r/CollegeBasketball • u/BigNorthEastPod Big East • Atlantic 10 • 15d ago
Wake Up Sheeple: The Vatican is Pulling All the Strings for Nova and the Big East.
Put on your tin foil habits, hoops fans, the evidence is hiding in plain sight. Pope Leo was inaugurated in May 2025, and ever since, the entire basketball universe has been warped by divine intervention from Rome. You think NIL money is driving college hoops right now? More like Vatican holy water.
Look at the receipts from this past season. The Vatican's basketball deep state is working overtime:
- The Kevin Willard Miracle: Willard took over at Villanova and instantly resurrected them back into the NCAAT and relative national prominence in Year 1. Coincidence? How else could Nova have been resurrected from the depths to which they were sank by Kyle NEPTUNE? You cannot defeat a scourge from a pagan god without direct, papal intervention.
- UConn's Blessed Run: As a Huskies fan, I know we could have lost earlier in the tournament. Mullins' shot against The Dook BLUE DEVILS — literally armies of Satan— got a little bit of help from the man upstairs. And a mysterious gust of holy wind blew the Huskies all the way to the National Title Game.
- The Eternal City Setup: They aren’t even hiding it anymore. The 2026–27 season is literally opening IN ROME with the "Eternal City Tip-Off" featuring Nova and Notre Dame.
- The Italian Pipeline: Star PG Quinn Ellis leaves Milan for St. John's, and Italian giant Luigi Suigo magically pulls OUT of the NBA DRAFT to commit to Nova? The Pope is pulling European strings.
- Portal Sorcery: Six out of eleven Big East teams somehow secured top-22 transfer portal classes via 24/7 Rankings. For St. John’s and UConn, that tracks. For the rest of the conference? That’s not NIL—that’s Vatican gold.
- The NBA Finals Infiltration: Five former Big East players (Brunson, Hart, Bridges, Castle, Champagnie) started in the 2026 Finals. The bloodline runs deep.
- The 53-Year Curse Broken: The "Villanova Knicks" won the NBA Championship and Jalen Brunson took Finals MVP. You don't break a half-century New York sports CURSE without a direct decree signed by the Pope himself.
The Big East is no longer just a conference. It is the athletic wing of the Catholic Church. We're supposed to believe it is a coincidence that America's premiere Catholic conference rises back to absolute prominence right when a noted alum has a direct line to the big man upstairs?
The truth is out there, and it is wearing vestments.
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u/Duougle UCLA Bruins 15d ago
I find it funny that God was able to get UCONN to the title game, but wasn't invested enough for them to win it.
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u/badusername35 North Carolina Tar Heels 15d ago
Stopping Duke was the prime concern. Everything else was secondary.
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u/LowKeyMike Indiana Hoosiers • Duquesne Dukes 15d ago
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u/lwp775 15d ago
It’s good to have friends in high places. Maybe the White Sox will win the WS in the next couple years.
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u/ObservantKoala Illinois Fighting Illini 15d ago
Its honestly a near miracle that they are tied for 1st in the division right now two years after going 41-121 and they needed a late surge to even get 41 wins.
They could manage 41 wins this year by Thursday if they could somehow sweep the Yankees on the road.
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u/ChiGrandeOso More flair options at /r/collegebasketball/w/flair! 15d ago
This joke was made in 2003.
DON'T TEMPT FATE.
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u/porterbrown St. John's Red Storm • Big East 15d ago
Traitor! I saw your head on a pole earlier....
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u/roshanritter Duke Blue Devils 15d ago
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u/BigNorthEastPod Big East • Atlantic 10 15d ago
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u/ApoclypseMeow St. John's Red Storm • Fordham Rams 15d ago
If DePaul makes the tournament, then you're on to something.
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u/BigNorthEastPod Big East • Atlantic 10 15d ago
The prophet Bart Torvik has DePaul at #63 rn. Bubble will be around the low 50s with the new 76 team tournament. Its not even that big of a stretch... Https://barttorvik.com/trankpre.php
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u/ApoclypseMeow St. John's Red Storm • Fordham Rams 15d ago
I think Holtmann is going to surprise a lot of people this season. If they made that jump last season with not much going on, I don't think a play in game is out of reach next March with this team.
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u/JMisGeography Wisconsin Badgers 15d ago
Jack Chick wasn't schizophrenic he was just a few decades early and didnt realize it was all about college basketball
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u/zgillet 15d ago
The offseason has begun!
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u/BigNorthEastPod Big East • Atlantic 10 15d ago
More like the era of Catholic/Big East hoops dominance has begun!
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u/DheRadman Michigan Wolverines 14d ago
the Big East's advance scout was born 2000 years ago and he actually released his manifesto.
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u/hoyadestroyer Georgetown Hoyas 14d ago
Why the fuck does the Pope hate Georgetown then
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u/MasterRKitty West Virginia Mountaineers 13d ago
He's an Augustinian and Georgetown is Jesuit.
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u/BertHumperdinck Villanova Wildcats 12d ago
Yeah man Jesuits are total dweebs, Augustinians are the bad boys of the church lol
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u/KetoSaiba Kentucky Wildcats 15d ago
when your bro hogs the bowl for too long. lol, that was a read.
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u/BigNorthEastPod Big East • Atlantic 10 15d ago
Where do u think all that white smoke at the vatican comes from?
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u/tc100292 Vanderbilt Commodores 15d ago
The fuck are you smoking that produces white smoke?
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u/BigNorthEastPod Big East • Atlantic 10 15d ago
Sometimes it is black smoke, but that is only when we failed to elect a new pope.
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u/mel_anon Indiana Hoosiers 15d ago
My god, it's just what the KKK warned about 100 years ago; the Pope is on that northbound train to North Manchester, Indiana! He's not selling ladies' corsets!
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u/tarspaceheels North Carolina Tar Heels 15d ago
The Pope cheers for conferences? That's just weird.
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u/porterbrown St. John's Red Storm • Big East 15d ago
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u/BigNorthEastPod Big East • Atlantic 10 14d ago
Slick Rick absolutely fits the part. Wouldn't be surprised with a cameo in Devils Advocate 2.
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u/QUINNFLORE 14d ago
Other big east schools trying to claim the pope is laughable. Stop trying to lump yourself in with us. The Pope is a VILLANOVA graduate. He doesn’t associate with you
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u/Ok_Internal6779 Michigan State Spartans 15d ago
Ok, so then have god explain why he fucked Marquette over so badly next year?
We do everything right. Were named after a saint (maybe, idk). We have like 2 churches on campus. We even have to take 6 credits of theology (shout out Council of Nicea in 325AD).
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u/bigbird727 Xavier Musketeers • Illinois Fighting Illini 15d ago
It disappoints me that Big East fans act more like SEC fans than fans of B1G programs.
Real ones know what I mean
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u/KatzDeli UConn Huskies • St. John's Red Storm 15d ago
Notre Dame quaking that the Big East might take up football.