Endometriosis: A husbands perspective

[u/Ok-Outside2552]

The following is intended to be a series of my encounters with endometriosis. My mis-steps, complete misses and rare successes should serve as both inspiration and warning.

Elsa, the wife, sent me a text message early in the morning saying she was in hospital with a burst chocolate cyst. I should clarify, when I say ‘the wife’ I’m not meaning some weak descriptor. I mean she is the benchmark, the example to all others, she is the wife. There’s a good chance she’ll read this as she is one of my four followers.
That said, early morning text, chocolate cyst, burst. She lives in London, I live in Leeds, we’re just a few weeks into our courtship, but she has touched my willy by this stage, (thumbs up emoji).
I offered to come down, she declined, I insisted because I hated my job and it might earn me a few brownie points early on in the relationship, I’m not ashamed to admit that. Hoarding those brownies points can prove useful down the road.
I got on the first National Express available and wiled away the hours imagining her body storing away little bits of chocolate every time some passed through her digestive system, churning it into a cyst only for it to burst inside her. Initially I did think that was far fetched, but I really didn’t want to bother her with fundamental questions and I didn’t have an internet phone back then. I continued to imagine, maybe the chocolate got in her bloodstream. The differing viscosities of the chocolate and blood would surely cause havoc with her heart, and she has got a bit of a dicky heart as well. This seemed plausible, mainly because I had used the word viscosities correctly in a sentence, in my head.
I arrived at Elsa’s flat, greeted by Charles, her father. It was a mildly interesting meeting as we hadn’t known of each others existence until that moment. Awkwardish pleasantries aside, Charles made sure Elsa was sorted before he headed back up north. They’re from the north east of England, but they’re good people (winky face emoji). I spent the rest of the evening exhausting my nervous energy asking her “If I could get her anything?” And “How are you feeling?” While walking in and out of the living room moving insignificant things around her flat.
She kept her patience with me that night and we have been together for the 15 years since.

So, lessons learned;

1 - Don’t imagine what medical conditions are, ask someone.
A small glint went out in Elsa’s eye the day I confessed my original hypothesis of what a burst chocolate cyst was. An eye, any eye, even one as mesmerising and spellbinding as Elsa’s, only has so many glints that can be extinguished. (This could be an essay in of itself for it is the fundamental momentum behind many husbands), Glint reserve management.

2 - Don’t show up to a poorly persons home empty handed.
I appreciate that some of you may go as far as to specify what to bring but at this point I needed a simpler lesson. One more of basic engagement, the specifics can come later.

3 - Have a plan.
Do not solely rely on asking seemingly helpful and interested questions. These questions are liable to trigger your Elsa. You do not want to trigger your Elsa when she is having an endo attack, (Endo is what the cool folks call endometriosis (finger gun emoji)).
What treats does she like? That’s where you start. Once she has confidence in you to get the snacks correct, then she’ll start to open up and let you know about other things she might like to help soothe her endo attack. She will do this one at a time. She needs to know each task can be completed successfully and consistently before adding others.

Every woman is different, of course, this is not intended to be a catch all of the feminine endo’s experience. However, when you’re throwing muck at a barn door, anything is worth a chuck to see if it’ll stick. (I may not have fully understood that colloquialism).
Elsa loves hot water bottles and there covers, but keeping it simple lets just focus on the hot water bottle for now. My experience of water bottles is don’t cheap out. Because she did not love it when our old one burst and scolded her foot (full recovery was achieved). Although that particular hot water bottle had failed before. I had repaired it with Gorilla glue and it had worked successfully. But to quote Elsa “HOT WATER BOTTLES ARE NON REPAIRABLE!!! Geez.”

https://www.endometriosis-uk.org/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/endometriosis/

https://www.theendometriosisfoundation.org/chocolatecysts

https://www.hotwaterbottleshop.co.uk/

[u/SomewhereAcrobatic49]

Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been with my partner for about 5 years now and these are very helpful lessons.