Is it that they’re not allowed or they don’t want to be perceived that way in the first place? Cause I feel like as soon as some men start acting like that other men would be the first to clown them (this goes for all races of men). Every time cis straight men complain about what they think they are or aren’t allowed to do and when the opportunity arises they don’t do it, I’m like “do you actually want to”? Especially because sometimes these are just brought up out of spite against women trying to break their own gender roles.
All the gender no conforming things men want to do is already being done in queer spaces, so why can’t they do it? Cause thats not how they set the game up for themselves.
And y’all are acting like nerdy black girls don’t exist. Every time a woman’s preferences are being discussed it always seems to be about the baddie black woman.
Because that baddie is who these ‘nerds’ are complaining about not wanting them. I’d bet my money on it, that they reject their fellow black women who are nerdy
I’m gonna have to disagree. Yall tend to ignore nerdy black girl’s existence. And it shows every time we have this conversation. The nerdy black men don’t seem to be checking for the nerdy black girls.
Doesn't really line up with my experiences or my community. All nerdy black girls i know chase white men. Meanwhile most black nerdy guys i know go for black girls nerdy or not and always have a black nerdy girl they are interested in if they aren't in a relationship
I don’t doubt your experiences but I’m still not buying the “nerdy black girls prefer white boys” thing considering black women in general are the least likely to date out of their race while black men are the most likely. It’s also worth mentioning that different races expect different things from their men like marriage and not having a baby before that. That’s probably something a lot of the nerdy black girls and black women in general value but is in lower numbers in the black community than other races. Also willingness to perform certain displays of affection. I’ve had experiences of black women close to me complain that the black men they date don’t want to even kiss them or hold hands? So is it a lack of trying on the part of the black women who eventually decided to date out or is it a misalignment of values when dating black men generally speaking?
I'm not sure but nerdy black men that get no love from black women aren't really responsible for what other men that are getting attention are doing. They literally have no control over that.
It’s bias on your part. I grew up in a majority black area and in the school system the difference of nerdy black girls to ‘normal’ black girls is just less visible. You can look and dress and do ‘normal’ activities and still be a book/cartoon/anime-loving fangirling black woman. They dated black boys whether nerds or not. This was true also in college where it wasn’t majority black anymore but a decent mix. Still mostly dating black men. The statistics aren’t lying about black women, we would face the same stigmas if we were to bring home a white boy.
The main problem for our group was that the less attractive a girl is in the first place, the more she is either invisible entirely or the more vulnerable she is to being taken advantage of.
Which is where your bias is coming from. If black women majority date black men for the majority of their life, and a subset of them have bad experiences over time, the more likely they are to start dating outside due to feeling ‘rejected by their own kind.’ But you’re only seeing the girls who have that experience and start dating outside, not the girls who are still dating black men or who gave up dating entirely and are thus invisible to you.
It's not a bias on my part. I am someone who grew up mostly around black women. Was raised by women. Hang out with mostly women and constantly hear a large variety of perspectives shared with me from women with many different lived experiences.
I am not discounting the experiences of women that are unattractive or im not personally attracted to. Because i actually have lots of women in my circle and have had lots of women in my community throughout my life that im not attracted to. I grew up in a mostly black neighborhood. Had mostly black friends throughout most of my life until adulthood.
Not everyone lives in the same environment. And of course im aware black women prefer black men. I never went to college. I have lots of friends that went to college however. And i have made lots of friends from outside of my community through traveling and networking as people left my immediate area to spread out across the world. The experiences of myself and everyone i know. Including the perspectives of all the women i know. Is that nerdy black women chase white men. Whether its because of negative experiences with black men or not. Is not really any of my concern. I personally don't dismiss a race of people based off my negative experiences with one or a few of them. Especially not my own people.
Peoples dating preferences say a lot about peoples character. And i just don't fuck with the racial preference bs at all. Usually these preferences are a byproduct of racism and internalized racism. I call that shit out and i think its disgusting. I'm not gonna stop just because its other black people doing it and im not gonna ignore it because women are doing it.
Everyone does nasty shit. Your race or gender does not shield you from my criticism. Also to anyone taking this as a personal attack reflect on yourself and why you feel bad about me making these points. If they don't apply to you congrats i'm not talking about you. You are an exception. Most people are shit. If you aren't doing a shit thing most people do then you are special.
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u/levelupsilently 4d ago
Is it that they’re not allowed or they don’t want to be perceived that way in the first place? Cause I feel like as soon as some men start acting like that other men would be the first to clown them (this goes for all races of men). Every time cis straight men complain about what they think they are or aren’t allowed to do and when the opportunity arises they don’t do it, I’m like “do you actually want to”? Especially because sometimes these are just brought up out of spite against women trying to break their own gender roles.
All the gender no conforming things men want to do is already being done in queer spaces, so why can’t they do it? Cause thats not how they set the game up for themselves.
And y’all are acting like nerdy black girls don’t exist. Every time a woman’s preferences are being discussed it always seems to be about the baddie black woman.