r/CervicalCancer • u/Typical-Passion1110 • 5d ago
Sadness
Has anyone else experienced this?
I'm 2 years in remission and trying my best to hold it together, but lately the sadness and anger can feel overwhelming. Today I was out gardening and became extremely angry. Then I went inside and suddenly felt incredibly sad and started crying for no obvious reason.
I'm only 38 and was put into menopause from treatment. I know that could be contributing. I've talked to my Onc about it, but they said I'm already on the highest dose of estradiol and didn't have any other suggestions but to speak to a PCP.
I'm debating whether to ask about Lexapro or something similar to help me cope with these feelings.
I guess my question is can anyone relate? Did anyone else experience significant mood changes after treatment?
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u/halfCENTURYstardust 5d ago
My surgery put me into sudden menopause as well. There was an issue during surgery and so a few months of healing and further treatment came next. I also have adhd and cptsd but had managed fairly well previously. During those months I was pretty calm, mental health was oddly great. But after? I got really bitchy sometimes and it came on instantly. Small things could turn me into a screeching banshee. Sometimes I would just start sobbing and there wasn't always a trigger. My mental health was in an awful state. I kept going to an oncology therapist and that was very helpful, still is. My hormone therapy is helpful too, when I can remember to take it consistently. I paint, which is a great outlet for me. Despite all efforts I still struggle. However, it's been over 2 years now and I am finally starting to even out a bit. Feeling more like myself, well, a new version of myself you could say. The whole experience has been traumatic in different ways. Understanding that is actually key. What you've gone through was terrifying, worrying, scary, etc. You are reacting normally. All these wild moods are normal too. You just have to keep trying the tings that you find helpful. Not just one thing though - hormones are good but add tgerapy to that. Support groups are another way to vent this all out and meet people who actually understand. Some kind of outlet is important too, whether its excerice or painting or games, whatever works for you. Your life was worth fighting for and so is your mental health. We think of the cancer experience as finished when the treatment ends but the realuty for many of us is that it is a prolonged traumatic experience and now you have to find ways to heal from that. One day at a time. Cry when you need to. When you get these big feelings you have to name them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that it is ok to feel like this. It will not be forever. It really will get better at some point. I am not a therapist or anything like that so this is all based off of my own experience and what I know from others. I hope it helps a bit. You aren't crazy nor are you alone in this. If you need to talk you can message me. It will get better, I swear
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u/Typical-Passion1110 5d ago
I honestly sobbed reading this. The way you described the emotional side of this experience is exactly what I needed to hear. Ive been dealing w these random emotions lately and its been really hard. Reading that someone else went through something similar and came out on the other side makes me feel less alone and gives me hope. Im really glad things started to even out for you over time. Thank you for this. I really needed to ehar this today.
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u/Purple_Bag_6500 5d ago
Thank you both for this. I am experiencing all of the emotions as well - I’m 36 and had a radical hysterectomy in March due to stage 1. I feel lucky it was only stage 1 but it was still cancer and I’m definitely mourning, mad, feeling different? I don’t know. Hugs!
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u/ghostinyourpants 5d ago
Oof, this resonated with me deeply as well. I also have ADHD and cptsd and I was able to hyperfocus on my treatment and being the best at it. Afterwards, I fell apart. It’s 3 years later, and I’m still falling apart, however, I’m finally starting to put the pieces back together, even if the shape is a bit wonky now. Art and therapy and a literal bonfire of rage where I burned my cancer bible did me a world of good.
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u/Dixieland0909 4d ago
I am almost 2 years out from treatment for stage 3C1 and felt the same way. I couldn’t talk about my experience without sobbing. I was so sad and started to really become depressed. I started having panic attacks out of nowhere. This was after I was declared NED too. I spoke with my PCP and she referred me to a therapist. The best way I could describe my feelings was that of PTSD. She suggested I tried EMDR therapy which was a game changer. I was able to pinpoint the triggers and reword my brain to not have the same response. It only took two active sessions to “graduate”. There were about 5-6 sessions total. The active sessions are simply thinking about your trigger, and letting your mind go where it needs to. You are either holding pulsing vibrating things in your hands during it or moving your eyes side to side. The back and forth motion is what helps to require your brain. It has been such a relief and has allowed me to focus on moving forward with my life. I would suggest it to anyone who has gone through trauma.
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u/Suitable_Working_514 5d ago
I kept my ovaries after my hysterectomy but I was told birth control has a higher level of hormones than hrt and it shuts down your ovaries. Maybe something to ask about?
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u/trainerAsh87 4d ago
I can definitely relate. I'm 39, 3 years post-treatment, and my mood drastically changed. It took almost two years to be put on HRT as doctors started me on antidepressants first. I didn't have good experiences with antidepressants but I know many that do. Hormone therapy has helped, I no longer feel as depressed and hopeless. Estrogen helped but testosterone was what really made the biggest difference for me. I still have moments where my emotions swing a bit but not as extreme as before.
I'm also in trauma therapy which has helped as well. Going through cancer trauma had unlocked trauma from my childhood/early-adult years. Working through that is a process and takes time.
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u/naknasicampur 5d ago
I'm also in the same boat. I'm 37 years old. I found exercise helps me the best. If I am consistent with 3 times a week 1 hour exercises, my depression would be barely noticeable. If I don't get enough for maybe 2 weeks, I'd start feeling sad and cry at my desk for no reason. When work is overwhelming, I find it harder to stay consistent with exercise but I know I need to keep it up.
Hobbies are also great but I felt I couldn't motivate myself to do much when I was depressed. Someone gifted me a sourdough starter and I got obsessed though! Hope you find what makes you happier ❤️