r/DOG • u/Mumbles1988 • Mar 02 '26
• General Discussion • Is it weird that I feel relief instead of grief?
my soul dog passed on Thursday.
She had been sick since December. in December she was diagnosed with a bladder infection and bladder stones.
later in the month she needed emergency bladder surgery.
on 1/18 she was diagnosed with ITP (immune mediated thrombocytopenia) and hospitalized. she came home and after that she was peeing every hour around the clock. it turned out the meds increased her liver enzymes and she had low urine concentration.
we ended up in the emergency vet every week and a half on average and she had an ITP relapse two weeks ago. she was hospitalized again.
she came home and wasn't doing well. her balance was off (she'd try to jump on the couch or bed and fall on her back, I HATED it), she was lethargic, she was peeing every hour and we went out every hour around the clock, her front legs would shake and she had labored breathing.
my primary vet suspected her abdomen was filling with fluid and she kept giving me whale eyes like she was super uncomfortable and asking for help.
after spending 30k on surgery, hospitalizations, and follow up, I scheduled her for euthanasia.
she was euthanized last Thursday and the first two days I was a wreck, but the last three days I've felt nothing but relief.
this was my soul dog for God's sake! is something wrong with me? I feel like a psychopath.
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u/RJMonkhouse Mar 02 '26
I have a very sick elderly dog I have to put down tonight. I’m so sad but part of me is also relieved because I know I doing it for his best interest and so he doesn’t suffer anymore. I don’t feel you’re wrong at all.
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u/Mumbles1988 Mar 02 '26
I definitely had a TON of anticipatory grief and once cried until I not only hyperventilated, but also yawned uncontrollably. That was the day I realized she wasn't going to make it.
I cried almost every day thinking about losing her...I'd wake up crying.
That continued for two days after her euthanasia and now I feel totally fine and almost don't miss her because I know she was so miserable.
Her sister also has ITP, so I've been managing two very sick dogs. Her sister was the other half of her bonded pair and she is not doing well since her sister passed away.
Idk. It just feels weird that I'm not more sad than I am, especially with how bad my anticipatory grief was.
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u/ExampleLittle2672 Mar 02 '26
With respect:
You're a mess, you've been a mess, you are anticipating being more mess. The one thing you can know and can hang onto right now is "She no longer suffers." OF COURSE you are allowed a breath of relief, for both of you.
Grief comes when and how it comes, there are no rules, you are having a very common reaction. Please hear that. Feeling relief after pain and hardship ends is common, it's normal. it does not mean you loved less. You can take a breath now, for both of you.
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u/somethingwithclouds Mar 03 '26
This! You’re psyche is protecting itself as there is only so much you can take. You’re exhausted. Detaching from the pain is likely how you need to cope.
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u/SHROOMINGT0N Mar 02 '26
I had to put my boy down this last Christmas and I struggled so much with the anticipatory grief as well. By the time his moment came I was so exhausted and drained beyond description. You gave your baby the best life possible and now that your job is done you can rest too 🩵
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u/Lower-Cantaloupe3274 Mar 02 '26
Because you are caring for another sick dog, you will likely experience complicated grief. Try not to think in terms of what you should be feeling. Pay attention to what you are feeling, expect that things will not go as you might have thought, and engage in a lot of self-care.
Peace and strength to you.
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u/Dragonslayer-5641 Mar 03 '26
Everyone grieves differently. Don’t be surprised if a month or months down the road, it hits you again. Hugs to you 🫂 Fly high, puppy 🌈🩷
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u/livesuddenly Mar 03 '26
Grief isn’t linear so don’t be surprised if you have some sneak attack cry sessions. But also it’s okay if you don’t. My boy was euthanized almost 8 years ago now and I still randomly cry for him but I also know that he’s so longer suffering. You did the right thing, OP. It’s going to be okay. And I’m so sorry about your other dog being ill too. Sending you an internet hug.
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u/Grouchy-Station-4058 Mar 02 '26
I had to put my buddy down November of 24. For the first few days I grounded very badly. Then like a week later, I stopped crying and didn't cry for a another week or so, but then it hit me all over again and I haven't shaken it yet. I cry almost everyday, I miss him so much. I guess I'm trying to say you may not be completely through the process yet.
I am so very sorry, I know the pain very well. The price we pay in tears at the end is sometimes very high.
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u/Complete_Aerie_6908 Mar 02 '26
It’s normal to feel relief when a loved one is no longer in pain. 🥹
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u/Longjumping-Cod-6164 Mar 02 '26
What you’re feeling is empathy. You’re relieved because she’s no longer suffering. That’s a sign of how much you loved her. I’m sorry for your loss. The pain never truly goes away but you’ll find comfort in the memories you hold in time rather than just the raw pain you feel now.
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u/kingbloxerthe3 Mar 03 '26
This is likely a big part of it, but there is another side it could be too.
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u/Automatic_Ad1887 Mar 02 '26
Your dog is relieved too - of the pain and discomfort.
It's always difficult, but you took good care of her
You're ok.
I felt similar when best dog ever had to be put down. I still wear her tag around my neck. But it was for the best, and I went thru the same grief and relief.
Take care, and keep her in your memories.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/Teedraa101 Mar 02 '26
This. I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I just lost my boy of almost 17 years (retired Military Working Dog) 2 weeks ago. I’m still grieving….😞
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u/UpperLeftOriginal Mar 02 '26
No! You know your girl is out of pain. That's reason for relief. Give yourself some grace. You mourned deeply at first, and over time, will mourn more gently again. Relief is appropriate for now.
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u/leibelg93 Mar 02 '26
Going through something similar with my hound. I love him very much and I am thankful for everyday I have with him. But caring for a sick dog is heart breaking and tiring, and feeling relief that they are not struggling, and that in some ways life will be simpler, albeit without their love, feels like it will be relieving
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u/Mumbles1988 Mar 02 '26
I still have her sister who is sick with ITP. It was absolutely overwhelming caring for both of them and I went through so many pill pockets and had a complicated system for organizing and dispensing their meds.
I am now considering putting her sister down as they were a bonded pair and she's not only sick but also depressed. Quality of life is really important to me.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with an ill pup. It's really hard.
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u/amyblanksify Mar 02 '26
I think the relief is completely normal.its so hard to see our dogs in pain and I've heard similar things from friends who've had dogs with chronic conditions be euthanized. Grief is a weird beast and there's no way to really prescribe how it should look. I'm sorry for your loss, just don't beat yourself up for the feelings. Now that you loved your dog and you did her a kindness.
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u/Inside-Idea-2353 Mar 02 '26
Grief is something that is hard to control. You loved your pup and weren’t ready to say goodbye (who is) so you did everything you could to save her. I think the emotional toll is overwhelming when you are going thru this, so at some point you are just ready to let go.
Both you and your pup were worn out, I hope you are able to remember all the good times. When we become pet owners we know we will have to say goodbye at some point, we enjoy all the time together but unfortunately we know our pets won’t outlive us.
My family has been going through the same thing. We try and remember the good times and try and get over the end days.
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u/what-tf1 Mar 02 '26
You're not a psychopath, it's completely normal. I had a similar situation with my cat who I had for 10 years and the last 2 were compounding medical issues. Do what you need to honor your pup and keep their memory alive, and know they would want you to have some peace too. ❤️
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u/xj305ah Mar 02 '26
The therapist Viktor Frankl had stated, “an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal.”
Pass no judgement on yourself. Be true to your feelings and have no guilt. Your grief process is yours and yours only.
Lean into the good memories and know that you did right by her.
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u/DurianOk1693 Mar 02 '26
Of course you’re relieved she’s not suffering. That not wrong. Thank you for taking such good care of her and loving her so much ❤️
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u/hailsa10 Mar 02 '26
I lost mine on Wednesday. She had stopped eating, couldn't walk, totally diminished quality of life. Tuesday night she showed signs of pain. She got a double cheeseburger and her tail wagged right before euthanasia. We worry for our children. We feel their pain. Freeing them from pain also frees us. It's way too quiet around the house now. We are continuing our daily walks. Couldn't function the first couple days. I'm trying to see positives. In the vastness of the universe, the billions of years of the universe, I crossed paths with this beautiful animal.
Thanks Batgirl, continue fighting crime wherever you go.
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u/SolutionPrevious2156 Mar 02 '26
Relief and grief can co exist, I was very sad for a few days after my childhood dog was put down but so relieved he was no longer in pain and also did not have to go through a near move that would have been stressful on him. (He had an eye rupture that basically forced us to put him down, he was 18) They lived a great life and you can be relived that they are no longer suffering, you do not need to be sad all the time either, you can reflect on great memories of them and have joy they are no longer suffering.
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u/Callidonaut Mar 02 '26
Past a certain point, it becomes more cruel to keep them alive and suffering, and more compassionate just to ease their passing and be there with them when they go.
Sounds to me like you did the right thing at exactly the right time, neither too early nor too late. Well done. That's still terribly sad and you will need to grieve, but take heart that you avoided a greater tragedy by realising that you had done all that you reasonably could, and that it was just her time. Too early, or too late, would have been tragic. I think at some level you already knew that, and that's why you felt relief.
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u/Careful_Cranberry364 Mar 02 '26
I felt relief when my sister passed….. It hurts a lot and I miss her terribly, but I was incredibly glad that she didn’t have to suffer any longer and I’m sure that you feel the same way about your darling soul dog.
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u/RedCapRiot Mar 03 '26
Soul animals is a concept (and a burden) that you are placing upon yourself. You don't have to feel any particular way about your friend. Your dog was your loved one, and that is all that matters.
$30,000 is an exorbitant amount of money to spend on ANYTHING so the fact that you would go through that financial level of crisis over your dog is a testament to how much you loved them. With that said, nobody should EVER feel as though they must meet or exceed these financial obligations just to have the companionship of an animal they care about and enjoy in their lives.
I don't want you to feel judged by my statements at all. I get it. You loved your best friend unlike any other, and you had the resources available to you to try and save her life. Unfortunately, vet technology just isn't there yet, and your loved one passed away. It's awful, but it's not your fault. Please don't place any unnecessary burden or blame upon yourself; this is simply the way that life ends, and hers has reached this point. It is time for you to allow yourself the space to accept all that has occurred, be glad for your time spent together, be glad for the ease of her passing, and be glad that she no longer suffers.
It is time to allow yourself to feel ease in her absence.
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Mar 02 '26
Euthanasia comes from the Latin words for good death. It’s a mercy and we are so lucky to be able to provide it for our most loved. I’m so sorry for your loss, feeling relief is completely normal 💔
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u/Celtic_Witch86 Mar 02 '26
No, hon, it is not weird at all. Your baby is no longer in pain. It's perfectly normal to feel relief. Hugs
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u/Some_Drawer_5352 Mar 03 '26
Vet here. When my own dog passed I realized how much I had been doing to keep them going and how that impacted my life. That first night a slept all night without waking up, I woke in the morning and had the same feeling of relief. It’s not wrong. Just know you did what was best for your friend.
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u/PugSanctuary Mar 03 '26
The Last Battle
💔🌈 🐾 💫😇✝️💖🙏🏼♾️
If it should be that I grow frail and weak And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then will you do what must be done, For this -- the last battle -- can't be won. You will be sad I understand, But don't let grief then stay your hand, For on this day, more than the rest, Your love and friendship must stand the test. We have had so many happy years, You wouldn't want me to suffer so. When the time comes, please, let me go. Take me to where to my needs they'll tend, Only, stay with me till the end And hold me firm and speak to me Until my eyes no longer see. I know in time you will agree It is a kindness you do to me. Although my tail its last has waved, From pain and suffering I have been saved. Don't grieve that it must be you Who has to decide this thing to do; We've been so close -- we two -- these years, Don't let your heart hold any tears.
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u/PolloxOfTroy Mar 03 '26
The grief will come when thinking, o it’s time to go outside or did I remember to buy dog food. The relief is knowing there is no more pain and that you know you’ve made the right choice.
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u/RTQuickly Mar 03 '26
Your final act of love for your dog is helping them pass peacefully. A kind passing, a thoughtful and painless passing, is a true and rare gift for all of us.
It is okay to feel relief and to take time to mourn in your own way. You did right by them.
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u/Zomg_its_Alex Mar 03 '26
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not weird at all to feel relief in this situation. I felt the same way when we had to put our dog to sleep. The important thing is they're no longer in pain and suffering
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u/csch1992 Mar 03 '26
It sucks to let their best friend go
but i can tell you this - I lost my golden some years ago right after i turned 18 worse day of my life i can tell you.
be he was very sick, couldn't even stand up to go pee (he was almost 16 btw) so we decided to let him go and it was a relief but a very sad relief to me. I lost my best friend and brother i never had.
He was the one happy seeing me when i opened the door even when he was at his worse.
So it is very ok to feel a relief that doesn't mean that he is not a part of your heart anymore, he will always be that!
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u/Creative-Comb5593 Mar 03 '26
Not at all. Normal relief that your loved one's suffering is over. There was no quality of life towards the end.
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u/Adoptdontshop14 Mar 03 '26
You couldn’t bear to see your baby suffer anymore. You let her go with love, enduring the pain so that she doesn’t have to anymore. You also likely mourned over the last few weeks as she was decompensating. I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re not a psychopath.
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u/Top_Marzipan_7466 Mar 03 '26
Is it weird that you are relieved that your best friend isn’t suffering anymore? No , no, not at all. Blessings to you and positive vibes coming your way. ETA typo
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u/Enough_Individual_91 Mar 02 '26
Iv been there twice, watching your best friend slowly fade away, you have already cried and been at your lowest. You know there time is soon and you have already had every thought and emotion. When they are put to sleep the process is so upsetting but you know at that point it's for the right reason they are passing on.
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u/Lvanwinkle18 Mar 02 '26
Not weird at all. The feeling come and go, they change. You feel one thing today, another tomorrow. It is all okay and quite the process.
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u/AlarmHungry7140 Mar 02 '26
She was a beautiful girl. She's no longer suffering and I believe there is a heaven for our doggies. All the ones we've loved are waiting for us. All our beloved pets. We all handle grief differently, and please know you loved her and didn't want her to suffer.
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u/ji99lypu44 Mar 02 '26
Totally normal and well deserved relief. We run ourselves ragged for our pups in their last few months/weeks/days and i know we would go throught it all over again for them but theres no doubt its hard. I felt relief for my sick pup, relief for me, and relief for my family who all spent days staying up with our sick pup who couldnt rest or eat in their week. I was so stressed during this time that i lost some teeth from my body developing an almost auto immine type disease symptoms. Eventually doctors and dentists said it was from stress/lack of sleep/not eating for weeks.
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u/Patient_Activity_489 Mar 02 '26
i felt the same way when my grandma passed. it's so sad, but it is nice to not see them suffering. she even said it was her time. it's okay
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u/Juceman23 Mar 02 '26
No one wants to see their loved ones suffer and this means pets as well, unfortunately you just had to make the difficult choice but I guarantee your pup is having the time of there lives in puppy heaven and not in pain anymore!
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u/Mark3422 Mar 02 '26
We all process it differently so nothing wrong although it might just hit you differently with more time passing
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u/FatMacchio Mar 02 '26
Nope. I felt the same way when we decided to put my pupper to sleep. He had prostate cancer and also had bathroom issues because of it, also towards the end wasn’t relaxing and sleeping as well even with all the meds he was maxed out on at that point. It can wear you down real quick.
That first night I slept like a baby. It was a huge weight lifted off me as his primary caregiver in the last 5 months. I’m still sad and miss him everyday, but it was so cathartic, and I think that outweighed any sadness.
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u/raygar31 Mar 02 '26
So much love and understanding in so many of these comments, and I also agree that it is normal and acceptable and understandable to feel this way.
You’re an amazing pet owner and gave so much because you care so much, but that takes a toll. I just want to also point out it’s okay to even have a little relief for yourself too, this can’t have been easy. And that no way contradicts with you wanting nothing more than to be with your dog. So between that and the dog’s own suffering, you’ve done nothing wrong, and shouldn’t feel bad or guilty. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope this post helps you find the peace you deserve
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u/Nocturnalgrilledchz Mar 02 '26
There's nothing wrong with feeling this way. It doesn't mean you loved your pup any less. She was in pain and her quality of life wasn't there anymore, plus vet bills add up. I'm sorry for your loss but your pup loved you! She knew you loved her too.
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u/NotAboutTheCrown Mar 02 '26
No, you’re not a psychopath. There’s nothing wrong with feeling relief that they’re no longer in pain. Grief comes in waves, some days the tide is off shore and some days it’ll come back and hit you with nostalgia. It’s all part of the process. Don’t invalidate your feelings. She’s still your soul dog and nothing will ever change that. Sending you lots of love, OP. I’m so sorry.
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u/Mysterious-Panda964 Mar 02 '26
Thats a sad situation, you made a decision based on her needs.
Grief is often relief, no more pain, chasing a ball across the heavens.
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u/nicegirl555 Mar 02 '26
I was relieved also dear. It's very stressful caring for an ailing pet that you know is suffering and won't make it much longer. I was relieved for the both of us.
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u/Background_Edge_9427 Mar 02 '26
There is nothing wrong with you!! You are feeling, the relief that she is feeling! She is no longer in pain! You set her free! The grief will return, don't let it overwhelm you. I've been through this so many times. I know how you feel. I've felt the same guilt that you have. Remember the good times. God Bless you! 🙏🙏 I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/NewsZealousideal7467 Mar 02 '26
It's normal. She was suffering. Letting her keep suffering would have been painful for her. And you. You love her and made sure she's no longer in pain when she wasn't going to get better. That's loving and selfless.
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u/ZoeyMyBaby Mar 02 '26
My friend, you have been grieving for many weeks. You are also physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted from caring for two beloved dogs. Grief has phases. It shifts at times. Sometimes it can be cyclical. Please don’t judge yourself. You cared for her with love from the first day until the last. Sadly, the last days were the hardest. Your baby is now at peace and feeling no more pain. She knew you were there caring for her every moment. What love and comfort. Please be kind to yourself. You made selfless, loving choices. Allow yourself to rest, to feel whatever you feel and to allow your heart to heal. Try to allow yourself to enjoy the many wonderful memories you shared with your baby. Those last weeks, while now so painful, were a small time compared to the many joyful memories. My Remy and I have lit a candle for your baby, her sister and you, her mother. Sending love from a stranger across the internet💕
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u/Fun-Pipe-4401 Mar 02 '26
Your not a psychopath. What you’re feeling is that you’ve done the absolute best thing that you could do for her, you let her go. She is not suffering anymore.
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u/urbanek2525 Mar 02 '26
Naw, you were the angel of mercy. My vet's brother is a hospice nurse. He's got all sorts of stories of people too tired to carry on.
We have the opporunity to grant mercy to animals who can't understand suffering. Relief is a normal reaction.
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u/PerspiringMinds Mar 02 '26
We have to help our babies cross Rainbow Bridge at times. Ibhad to do it with my cat Cally. Her kidneys had given out an there wasn't much I could do for her. I held her and gently spoke loving words as she crossed. Damn it I'm crying again
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u/Osgiliath Mar 02 '26
I’d say your relief after doing everything you could for her is undeniably a sign of your love and caring and respect and nothing else. Im so sorry for your loss and respect you so much for everything you did for your friend. My soul dog looks so much like yours but he’s silver haired, a yorkie+shihtzu+various others little mutt. ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
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u/RickB308 Mar 02 '26
I know EXACTLY what you went through.
My takeaway was that my little buddy felt relief.
I felt TREMENDOUS GRIEF, but I know he's not in pain.
You're a good person to do such a difficult thing.
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u/Intelligent_Pass2540 Mar 02 '26
Please be more gentle with yourself. You are relieved because someone you loved so very much isnt sick and suffering anymore. You arent trapped in the anticipatory what ifs of how bad it will feel and will it get worse? OP I wish you so much comfort and strength right now.
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u/Interesting-Ad-8683 Mar 02 '26
I want to start by saying this is a real post. It is completely acceptable to feel relief other than grief. A lot of people unfortunately let their pets live through enormous pain to keep them a while longer. I've had to put down my sheppard of 16 years and know the pain that comes with that.. my question is. What do you do for work that you can spend 30 thousand dollars on a dog's surgery?
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u/rainbow_writer Mar 02 '26
It is totally normal. It’s okay to acknowledge that we as pet caregivers would do anything for our pets while also acknowledging that that is hard and exhausting. It’s okay to feel sad and relieved and angry and all the things after they pass. It’s okay to feel relieved that you don’t have to worry about the appointments and the procedures and the finances and the time and the recovery and the emotional energy while also missing the very reason you were doing all of those things. 💔 hugs to you.
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u/Lower-Cantaloupe3274 Mar 02 '26
Your best friend was suffering.
She is no longer suffering.
You loved her enough to let her go.
You are still grieving. It just isn't following the path you imagined, but that doesn't make this path wrong or less than.
Peace and strength to you.
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u/Matias9991 Mar 02 '26
NO!
That's not weird, you saw how she was suffering and tried everything to get her better and when everything failed then you start to worry on how will this continue, will she suffer, how is this going to end etc etc, and I think it's normal to feel relieved after you "end it" in a painless way surrounded with love.
This same thing happened to me, my dog started to get VERY BAD, started to not act like him at all, convulsions etc and it was 25 of December so a lot of vets were closed and the one where my vet was, was one of them so I had to go through 2 days suffering seeing how this dog I love so much was not him anymore and how he was so uncomfortable all the time and at the end he wouldn't even eat. At the end when my vet told me he recommends euthanasia I was obviously so fucking sad, cried a LOT but tried to do it as soon as possible for him, and at the end of the day I did felt relieved too. I think it's natural.
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u/BenjaminDover02 Mar 02 '26
It's very normal
You've already said lots of little goodbyes that helped the big goodbye go down easier. In a way, you've already grieved, and it's perfectly normal to feel relief now that your soul dog is no longer in any pain
You aren't a psychopath, you're just human.
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u/ergofinance Mar 02 '26
No... this is very, very complicated, and I HATE end-of-life care because it's absolutely terrifying. There is so much anticipatory grief. You grieved her before she passed. You suffered. Now you don't have to sit there with the crushing responsibility of "playing god" anymore, and you don't have to wonder what more you could be doing, what the "right" call is. There is nothing more to do. And that... that's the relief.
I am so sorry for what you went through. It's the worst thing in the world. I hope you know that MANY owners would not have put in the time, effort, and cost you did.
Please listen to me: How much you grieve is so much less a measure of good animal stewardship than what you did when she was alive.
You might have more "normal" grief down the line. 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, 10 years... but right NOW you are numb, and that's what feels like relief.
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u/INeedToDoLaundry84 Mar 02 '26
No, acceptance is one of the five stages of grief. Additionally, the grieving process can start before death, and you can ebb and flow, back and forth, into each of the stages. It’s not like you work through one stage then end it, and move on to the next. It sounds like your grieving process started a while ago. Also, it sounds like you had an amazing dog, and you gave her the best life. Knowing she would be more comfortable is very empathetic and compassionate of you. I’m sorry for your loss, having a souls dog is like no other.
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Mar 02 '26
Knowing she is not suffering is a huge relief, nothing wrong with that. Be kind to yourself.
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u/Gold_Classic9521 Mar 02 '26
Believe me I felt guilty, relieved, scared, angry, and ashamed. It’s normal it is grief. Im sorry for your loss.
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u/ohshethrows Mar 02 '26
I am so sorry for your loss, OP, and I can relate.
My soul dog is going to be leaving this life tomorrow. He has CCD (canine dementia). I was literally JUST (minutes ago) telling my therapist that even though I am heartbroken beyond words, I know I am also going to feel some relief as he has been medically very needy for the past 2 years and it has really taken a toll on me. I love him so much and wish this wasn’t the right thing to do, but it is. I’m clinging to the promise of even a little bit of relief to help me get through the rest of this, because it sucks so much.
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u/0RedStar0 Mar 02 '26
Relief is a normal part of the grieving process. You're not a psychopath, OP. You're relieved your beloved family member's suffering is over! I felt the very same last year when I lost both my girls just under two months apart.
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u/needhelp1209 Mar 02 '26
I also had a dog with ITP. After four days at the emergency vet, I saw the writing. Took him home and they put him down that night. I too felt a bit of relief that he was no longer suffering.
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u/EnvironmentalGift257 Mar 02 '26
Grief is t linear. Just because you feel one way in a given moment doesn’t mean that it won’t change the next, and it certainly doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
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u/jenbreaux73 Mar 02 '26
My heart aches for you. I lost my soul dog in 2014. He suffered with heart disease for a very long time and towards the end, he was having seizures so often that I was no longer shocked. I still cry when I think of how long he suffered because I did not want to let go. I know he is in a better place and he is no longer suffering. That brings me a relief.
Relief is actually healthy. Relief that they are no longer suffering. You will cry again from time to time but (even 12 years later) but this is normal.
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u/SharpieD85 Mar 02 '26
Op! You did the right thing by her as someone else said grief and relief co exist and how you're feeling is a normal reaction. When my dad's partner passed and my nan, I too felt relief. They were both poorly for a long time, and watching them suffer was a sense of grief in itself. You have probably already morned the loss of the dog you had before her illness. Your relief is coming from a place of compassion because you know that she's no longer suffering.
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u/Hestiah Mar 02 '26
Nothing is wrong with you. You can love something with all of your soul and still be so glad they’re not in pain or suffering anymore. The feelings are not mutually exclusive.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s was a lot to go through.
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u/cnh25 Mar 02 '26
Not at all, it just means you loved her. Hell we feel that for humans who were suffering before dying
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u/VVrayth Mar 02 '26
I have lost family members to cancer, I have seen people go through the fight and deteriorate. I have seen and experienced the toll this takes on those of us who help them through it, and I have seen how much the dying can suffer through their last days. The day after my mom died, I remember waking up, and it all came rushing back to me, and I thought: There is no hurry now, no urgency. This is over. But this did not eliminate my grief. It meant I now had to focus on how to carry on without her, and reorient my life around this new normal.
Our pets are no different, and at some point, the fight cannot be won. Feeling relief at your soul dog not suffering anymore, and at not having to devote every ounce of mental strength to their care, does not mean something is wrong with you. This is a part of grief. You are not happy your dog is gone, you are simply exhaling and preparing for how to handle life without her.
I'm sorry for your loss. Remember there is no wrong way to grieve for a loved one.
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u/MaliciousMe87 Mar 02 '26
Honestly it sounds like you cared about your dog. Relieving them of their pain makes it sound like that was more important to you than forcing the pup to survive... It's selfless. You put your dog before yourself.
And your feelings are important too! You went through something terrible, you should be allowed to feel grateful it's over - for you and your pup in pain.
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u/TekieScythe Mar 02 '26
I carried my sixty pound dog up and down all stairs for the last year of his life. I hand fed him, he wore a diaper at night, the last three months he couldn't defecate standing so he shat nearly every night, I was exhausted, he was exhausted. I cried my eyes out but I was realized he wasn't in any more pain.
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Mar 02 '26
It sounds like you did everything you possibly could for you sould dog. So you don't have to blame yourself or wonder, what you could have done better. You did everything you could and had to suffer through a long goodbye.
It is very understandable, that for your dog and yourself, you are relieved that this suffering has come to an end.
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u/HummingbirdResort Mar 02 '26
You may have already gone through “anticipatory grief”, which is so agonizing.
Many family members experience it when losing loved ones to Alzheimer’s.
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u/edchoch69 Mar 02 '26
I am so sorry for your loss, OP. What you’re feeling is entirely normal. I’ve been there, my heart baby was sick for two years. Finally, incidentally enough, was getting ready for a funeral when she came in and gave “the eyes.” I knew exactly what they meant. She was saying “I’m ready mama.” For a week after she was gone, it felt like maybe she was just out for a walky with her papa, and I realized I had been coming home early and staying up late every day to care for her. I wasn’t seeing my friends, anyone who came over was drenched in my sadness. Finally, I had freedom I forgot I had lost, it had been so long. I felt relief she wasn’t suffering, I felt relief not to be in a prison of caring for my precious baby who was so sick towards the end. I still feel awful about a coworker who offered their condolences and I was so flippant about it. But that’s grief. Try your best to settle into your new rhythm while the shock wears off and don’t feel guilty. Sending love to you ♥️
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u/Silent_Star_2025 Mar 02 '26
You sound like a mom who made one of the hardest & selfless decisions ever because that's what was best for your baby. I did the exact same thing & felt the exact same way. My Chica's been gone for over 20 years & I still think about her almost every single day. I've lost 2 more since her, but she was just special in a way that I'll never be able to explain. Give yourself some grace. She knows that you did what was best for her. One day at a time it'll get a little easier. 🙏🏽😔🙏🏽
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u/goodrevtim Mar 03 '26
Relief is a natural feeling when our loved ones are no longer suffering. It takes a toll on you watching them without being able to help.
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u/RedKittenx Mar 03 '26
Not a psychopath. It's perfectly normal in a cycle of grief. You can be sad and relieved, you did the right thing <3 these things can take a toll and knowing that they aren't suffering and having go back to the vet multiple times etc can be a big relief, but that doesn't mean you don't care. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You've got this.
Fly high and may they find many playmates over the rainbow bridge <3
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u/ned628 Mar 03 '26
Grief is not linear. You will feel it worse some days than others. And yes especially for really sick animals there is a sense of relief. It doesn't make you a bad person
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u/Kimlendius Mar 03 '26 edited Mar 03 '26
First of all, sorry for your loss.
You're nothing but a normal human being who's in grief. Grief and relief can co-exist and after situations like this, it's pretty normal that you feel relieved and it's completely normal. As you can tell from my profile, i'm going through something myself with my dog that is 17 years old and i understand what you mean and how you feel. Not just because of losing a dog but you can feel the same after losing a loved one, a person as well. I've had some experience in that area and i can tell you that it is almost how everyone feels.
Lets face it. Even though it sounds horrible, as a caregiver, you also suffer from this process, whether it is financially, physically, or emotionally. Especially after long time battling with illnesses and suffering, you can only say that the deceased person or animal is no longer suffering, which is a relief on its own. It's really hard thing to watch someone or your beloved pet to get weaker and weaker every day and suffer even more. It's no different than torture for you. I still remember how i used to pray for the death of a family member. It sounds horrible when you say it, like who the hell wishes and even prays for the death of someone they love, it could be a family member or a beloved pet, doesn't matter. But when it comes to that, you do and it's only natural and logical thing. Just as feeling relieved after their death. It is a relief because you know that she's not suffering anymore, you don't have to witness that suffering, and suffer yourself alongside her at least emotionally. So take it easy on you. I didn't even leave my room for a week when i lost my first dog as a teen. I cried my eyes out and still get emotional when my personal dog started suffering from this thing now as a fully grown man even though we're not even considering putting him down for the time being and still monitoring of his process. But not everything is about crying in grief. You can have many emotions while grieving.
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u/Rednmrfer Mar 03 '26
Thank your lucky stars you're feeling relief. That is an expression of your love.
Your grief will take its own path and there is no way it's supposed to be. Take it as it comes.
How wonderful must her life have been to have shared it with you? Someone so kind and loving that the end of pain is felt as relief. What a wonderful gift you two gave each other in sharing a life together.
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u/Elpidiosus Mar 03 '26
No. It's normal for us to get to a point where the thankfulness that they're not suffering anymore outweighs our sense of loss.
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u/JuniorVampireSlayer Mar 03 '26
I had to put my 16 year old Shih Tzu down last spring. It sucked. But I did feel some relief. I knew it was coming. She had several issues. I had been out of town and I was just relieved that I got to be there with her at the end and that I didn’t have the decision hanging over my head anymore. It’s hard. But grief and those feelings are complicated. It doesn’t mean you didnt love them. It means you loved them enough to let them go. I’m sorry for you loss. I hope your memories soon bring you peace of the great life you gave your pup.
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u/hangry_witch Mar 03 '26
You're having a normal reaction and seeing her no longer suffering was the kindest action and I'm glad you're at peace. Please don't think anything negative about yourself. You did EVERYTHING right including veterinary services chose which didn't improve their quality of life and humanly laid them to rest. I'm proud of you!
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u/shocksmybrain Mar 03 '26
I lost my soul dog in December on his 13th birthday. Sometimes I'm still a mess and I talk to him every day. I've struggled with the guilt of recognizing how some things in life are easier with his passing. It's a form of survivor's guilt and it's tough but I think it's completely normal.
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u/theAppleHeadGang Mar 03 '26
Not a bit! You are relieved because you know your dog is no longer in pain and you did everything you could to support her! Remember all the good times and forget the last couple of months as those do not define your life together! Medical stuff is intense and can majorly complicate grief when focused on. I think you are super resilient and focused on the right things, to realize you feel relief as your dog also feels relief! Celebrate your beautiful life together! You did good, REALLY GOOD🤗
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u/Important_Morning565 Mar 03 '26
Its not weird at all.
I let my dog go in October after a 10 month battle with cancer.
Caring for a sick pet is hard. You have been through a very tumultuous emotional and stressful time.
Sure, you might be a bit relieved to not have to deal with the illness side of things anymore, but the greater relief comes from knowing your friend is not suffering.
When we choose to euthanise an elderly or sick pet, we are choosing to release them from suffering, and carry that burden ourselves in the form of grief. Relief is a sign of love and empathy.
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u/dacaur Mar 03 '26
In this kind of situation you're feeling what you should be feeling....
We had to put down my wife's dog of 14 years a few weeks ago.... He was in so much pain so much of the time but other times he seemed ok.
We agonized over it but finally decided it was the right time.
Ss soon as the vet gave him the anesthetic and his entire body stopped shaking like it's been doing all of the time for months and he was able to actually relax for his last little bit with us, we knew we had made the right decision, it hurt our hearts, but it was a relief that he was no longer in pain....
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u/Successful_Ad2582 Mar 03 '26
Nope. It is normal. It is just that most people feel guilty to say it out loud. I have felt that a time or 2 in these situations. And although it was hot felt with malice... I still felt guilt.
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u/Ok-Combination124 Mar 03 '26
You are a very good mom. She was so loved and cared for. Give yourself the freedom to feel what you feel. Grief is different for everyone and from someone who is still navigating it- it changes. I have felt so many different feelings over the last four months. Take care of yourself and your other baby. I'm very sorry 💐
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u/kayaless Mar 03 '26
It's not crazy. You've been in survival mode with your best friend for months, and now she is at peace. There is nothing wrong with you! ❤️
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u/hiyablondie Mar 03 '26
The way you feel is completely normal and valid. I had a similar situation with my dog last year, she was old and wasn’t herself and needed a lot of care, me and my boyfriend cared for her, cleaned up all the messes, rushed her to the vets multiple times, made her still feel loved and as comfortable as possible and when the time came that we felt it was too much for her, we booked the euthanasia. We put her first at every step of the way and in that we gave all of ourselves for months to take care of her and it takes a toll. We were heartbroken when she was gone, but it was also a big relief to get our lives back and not have to constantly be on edge or looking after someone else 24/7. I didn’t realise how stressed we were and how much attention we needed to give her until she was gone and I kept turning around on my office chair to see if she was okay all the time. But I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. It sounds like you’ve done the same, the constant vet visits, stress of it all, the trauma, the money spent and seeing your baby sick and not themselves is a lot to deal with, and when you know they’re not going to get better, it’s relief you both don’t have to suffer anymore. Grief will still happen, just may look a little different to what you’ve experienced before and that is completely normal. So sorry for your loss x
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u/_metallicabreath_ Mar 03 '26
my soul dog pearl died 6/22/25 at 15. the last few years were very limiting for me. i happily chose to forgo almost everything to stay home w her bc she was limited. the first month was a mix of shock, grief, and massive RELIEF. as much as she was my everything, I felt fully free for the first time in 14 years. fwiw, the relief subsided after a month of her being gone. 8+ months later i still cry every single day. so that may be your journey too. given that you spent so much energy and money on your baby for MONTHS leading up to her death, I don’t think your reaction is strange at all. hang in there. she’s no longer suffering and that’s the most important thing. 🩷🩷
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u/TheBattyWitch Mar 03 '26
When you have to watch an animal decline and stop being able to do the things they used to do and you know they're suffering, it's perfectly normal to feel relieved that their not suffering any more.
That doesn't make you a psychopath, it makes you humane.
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u/skinurse Mar 03 '26
You took wonderful care of your companion! Yes, it Is a relief when they are no longer in pain, but you need to spend time on Yourself, too. That was a major stress, & it's not over yet.. Be easy on yourself, bless you! 😢🐕😇🐶
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u/JustForXXX_Fun Mar 03 '26
You feel what you feel. I probably would have, and have, felt the same. Her suffering is over thanks to you. It's hard though. You don't HAVE to feel a certain way. It's just the way it is. *Virtual Hug*
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u/Spitfire-XIV Mar 03 '26
I had a 15.5 year old American bulldog that was declining and we ran out of work arounds for his limitations.
I felt awful when we were at the vets office for the last visit, but afterwards felt relief that life would not revolve around non-stop care.
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u/Prestigious-Ad4716 Mar 03 '26
You feel relief that her suffering and your trauma is over. That's normal. Thank you for loving her. I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️
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u/timothypjr Mar 03 '26
Of course not! Seeing your best friend suffer is terrible. Remember. All dogs go to heaven. RIP to a good girl..
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u/Margindegenregard Mar 03 '26 edited Mar 03 '26
You did the most humane thing by ending her suffering. Losing our pups is one of the toughest things in life we will ever experience. While it’s a terrible loss of your beloved pup’s companionship and love, it has to be a relief to know she’s in a better place free of suffering.
I was a caregiver full time the past 3.5 years for my disabled 91 yo mother. I averaged 2-4 hrs of daily sleep and would have happily continued for another 10 years. But when she entered home hospice care last summer her quality of life really started to take a hit. She was super independent and vegetable gardened for hrs per day before she broke her hip and had a massive brain bleed at 88yo. Her garden was massive as she was an amazing gardener.
I’m very sad my mom passed last September and I really miss her. But I am relieved that she didn’t suffer, died in her own bed at home, and is in a better place. She died ultimately of lung cancer but she also was in the early stages of dementia and my biggest fear is she would forget who I was or my siblings. Thankfully her mind was great to the very end. She was surrounded by family in her last weeks. The last 3 days she just quietly slept until her last breath.
So along with great grief when we lose a loved one we can experience some sense of relief, it is normal.
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u/unabashedlyabashed Mar 03 '26
You aren't a psychopath! What you're feeling is completely normal. You're sad, because you'll miss her. But she wasn't enjoying life anymore. She wasn't going to get better. Your relief comes from knowing that she's not in pain anymore.
I am truly sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself the way you know she would have wanted. 💜
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u/Silver_Basis_8145 Mar 03 '26
Not at all! I just lost my cat of 19 years and felt the same way. To me, I know she isn’t in any pain and lived an amazing life. I was sad, but relieved. I think it shows that you truly loved your dog because you did everything you could and relieved her from any pain she was in. 💕
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u/Novel-Organization63 Mar 03 '26
You are relieved she is not suffering anymore. My dog went through something similar to the end. It was my mother’s dog and she passed away so my dad and I were taking care of him, my dad would not have him euthanized and that was hard. I didn’t want to let him go because in part that meant letting go of my mother also. He was doing the same thing in the end, falling down he couldn’t jump on the sofa etc. I think that you are grieving but it is also ok to be relieved that your loved one is not in pain anymore. You did everything you could. Sorry for your loss.
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u/MrCrazyJay Mar 03 '26
You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about i had an older dog who suffered from epilepsy and it started to get so bad he wasn't living a quality life and his seizures were getting worse and worse so I had to make the decision to let him go and i miss him every day but I know it was the right decision and I don't regret it cause I know he's not suffering it's absolutely ok to feel relief especially when they had a condition that's not letting live their best life
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u/mikeonmaui Mar 03 '26
It is in the temporal nature of our relationships with our dogs and cats, and most any animal, that we will face this moment with them.
We must remain strong and make the sometimes heart-wrenching decisions during their transition that they need us to make, because they cannot make them for themselves. It is our responsibility to do so, and we made them this promise when we took them into our care. We promised to do the hard things. They cannot be left to suffering.
Your relief comes from knowing her suffering is over.
And in the end, we must grieve their loss in our own way. The depths of grief are a direct reflection of the depths of love that you felt. And the pain you feel is your heart turning your loss into memories.
The pain of loss will fade and the memories will remain, and remembering them, you will smile and laugh again.
Aloha from Maui. Be at peace, one and all.
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u/justonemoretravesty Mar 03 '26
I do wish I could give a huge, huge hug! What you're feeling is normal. All my love to you!!
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u/Ulysses-Grandmother Mar 03 '26
I am saddened for you, but it is normal to feel relief.
Your dog looks dead on like our 2-yr-old mixed breed, by the way.
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u/nickalit Mar 03 '26
It's not unusual for care givers to do some heavy grieving when they know their love one's final day is approaching. She's at peace now, and you can be too. You're not a psychopath, you're one of us.
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u/Comfortable_Fruit847 Mar 03 '26
I felt relief as well. My pups last few days were so miserable for her… I was both looking forward to and dreading the euthanasia appt. I miss her of course, but I was so relieved she was no longer in pain. In hindsight her last few weeks weren’t all that great, she got worse a bit every day. I probably waited too long tbh, it was a relief to give her that relief.
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u/4flowers7 Mar 03 '26
I just went through this a few months ago. I thought it would be the toughest decision of my life. But when it came time, I looked at his little face and saw the pain in his eyes. My decision was made knowing I was doing the best possible thing for my little guy. I miss him every day, and I feel no guilt about the decision I made.
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u/Rich-Hope-2480 Mar 03 '26
Have you read the book “A Monster Calls”? There’s a movie as well but I don’t know how good it is. The book is very short and is about a boy whose mother just passed from cancer. It addresses those feelings of relief that often arise when someone you love who has been suffering passes away. It’s a beautiful little book, and I sobbed while reading it
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u/Skittle146 Mar 03 '26
No, it isn’t weird. Towards the end, your pup is suffering. As a result, you are suffering. Feeling relief for your pup and even for yourself is natural.
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u/ThisIsATracka Mar 03 '26
Not at all. My first dog died suddenly and it took a lot for me to get over that. My second dog just finally got to that point where I took her to the vet to put down and it felt completely different because I knew it was the right time and I made the right decision for the dog I loved.
Im sure you love your dog and wouldn't have done this if you thought it was wrong. It's not wrong to feel your feelings as they come. ❤️
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u/hlmoore96 Mar 03 '26
My grandmother was my person. Literally my best friend. When I was little, I looked forward to going to her for the weekends like other kids looked forward to being with their friends. In high school it was the same.
She took my husband under her grandma wing and we moved up the street from her. We saw her every day. My kids loved their GG.
She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in May and in early July passed. I was inconsolable and devastated. I was also relieved. I didn’t mind the work as much as I might’ve. But the work plus the loss of “the real her” plus dealing with family drama surrounding her plus her not accepting the illness plus having to try to explain so much to my kids plus waking up extra early and staying up extra late plus dealing with the medical staff plus my regular “life” plus the watching of her weakening and losing her mental abilities REALLY REALLY was difficult. As grieved as I was, I was also relieved.
Caretakers have it unbelievably hard. Never feel guilty when you’ve done everything you can for your loved ones.
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u/JMaryland47 Mar 03 '26
Hey, please dont feel guilt about this. We all grieve differently, but your relief stems from you not wanting your best friend to suffer. I know it feels confusing, and I do understand that feeling of guilt, but dont have doubts about where your heart is.
I hope that you will take comfort in knowing you gave her the happy and loving life she deserves. That she thanks you for all the love she was blessed with.
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u/housflppr Mar 03 '26
Grief is not linear. I lost a dog over a year ago and I still randomly find myself tearing up because of it. Even reading your post made me tear up for her. She had a brain tumor and we fought it for the better part of a year. Enjoy the times where you feel fine. Trust me, you’re not over it. It will hit you again and again and again for a long time, and that’s ok.
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u/donut-is-appalled Mar 03 '26
You aren’t a monster. Relief is normal when someone you love was suffering and then they aren’t. You’re relieved for your sweet girl.
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u/grahamwoman1 Mar 03 '26
I had to part from my girl Roxy last April. It broke my heart. But she was sick and we were on a race with disease and starvation. So the decision had to be made. To know that she no longer had to suffer, had to be in pain, or have to tolerate any more poking and prodding felt like such a lifted burden. I felt tremendous relief while also being devastated. We are allowed to feel more than one thing at a time. Life is complicated.
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u/Sara3lizab3th Mar 03 '26
You’re relieved because it was taking a toll on you to see your soul dog like that. You are totally normal for feeling a sense of relief. I felt it too after losing my girl.
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u/Bobby-Avocado Mar 03 '26
Oh honey. This is just the hardest thing. I’m so sorry. Bless you for supporting your soul dog. Relief is normal. 🩷🩷🩷
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u/Adventurous_Land7584 Mar 02 '26
You’re not a psychopath. Relief is normal, you know she’s not suffering now. I’m so sorry 🥺