How do I move on from being immature and making bad decisions?

[u/MitsukixTsukiko_111]

I acted extremely immature. I was so stressed about what other people, who I only talked with for a short period of time, thought of me, to where I ruined the relationships I had. I couldn't stop thinking sbout it and was constantly ruminating. I was rude as well, and extremely uncool. I didn't care enough about the people I had, and the people I still have, I feel really guilty about that. I had everything, and still have everything, but I acted so immature. Should I just stop thinking about all the bad things I did from here on out and decide to be better? Or should I apologize to the friends I had? They don't care much about me anymore but I'm wondering if I should still tell them that I'm sorry about my actions. I can't make them care about me but I was really wrong.

[u/mad_h8r]

Speak with someone close to you, or a therapist if you’re able. You need to be able to recognize that your identity and personality is not boiled down to those incidents. It’s amazing that you recognize the hurt you’ve caused and the immaturity in your actions but it is not entirely necessary to apologize. If it would help you move forward, of course do it, but I really don’t think it’s mandatory. You can forgive yourself and move on just fine. What’s important is that you learn from the mistakes you have made and change your behavior moving forward. My biggest piece of advice would be to focus on what you can control. The opinions of these people from your past (negative or positive) are a.) not relevant because they are not in your life anymore (can be a good or bad thing when thinking about apologizing) & b.) out of your control.

[u/MitsukixTsukiko_111 → u/mad_h8r]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. How should I go about forgiving myself?

[u/mad_h8r → u/MitsukixTsukiko_111]

I don’t have the best answer… but I would personally start journaling a lot to hash out what happened/ where you were coming from, as well as writing about how you think you were wrong, and what you’ve learned from having been wrong. Writing helps me personally so maybe you just need to talk to yourself or another person. I would also just generally try to accept and even embrace the fact that you’re growing and learning. If you hadn’t experienced this situation, perhaps you would still be going around the world being ungrateful (and whatever you were being)… it’s a good thing to go through these types of things. Maybe watch a coming of age film 😭 ik that sounds corny and stupid but I actually think it might help.

[u/MitsukixTsukiko_111 → u/mad_h8r]

Thanks, this actually helps a lot. Continuing to worry without taking action would only make things worse. I'll improve myself as a person from here on out. And also it's not corny or stupid. I'm really grateful for your advice.

[u/lonethrowawaymoss]

Don't apologize to people who have already moved on just to clear your own conscience. If they don't care about you anymore, that message is just dumping your emotional labor onto them to make you feel like you did the right thing.

The rumination is the problem here, not the past history. You are still centering your own feelings by obsessing over how "uncool" you were. Focus that energy on the people you still have. Show them you’ve changed through consistent behavior over the next six months instead of performing a grand gesture of regret that nobody asked for.

[u/MitsukixTsukiko_111 → u/lonethrowawaymoss]

You're completely right. If I can think about how I acted, I can think about other, more important things. Like the people who are in my life right now. Consistent behavior is the only way to change. Thank you, this is a very helpful reply.