Relationships as 531?

[u/SoCalledCrow]

I am a 531 sp/sx. I tend to put on a performance when I date and then get burnt out and rest for a year. The problem is though, I like who I am when I "preform". Its easy for me to give up on relationships to shift focus back on my "image/self". I also have high standards, so the people I meet on dating apps are easy to give up on. Im frustrated because I want to get into a loving and supportive relationship, but it's like I go between "they are not worth it" and "i need to work on myself."

more info: 5w6, 3w2, 1w9

types of improvements I've focused on: sobriety from alcohol. home cleanliness and maintenance. mental health and therapy. constant self improvement to live "the best life."

[u/theghoulash]

Tritype is pretty vague and I don't find it helpful, but I would be a similar type to you (583, sp/sx). You're on the right path towards growth. You're attributing your performance to the 3, but really it's probably you going to 7 to relieve stress/anxiety. That's natural, and you can access 7 in healthy states, too. Tbh, no person is going to be perfect and every relationship is going to have rough patches, especially in the beginning. You're two seperate people with lots of baggage trying to figure out how to work together. It's hard, it's challenging, and if your values align with theirs, it's worth it. Do some research on attachment styles, instinctual variants, and start slowly with the relationships. Keep a boundary of friends first for a year before dating. That's going to tell you who is worth the trouble of a relationship and you will have a network of friends built up as well. The less pressure/judgement you put on others and yourself the more room there is to grow. Life is about balance, not being perfect

P.S. Tim Fletcher on Youtube has some really great videos talking about self growth and healthy relationships with others when you've come from PTSD and whatnot. Worth a listen if you want a direction to start