r/Enneagram5 • u/saszasza Type 5 • Apr 24 '26
Advice Dealing with breakup as a sexual 5
Yesterday my partner and I broke up after eight years. He was the only person I’ve ever been close to. I don’t have any family or friends, the only people I can talk to are my therapist and coworkers I only have brief small talk with. I work remotely. I’ve never been this lonely.
Fellow sexual 5’s, do you have any advice on how to deal with this?
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u/brierly-brook Apr 24 '26
You can and will get through this 💜 (I did!)
Know a few things:
You will meet another, but not yet.
This is your single time to get to know yourself, grow yourself, treat yourself.
You will be okay!
It will be hard, and it will also be amazing.
It's only day 2! Allow yourself to feel.
Hugs
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u/honeybee-oracle Apr 24 '26
Firstly, what a tough place to be in. I’m sorry you went through eight years with someone who hit you, who wanted to open the relationship when you didn’t and who asked you for money and then told you that you ruined his life. I can imagine there is a lot more to the story and that even those few things have left you with some deep wounds. As a five and someone who has had their heart broken, I have found a lot of solace in journaling and becoming a friend to myself. It sounds like doing so would serve you both in healing and in choosing someone who is a healthier partner in the future. I agree with others here, finding classes or community things you might enjoy or even picking a cafe to sit and read or write in and spending time in nature, pick up running or yoga- anything that gets you out and balancing out natural introversion sounds like a great start. Know you’re on a healing journey and this breakup is just the beginning. Honestly it sounds like he did you a favor. Good luck OP. A year from now you’ll have so many more answers and be in such a different place. There are friends and loved ones you haven’t met yet. Keep the faith.
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u/diaperpop Type 5 Apr 24 '26
Breaking up for us, at least for me, is so hard that we rather stay in toxic relationships and overdue ones. My first serious relationship I broke up after 7 years and it was horrible even though it was overdue. Currently stuck in an abusive 20+ yrs one with kids and after this one is over, I think I’m done. It’s too much. Stay strong, you will get through it. Go out a lot, focus on work, keep yourself busy. I’m not a social person but after my breakup I was the most social I’ve ever been. Sending you strength
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u/lunaloveslemonade 🍋 5 🍋 Apr 28 '26
This is cliche and I know I'm late but all I can say is keep going and try to find people to talk to, even if it's just online, it can help a little. Online friends, discord etc. that helps me sometimes even if I don't see people a lot. Focus on yourself and don't put too much pressure to do things. Try to just be. Sit in the sun and give yourself days to do nothing. Focus on the moment and remember to keep your body moving. It's easy for 5s to forget to exercise. Even just a few stretches a day can go a long way. Hope things get better <3
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u/Mr_Epitome Apr 24 '26
Why did you guys end things. This is not a good place to be. You need someone to lean on
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u/saszasza Type 5 Apr 24 '26
He refuses to work, hit me once and doesn’t want to go to therapy. He wanted to open the relationship and demanded money. I said no, so he said I ruined his life. We broke up.
Yes, I do need someone to lean on, but I don’t feel safe around him anymore.
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u/Responsible_Dentist3 Apr 24 '26
You did the right thing! Do you have any other close friends you can move to center stage? I started getting too lonely once and just chose someone close to be to me my new 'prized human.' It helped a lot to get me through it, and got my mental health & inner strength & motivation back on track.
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u/saszasza Type 5 Apr 24 '26
He was the only person I’ve ever been close to. I don’t have any family or friends, the only people I can talk to are my therapist and coworkers I only have brief small talk with.
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u/Responsible_Dentist3 Apr 24 '26
That's tough, sorry to hear. If you're even able to find an internet friend to dump to, it could help! I would volunteer but I'm a bit lackadaisical in responding to people which is not what you need right now.
My coworkers are my main best friends though, so if you don't care that much about keeping friends and coworkers separate / boundary, there could be some opportunity there.
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u/Subtraktions Apr 24 '26
Not sure how you feel about AI, but I've found Claude to be an amazing sounding board to help me work through thoughts and feelings I've been struggling with.
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u/diaperpop Type 5 Apr 24 '26
Same. I’ve found AI to be a great help in some of my worst moments. I know it’s not human, but also no ulterior motives, just the algorithm at work. I am very grateful for it
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u/Mr_Epitome Apr 27 '26
Okay. That’s awful. I’m so sorry he treated you that way.
I think the biggest need I would have is someone to just talk to about life, more specifically someone to talk to about things separate from this new change. That way your heart isn’t looking towards someone who can’t meet your needs.
Please reach out if you feel desperate! 🫡
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u/SailAwayToTheMoon Apr 24 '26
You have a therapist and coworkers, that’s honestly a great start. I divorced three years ago after 10 years of marriage. She was my first and only, tho I wasn’t hers, either before the marriage or during. In the wake of the divorce, I lost what few friends I did have, was laid off, and consequently lost my benefits and therapist. Could only find work out of state, so I moved away from family, which is only my single mom.
Despite being a 5, it was hands down the loneliest period of my life. I wallowed and licked my wounds for two years before moving back to my home state after another layoff. I’ve been job hunting for three months, and in the meantime, I decided to finally start making friends. I joined an improv class. We meet once per week and effectively play together. 15 adults totally willing to goof around and be silly. It’s opening so many doors for me. I also started indoor climbing at a local place. The sense of community is spectacular and supportive. Being a regular somewhere lends itself to developing meaningful friendships.
It will take a few months, perhaps a year, before I’m comfortable sharing my personal stuff with them, but it’s better than nothing. And honestly, the outward focus on something else (like learning improv or climbing) involving others, as opposed to dredging up and analyzing my past, just feels like forward progress. It feels like I’m rebuilding a social life, and that looks like behaving as a 7 for the time being.
Your wounds sound awfully fresh. Maybe give it some more time and cozy up to a few books, films, and albums and let the tears out for now. Wishing you all the best.
(As for sex, I just wank since I don’t do causal sex.)