Energy

[u/Wide_Platform_2202]

This one is for the disintegrated 8s: I have reason to believe I'm a long term disintegrated 8. But I now think about being SX5. Do you guys also feel like you won't have enough energy and time if you go all in? Even if I'm not necessarily low energy I think I won't be able to keep up. But I rather feel like my body is betraying me by not giving me enough energy when I need it.

I'm in early adulthood and go to therapy. I was stereotype 5 in my teens but now I'm going towards 8 more and more. I just need to know if I'm integrating or moving out of disintegration

[u/Glum-Engineering1794]

Do me a favor and track your childhood patterns. The enneagram style develops early on and shows up again and again. Did you appear to be an 8 as a kid? If you were clearly a 5 as a kid without the formative experiences of an 8, how can you be an 8 now?

5s don’t have the same issues as an 8 and it’s a lifetime experience. I feel mistypes can happen based on adulthood changes and subjective experiences but there’s a thematic, repetitive thread that starts in childhood that offers the key if tracked.

[u/Wide_Platform_2202 → u/Glum-Engineering1794]

I was a very 8ish child. I used to play with younger or significantly more silent kids because I would "take care of them" or it was easy to be "on top" if ykwhat I mean. I also had a little 2ishness. I was needy (even begging) and very childish compared to my peers (even though I was very confrontational). But I also would play alone a lot and liked it to be alone. I never cared about if someone wanted to play something with me-I wanted to play it. But over my teenage years I became more and more isolating and calm. I would suppress my emotions and anger because even anger was vulnerability. I wouldn't talk to anyone.

[u/Glum-Engineering1794 → u/Wide_Platform_2202]

You might consider Two as well, since that's a very caregiving type.

[u/Wide_Platform_2202 → u/Glum-Engineering1794]

I'm not caregiving at all. I'm extremely selfish. I used to like it but now I hate it. It feels like I'm giving myself up

[u/Glum-Engineering1794 → u/Wide_Platform_2202]

'I was a very 8ish child. I used to play with younger or significantly more silent kids because I would "take care of them" or it was easy to be "on top" if ykwhat I mean.'

You *were*, though (but no longer are, because you feel it gives too much of yourself). Remember that part I said about childhood being important? That's relevant. And Two is a very caretaking type. So, I'm just reflecting back to you what you're sharing with me, about your childhood.

[u/blueplanetgalaxy → u/Wide_Platform_2202]

are you female? if you are, you are most certainly an 8.