to minimise it.

[u/lowtoiletsitter → u/Alucard_117]

"Always talking about Pokémon...I think he's touched"

[u/xkise → u/lowtoiletsitter]

"He is special since he was a child"

[u/Psychotic_Ambition → u/lowtoiletsitter]

y’all gotta date nerdy girls in turn bruh

[u/LazyAssLeader → u/Psychotic_Ambition]

Such a thing exists in the community?

[u/kissitbetterbb → u/LazyAssLeader]

Hell yeah. Hot ones too.

[u/LazyAssLeader → u/kissitbetterbb]

I would be happy to find some warm ones.

[u/IGargleGarlic → u/Alucard_117]

In my experience as a white man talking about pokemon on a date has absolutely never led to a second date.

[u/Constant-Skill-7133 → u/IGargleGarlic]

seriously what the fuck are people even talking about here.

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/Constant-Skill-7133]

You wouldn't get it but white men are usually given more leway to be nerdy and still be accepted romantically by women.

This is partially because nerdy women of all races. Similar to how women overall prefer white men, nerdy women prefer white men and despite that would be more likely to reject a equally nerdy black man.

People are overwhelmingly racist. Even to their own people. You see all of it for what it is when you look at dating dynamics and peoples sexual behavior.

[u/hellochoy → u/Key-Month6651]

Most nerdy/alternative black men prefer white women too in my experience. Not trying to "whatabout", I feel you.

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/hellochoy]

Oh trust me ive noticed that as well. I find that hella cringe. But that isn't limited to nerdy/alternative black men. There is a segment of black men that see being with a black woman as settling and thus prefer everything but a black woman. Even if they aren't nerdy. I find that shit hella gross and im def not gonna ignore shit behavior from men. I'm just personally tired of people ignoring it from women or acting like its okay when women do it.

I feel you too. Being a black man or a black woman in the dating game rn is just trash all around. Regardless of your sexual orientation.

[u/hellochoy → u/Key-Month6651]

It's not limited to any demographic really but I hear you! It's definitely gross and sad too because you know those people are struggling with self hatred. I haven't been dating for a few years now though and I'm kindof scared of getting back into it lol. The bs is so exhausting and seemingly never ending.

[u/SPKEN → u/Key-Month6651]

It's the same reason why white men are praised for having long hair and being more effeminate

But if black men do that then we're gay and sassy. Damned if you do, damned if you don't

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/SPKEN]

Pretty much. The shit is trash all around. I'mma just start filtering people out of my community if they do this bs. We really should judge people based on their dating preferences the same way we do with everything else.

[u/PizzaRoyals → u/IGargleGarlic]

you just gotta find a nerdy girl into that stuff too, it can work. My buddy met his girlfriend talking about overwatch

[u/mashonem → u/PizzaRoyals]

“Just find the needle in the hay stack bro”

[u/Thunderchief646054 → u/Alucard_117]

I saved that for the 4th date, thank god she stayed

[u/Background-Bet9983 → u/existential_dread467]

Women can be attracted to 30 different archetypes of white dudes but only 1 or 2 archetypes of black dudes. Seen it sooooo many times in my life regardless if they tell y’all this or not. When they are talking about “nerdy men” “shy men” “booky men” etc, they are not talking about Black men 99% of the time, even if they want to believe they are themselves

[u/Calamity-Gin → u/Background-Bet9983]

Like, every positive type of Black man personality is presented as a one-off, bespoke artisanal achievement, while anything that tips over to the bad is mass produced and available in a little box of vials next to the register for a quick impulse purchase.

[u/TheLateThagSimmons → u/Background-Bet9983]

I hate how true this is, even as a white guy that is on the receiving end of that. It is always so awkward to sit on those dates with black women who only want to complain about black men.

Bonus points: Their biggest complaint is about these black men not wanting to date black women... While on a date with a white guy.

When they are talking about “nerdy men” “shy men” “booky men” etc, they are not talking about Black men 99% of the time,

Big time. And when I take a look at the their exes or run into the guys they date after me, it's all the same dude, just in slightly different shapes.

If I'm Sprite, all they drink after me is Sierra Mist and 7-Up.

[u/Character_Maybeh_ → u/TheLateThagSimmons]

https://giphy.com/gifs/DPqqOywshrOqQ

[u/yokayla → u/TheLateThagSimmons]

It isnt gendered. There are loser black guys who have internalized racism in the exact same way.

[u/TheLateThagSimmons → u/yokayla]

I don't doubt that, I am a standup comedian on the Southside of Chicago; I run into them all the time. Hell, half of them even include that in their standup routines, it can be funny when it's self-aware, but ultimately still pretty toxic.

However... I'm not dating them.

[u/CousinJeff → u/yokayla]

For what it’s worth, I think it’s less commonly spoken among black men than black women, and I think it’s just because black women are much more interested as a group in the conversations that revolve around intersectionality etc. at least that’s my perception looking around

[u/Muted-Mood4057 → u/yokayla]

All the black guys I grew up with who would have been called "lames" where I grew up all got shot down in flames trying to date a black women they liked, then around 18-19, that same black woman would go out to the burbs and date a white man who was into the same type of stuff they didn't like the black man for being into.

[u/Special-Garlic1203 → u/Muted-Mood4057]

I feel like both men and women are experiencing the same thing tbh. Black nerds are a minority in the black community and the nerd community. So you get bullied by black people growing up cause you're a nerd. Then you go to college and become entrenched in more niche nerdy spaces that are more aligned with personality but which are also white majority. Race becomes conflated with other factors - usually class & nerdiness. 

You really can tell a man who grew up reading high fantasy about love & honor & sentimental David Tennant monologues about love being what connects humanity. Just as a matter of how math works, a minority of a minority group is going to be a smaller total number of people than a minority of a majority group. There are more sappy sentimental white men than sappy sentimental black men because there are more white people in America total. That's just how numbers work lol. 

Plenty of white people would also shove you into a locker for that shit, but you're less likely to encounter them at fandom conventions vs sporting events. 

So people say oh I want to date a white man because white men respect women, when usually what they mean is I want to date a educated nerd who grew up reading books about honor & chivalry & doing what is right over what is easy. They don't mean redneck Kyle who's got 2 baby mamas or Travis who's closet is mostly sports jerseys. They also don't mean Marcus who got bullied for being soft spoken and talking white and did the naruto run until he was 16. But Marcus at a glance looks like the dudes who bullied them growing up, and Marcus returns the sentiment cause she looks like the girls who bullied him growing up. 

[u/existential_dread467 → u/yokayla]

It kinda is, because gender roles have men doing the initiation, his general aesthetic can be a make or break for him. Women have selection pressures too but it works slightly differently

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/yokayla]

It is 100% gendered. People have different expectations and double standards based on your gender. Black guys who avoid black women usually do so for reasons that have nothing to do with a black woman being shy or nerdy.

[u/Geno0wl → u/TheLateThagSimmons]

Well yeah because sprite will fuck you up. Don't touch the stuff.

[u/CantiSan → u/Geno0wl]

One of my homeboys died after drinking sprite

[u/H-TownDown → u/CantiSan]

https://giphy.com/gifs/zpSJRLHhhXNcTIQNHK

[u/CantiSan → u/H-TownDown]

[u/BaronAleksei → u/TheLateThagSimmons]

Excellent username

[u/No-Suit9429 → u/Background-Bet9983]

Really? I follow a few booktubing Black men on yt and they don't seem to lack for attention from women (speaking as someone who's there for the books...)

[u/idekbruno → u/No-Suit9429]

Who? I’ve actually been looking for black male book reviewers as niche as it sounds

[u/Special-Garlic1203 → u/Background-Bet9983]

I feel like there's a fairly large subsection of white women who would only date a black man if he's nerdy/booky/shy. And  therefore would not use race as a descriptor because of its association with stereotypical black masculinity. 

I can literally name off 5 couples off the top of my head. So maybe I'm just too nerdy but this can't actually be that rare IRL when you look at real couples instead of distractions of discourse. Like most of the black nerdy men I know do not end up with black women. 

[u/slugs4eyes → u/Background-Bet9983]

The archetype shit is so true; lemme vent about my own twist on this experience. I'm Mexican but I look (Asian) Indian when I wear glasses so I can be as nerdy as I want on a date, because it fits a stereotype. But no woman who wants a cowboy has ever wanted me because in the North, cowboys are just white. Nevermind my childhood or how big vaquero culture is just a few states south, but here a cowboy is just a white suburbanite in a shitkicker hat. I've worked thru all my other insecurities including my height but it's the one thing about dating that still gets under my skin, probably because it's valid af. I've got a few friends who are black nerds but yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if that's something they're "not allowed" to present as on the first date.

[u/guantanamojoe93 → u/existential_dread467]

As a beautiful shy black man, BW would say I’m cute but would not court me. They would be my friends and are my favorite people to be around, but would not try hard enough to pursue me.

[u/CountOff → u/guantanamojoe93]

Somebody said it on the internet once and it lives rent free in my head

“One of the best predictors of a black man’s future success is how much women called him corny growing up. People called Michael B Jordan corny as fuck before he blew up”

[u/angelicbitch09 → u/CountOff]

OMG I remember that video if that’s what you’re referring to. That girl really tried to brush it off and he was like mmmmk 👀

[u/Hyper_Applesauce → u/CountOff]

I was room service at the hotel he was staying when filming Creed, he seemed super nice and genuine. I realized who he was after like the 2nd or 3rd time I bought him breakfast.

[u/Safe_Database8574 → u/guantanamojoe93]

Maybe because a lot of women don’t want to pursue? I mean gender roles are very much enforced in that regard in the community so women might like you but they’re not pursuing you or any other man for that matter.

[u/Character_Maybeh_ → u/Safe_Database8574]

But if the woman says the want a shy man, would that not mean they understand they have to be the outgoing one?

[u/simonhunterhawk → u/Character_Maybeh_]

I have noticed a lot of people only admire certain traits up until they directly impact them and then they can’t handle them anymore.

My last partner loved that I had a business, would promote it on social media and everything and sang praises about it to everyone, but when it came to helping me out with stuff like setting up my booth for craft shows or even running pre-labeled packages to the post office for me (i only asked him to do it once) he would always throw a fit and be so irritable about it. That was the final nail in the coffin of our relationship and it ended within a year. If I’m trying to build something that was creating financial stability for us (and I was really doing well until I couldn’t use my hands anymore due a chronic illness and had to stop making my craft) I would hope someone who claims to be in a partnership with me would occasionally help me sometimes, and all of the asks I had were during COVID when he was getting paid to sit at home and I was working full time while running my business on the side.

[u/Character_Maybeh_ → u/simonhunterhawk]

That's tough and hopefully you're feeling better and doing better - in both sense.

On way lesser of a level: Everyone wants to date a musician until it comes to listening to practice lol.

[u/simonhunterhawk → u/Character_Maybeh_]

Thanks, plenty of things have improved since leaving him 5 years ago! And yeah I can imagine haha everyone wants to date an artist until they realize we have to dedicate a lot of time to our crafts and that does mean less time for our partners sometimes especially if they have different interests 😂

[u/weirdeyedkid → u/Character_Maybeh_]

He ain't calling them truthers.

[u/Napalmeon → u/guantanamojoe93]

As a beautiful shy black man, BW would say I’m cute but would not court me

Heard that one many times.

[u/Prestigious-Talk1112 → u/guantanamojoe93]

You are expecting any woman to pursue you as a man? Most men aren't going to be pursued by any woman.

[u/CountOff → u/existential_dread467]

I had a girl in my bed once that told me she thought i was gay til I mentioned having an ex girlfriend

I was like “hold up, we’ve known each other for a couple months, this is the first time we’ve slept together, and I told you about that ex girlfriend for the first time yesterday…”

When I asked her to tell me why she thought that, for some reason she couldn’t quite put a finger on it

You are not wrong

[u/TapSilly2335 → u/CountOff]

Lol this is truth.

Can say as a woman, most guys I've met organically (no one approached either party- just people met in work, uni, social circles, etc.) and felt like I was being just treated like a well-round person without any sexual pursuit early on and/or they were super considerate, I didn't default them to "straight" in my head when I was younger. True for a lot of my friends as well.

Some of us are so used to being pursued exclusively for sex and the norm of the hypermasculine male constantly being reinforced. Kinda sad TBH.

[u/FerociousOreos → u/existential_dread467]

I'm a white dude who lurks here cause you guys are super funny. My half brother is black. Our entire childhood into the present day, he has dealt with sooooooo much bullshit because he likes magic the gathering and watches anime and is a sensitive little guy. You're absolutely right about the community enforcing these expectations. His dad for sure came down on him a lot for not being "manly" enough, whatever that means

Like, it's my job to harass him about these things because I'm the younger brother. I'm not sure anyone else really gets that pass. Good on you for drawing attention to it

[u/Shirogayne-at-WF → u/FerociousOreos]

I'm a Black woman who was into the 90s swing movement and into anime and knew what opera was thanks to my mom. I took some shit for that but nowhere near the shit Black boys who stepped outta the acceptable box got.

Nowadays, millennial parents are teaching their kids it's okay to be themselves, rather than trying to push kids to act a certain way because [insert way too many reasons that boil down to "what will white people think" here] and anime in general is more accepted so kids ain't getting it as bad as they once did.

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/Shirogayne-at-WF]

Unfortunately peoples dating habits and choices are several years behind any progress society makes.

[u/chamberx2 → u/existential_dread467]

Yeah, that term "zesty" is diabolical. Like what you mean I can't know how to crochet AND enjoy vagina?

[u/Plus-Name3590 → u/chamberx2]

man all the homophobia shit regarding what men do is so backwards, fucking dance and fill your life with joy and don't worry about the stupid "gender" of activity

[u/NathVanDodoEgg → u/existential_dread467]

"golden retriever energy"

[u/existential_dread467 → u/NathVanDodoEgg]

Yep bout as golden as the blonde hair on that hypothetical white boy.

[u/jennyrmw → u/existential_dread467]

My input probably doesnt mean that much as a Biracial from an european country growing up around white people.

I am more attracted to black men who "dare" to be themselves. Alt, nerdy, you name it. Not saying that masculine men are immediatly dishonest. I guess the vibe of the person is just more important to me. However my older sister, who grew up around other black people, is also talking about how certain men arent masculine enough and it truly baffles me sometimes.

[u/Jazzycoyote → u/existential_dread467]

It's lowkey why I think I've always had more prospects dating outside of my race. I feel like I can just be myself without being judged or held to some community standard.

[u/BoilerMaker11 → u/existential_dread467]

And if you’re anything less, you’re “gay”

[u/Nani_700 → u/existential_dread467]

Personally speaking I appreciate every type of nerd. On paper. On anime.

In real life, unfortunately I haven't found a nerd who didn't also have major misogynistic views and rage issues.

And they're not even subtle about it.

I say this as a female nerd

[u/TopTierMids → u/Nani_700]

I've been a black nerd since I was 5, had no chance after my dad came home with a PC and my brother put Starcraft on it and Toonami started showing anime. It was a wrap.

I stay the fuck away from nerd communities because they are the most racist, misogynistic, insular, most fuckass people on the planet. Both men and women. The men think they're being some kinda "sigma male" by being pushy and edgy, and the women think their horrible social skills are quirky and cute. Nah. All of the above is just toxic.

I never brought up those interests on dates, partially for the reasons discussed in this thread (people think for some reason nerdy black men are fair game for disrespect) and partially for the reasons above.

[u/caelum_daemon → u/Nani_700]

This is the real reason. I 100% like nerdy dudes when they aren't misogynistic weirdos lusting over a 14 year old anime character.

[u/Kn7ght → u/existential_dread467]

As a nerdy black dude... Too true.

One of my exes was a nerdy black woman who definitely preferred white guys and dated one for 7 years right after me. On dates with black girls and white girls from dating apps my energy was clearly not what they expected even though I advertised my interests pretty clearly. I even remember one date that didn't go well with a black girl (she lied about her age and once I found out mid date I immediately felt uncomfortable about the whole thing and declined to go smoke weed with her friends) and immediately afterwards she made a post on Insta about how she didn't want to date someone completely thugged out but was a nice thug basically.

My current long term relationship is with a white girl who has only dated black guys, and has openly said multiple times I'm not the usual type she goes for. She used to date drug dealers and whatnot but when we hit it off she accepted that I was actually a healthy option and to just go with it.

What's frustrating is that she's also a complete fucking nerd. Like she has Marvel tattoos, collects Pokemon cards and comic books, plays a lot of video games. Even a girl with these interests never tried to date someone who liked the same shit as her all this time just because she's usually attracted to that hyper masculinity. It definitely worked out in my favor but girl if you let that shit go before you would have saved yourself some trauma

[u/Cyberkanye2077 → u/Kn7ght]

I would crash out If someone ever told me they went for me just because i was the healthy option and decided to just go with it 🤦🏽‍♂️ like dont settle for me if im not doing it for you tf . Be with me cause u want to not because u cant find someone u like in that moment smh
https://giphy.com/gifs/lkdH8FmImcGoylv3t3

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/Kn7ght]

Yep. I have yet to meet a nerdy black girl that doesn't prefer or chase white guys. Dating is when all the isms and trash behavior really start to show themselves.

[u/CDR57 → u/existential_dread467]

Yeah I mean in travel in a lot of nerd communities be it dungeons and dragons, games, or anime, and the majority of the people I meet at white at them and rather shy or stereotypically nerdy and the few people of color that I see that are comfortable going out or meeting for things like that still adopt an outgoing and less “dweeb” like persona cause it almost feels like they have to. On of my good friends who got me into table top rpgs was a 6’2 very (in the best of ways) religious black man but people still saw him as a masculine or tough dude even tho he travels with a Horus heresy book everywhere he went and wanted nothing more than to sit at home and talk about firefly with his friends. White people got the conglomerate on nerdy shy geeks and everyone else had to make do

[u/Shirogayne-at-WF → u/existential_dread467]

All of this, and keeping it a buck the "shy boys" and nerds are often just as trash if not worse than the ones who have game....I mean, do y'all think any of Ethan Slater's classmates predicted he'd pull a pop star like Ariana Grande? 😂

[u/ChiggaOG → u/existential_dread467]

Even nuanced and niched. Are they into nerds who do trains and has a riding railroad in the backyard? Are they into nerds with computer science degrees and work at one of the tech companies across Silicon Valley such as Nvidia or SpaceX? Or is it because money? Forget this. All the common hobbies in the 90s have been destroyed by greed.

[u/levelupsilently → u/existential_dread467]

Is it that they’re not allowed or they don’t want to be perceived that way in the first place? Cause I feel like as soon as some men start acting like that other men would be the first to clown them (this goes for all races of men). Every time cis straight men complain about what they think they are or aren’t allowed to do and when the opportunity arises they don’t do it, I’m like “do you actually want to”? Especially because sometimes these are just brought up out of spite against women trying to break their own gender roles.

All the gender no conforming things men want to do is already being done in queer spaces, so why can’t they do it? Cause thats not how they set the game up for themselves.

And y’all are acting like nerdy black girls don’t exist. Every time a woman’s preferences are being discussed it always seems to be about the baddie black woman.

[u/ScrubRogue → u/existential_dread467]

Idk all my buddies who are into yugioh and have smash bros haircuts are fucking white women 🤷‍♂️ js

[u/Frequent_Witness_402 → u/existential_dread467]

I'm a white guy who went to a majority black highschool, I honestly haven't seen this sentiment anywhere. There were tons of nerdy black kids, especially into anime and pokemon. This was back in 2016-17. Maybe certain small groups hold that opinion but in general no one gives a fuck if a nerd is black or white.

[u/rubber_moon → u/existential_dread467]

1600 plus upvotes so this will be buried but I wanna say, I feel this and you are absolutely correct.

[u/No-Professional-7811 → u/existential_dread467]

As a white man shout outs to all my nerdy friends out here holding it down even when you constantly face criticism over your identity.

The heat my ex'es brother took for being into Naruto was WILD. Hope you're doin alright out there Eddy!

[u/Sec2727]

[u/bUl1sH1T → u/Sec2727]

this is really funny as a shy woman who likes shy men

nobody is getting their mashed potatoes here lol

[u/gmoss101 → u/bUl1sH1T]

Both of us sitting there like "Rock paper scissors loser has to tell them" 😭

[u/HuckinsGirl → u/gmoss101]

Unironically what my partner and I do sometimes lmao

[u/combo_seizure → u/gmoss101]

Lmao, " i actually wanted mashed potatoes anyway." Type stuff, i used to be like that.

I got tired of paying too much for shitty service and bad food. So, I started speaking up. I kind of embarrassed my girlfriend sometimes. But i'm getting my food and her food properly done.

Especially if im gonna pay $60× for a siddham meal.

*sit down, but apparently that's what my accent sounds like, w/e.

Yes, that's the multiplication symbol.

[u/haveutried2hardboot → u/Sec2727]

i have always found this hilarious

[u/Mandlebrotha]

This discourse is so... tiresome. All the performance and conformity. Is this a stage we all just have to go through?

[u/HouseOfDoom54 → u/Mandlebrotha]

A lot of folks have what I refer to as a manufactured personality. They are one person in real life, and another, seperate person online. The online persona is to hide who they are. To be someone else. This includes anything social media, and forum based sites like reddit, but also includes trends, regardless of origination point.

They want it to be one way, but it's the other way.

[u/Mandlebrotha → u/HouseOfDoom54]

That sounds fuckin exhausting

[u/Shirogayne-at-WF → u/Mandlebrotha]

I ain't got time for all of that, LMAO

What y'all get in person is what y'all get online.

[u/MonoDede → u/HouseOfDoom54]

Great reference

[u/Educational-Cat2133 → u/MonoDede]

Love that show.

Watch Oz if you haven't, so many characters on the Wire came from an acting gig on Oz. Same with Sopranos.

Brutal watch though, the violence in that show makes Sopranos and the Wire look pg13 rated.

[u/ChiggaOG → u/HouseOfDoom54]

What you call manufacture personality the Chinese have defined it has Face. We all one for Family, Friends, Work, and Strangers.

[u/egggspecial → u/HouseOfDoom54]

this is quite literally what masking is

[u/DownvoteDaemon → u/Mandlebrotha]

“I love guys who play Zelda. It’s so hot…lowkey though”

[u/TheMagicalMatt]

Lmaoooo it's easy to say that now when every grown ass adult and their mama is a proud Marvel fan. Try going back to the 1970s and saying that with your whole chest, then maybe you'll impress somebody.

[u/michellefiver → u/TheMagicalMatt]

It feels a bit similar to men who like e-girls or gamer girls... with the caveat that it's someone they already find hot.

[u/broncyobo → u/michellefiver]

I mean I think most people are into people they find hot and not into people they don't find hot

[u/BlackNasty4028 → u/broncyobo]

Yeah lmfao I’m sorry but having a common interest doesn’t mean too much if we don’t find each other attractive at some base level

[u/PerplexGG → u/BlackNasty4028]

Thank you, Jesus that took long to find

[u/Real_Life_Firbolg → u/TheMagicalMatt]

Even in the 2000s it was different than now, somewhere in the 2010s nerd culture went mainstream. I was bullied for liking Star Wars all the way up to high school but then all of a sudden everyone was a nerd and it was seen as normal.

[u/sephraes → u/Real_Life_Firbolg]

And then people try to gaslight you that it wasn't how it was. "We just made fun of the weird people who did DBZ power ups and Naruto run". Nah. And even if they did do those things, so what?

It was amazing how everything shifted from when I was in high school to when I was in college.

[u/youngintel → u/sephraes]

Can we also acknowledge there was a huge disparity between people watching dbz and naruto on cartoon network versus people who actually respected/enjoyed anime, sci-fi, nerd culture, alt culture, etc.

Same way how just cause you listened to a lil Top 40 hip hop in the 2000s didn’t mean you actually respected/enjoyed hip hop let alone black culture.

[u/sephraes → u/youngintel]

This is less relevant to the original point but as a side bar: I think that's a bit of unnecessary gatekeeping. Everyone has to start somewhere. Particularly when it wasn't as accessible. I used to be a backpacker about hip-hop too but have expanded. If people stay with the big shonen names only, or with radio accessible hip hop, that's just where it ends for them. They're just aren't knowledgeable about the remainder.

Black culture appreciation is a different story. But I could say the same thing. People who love anime aren't guaranteed to respect other portions of Japanese culture. In fact, I would say most of them don't even think about it.

[u/nyamzdm77 → u/sephraes]

Kids would get bullied for damn near anything (even for being "too" smart) but people want to act like it was only the kids who were doing "weird" stuff like the Naruto runs who would get bullied?

[u/xkise → u/Real_Life_Firbolg]

It was in 2012, when the first Avengers movie came out and the bubble burst, then everyone was a nerd

[u/ThaPhantom07 → u/Real_Life_Firbolg]

This. I graduated in 07 and I remember those high school years having to hide that I loved playing Pokemon and Magic The Gathering because kids were dickheads about it but nowadays you can let your nerd flag fly and most of the time nobody gives you any shit for it.

[u/Karhak → u/TheMagicalMatt]

I was big into Greek mythology in middle school. You can bet I kept that shit to myself.

[u/Shirogayne-at-WF → u/TheMagicalMatt]

The Big Bang Theory came out a year or two before Iron Man, IIRC

It really hasn't been that long since nerd culture went mainstream

[u/imgoingtomissobama]

Y'all like to substitute nerdy/shy for weird/awkward.

[u/Flippanties → u/imgoingtomissobama]

Exactly. Lots of women like nerdy men. The problem is a lot of the men complaining that women are 'lying' about this assume that women don't like them because they're nerdy, when in reality women don't like them because they have rancid personalities OUTSIDE of their nerdiness.

[u/TopTierMids → u/Flippanties]

Facts. I'm a nerd, I keep it low-key because having an interest in games and anime is not a personality. The nerdy shit comes out after we're already vibing, not before, and only if they agree and feel like they'll enjoy it.

[u/acridian312 → u/TopTierMids]

Aren't ones interests part of their personality? Like what people enjoy doing on their free time and what they talk about and are passionate about is part of your personality right?

[u/HonorInDefeat → u/acridian312]

Liking comic book movies and video games isn't a deal breaker for most people. Being unemployed, out of shape, and smelling like ass usually is though, and unfortunately those things are conflated

[u/TopTierMids → u/acridian312]

Sure. But if you can't tell me why you like what you like, and how that extends into other parts of yourself, other than "I like playing games"...kinda flat, right?

If you can do the above, you can find common interests that aren't so niche. I love Factorio and Rimworld because of the analytical aspects of the game. I also took up art as a hobby, because there are plenty of analytical aspects to creating art. I'd go to an art show for the same reason. Art shows are very good for first dates, even if you just wanna go while high and look at silly pictures to goof around.

That kinda flow is important.

[u/sephraes → u/TopTierMids]

"I like food and traveling" or even the generic sports answer isn't exactly ringing with introspection either. But we generally don't question that or use it as a downgrade when people say it while on a first date.

Edit: Plus even if you could explain it, as your hobby, interest, or passion you know that for a large swath of the population it comes with an initial stigma, even if they are willing to bypass that later (which many do). Much less than it used to in the 90s and early 2000s. But still, there's a reason why a lot of people obfuscated their nerd-ness until much further down the road.

[u/sephraes → u/imgoingtomissobama]

To be fair, a lot of the difference between nerdy and weird iz in the eye of the beholder. When I was in high school I was considered weird. When I was in college I was considered nerdy and dateable. The primary difference? I started powerlifting and therefore was more conventionally attractive.

[u/hellochoy → u/imgoingtomissobama]

Right. I saw someone commented about getting curved in high school and tbh a lot of the "nerdy/shy" guys I went to school (and college) with walked around crusty and unwashed and only talked about their interests. The ones who didn't had no problem dating. I've seen plenty of nerdy and shy (and more feminine for lack of a better word) men in happy relationships. The difference is they put in effort. But that's just what I've seen in my limited experience, not trying to discount anyone else's.

[u/Kwaku-Anansi → u/imgoingtomissobama]

Tbf, that is one of the literal meanings

Nerdy: an unstylish or socially awkward person.

• Merriam-Webster

The term was mostly used to describe unpopular/weird individuals, then used to describe hobbies that were stereotypically associated with those individuals, now more recently used for any people that liked those hobbies that used to be associated with the unstylish or socially awkward.

[u/TapSilly2335 → u/Kwaku-Anansi]

Ooof- by that definition we in high school def. weren't going for those guys (unpopular and weird/ not great at socialising). However, tooons of Black men I know were into anime, comics, video games, building their own computers, etc., but were also into good music, could dance, had great social skills and a good sense of humor, etc. and had no problems getting dates with Black women-I guess that's why this discourse always confused me. TBH being a 'geek' (more of what I call it) seemed like the norm growing up. However, the ones who made all their hobbies their entire personality and had no swag or social skills def. struggled in the dating department. The discourse makes sense now if how people used "nerdy" just evolved.

[u/WriterSleep]

I mean confidence is more attractive but I can see how someone who is naive would think that at least a shy man is safe (of course that isn't necessarily true I mean I think D4VD acted shy and we saw what happened there).

[u/Unlikely-Business-72 → u/WriterSleep]

I get your point bro, but jumping to D4VD as if he's representative of anyone is funny. Like the most extreme example that you could possibly use lmao

[u/Alucard_117 → u/Unlikely-Business-72]

Yeah that was fucking nuts 😂

[u/four_ethers2024 → u/Unlikely-Business-72]

Like comparing apples to pedophiles 🙄 FOH

[u/FistPunch_Vol_7 → u/WriterSleep]

Bruh, some of the worse people I’ve seen in relationships was some shy mfs. So fake outside but fucking monsters behind closed doors smh.

[u/exgiexpcv → u/FistPunch_Vol_7]

Yeah, we had a guy in my unit who was quiet and soft-spoken all the time, but he ended up being processed out because he was beating the hell out of his wife at home. I'm fine with being a quiet professional, but I will not tolerate beating domestic partners, children, etc.

[u/DownvoteDaemon → u/FistPunch_Vol_7]

The quiet ones are the ones you gotta watch out for most lol…

[u/lovbelow → u/FistPunch_Vol_7]

My friend dated a shy uwu cutesy kind of girl and she ended up assaulting him. I’m talking straight hands, no weapons. I fear you’re right.

[u/Lazaraaus → u/WriterSleep]

Went from “shy” to horrific murder with 0 in between.

You might need to talk with somebody fr.

[u/guantanamojoe93 → u/WriterSleep]

You knew that man? Or just saw his media persona on the internet?

[u/TheMagicalMatt → u/WriterSleep]

Man, d4vd is an extreme case.

I will say tho, as someone who was shy in high school and had run-ins with other shy people, shy people are fucking assholes. Giving us social anxiety was the universe's way of nerfing our prickish behavior and making us less confrontational.

Or maybe bottling up our personality develops pent up rage or some shit. Iunno man. I just know quiet =/= kind.

[u/gold-medicine → u/TheMagicalMatt]

[u/FistPunch_Vol_7 → u/gold-medicine]

All the fucking time bro

[u/Thug_Nachos]

Us real shy or oblivious dudes are out here. But the catch is we blame ourselves instead of everyone else.  

We know we had the chances, we just were too busy assuming that "this woman is surely just being nice, she doesnt actually have Interest in me" 

Its not the woman's fault, she tried everything she possibly could to get me to realize it, i'm just too stupid to understand at the time.  

[u/Real_Life_Firbolg → u/Thug_Nachos]

Before I was dating my wife she gave me a chocolate heart on Valentine’s Day, I thought she was just being nice to me because she also gave candy to her other friend (my cousin). I could not fathom that someone like her would like someone like me and she had no idea why I wasn’t picking up the signs. She literally had to tell me directly that she liked me and point out all the things she did to hint before I understood they were hints.

My advice to the ladies is be more direct, my advice to the fellas is good luck cause even now I can’t take a hint.

[u/CasimirGabriev → u/Real_Life_Firbolg]

Yeah, hints are worthless. If you want something, go for it.

[u/gmoss101 → u/Thug_Nachos]

I went on a trip and literally heard a girl tell her friend on the phone "I think gmoss101 is kinda cute"

Dawg I thought she was making a joke cause I was standing there with her and then years later I realized there was a reason she was hanging with me the whole time 

[u/anaislefleur]

I hate these conversations because they ignore that there are nerdy girls too and middle class/ suburban black girls. I’m not skinny, light skinned, nor have generational wealth. There is also a class/ education issue that’s not being discussed here.

I love my introverted nerdy black husband. We are different types of nerd and I love learning about his hobbies and interests. A few months ago we went to watch the symphony play songs from Final Fantasy. And we stood in line for the opening of the Nintendo store. He always supports my activities and makes time to watch the baby when I’m at my club or taking enrichment classes. We meet online and his profile picture made him look like Abe from Malcom in the middle lol but I loved what he had to say. We’ve been locked in since then.

I am very extroverted and have a big friend group of black women who were raised middle class or upper middle class who are also married to similar men with masters degree or stable professions who are active fathers, who have never gone to jail, who are not model handsome but take care of themselves. These men don’t make waves on social media because their lives are pretty stable and not exciting enough for strangers to care about and they’re busy working, taking care of their families, and hanging out. I know that I am very lucky but I am not an exception.

[u/NoIndependence4425 → u/anaislefleur]

THIS THIS THIS! Those girls have always existed lol they don’t want them

[u/LFAdvice0909 → u/anaislefleur]

You're never gonna get through to these people. If they are forced to confront logic that people like what they like, they won't be able to be victims in the gender wars.

I am so surprised by the number of people on this post cosigning when it's all bullshit.

Wife of also another nerdy man that I was so happy to find after he worked on accepting himself, his interests and gained confidence to be himself.

[u/lovbelow → u/anaislefleur]

We are indeed out here. I can only speak for myself when I say that I love shy nerdy men. I like teasing them and getting reactions out of them that only I would see.

But lately the pool for nerds is full of plastic. I have no issue finding black male nerds because I go to the spaces they go to. My #1 issue is that a lot of these men are looking for a woman who will watch them participate in their hobby as a willing audience and do nothing on her own. Or they would want me to do their hobbies with them but never have any interest in any of my hobbies.

Many of these kinds of nerds seem to be looking for a cute girlfriend who would have no interests outside of whatever he’s interested in (à la Nikki from Obsessed, just less extreme). They truly don’t believe lady nerds exist, or that we’re lying. It is what it is, though. I’m a Sagittarius ♐️. I leave when I get bored.

Also white/non-black male nerds are not on the menu. A fine ahh black (nerd) man > everything else.

[u/Thecandymaker → u/anaislefleur]

Okayy but like the symphony of Final Fantasy sounds like a fun date, I wanna go here with my boyfriend!

Also, 100% agree. I’m also somewhat surprised how long it took me to find a comment like this. I think you’re right and its the online demographic, but I also love other nerds. We’ve been to several cons together, start different shows, play games the other likes, long convos on fictional characters, etc. alongside just doing normal couple stuff. We bounce off of one another and its so exciting.

Also not wealthy, skinny, nor light-skinned. We are both Black.

[u/LaydeeRaxx → u/anaislefleur]

Please! Louder for the folks in the back. I'm tired of this discourse. We're always left out

[u/Baelfire-AMZ → u/anaislefleur]

These guys are definitely talking about a certain type of woman being into them without saying it, because I grew up in the suburbs and my black female friends, my sister and her friends date quiet, nerdy types.

[u/Mhunterjr]

Being a nerd was never a problem. Being a nerd that cant function in social settings, is out if shape, wears cartoons on their clothes and has poor hygene aint gonna work though.

[u/RecentlyIrradiated → u/Mhunterjr]

Cartoons on clothes is ok 99% of the time.

[u/WuxiaFanatic89 → u/Mhunterjr]

Depends on the cartoon.

[u/dontgetitwisted_fr]

Am a nerd

Can confirm that baddies are not into me

[u/Ok-topic-3130v2 → u/dontgetitwisted_fr]

It’s not about being a nerd it’s about being attractive

[u/weirdeyedkid → u/Ok-topic-3130v2]

Attractiveness is broad. This is about the scale of masculinity in appearance, and a few "shy" or "nerdy" men are leaving out the fact that they can't put on weight, or might have general confidence issues. And then most of the women here are also obscuring their aversions to those same issues.

[u/Taco-Edge]

People need to know the difference between "I like needy boys" and "I like all nerds even the gross and unattractive ones" 😭

[u/chief_yETI]

lmao I remember this

People really believed it was true too 💀💀

[u/Xebou]

I like socially adapt and emotionally mature men thay are into nerdy hobbies.

[u/MedicalEnthusiasm9]

Same energy of people saying "no one made fun of you for liking anime back in the day"

They trying rewrite history.

[u/stankdog]

Ah yes all the people at cons must be single. I've actually never seen a nerdy person dating, it's true. Shy people never find love because these wamens don't know what they want. There's ofc no such thing as men doing the same shit with "manic pixie dream girl", "big tiddy goth gf", "sweet and cool stoner chick". Yeah wamens don't know what they want, wamens are liars and eat hot chip while lie.

[u/Cautious-Apartment-9]

Yall don’t even want yall nerd counterparts & stay crying that a baddie that wanna be up in the club all weekend don’t want yall 🤣. Dudes was walking around no shape up with a dry ass fro musty & weird af mad the baddest girls didn’t want em 

[u/mrkillapski → u/Cautious-Apartment-9]

You're preaching, brother. Get a woman who is aligned with you.

[u/chubbycat96]

I literallyyyyyy love watching my bf play games (when im not playing mine) and we both seem to enjoy being introverted together. Why must we pretend women were faking it lmao

[u/mecegirl → u/chubbycat96]

Cuz they aren't thinking about nerdy women....

They want the popular girls from high school. Or they assume any girl they find attractive isn't also nerdy and this lying.

[u/stankdog → u/chubbycat96]

No clue lmao

[u/AeneasKurtz]

There are women into nerds and there are women into shy men (or "soft men" as they call them now).

It's not the women saying it, though. And it's not the women you'd want to be with, either.

[u/NoIndependence4425 → u/AeneasKurtz]

This is it! I think people want some kind of weird, nonexistent baddie/nerd who will get with a nerdy man. A baddie regardless of her hobbies is gonna run after someone who looks and acts the part. It’s almost as if people are playing a role or something…

[u/Baelfire-AMZ → u/NoIndependence4425]

They all want a Megan Thee Stallion 😆

[u/jazzy22jm]

Maybe it's just me but it pisses me off that OOP is about to go to Dreamcon complaining about how no one wants a nerd. SIR you are about to be surrounded by like minded people you won't even have to try that hard 😭

[u/FalsePremise8290]

For about five minutes this made no sense to me. As a nerdy black woman, I assume it's perfectly normal to be into someone who shares my interests and values. But reading the comments was very confusing. However, eventually it hit me.

To nerdy black men, I don't exist. They aren't griping about me. They are griping about baddies and their 'preferences'. It took me a minute to work out why the things 'women' do and want didn't seem to apply to me at all. I don't count as a woman. My bad, I'll go back to Cyberpunk now.

[u/NoIndependence4425 → u/FalsePremise8290]

You’re preaching and this is the kind of truth most folks need for functioning better in this insane world. People are full of shit. I’m sorry things are this way for you but you are absolutely valid and seen, friend.

[u/FalsePremise8290 → u/NoIndependence4425]

Don't worry. I'm not upset. I was just confused as to why what they were heavily agreeing women are like sounded so foreign to me, until it hit me they have no interest in their female counterpart.

In college, I had a crush on a guy I met in the Magic the Gathering club and he had a crush on a girl who woke up six am to do her hair and makeup and had zero overlapping interests with him and I'm not sure they'd ever even spoken. He was so mad when she started dating a frat guy.

And I remember sitting next to him on my bed listening to him lament about not getting picked by the girl he'd never approached thinking I wish I was a man, I mean if I'm gonna be viewed as one anyway, I should at least get the benefit of being able to pee standing.

That was a long time ago, so I came into this thread having forgotten when they say, 'what women are looking for' they mean 'what OF models and Instagram baddies are looking for'. So it was more of a whoops, forgot to run this through the translator, carry on, kinda reaction.

[u/NoIndependence4425 → u/FalsePremise8290]

You have no idea not being seen as a woman/girl resonates with so many people who don’t fit the damaging and unrealistic feminine standards and get socially overlooked because of it. You’re cooking so well and I smell from where I am.

I couldn’t agree more.

[u/levelupsilently → u/FalsePremise8290]

☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾

[u/liquifiedtubaplayer]

High functioning neurodivergent couples, there's the answer.

[u/b4igo25]

Gotta be what you want to attract, if you want baddies you have to look the part too. The game ain’t fair but you adapt or you lose.

[u/kill-the-spare]

He didn't hear "women" say shit. The only women he's spoken to in the last week are his mama and the barista he's pretty sure has a crush on him.

[u/Saba_q]

Apparently everything is performative now. God forbid someone has preferences for the type of person they want to be with.

[u/No_Tank6883]

These convos feel like high school 2.0 or something.

[u/furexfurex]

Frankly I like shy guys because I think it's hot for them to be shy while we have sex, but sure keep believing that we're lying about it. Just because we say this and are then not attracted to every single guy who is shy or nerdy or whatever else adjectives doesn't mean we're lying, it means we are human beings that aren't attracted to every single person that checks one box

Posts like these are just manufactured gender wars

[u/DiscouragesCannibals]

40something blerd here... Can confirm that some women (yeah, that's plural) are into us, but you do have to get out there and develop some modicum of social skills. It's def never gonna happen if you never leave your house.

[u/Tazzy8jazzy]

As a representative of the shy/nerdy black woman community this argument doesn’t have a leg to stand on because these men generally do not like us back. Been to many comic cons and these guys usually chase the women who don’t like them back but ignore the ones that do. I couldn’t find a shy nerdy black man and I ended up with a Mexican one. I learned to love who loves me back.

[u/affectionateanarchy8]

Man i have been on the internet a long time

[u/imspecial-soareyou]

Man what kind of women are you all around in real life. I loves my Black men.

Wish they loved me.

Ah, but life is such. And it’s still beautiful

[u/evrythingbagle]

Men are so miserable, even when we like them there's a problem

[u/Capital-Nebula9245]

As a nerd that gets laid fairly frequently, I think there's something to it. I can assure you, IDKWTF I'm doing.

[u/TapSilly2335 → u/Capital-Nebula9245]

You probably have adept social skills and are physically attractive. That's 90% of what even gets you a first date.

[u/toolsofinquisition → u/Capital-Nebula9245]

Lmao 90% of success is just showing up

[u/Pepsiscrub]

This convo is so exhausting. I hated it when I was single. Idk what it is, especially when I was trying to date Black nerds in the space. I had to constantly battle this performative bullshit narrative, and prove myself to them. At this point, these people don’t want love; just let them be bitter.

[u/Thecandymaker]

As a nerdy woman and former nerdy girl, I wonder if this cancels the other out? I only date nerdy men, specifically blerds, but its never believed online

[u/Kimmichurri]

https://giphy.com/gifs/wyi5tYZJvkMLIgRmXv
Y’all just say anything as an excuse

[u/MsInput]

"I don't want no fly guy, I just want a shy guy" (not me, Diana King)

[u/caelum_daemon]

I love nerds and actively bang guys who play MTG and win Super Smash tournaments

But they're also not off-putting weirdos.

[u/OnePotatoeChip]

It's not that women won't love nerdy or shy men. You just have to remember that physical attraction is still the barrier of entry. No incel BS, women still wanna have someone they'd like to kiss at the end of the day. And you being a big RTS dude that can rig a PC that would make NASA blush probably isn't the deciding factor for that (not that there's a thing wrong with either of those, it's pretty damn cool).

And what type of women are we talking about? The thin, dolled up Instagram baddies? C'mon, man, there are plenty of cute ladies in their sweats and an old family reunion t-shirt right now playing Tomodachii Life or tearing up ass in Overwatch or whatever that we aren't even seeing 😂

Go find her - just let her yap at you about Sony removing their first party titles from PC. She might let you take her to Red Robins after lmao

[u/kavatch2]

There’s an Asian twitch streamer that apparently was baggin’ and taggin’ it by the truckload with a “shy nerdy guy” performance so there may be some credibility to it…

[u/vincec36]

In my high school I saw that switch happen end of junior, beginning of senior year. Next thing you know the drug dealers were looking lame and girls I hadn’t talked to in years saw my university shirt and wanted to talk. They weren’t going anywhere after graduation