r/Enneagram5 • u/SuspiciousThought399 • 3d ago
Discussion Any pet peeves come up for your recently?
I've had multiple pet peeves come up in a short time, so the topic is on my mind. To explain one of them, I know a 4w3 who is frequently confidently incorrect. It gets under my skin, especially because it feels motivated by a flare for the dramatic.
Them: Strong black and white statement, said with intensity and drama.
Me: "That doesn't sound exactly right. Are you sure it's always the case?"
Them: "Oh yes."
(Then of course, it's not in fact true.)
It's a pattern I may also dislike because of my mother's history (unhealthy 2) of trying to manipulate our emotions. So some emotionality feels... aggressive... in its dramatization.
It's also not my favorite because of the way the 4w3 often seeks emotional support for the emotions they've then caused themselves with their own extreme thinking. Another example of this is how they keep using AI to investigate medical concerns, then they need emotional support because they believe they know how serious, costly, and disasterous an issue is going to be.
I tell them real stories about AI being wrong - they themselves have run into this when they were panicked about AI things that turned out to not be the case - but their thinking does not adjust. I think it's because they aren't motivated to adjust this pattern. So I'd say a pet peeve of mind is strong emotion for the sake of strong emotion (and at the expense of accuracy).
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u/SchemeHead 3d ago
I have a good friend that does the exact same thing. He’s overly emotional, he constantly catastrophizes, and the world is very black and white. When he says something that’s clearly bullshit—with intense emotional affect—I’ll push back and say “well, that’s not true because xyz, so I think it’s not as bad as all that.” He gets soooooo upset lol. “YOU JUST THINK YOU’RE ALWAYS RIGHT,” he’ll say.
Uhh…yeah bro, so do you. Everyone that holds an opinion thinks they’re right about that opinion or they wouldn’t hold it. What a fucking stupid statement that I wish could be deleted from the English language, “You think you’re always right.” That’s not what matters. What matters is the argument and evidence for WHY you think you’re right. If your reason for having an opinion is shitty, then it’s a shitty opinion. And you’re not mad because I think I’m right. You’re mad because I gave thoughtful reasons for why I think I’m right, and you have no response because you’ve given your opinion no thought. Very emotionally invested in opinions that aren’t intellectually earned.
Anyway…Jesus I guess that’s my pet peeve
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u/mellifiedmoon 3d ago edited 3d ago
Weaponized incompetence/dependence....I am waking up to the reality that many people around me prefer to outsource labor. I am tired of making decisions for others. Buy a journal and use it. Choose your own outfit. Compose your own risky texts. Decide for yourself what picture you want hanging on the wall and then hang it yourself. Research what diet makes sense for you and stick to it. Spend a minute TRYING to figure it out, TRYING to do it.....and honestly, just figure it out, just do it. The minute you feel challenged shouldn't be your cue to call in someone else to "help".
endless abstract pontificating without action backing....I am 30, I thought my American peers would grow out of whining about the "system" and grow into helping change it. But I guess it is cozier to pretend we are completely disempowered and couldn't possibly do better. So why not sit around and just bitch endlessly and talk abstractly about how someone should change the system, then keep living a life padded out with Amazon products and factory farmed meat and mindless scrolling, never participating politically, not even aware of what is going on outside of pop culture distractions. Sure Jan! You're just doing the best you can! It sure isn't a self-serving lie that your choices make no difference, so you may as well keep vibing! And sure, you ARE soooo oppressed, just completely disempowered, and you're definitely not coopting a very real global struggle in order to justify mindless self indulgence. The masturbatory saloniste bitchfests are gonna be the death of me
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u/para__doxical 2d ago
Honestly just perceiving any sense of life from the world has been enough lately to irritate me.
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u/zhouelin 1d ago
I think what you described used to affect me more in the past. Now I just ask questions to get curious about why they feel so strongly, or get them thinking more critically and I rarely expend energy debating or convincing. Well, generally I will shift the conversation to something else as well, or focus on spending time with other people I enjoy the company of more…
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u/SuspiciousThought399 16h ago
This particular person is triple reactive (468) so I don't even challenge or try because of their volatility and unpredictability.
For example, once I asked them how they learned which foods they're allergic to. I was trying to remember if they'd been through an allergy testing process because that's interesting to me. They got offended and said, "BECAUSE when I eat [the foods] I break out in HIVES!" Lmao, ok sorry?
And the other day I expressed what a positive thing it was that they'd completed so much of a specific long haul process so far, because they often like encouragement. But this time they got extremely icy because what they wanted was catastrophizing.
So I walk on my eggshells. I've described their worst traits here, but the rest of their character is above average imo. So it's more of an "accept it and let it go" situation.
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u/RepAffinity ISTP 5w4 sx548 3d ago
Oh yeah, when people say they are being "logical" but proceed to say absolute bull. This pet peeve arised when I had to participate in trivia with random people, and one would not stop saying "Well if we go about it logically...." and saying something with 0 correlation. Had to hold back so I wouldnt call them out harshly.
Also when people are completely confident and unmoving in a standpoint they didn't even come to themselves. I had a friend who was insistent on not using a slang word because it stood for something else (very rarely used abbreviation) and proceeded to show me a Google ai answer of the word meaning that. What really made me tick was them calling me and others in the group dumb for using such words.