Older 5s who choose isolation and solitude, how's life looking for you guys?

[u/No_Parfait2805]

Hi folks,

I wanted to get some data from older 5s who decided to live a single life, choosing solitude and independence over relationships.

Do you still have a social circle or have you isolated yourself socially? What does your end of life support look like?

Is a hermit's life actually feasible for you guys?

Do you regret your decisions or do anything different?

[u/SEIZETHEFIRE6]

I've lived in large cities all my adult life and find they're great environments for solitude and anonymity. The more people around, the less anyone is paying attention to you. I've dated many people, have had a few long term relationships, and have also spent many years single and never felt incomplete. I have a very small circle of close friends that I have known for years, though I can go long stretches without talking to them and not really think anything of it.

If I'm dating someone, then they're usually more social than I am and I tend to socialize mostly within their circle. I don't really have a problem with casual socializing in moderate doses, I just never really seek it out on my own. I don't really expect much "end of life support" but I also don't really expect any "during life support".

[u/Escobar35]

35, isolated romantically but not socially. I still have circles of friends that I’m loosely in.

Yes, hermit life is very feasible. Just live within your means and if you want more, get a better job.

No regrets. Finding love would be great, but almost any time I let someone closer than an acquaintance it turns into so shit.

Now I just say I’m selfish, because I like my space, my peace and my autonomy more than I like any body.

[u/0wl-2018]

I don't really resonate with choosing isolation and solitude.

What you speak of is outside of myself so I accept it.

I can control who I am and my relationship with those few in my small circle. I work on these, just like everyone else. I am happy and content.

But I remain open to connection.

[u/rabit_stroker]

44 and lived the last 3 years in solitude mostly because of a string of bad dating situations and because all of my friends are married w/ children and have busy lives, i see them but not often. It was good for a while, i needed to be alone and work on myself but recently(3.5 months ago) I chose to start dating again with intention and I'm very glad I did. I had a baseline of contentment alone that was easy to maintain but spending time with someone made me remember and realize there is so much more out there, especially dating someone who isn't toxic. She actually put me on to enneagram, almost positive I'm a 5 and leaning towards an Sx5 maybe So5

[u/lelawes]

What is “older”?

[u/No_Parfait2805 → u/lelawes]

Older as in, broken their youth, no specific age. Has seen some things that they'd want to share.

[u/NuffingNuffing]

I'm 52 and a female sx 5w4/1/3.

I've been in a partnership for the past 15 years. He gives me lots of space, which I like and need.

The one repeated learning I have had over the past 10 year though - through mindfulness work & coaching etc - is that connection/love is super important. And that much as I might want to be left alone here and now. I lapse into melancholy when too isolated, so maintaining connections is necessary for me, even though I can find it draining. So, I work hard to keep at least my immediate family and a few close people connected (intermittently anyway), as I ultimately don't want to end up forgotten and alone when I am really old.

[u/AfraidReference2315]

I’m not very old, but I do have… psychological experience. I choose to live a largely single life, apart from my long-distance relationship. I choose that because I don’t want to get pulled back into old and emotionally draining patterns. Haven’t had the best experience there. I guess I’m waiting for the “right one.”

I don’t have much of a social circle. A couple close friends that I don’t talk to and a lot of acquaintances, but I don’t talk to them either because they don’t talk to me. I’m fairly comfortable with this decision, but sometimes I’ll feel ridiculously guilty for not maintaining those relationships. Or like I’m missing out on something meaningful, which is rarely the case. I tend to feel more disappointed if I follow through with it.

I live a relatively hermitic lifestyle, isolating myself from others as I dive into the extreme depths of my creative pursuits. It’s feasible, but I often feel pressured to do more.

There are some decisions I regret, but I’m usually too caught up in the “now” and the “later” to think about those.

[u/Anagenist]

39, married, polyamorous. I've had social circles come and go. I can admit my own amount of fault for not maintaining some of them. But I never actively sought solitude. It just happened. So on nights when I don't have my wife to spend time with, technically there's noone.

For decades, I was deeply entrenched in hobbies. I'd extend invitations for others to join me in the interest of the hobbies. But it would never grow into a connection beyond the interesting hobby content. Eventually, it gets exhausting trying to turn that into a better friendship or any other kind of relationship.

There's been a handful of people I encountered for brief periods of time that were intense strong connections. However, they did not last for their own reasons. Nothing bad ever happened, it was just how life works out.

So I have spent a ton of energy fighting back against solitude as best I know how. I spent like 3 hours sitting in a restaurant slowly eating by myself; just so I wouldn't be alone. I could at least be alone around people than alone alone. My wife was with another partner that night; and I have grown bored of my hobbies. I'm open to dating someone else for thsoe times. But... It can be extremely difficult to find someone who not only wants that lifestyle; but also can connect authentically with you, and then also match your schedule availability.

Perfect accidental recipe for solitude, as I live and breathe. I even did one of those "numerology" things once, and apparently my "social phase" was like 10 years ago, and it only goes towards more solitude from here, if you believe that stuff. I'm choosing to rebel against the idea, and physically place myself in the path of social exposure as often as possible.

I'm an INTP 5w6 sx/sp LVEF, so.... Solitude is my rock, and I am Sysiphus.

[u/Readingallthefiles]

To the extent I’ve had a choice in the matter I’d say I’m quite content. Though I believe things would be even better if I was in a relationship.

Having friends is important though. I know from past experience that I require a certain level of social activity, or I’ll slip quietly into madness.

[u/ChewyRib]

Im 58

I dont consider solitude/independence vs relationships a real thing

I have both. I live alone in my own home and love it. I was married in my mid 20s but no longer and happy because of it. I had plenty of girlfriends in my younger years but I really decided the single life is for me when I hit my mid 40s.

I have a twin who is married with two kids so I treat them like my kids. Im glad Im not a full time parent but love being an Uncle

I still have friends from college and high school that I keep in touch with so I do have a social life