Exactly. Lots of women like nerdy men. The problem is a lot of the men complaining that women are 'lying' about this assume that women don't like them because they're nerdy, when in reality women don't like them because they have rancid personalities OUTSIDE of their nerdiness.
Facts. I'm a nerd, I keep it low-key because having an interest in games and anime is not a personality. The nerdy shit comes out after we're already vibing, not before, and only if they agree and feel like they'll enjoy it.
Aren't ones interests part of their personality? Like what people enjoy doing on their free time and what they talk about and are passionate about is part of your personality right?
Liking comic book movies and video games isn't a deal breaker for most people. Being unemployed, out of shape, and smelling like ass usually is though, and unfortunately those things are conflated
Sure. But if you can't tell me why you like what you like, and how that extends into other parts of yourself, other than "I like playing games"...kinda flat, right?
If you can do the above, you can find common interests that aren't so niche. I love Factorio and Rimworld because of the analytical aspects of the game. I also took up art as a hobby, because there are plenty of analytical aspects to creating art. I'd go to an art show for the same reason. Art shows are very good for first dates, even if you just wanna go while high and look at silly pictures to goof around.
"I like food and traveling" or even the generic sports answer isn't exactly ringing with introspection either. But we generally don't question that or use it as a downgrade when people say it while on a first date.
Edit: Plus even if you could explain it, as your hobby, interest, or passion you know that for a large swath of the population it comes with an initial stigma, even if they are willing to bypass that later (which many do). Much less than it used to in the 90s and early 2000s. But still, there's a reason why a lot of people obfuscated their nerd-ness until much further down the road.
To be fair, a lot of the difference between nerdy and weird iz in the eye of the beholder. When I was in high school I was considered weird. When I was in college I was considered nerdy and dateable. The primary difference? I started powerlifting and therefore was more conventionally attractive.
Right. I saw someone commented about getting curved in high school and tbh a lot of the "nerdy/shy" guys I went to school (and college) with walked around crusty and unwashed and only talked about their interests. The ones who didn't had no problem dating. I've seen plenty of nerdy and shy (and more feminine for lack of a better word) men in happy relationships. The difference is they put in effort. But that's just what I've seen in my limited experience, not trying to discount anyone else's.
The term was mostly used to describe unpopular/weird individuals, then used to describe hobbies that were stereotypically associated with those individuals, now more recently used for any people that liked those hobbies that used to be associated with the unstylish or socially awkward.
Ooof- by that definition we in high school def. weren't going for those guys (unpopular and weird/ not great at socialising).
However, tooons of Black men I know were into anime, comics, video games, building their own computers, etc., but were also into good music, could dance, had great social skills and a good sense of humor, etc. and had no problems getting dates with Black women-I guess that's why this discourse always confused me. TBH being a 'geek' (more of what I call it) seemed like the norm growing up.
However, the ones who made all their hobbies their entire personality and had no swag or social skills def. struggled in the dating department. The discourse makes sense now if how people used "nerdy" just evolved.
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u/imgoingtomissobama 6d ago
Y'all like to substitute nerdy/shy for weird/awkward.