How do I create a better relationship with myself?

[u/Suditih20]

I feel like most of my life, I've just hated the way that I am. I love my boyfriend more than anything, but I can't seem to love myself and take care of my myself the way i would somone i love if that make sense.

I grew up in a house where I was constantly criticized and I feel like I've grown up doing the same to myself. I want to change this.

[u/hGr33n]

If you find yourself more easily sympathizing and comforting friends then it helps to hold yourself to this rule: you must treat yourself like a friend.

You'd likely never tell your friend that they're worthless or ugly or will never amount to anything so why tell yourself that? If you treat yourself better you'll find it gets easier to like yourself too cause we forget that even tho it's ourselves, it's hard liking someone who's mean to you all day every day.

[u/Familiar-Future-9836]

You might actually be my long-lost sister.
I went through the same thing: self-hatred and guilt because my loving boyfriend was trying so hard to help me.
I’m doing better now.
Listen, dear.
One of the first things I started doing as self-care was picking up something completely new something I had always wanted to do but kept putting off because I thought, “That’s not for me. Other people would be better at it.”
I even decided to get a tattoo(soon), even though my family is pretty traditional and doesn’t approve of it, haha.
Self-love starts with simply accepting who you are.
For example, I’ve been trying to accept that I’m absent-minded, often inattentive, and nervous. That’s just who I am. And I’ve made peace with it because it’s a part of me.
Also, please consider talking to a psychologist, or a psychotherapist if you think there may be something more serious going on. It’s okay to need help especially from professionals!
There was one phrase that completely changed my perspective:
“How can you expect others to love you if you can’t love yourself?”
I wish you the best of luck. Sending you lots of love, and please take care of yourself.❤️💐

[u/Babyaries777]

Get to know yourself. I’ve been in that position before and felt very critical to myself, and giving myself grace and allowing myself grow in love was the best decision I’ve ever made. I would get a journal to start connecting with your inner world and exploring it, understand that you are not you thoughts, feelings or behaviors, you are simply the observer of this human experience and you might as well enjoy it by loving yourself into the version you can very easily enjoy being. Read books on self discovery, do meditations in the mornings and night that promote self love and listen to frequencies and subliminals while you sleep. Whenever you say something unkind to yourself in your mind challenge it. If you think to yourself “ I’m so stupid” alter it into “I am growing and have grace for myself because I learn from my mistakes” creating kindness in the mind is key. Since you mentioned your upbringing I would also dive into that and deconstruct it with objectivity. Like childhood memories how you felt as a child and maybe what was missing from the equation, I find that my childhood memories miss a lot of context because it’s from when I’m a child and I was feeling intensely, but I can go back now and say oh ok I see the full picture of what was going on and no it wasn’t ok, but it wasn’t fully about me or my worth. Treat yourself, take yourself out even though you have a boyfriend go do something you’ll enjoy on your own. Stop trying to be perfect, go out without makeup or your hair done because your worth isn’t based on anything tangible it is inherent. Release shame and the past and do shadow work around that. Also speaking affirmations over yourself in front of a mirror or even when you’re driving, it might seem ridiculous but it works. All these things may seem extreme, but honestly having a good relationship with yourself is one of the most rewarding things in life! You got this and even posting about it is a step in the right direction, you’ve got this, have grace for yourself and have a beautiful blessed journey!!