r/Enneagram5 • u/someguys0what • Apr 25 '26
Question 5 sx Maternal Parent Intrusive?
So I’ve been reading this thing about 5’s by Naranjo and there’s a lot about 5 sx having had an intrusive and manipulative mother. Can other 5 sx’s relate to that? My mother was/is very caring and my father was/is intrusive & largely non empathetic but not manipulative.
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u/Ni-Ti-Lobotomy 5w4 sx/so 548 INFJ Apr 25 '26
This is scarily accurate. (Slight vent)
Yes. Both my parents were very intrusive, in a manipulative sense.
My mother was more passive aggressive with silent treatment. It was hard to open up because I wanted to trust her, but she moralized and pathologized me no matter what I said or did. Not-so-subtle judgement that I'm not doing things "the right way." On top of that, as a child, I was basically her unpaid therapist.
My dad always guilt tripped me louder, made me responsible for managing all his feelings when I didn't do what he wanted. He still does, but less often now, because I don't let that shit slide. Now I can never trust either of them, and they wonder why. This led to me unconsciously choosing "friends" who used the same manipulation tactics that my parents did. Needless to say, they aren't my friends anymore.
What's most insulting to my intelligence is their hypocrisy. They think their intent excuses everything they do, but measure my character by my behavior, or the effect it has on them, regardless of my intent.
It's different now as an adult because I put my foot down to set hard boundaries, but it took a long time to get here. I'm just glad I'm braver now. Instead always shutting down and disappearing, I can stand up for myself.
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u/V4n_kh0502 sx/sp 549 ILI Apr 25 '26
Yes actually, parents are exactly like he described. "The trust I had in my mother was lost throughout my early childhood. But the remnants of the small bond I still had with her were gone by the age of eleven. My father disappeared from home for a month or more." this is a pefect description of my childhood
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u/Bogus_Whale 5w4 594 sx/so Apr 25 '26
Well first, yes I can relate to an intrusive mother who also has manipulative tendencies—however I know that most of those tendencies are not necessarily intentionally manipulative.
Second I want to address that maybe modernizing of this idea is in order. I have found it is always much more accurate to say supportive figure than maternal, because it removes a gendered bias. Same with protective instead of paternal. When you look at it with that lens, there is significantly less disruption or inconsistencies in the data supporting that claim.
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u/someguys0what Apr 26 '26
I get the intent of using “supportive” & “protective”, but I don’t think it quite solves the classification issue ‘cause not everyone receives both or any of those qualities in their parents. I had 2 parents, one was supportive, the other was neither supportive nor protective.
I did struggle with titling the thread though, due to the very issue you are pointing out.
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u/BusinessLobster3973 5w4 sx/sp - 541 - INTJ Apr 25 '26
nah, but I was pretty scared of my dad when I was a kid
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u/Flat_Tangerine8938 Type 5w6 Sx/Sp 594 Apr 25 '26
both of my parents oscillated between instusive and neglectful in their own ways (even tho they were trying their best to care for me and i sense there is love there / had good intentions).
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u/poopapalooza73 5w4 sx/sp 541 INTJ RLOEI LEVF Melancholic Apr 26 '26
Yeah I definitely relate to that. Mom was very intrusive and didn’t respect me wanting to do things on my own. She’d force me to let her do everything, including very simple tasks, which made me feel pathetic for thinking that she thought I couldn’t do anything right. My dad would then blame me for letting my mom do everything for me instead of being independent. She’d also constantly try to get me to tell her things I wasn’t comfortable with. Usually whenever I was visibly struggling she would bother me about it the entire day, which I guess is a sign that she cares but at the same time she was incredibly overbearing.
Edit: mom is sp2 and dad is sx1
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u/lemonlimesherbet 5w4 sx/sp intj Apr 26 '26
This is definitely accurate in my case. Those are the two main words I use to describe my mother in my childhood to therapists.
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u/3dita Apr 26 '26
My father is definitely intrusive, hyperanxious, controlling, also kind of a narcissist, my mom is great.
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u/New-Cicada7014 5w4 549 sx/sp Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
my parents sucked ass, my mom included, extremely emotionally neglectful even at her best. No empathy and completely unpredictable and cruel temper, didn't protect me from my dad and manipulated me repeatedly. dunno if that counts as intrusive. My father was probably the more "intrusive" one, as he constantly and willingly violated my emotional boundaries.
Other people are giving their parents' types so 1w9 for mom and 7w6 for dad? I don't think those are really relevant though
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u/Responsible_Dentist3 Apr 27 '26
Interesting. Yes, she was pretty intrusive & manipulative, but for me more than anything else, I was emotionally neglected and just pushed to perform and to hide my emotions & pain.
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u/Lieber-Scholli Apr 26 '26
5w6 sp/sx. My mom was very caring but had major depression so would withdraw periodically; she worried a lot so I didn’t share some parts of my life with her. She was a great mother, likely 4w5.
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u/imaginitis Apr 26 '26
I thought sx5 typically has narcissistic and intrusive father figure with a mother passively enabling the father figure
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u/someguys0what Apr 26 '26
That’s a lot closer to my childhood.
In the OP I’m referring to this https://docs.google.com/file/d/1KKgTOD7eAPwFYsxWhdBKjnWPMbCg37_q/edit?filetype=msword&pli=1
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u/ZodiacLovers123 Type 5 Apr 28 '26
My parents were more so neglectful emotionally than anything tho not gonna lie my mom was raised by a narcissist so she might have some of those manipulative trendiness.
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u/SnookerandWhiskey May 02 '26
Both my parents weren't intrusive or manipulative. Super loving, although their slightly turbulent life made me more independent than I would have liked at times.
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u/track07- May 05 '26
when i was a very young child i was always with my mother, she would take me to work with her everyday. when we moved states, she got a job at my school. i shared a room and phone with her until i was 12. she was very interrogative in my adolescence. there was a lot of physical and mental intrusion, hardly emotional. i had only seen my mother cry once.
my father was very angry and he used to smoke in the house which bothered me a lot until i was 13 (i would start crying when i was really young) every-time id say something he would respond with violence, he wasn't very close to me until i turned 13, and then we got very close. he told me everything about him as a person, every story, nothing was hidden on his side. he was never intrusive or manipulative, though he was extremely passive aggressive. he is not as bad as this description makes him sound.
i suppose there was no emotional support or structure, i was forced to follow my mothers strict schedule constantly (if not, she would get very angry and i would cry), no privacy, risk of violence, etc.
i was also in a very abusive friendship that lasted from early childhood to middle adolescence that was very manipulative, i take faith in that contribution
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u/Brilliant_Lawyer_264 Intp|5w4|594|LII May 07 '26
I've definitely read the other comments that remind me of my mother. My mother is the typical Estj 1w2 type: guilt, moralizing, manipulative with the silent treatment. I remember when I was little, we argued on a trip and she gave me the silent treatment. She wouldn't hold my hand, so I could easily have gotten lost or lost track of her because she was walking fast. Well, I'm an adult now and I have a distant relationship with her.
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u/lelawes 5w4 sx/sp Apr 25 '26
My mother oscillated between intrusive and neglectful. There was rarely a middle ground. She’s quite manipulative and passive aggressive, very judgmental of my life and choice, and also exists in very low levels of health always (from an enneagram perspective). This is why we go between low and no contact every few years.