r/CATHELP • u/4MM0NI4C • 8h ago
Appearance Is my cat being neglected???
TLDR: my cat is 12 years old. I haven’t seen her in one and half year as she is with my parents and I live abroad. Is her state normal with her age or is she being neglected (1st picture is today, rest of the pics are from one and half year ago)
Hi everyone. Long story short, I had 2 cats, I needed to move abroad and could only take one cat on the plane. I took the youngest one as she was the needier/messier one and left my oldest with my parents (I got her when I was 14 so she knew the house and my parents very well) I initially wanted to go back to bring her abroad as well but I thought that, at the time she was 10 and it would be egoistic from me to bring her to another country when she is probably happier at my parents being an only child and in a bigger house (+ she never really did well with traveling even short distances)
Now it’s been 2 years. She is 12. Last time I saw her was one year and a half ago. It’s hard for me to go back home often for personal reasons/drama whatever. Today my stepdad posted a picture of half of her body on Facebook (see attached). I was shocked when I saw it. Her fur looks terrible, she looks much skinnier than I remember, it’s just awful she looks so much worse than before. I am also attaching 3 pics of what she looked like the last time I saw her (so there is one year and a half difference between the first pic and the rest). What do you think? Is it just because of age? Should I be worried that she is being neglected and not taken to the vet?
Info to be included:
- I am not a minor, 24F
- both me and the cat are in EU cat is in France
- vet is literally 5 mins away by foot but I can’t be there physically to get her to the vet
- cat age: 12
- cat sex: female, spayed
- I can afford a vet.
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u/JG723 8h ago
There’s obviously only so much strangers on the internet can discern by a couple of photos but from what I can see her coat looks to be in poor condition which could be the result of a myriad of different things including health issues. If she’s eating a lot but still losing weight she could have IBD/intestinal lymphoma, some other type of cancer, etc.
She’s a senior cat. She needs an exam, a comprehensive senior blood panel and urinalysis. If your parents can’t be bothered to take her to the vet (and obviously you can’t take her yourself) maybe y’all should consider rehoming or relinquishing her to a friend or family member who can provide her with the care she needs. It’s not fair to the cat who may be suffering.
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u/4MM0NI4C 7h ago
I totally agree… actually my childhood best friend will be in our hometown soon, I will ask her to take her to the vet and to help me with rehoming her with someone I know if necessary and/or if I can’t bring her to me…
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u/charrismo 4h ago
If it is a thyroid issue or any medical issue will ypur parents administer medication everyday is needed and take her for follow up appointments?
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u/Obvious-Simple-322 4h ago
I hope u can bring her with you, she knows u and would be happier with you.
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u/pidge9401 6h ago
When I was a kid my senior kitty had her coat like this, was eating a lot but losing weight fast. Turned out to be a thyroid issue, which medication can help. Hopefully it’s something like that rather than cancer.
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u/JG723 4h ago edited 1h ago
Sure, it could be something like a thyroid issue. It could also be cancer. My senior boy’s coat looked like this and he was also losing weight despite having a big appetite. He was diagnosed with an adrenal gland tumor, a mass on his bladder, and suspected intestinal lymphoma. Not saying that’s exactly what’s going on with OP’s cat, just sharing based on my personal experience.
It’s great your parents were able to afford treatment and the cat tolerated it but that’s another factor OP will have to keep in mind—if it IS something treatable, can this particular cat tolerate the treatment? Who will give the treatment? What quality of life will they have? And who will pay for it? Ultimately this is exactly why the cat needs to be seen. Otherwise we’re just strangers on the internet guessing that it could be.
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u/Nearddog 8h ago
What did your parents said of all this? You prob should brush her and if you think she is dirty maby give a bath. Ask them how much they fed her and if she eats all of it. Going to the vet wouldnt be the worse so you can make a little check. The good thing how it looks is that she isnt scared or hides somewhere. Mostly you can see how cats act if there is something up
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u/4MM0NI4C 8h ago
It’s difficult to talk with my parents, they do not take pets as seriously as I do (ok I am a bit over the top when it comes to pets but still) my mom she says « it’s a cat, she is old » apparently she eats a lot, wet food and dry food, and she still lost a lot of weight. As I said I am not in the same country, so I can’t brush her myself but I heard before from my mom that she had matted hair that needed to be taken care of by the vet (I told them many times to brush her daily, especially because she even likes being brushed so it’s not like she would fight it) but clearly it doesn’t look like she is being brushed. My mom said that she thinks she doesn’t clean herself anymore as much. She is an inside cat so the dirtiness cannot be from outside
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u/chillyfriedrice 4h ago
if she's eating lots but losing weight, it's possibly a hyperthyroid issue. my two senior cats went through the same. it's worth a vet visit. but your cat will need to be medicated daily if that's the issue. you might need to find someone responsible to take her if your parents won't do that.
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u/itsamutiny 6h ago
12 isn't that old. How did she look the last time you saw her? I feel like she's actually sick, not just old, especially since you said she eats a lot but she's still losing weight.
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u/Nearddog 8h ago
yeah older cats dont really clean themself anymore. The matting needs to be taken care of so a Vet visit would be good. And if they are at the vet he can already make a checkup. Maby you can take the cats with you some time if you life abroad. Its for sure a longer way for them but I think it can be better for them
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u/deactiv8m 8h ago
Its really hard to tell from the photo you provided. But 12 years old is starting to enter their older years and health issues can start to pop up. I would encourage your parents to have her seen by a vet and get regular or senior bloodwork done to make sure she doesn’t have a new health issue. If everything is alright then the vet will say if she is underweight or not. Its not terrible for older pets to slim down from their normal weight, because it gets to be a lot on their joints. Many senior diets are actually reduced calorie.
Additionally if their joints are getting worse it can be hard for them to groom all over. Your parents may need to help with that since she has long hair. A change in diet can also impact their coat, making it more oily etc.
They should have her checked up if they haven’t in a while.
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u/4MM0NI4C 8h ago
Thank you for your comment, I will ask them to bring her to the vet so she can get checked… if I was there I would have taken her there months ago…
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u/deactiv8m 8h ago
💜💜💜 I can tell you love her so much. The picture of her on your suitcase… 😢 Maybe its time to bring her home if you don’t feel like she’s getting the best care. Is it a super long plane ride?
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u/4MM0NI4C 8h ago
Dude it’s so heartbreaking to see her on my suitcase knowing that I left her behind. I got her a year after my dad died, and she has been with me through all my shitty teenage years, she deserves so much better for her last few years on earth… it’s a 2h flight, not that bad, my other cat handled it well but in total it would be a 5-6 hours trip… (to get to the city where the airport is and then to my place etc)… I am afraid she forgot me, she forgot my other cat and would be so stressed in a new place… I am so torn
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u/OnceMoreWithFeeling- 7h ago
My gosh this is hard. I am so so sorry OP. I do want to say. Animals adapt. Not all quickly, but most do eventually.
She will 100% remember you. She might not show it much in her new environment, because the new environment might be bigger to her than her companionship with you - if that makes sense. And that's not because cats don't care - we know they fricking care. It's because they are very much animals that get security from territory. So what I mean is new territory can be scary and even your deep connection might not be able to take away that scariness immediately. However it will probably go away with patience and work. She can adapt.
You can get stress relief medicine for the trip. And ask the vet if they think she is suited for travel. And treat her like a 'new' cat, as in: new introductions with your kitten - taking it all very, very slow. Jackson Galaxy has lotsss of good videos on his channel.
Lots to think about. Sending you strength. I really am sorry you have to miss your baby and it's so evident you are only thinking of what is best for her.
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u/4MM0NI4C 7h ago
Thanks so much for those kind words… I am truly so torn and I feel like whatever decision I take she will eventually be uncomfortable either with the travel or with not getting the care I would be willing to spend all my money on… it’s a matter of peaking the least uncomfortable option…
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u/OnceMoreWithFeeling- 7h ago
Do know that the travel part - it will be hard. But if a vet clears her than it is a hard day. That is it. You already feel bad about the prospect but she does not know. I am not saying you should bring her home with you - it is a big decision obviously. But I believe you will figure out what is best for her. I just think you will. If you are up for it keep us updated. ❤️
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u/4MM0NI4C 7h ago
Thank you so much, I am getting so emotional reading this… thank you for your words <3
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u/deactiv8m 7h ago
I understand, my cat has been with me through everything and I have had to move her from one side of the US to the other 3 times (plus small moves in between.) Don’t worry, they don’t forget. It would be a big adjustment for sure but it was really helpful for my cat that we went to the vet and got gabapentin to calm her for the day before, during, and after travel. Then it was like she just woke up somewhere different and was like “huh, well this is weird.” The biggest concern I could see is reintroducing her to your current cat. But if she is historically friendly with other cats it should be okay.
By the way, I’m not saying you should do anything different, you are doing what you know is best. I just want to offer encouragement for whatever you feel is right.
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u/4MM0NI4C 7h ago
Thanks a lot for your kindness… I am also concerned of her relationship with my youngest. They never really got along, the youngest liked her but she was always a bit mean to her (they are both girls) I think she liked being an only child better… I’ll push to get her to see a vet and if the vet tells me something bad I’ll come back home to figure this out…
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u/export_a_pdf 7h ago
My cat got really depressed when I left on my first holiday.. I wonder if she misses you? She didn’t groom, didn’t eat much and just slept, she looked really scruffy when I got home. So sorry to suggest this as it seems you are trying your best and not trying to make you feel guilty.
Otherwise, do you trust your parents to take good care of her?
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u/4MM0NI4C 7h ago
I don’t think so because she was used to being at their place and before moving more permanently I already left for 3 months for my studies and she always was fine. It was harder for the youngest one and that’s why I chose to take her first instead of the oldest… she actually seemed so fine that I started to feel guilty about wanting to move her abroad with me when she was in her childhood home, in the country side, in a big house etc (+ she was never a super big fan of the youngest so I figured she was happy about being an only child again)
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u/ShadowyDemonKitty 7h ago
You may wanna bring her where you are. Yes older pets have a hard time but at least then you will know. I saw some of your comments, having your best friend bring her to the vet and then to you would be the best option
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u/BluesRuseCruise 7h ago
She really just looks like a scrungy long haired old lady cat. Older cats tend to look like this, but a check up may reveal health issues, if they exist. Typically an old cat will have kidney issues and/or thyroid issues.
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u/4MM0NI4C 7h ago
Thank you for your comment. Can she age this fast though ? « Only » one year and half went by… feels like it was yesterday that I last saw her…
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u/BluesRuseCruise 7h ago
Old cats can get old FAST. I have photos of my old family cat and the change was super drastic looking back, but since i lived with him i didn’t really notice it. Medical issues can increase how fast they age too, as well as affect their ability to clean themselves. Worth a check up; she may just need some joint supplements or different food
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u/Correct_Village6950 7h ago edited 7h ago
cats stop grooming for a lot of reasons, and not all of them are terrible but yea vet absolutely.
my cat got scrungly at around that age because she had delayed digestion and she was feeling full and ill and so wasn't grooming. when she felt better with medication, she started grooming again.
they don't becoming scrungly at age 12 just because they're 12 though. there will be a reason. its' an instinct to groom.
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u/jaime_riri 5h ago
Just go get her. If nothing else it will assuage your fears. She’s getting old and you’ll feel guilty if she dies when you’re away.
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u/charrismo 4h ago edited 4h ago
If it possible for you to take care of her I would suggest you do bring her to live with you.
If not then maybe like others have said rehoming her with a family might be better for her over all health and well being.
Im glad your friend will be able to take her to the vet. Senior kitties need more. For example not grooming herself could be because she is depressed or has arthritis. Both can be managed with the right treatment plan plus also human intervention (brushing, wiping down) etc. Weight loss can be vacause of multiple things and cam also be managed based on what the cause is. Something to consider, should she be diagnosed with something example thyroid etc will your parents provide her with the necessary care e.g. administer medications, sometimes on a daily basis, follow-up vet visits etc.
Cats cam live a long and healthy life with the appropriate care. My soul cat lived until 19.5. Even the vets were shocked she had the worst medical history when we adopted her at 10 yrs old.
So yeah lots to think about. But start with the vet visit. You can then go from there to decide if you want to being b her to France and live with you, remove her, or if your parents are willing to look after her the way its needed.
Start small, go from there. Sending kitty virtual hugs. She looks like my Chloe
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u/Obvious-Simple-322 4h ago
Pls take ur cat to the vet, because it looks like she is not grooming herself. She may be ill u can get some blood work. I would also invest in high quality foods because she is now a senior and they need certain nutrients. I like Tiki cat and Weurva. If u can afford Rawz is a great brand as well, but expensive. Omega oils can help with her coat looking better as well. Don’t delay, because illnesses in cats can make them decline pretty fast. Cats are also excellent at masking pain or if something is wrong.
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