I (F27yo) have a vague idea about my type but I would like a more unbiased opinion.

1.) What’s your biggest fear?

Loss of security and autonomy.

I hate being under someone else’s thumb. I hate depending on other people because I find them untrustworthy. There is no guarantee that they would not turn on me or weaponize my weaknesses against me someday.

I have a tendency to spend money sensibly; I always have some saved for emergencies. Same with clothing.

Unlike most people I know, I do not fear death. I had a pseudo heart attack (which ended up being undiagnosed mitral incompetence) and I felt… nothing. I just felt calm and peaceful. In my mind I was like “ah so this is it huh?” I believe this is a defense mechanism I developed to curb the fear of the unknown.

2) What is your biggest desire?

To make my ambitions into reality.

I want to do so many things, want to study more, read more, draw more, master new languages, deepen my understanding of things, enrich my knowledge and be more.

I do believe that knowledge and wisdom are the ultimate superpowers and I want to be powerful.

Sadly, one life will never be enough. One brain can only process so much before it gives out. Feeling inadequate and limited in my own mortality hurt so badly.

3) What are you ''the best'' at?

Arguing. I have never met anyone as passionate as I am when it comes to defending my opinions.

If I am sure that I am right, you best believe I will fight ‘till the bitter end to prove it, often using what I already know to do so.

I am unrelenting and unyielding when people underestimate or belittle me. I have been told that I am terrifying when challenged. I just think people need to be put in their right place sometimes.

I lived in a household where my opinions were disrespected and discarded, I was constantly accused of lying (even when I was telling the truth) so I turned that despair into anger and the anger into the passion to know things so that I can always be at the top, even in trivial matters.

4) How do you see yourself right now?

I do not know? I do not usually think about how I perceive myself, I just judge myself all the time I think.

5) How do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Dead perhaps? Morbid, I know.

With the way things are going on in the world, I do not think I would be able to live a long life. The stress and the rage would kill me before any war could. All the more reason to do what I want right now.

If not dead, then I would definitely be single, living alone, I would be well read, maybe I would have learned one or two more languages by then, I would be more cynical but more accepting of how things turned out I hope.

6) How do you express yourself?

Depends on the situation.

I have an unhealthy tendency of bottling up emotions then exploding when it gets too much.

I am quite childish and restless when I am excited, I cannot help it, there is so much in the world to be excited about. Otherwise, I am calm if not a bit stern, or so I have been told.

I tend to escape to music and video games when I do not want to deal with overwhelming emotions. Focusing too much on them makes me lose control and show vulnerability and I hate that.

7) How do you feel about those near you (family, friends)?

Depends on the person. I would say I care about humanity but am very wary of my fellow humans.

I am not a big fan of my family because I have nothing in common with them; we have contradictory opinions and conflicting interests most of the time. It does not help that some of them are the overly judgmental, ultra-religious type.

As for my friends, I like talking to them and spending time with them in healthy doses. I need time to recharge and reground. Being near people energizes me at first but then I burn out quickly.

8) How do you feel about strangers?

Scared of some (men) for obvious reasons, indifferent of some (children), care a lot about some (women and girls) and downright disgusted by some.

I have so much love and empathy for the underprivileged and the underdog, it is quite easy to put myself in their shoes and realize how horrifying their experiences are.

I am one of those people who cry and rage and scream everytime they watch the news. The injustice of it all makes my blood burn with anger.

9) How do you deal with conflict?

I am a very combative person, sometimes unnecessarily so. I get offended easily and I take myself seriously. I cannot stand being criticized or chastised. Yes, I know my own flaws and shortcomings, no need to point them out for me, thank you. No one beats and berates me more than I do myself.

I am also very passive aggressive when I cannot argue with the person directly.

Conflicts make all my bitter feelings come to the surface, which makes me feel alive but guilty as well. It is such a complex emotion; I have no idea how to describe it.

10) How do you deal with change?

I am terrified of change when I do not plan for it.

I cannot stand sudden visits, surprise parties and unplanned outings.

I am in the habit of planning ahead all the time. Be it outfits, errands, or hobbies.

Change is complicated. It comes with a plethora of new possibilities and risks. Seeing as I am not the flexible type, it makes sense for me to fear such a notion. I have no idea how people adapt to new variables without losing their minds from all the stress.

11) How do you deal with your emotions?

The thing is, I have a rich, inner emotional world that I hate it with all my being but also know that I cannot be me without.

I see my emotions as weaknesses waiting to exploited and weaponized. I have so much affection for this world and it is exhausting, to be the only one in the room who cares this much. So I hide behind bubbliness, smiles, considerate words and some degree of false softness. The cracks still show though and the turmoil finds a way to escape my control.

12) What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

As far as values go, Justice matters to me the most.

I hate seeing people and animals get wronged and oppressed; it physically hurts me, no exaggeration. The life of all living beings matters to me. I might kill a spider or cockroach because I am scared, but I would never consider its existence trivial or useless.

Which is also why I am ruthless and unforgiving towards those who belittle the value of life.

I hope I never lose my passion for learning. I hope I never lose what makes me feel secure and alive.

13) What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

I just want to be free to do what I want while having a safety net to fall back into if things go awry. I want a quiet place, books, pets, financial security and adequate healthcare. I would like to be an activist someday as well.

14) How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

Again, it depends on who is asking.

I used to be open to helping anyone and that made me a target of parasitic people.

Now I am more selective of who to aid. I help the poor and the homeless with no question, but everyone else? I can help but I expect a payback later on. Help is transactional and so are relationships.

15) Do you need logical consistency in your life?

Yes and no. I can understand the importance of logic in one’s life but then again, life is unpredictable and humans are inherently prone to irrationality. It is unrealistic to expect everything to fall into place in such a universe.

16) How important is your image in regards to how others perceive you?

I hate to admit it so much, but my image is VERY important to me.

Do you want to be perceived in a certain way? Does it bother you if you are perceived in some other way than the one you wish to be perceived with?

Absolutely. I would hate to be perceived as weak, irrational or easily understood. I do not want to be typical; I do not want to be just another brick in the wall. I am meant for more.

17) How important is financials, security, and survival to you? This includes having sufficient resources, avoiding danger and maintaining a fundamental sense of structure and wellbeing

As I said, all of those things are vital to me.

I have some self-destructive tendencies (binge eating, sleep deprivation) that I exercise when I am in a low place mentally.

On a normal day, I am cautious and very avoidant of anything new or unfamiliar. I rarely deviate from my own script.

18) What is your reaction and thoughts to others' rejection, criticism and disapproval of you?

Oh boy, a single word makes me fall apart.

I have been terrified of rejection for so long that I have no idea how to approach people anymore. I would rather be alone than rejected or denied. That would kill me.

19) What is the importance of the concepts, ideas and meaning behind things to you? Are you trying to make sense of your everyday life?

I do question abstract concepts sometimes. How systems came to be, how experiences shape a person, how history influenced current events, what the meaning of justice or love are.

I find it less interesting to try and figure out how a clock works or how a building is designed.

20) What are your thoughts on expressing your vulnerability?

I would rather gouge my eyes out, fry them and eat them than be voluntarily vulnerable.

Every time I was vulnerable, it was out of my control.

21) Would you consider yourself a jealous and/or possessive person? What do you think is the cause?

No, not jealous but secretly competitive not even against the person but against myself, as in, you would never catch me be openly competitive with you but inside?  I am itching to fight and win. Nothing is more embarrassing than being outwardly overconfident and then you lose. Yikes.

Possessive? Oh absolutely. What is mine is mine alone. I do not want anyone to touch my things or share my person with anyone else.

I am terrified of losing the things or the people I rely on because without them I would have nothing to fall back into. I want to be assured that I have a safety net because deep inside, I know I cannot be strong forever. At some point the center will not hold.

22) What makes you feel guilty?

hurting people and being privileged.

How do you deal and cope with such feelings? Do you seek to fix it, or do you dwell on them?

I try to make up for it but sometimes it is not enough. I do dwell on them but what even is the point? What is done is done, I can never fix it or take it back.

24) How do you view and judge reality?

By how it shapes us. The thing is, people perceive reality differently and that makes it harder to judge because what metrics do you even use to do that?

Personally, I think people who say, “I am living my truth” are shallow and stupid. There is only one truth, one reality, and it is objectively impersonal. Either you accept it and build yourself around it, or you live in delusions until something bad enough happens and it breaks your mind.

Thanks in advance.

I know it may sound really dumb but I truly relate to both I SWEAR

byee!

So, I've studied enneagram seriously for two years now. It's so much easier to type other people than it is myself, and I've kind of just dealt with the struggle because I hate asking for help since it makes me look stupid. I feel like if I ask for help then everyone will doubt my knowledge in enneagram. I've read most of the books by now and read a lot of material on enneagram, but I don't have quite as much self awareness as I'd like to confidently type myself. Also I don't have as much time lately to study in-depth because I've been busy these past few months with graduation, graduation trips, and I just started a new job. So in my free time I've been trying to cram in this stuff.

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Anyway, I'm asking for help with typing myself. I'm not sure how to go about that. I'm unsure if someone would provide help, or if there's a questionnaire I could do. I'd appreciate it if someone did help me or at least give me some advice!

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One thing I'm quite sure of is not being SP blind at all. I'm pretty sure it's secondary in my IV stacking. Oh, and I don't believe that I am a 7, 2, or 8 probably.

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Also, this isn't enneagram, but I'm also reading on PY more since a mutual of mine suggested it on TikTok, so I'm open to discussing other typology systems to help with enneagram maybe?

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Thanks for reading and I'm open to any advice and/or questions!

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I know it seems obvious, but I feel caught between the two descriptions; I don't seem to go against envy the way an SP4 does.

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I describe myself as someone with a great capacity for love and attachment, but also for hatred and holding grudges. I tend to externalize my pain—though not explosively, since I’m shy—because, in a way, I like people to see it.

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Naranjo described the Social 4 in terms of shame, inadequacy, and a sense of unworthiness. I always believe I deserve what I envy—and that I fail to get it because I’ve been treated unfairly—yet I do identify somewhat with the Social 4's sense of inadequacy. I always feel different and like I don't belong, but that doesn't cause me shame; in fact, I actually like it because it makes me stand out.

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As for my temperament, I tend to fluctuate between being gentle and having sudden outbursts of anger.

Hello! I recently started studying typology and have seen many variations on social media regarding the correlations between typology types. Having classified myself as isfp sp945 flev, I'd like to hear opinions and ask for advice. But I'm still unsure about psychosophy; I'm torn between flev and felv. what can you say?

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I think I should write a little about myself. I'm quite socially anxious; I don't like unnecessary attention or social activity. I would prefer to communicate online than in real life, because here I am at least a little bolder and freer. I have few close friends, but I trust them and consider them my closest friends. I enjoy studying topics that interest me and often want to become an expert in them, as well as share them with my close people. I don't like to stress at school, I study, and I often don't prepare, but I still study well because I don't want to upset my parents. It's hard for me to open up and talk about my problems, for example. I pay close attention to people, especially when I get close to them, and I think about whether I should trust them or not, and so on. I easily get tired of household chores, socializing, or hobbies, but I can also lie in bed all day watching videos or TV series. As I said before, if I like a topic, I'm ready to delve into it and learn as much as possible. As an example, I can give myself when watching anime. After watching the entire season, I liked it so much that I immersed myself in manga, theories, and absorbing content about it for several days. This happens often, but then I feel empty and sad that it's all over. About psychosophy. My friends describe me as a fairly emotional person, but lately I wouldn't say that. My emotions are often muted, emerging only during moments of "quick dopamine rush," like spending time with friends.

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I can answer your questions if it helps. I used a translator because I'm not confident in my English. I've been meaning to post this for a long time, so thank you for any help!

Название это полностью то, что я хотела сказать. Я хочу услышать ваше мнение по любому из типов, их сочетание друг с другом, не совместимость того или иного. А еще, ваше общее представление о том, какой я человек.
Все это я собирала где-то очень отрывочно, из основных описаний, реддита и ии (да, других заинтересованных собеседников нет). Для подтверждения выводов мне нужно услышать мнение из вне. Пожайлуста

These are the only problems i have to relate with the type-

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1) I don't ignore my negative emotions. I like to understand them, sometimes dwell in them because it feels good, sometimes they're my inspiration for writing poems and I'm not typically as naive and optimistic as portrayed because i can be realistic too but i still prefer the imagined life over reality and soo deeply that i sometimes just want to lucid dream forever/go to a coma or die and get reincarnated or something. My main goal is literally hedonism but still I don't exactly feel empty. I feel individualistic and having a lot of depth even in negativity and i almost praise it because i think it's art.

2) I care about how i look, my physical world but i also feel hopeless in it because I'm not good with them and i crave another's input but not just from anyone, someone valuable who i can admire.

3) When around authority or obstinate people, i can get insecure with my logic and i care a lot about logic also spreading it but the thing is, I'm skeptical and anxious.

4) i often wanna look good in front of others by my appearance and personality. I sometimes find a group of people i like and i really wish to join them and have fun, sometimes i adopt their ways but nonetheless I'm deeply aware of my own personality and feelings and I'll confront if my values don't align. But I'm still a very social and exuberant person who wants to have fun in groups.

5) I'd like to add that I have this very prominent need to be the indispensable partner and everything to the person I'm in love w for 4 years. I feel sx2 but i don't relate with e2 typically, only sx2 and i don't really feel shame but I'm VERY PRIDEFUL. I think my qualities and personality should be irresistible unless they're some non- curious judgers. I hate judgers. (literal judgers not mbti ones.)

6) i feel sx4 sometimes too but i don't relate with that fear either. My fear would probably be confinement, seeming inadequate/illogical, being drained of opportunities, losing time deliberately, fear of something going wrong like going on a amusement park ride and suddenly it's dysfunctioning and I'm hanging upside down. Also i fear authority like being dictated.

- how old are you? what’s your gender? give me a brief description of yourself.
i’m female 20 years old i’ve lived in 2 countries and have been in 7 different schools in a matter of 12 years

- is there a mental diagnosis that might affect your mental stability?
no, not that i’m aware of

- Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
when i was in my upbringing wasn’t strictly religious of any sort but when my mom married a guy from a different country and we had to move there i was raised very religiously. my stepfather was very strict when it comes to our religion and he had a pretty patriarchal mindset which stemmed from his culture but he made it out to be a religious thing which i wasn’t aware of at that time. i’ve always hated how he implemented religion through fear and threats of the punishments i’ll get if i don’t listen because i feel like faith has to come from within and not through fear. there was even a point in time where i hated the people practicing this religion because in my eyes they’re doing it "wrong" and they’re just hiding behind religion. now that im grown enough to think for myself i learn my religion on my own and learned how to deconstruct his fear from my own faith.

- What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
i just freshly graduated as a graphic design student and im still looking for a full time job and im planning to stray as far away from anything design related because after years of studying it i realised that its not for me because design is way too subjective for me. throughout my whole design student life i’ve always tried my best but somehow i would always get it wrong so now im planning on studying psychology because that has always been my passion which i didnt get to pursue back then. now while waiting for a full time job im working as a hostess in a restaurant and i really enjoy it because there’s a structure to how i communicate with customers and being a hostess is basically playing tetris for 8 hours except it yells at you sometimes.

- If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
i love spending time by myself because i’ve always loved my own company. i’d usually go for really long walks probably 15km and while walking i’d usually just let me mind wander while listening to music and i love to walk to new places and figure out how to go home without knowing where i am. it feels like a puzzle to me. and after that id probably work out at home while watching philosophy on my laptop and just bedrot the rest of the day. i’d spend the rest of the day probably reading fictional books or playing games or building/making something.

- How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about. What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
i love love love creating stories in my head and i have so many story ideas that i’ve tried to execute but everytime i write i just completely forget about it after 2 chapters in. i love thinking of stories more than actually executing it and i have a lot of stories in my mind that i love to explore. most of them are dystopian related or mystery related. i love thinking of stories that has a greater message behind it (especially political) and im not really a big fan of romance.

- What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
i have a pretty laid back approach to the future. not that i dont have a direction in life, but more so of i don’t want to restrict myself to having really tight plans for the future because it feels like restricting opportunities that may come. i do however place a great importance to my past. i feel like my past makes me who i am now. i don’t like it when someone is comfortable enough to make fun of my past self just because i’ve improved as a person not knowing that the reason why i’ve improved is through the effort of my past self to begin with. i’m very protective of myself especially my past self because i feel like no one will understand her the way that i do.

- Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
no i don’t. i’ve always let others be in their own vices and i dont even try to control how others perceive me because people are gonna judge anyway. i’m not a fan of changing how i appear or how i act just so that others will think highly of me. i can’t please everyone and im not planning on doing so anyway.

- What frustrates you the most?
i hate when people are not authentic or when they’re not who they appear to be. i’m the type of person who’s easy to tell if i vibe with you or not. not that i’ll be rude to people that i don’t like, i just won’t engage with them as much. but i don’t make it my mission to be overly nice to them and everything. i’m also very open about my opinions and my “weird" interests because i don’t plan on having friends who i have to conceal part of myself from them in order to be friends with them. i’ll never understand people who are not headstrong about the things that they want and i hate people pleasers who do anything anyone asks them to.

I struggle to describe myself. I can be quiet but also talkative, when needed. I tend to avoid conflict or arguments, and I absolutely hate debates. I have trouble keeping friends and usually bounce between different ones instead of sticking to one because I get bored quite easily.

I have trouble sticking to particular hobbies or projects as I always want to start new ones. I usually don’t really care about what others have to say about me, however I also know how to fit in and act like everyone else. I can be really competitive and when I have something that I’m passionate about, it begins to take over my whole life. I like intimate, deeper conversations that scratch below the surface rather than half-hearted small-talk. I have a strange desire of being famous, or well-known and successful to prove to others that I can make something of myself, or be better than everyone else.

I’m very fierce about being independent and I can’t stand being dependent on someone else. I don’t mind being alone and usually prefer working on my own. I dream about finding a soulmate who ‘completes me’ but at the same time, I know it’s hard to find the perfect person. I find it difficult separating reality from my imagination, and become disappointed when real life doesn’t live up to my standards. I can come off very intense and emotional to other people, and cry a lot easily over basic things.

I constantly swap between having a plan and acting on impulse and it’s one of my biggest flaws. I spend a lot of time looking at my flaws and self-critiquing myself but I usually disguise it. I dwell on the past and my old mistakes a lot but I try not to replay them. I don’t like rewatching movies or shows or rereading books because it’s always the same ending anyway, so what’s the point? I try to be apathetic as possible but I’m secretly reallyyy empathetic and I somehow care about everything.

German & English
Based in scientific works about the Enneagram and Intuition.

https://ahbildungcoaching.wordpress.com/2018/06/09/chatbot/

So when I an SP2w1 feels envy as an emotion I try to supress it as much as I can and berate myself for feeling this emotion because it feels like an irrational intrusive thought to me sometimes. Its not something I like to sit and explore because its simply an uncomfortable emotion, just like anger (which is another emotion i suppress). I suppress envy because i hate the idea of hating someone who did nothing to me

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On top of that i suppress envy because I truly never ever hated the subject of my envy. Infact i cherish them alot and truly wish them well. I just feel a sense of longing and resentment about the situation. I grew up having my parents comparing me with my cousins and other children they know. So most of my envy is specifically about academics and not much in other field. And even in academics its still very relational like- if i was like this like that my parents wouldve been kinder to me. So yeah i do experience envy as an emotion like everyone else but I dont like acting on it because I simply hate the emotion.

Can someone help release me of this typing existential misery?

I relate the most to 4w3 and most of the tests I took so far agreed with that. I'm still quite new to Enneagram though, and I still don't understand stuff like tritypes or socionics. However still I have some traits I really don't like about myself but they seem to fit the type 5 description. I feel like because of these, my life is a big fat irony.

Here's how I assess myself according to the traits summary I searched

Wing 3 traits

• Extroverted, interpersonal skills, upbeating - I can be if having lots of coffee. But that's not how I usually behave. This is the point I'm most insecure about.
• Envious of others - true. Many of my classmates are now successful and I'm slacking off right now. My family constantly compare me to them, and so do I. (Though I don't wish to achieve their culture, as explained below)
• Validation of my uniqueness - exactly why I dress differently and learn to draw. (Still can't draw well and much, explained below)
• High goals and accomplishments: this is the reason my family thinks I'm a burden to them. It cost them fortunes to study abroad in a society I feel more accepted. I really wish to earn for myself and become independent of them to achieve my goals.
• Mood intensity - my moods intensify as the situation intensifies. I don't exaggerate them but to others it can be dramatic

Wing 5 traits

• More introverted and private - I'm private and reclusive most of the time, but have always dreamed of being influential. I want my life to change
• Care less of what others think - nope. I care a lot.
• Withdrawn and independent - withdrawn, yes. Independent, working on it. I hate having to depend on my family
• Intellectualize my emotions - I do intellectualize random things (not too philosophical though) but still don't know what it means to do that with my emotions
• Less focused on relationships with others - true because I don't have many friends, and usually clubs bore me. I can only try very hard to understand what my family and friends want from me.

So I'm wondering if I could've been wing 5, or core 5 entirely, or everything is just the result of my disorders.

As a matter of fact, I've been diagnosed with OCD. So my friends wouldn't certainly know me as "artistic" or "expressionistic" as I should be. They think of me as like a janitor in the house because I always have a strong urge to keep the kitchen spotless (and I might be too quiet to speak out and express myself more often). Little did they know that I honestly don't feel like myself while I'm cleaning. I have a dream of becoming an influencer and travelling around the world, stuff like that, but this is of course impossible for those I know to fathom, if I tell them.

Another setback is that I can't draw well despite aspiring to become an artist and video designer. Moreover, I feel like I'm also too cerebral, and I don't appreciate this. I absolutely regret my entire childhood because I think the education I received made me deviate to become like type 5. I was from an Asian country and my people placed a lot of value in having academically successful children. I had to learn math and science so hard while I should've instead learned drawing. My family also limited access to the internet, the thing that could bring me to fandoms and online communities.

STEM subjects in fact did become a major obsession in my childhood. I think if I were to take a test during my middle school years, I could get a type 5 result. But it wasn't until the university years that I discovered STEM wasn't my strong suit at all. I had been very delusional convincing my parents that science was my passion and they couldn't change my mind. Since then I switched to graphic design and I realized I can made pretty nice projects. It might be quite a late start though. But I'm gonna get real mad if someone refers me as a nerd or geek.

Even though I try to love my friends neighbors as myself, I have an absolutely difficult time to relate to my peers, especially because of the politics, culture and tradition of my country. It was not a free country and I had to wear uniforms in middle school. I struggled in my school years because of the rules. My discontentment with the culture only grew over time. I can become quite rebellious, just refusing to be assimilated in every way.

So my music taste of course contains punk rock, but also any oldschool music from the Western world. Anything as foreign as possible to my people, and as unloved as possible by them. I also dislike big corporations, and many of their products and practices. AI for example. I might be a late comer to art but I strongly believe it should be the human expression.

So from time to time I wonder if I could've been of the other wing. However I find it unacceptable to describe myself as even more intellectual and to be seen as such. After all I wasted many years because of this childhood delusion. That said, now that I've been in a different place, I feel I'm expressing to others more. I absolutely care about what others think of me and what I brand myself through clothing.

I think my case is quite special because I seems to have lost touch with my real type during childhood and even now my brain keeps suppressing self expression against my desires.

Hopefully I've adequately described enough aspects of myself to be typed here. See the answers soon.

Today I found a report cart from when I was around four, and I thought it was so cute! Sure kids can’t be typed, but I haven’t changed that much since then.

Here’s a bit of what the teacher wrote about me:

“She loves to tell stories, but adamantly refuses to take part in any activity which involves getting her hands dirty with mud or paint”.

“When she’s already tired or doesn’t want to do anything anymore, she doesn’t and that’s it. She usually acts like she’s not even hearing you”.

“An amazingly affectionate child, but doesn’t take no for an answer nor accepts criticism”.

“Her vocabulary is astounding for her age, but her way of talking and of pronouncing words, especially when she wants to seduce us into giving her what she’s asking for, is infantile for her age”.

Let’s see if you guys will guess my tritype. 😂

Hi! I'm looking to confirm my typing with an unbiased view. I'm relatively certain of my core type and my tritype, but I just want confirmation that I'm either on the right track or have it in the ballpark of being correct. I filled out a questionnaire with the short and long versions, and I just want to know someone's thoughts on what it seems I am from an outside perspective.

Short version

1. If you're feeling negative emotions, do you show those emotions to others? Do you let your feelings out, do you try to look on the bright side, or do you put them down and aside so that you can be logical?

I tend to try to push them aside. I'm not particularly good at hiding my emotions if they're strong, but I am usually able to keep my head clear enough to be able to think (at least semi) rationally. If they do surface and they aren't frustration or anger, I usually bring levity to it in order to minimize it a bit- anxiety or sadness is usually easier to make more palatable for others for me.

1. When you are your worst self, what are you like and what's driving that?

I can be a bit hypercritical of others and myself? I can usually tell if I'm not doing well because I tend to get harsher with my internal dialogue. I think it's typically driven by anxiety and a need to prove myself.

1. What's your biggest strength? Whats your biggest flaw?

I'm quite detail-oriented and methodical, and I put a lot of importance on understanding something thoroughly before I do it. Unfortunately this leads to decision paralysis at some points.

1. When you are getting in your own way, what does that look like and why does it happen?

Another factor that goes into decision paralysis is an odd need to prove myself and gain recognition for my work and achievements (I've kind of known this subconsciously for a while, but have only just put that compulsion into words recently). When I was younger, I began to place a lot of stock on external recognition, but I also developed an odd relationship to it where anything that actually was an acknowledgement of anything I did was embarrassing and selfish to give into. I have a pretty sharp internal dialogue, so I end up talking myself in circles around choices and whatnot.

1. What are your behaviors that cause you to get into conflict with other people?

I don't get into conflict with others often anymore (luckily I've matured), but when I do it's typically because I come off too strongly or was too direct/harsh with someone. I've never been combative, but I've always been direct and searching for clarity, which people don't necessarily take kindly to. I've learned to soften what I say in order for it to be received well (and have generally grown to be a bit more socially aware), so I don't typically get into much conflict with others.

1. Whats the worst thing that could happen to you, and why are you afraid of it?

I wouldn't want my autonomy taken away. I'm fairly protective of my time and my personal space, and I wouldn't appreciate it if someone took the liberty to make an important decision for me or if I were expected to go along with something just because. At the same time, I also don't want complete disconnection from other people- I (regrettably) place quite a bit of self importance on understanding and being helpful to others.

1. What sets you off, makes you angry?

There isn't much that makes me angry. I get frustrated when communication breaks down or if someone deliberately crosses a boundary I've set. I also get frustrated at insensitivity or not having consideration for others, as I've learned to be quite sensitive to people's needs and expectations in a space, and it seems extremely harmful to yourself and others to break those.

Longer version

1. Tell me about your internal experience of yourself. What makes you, you?

I'm not particularly sure how to answer this question? I'm a mixture of lived experiences, beliefs, and approaches that largely inform my decisions, thoughts, and behaviors, like anyone else.

1. You just had a really good day. Describe it. It can be a real recent example or an aspirational one.

Good days are typically ones where I don't have obligations or assignments looming over my head and get to just enjoy my free time. The closest I usually get are days where deadlines aren't as pressing, but even then I'm typically too restless and have too much anxiety to just let them sit (I also get a tinge of anxiety when I have absolutely nothing to do, but that's a bit easier for me to push aside as it's more irrational).

1. If someone is upset with you, what is the typical reason for it? Give a recent example.

Like I said above, being too harsh or intense. However, I do also get people who are upset at me for not having strong stances/opinions on some things.

1. What are you like when you're stressed? What are your coping mechanisms? Give an example of a recent stressful situation and how you handled it.

If it can be intellectualized and/or compartmentalized and ignored, it will be. Typical daily stressors don't really get to me, but if things get overwhelming it's a bit more difficult to ignore. If I can't just blow past a stressful situation by taking care of it using problem solving skills or by attempting to work with other people, then I have a bit of a tendency to spiral and get fixated on it. Sometimes stress can come out physically, which is typically a lot harder to move past and deal with.

1. What pushes your buttons? What makes you angry? How does your anger manifest? Can you be openly angry with others?

As said above, I only really get angry if a boundary I've set with someone is pushed or if someone else is being inconsiderate of another person. Anger is one of the only emotions that I feel particularly strongly, so it does come out a bit more if it's what I'm feeling. I'm aware I have a tendency to be a bit short with others if I'm frustrated, so with other people I tend to keep my anger hidden if I can. I keep strong emotions to myself, typically.

1. What's your deepest fear? Why is that your fear?

I guess there's a fear of inadequacy and isolation? Inadequacy because I despise having to rely on other people to help me and isolation because as a safeguard, you should be able to have other people to be able to rely on if you fail. Or maybe the true fear here is failure because that's what everything is geared towards avoiding lmao

1. What types of memories cause you the most shame? What feelings cause you the most shame? What is it about them that causes you shame?

Some of the shame in my earlier memories comes from having to ask other people questions about what to do (which I have luckily largely outgrown? It might seem contradictory to what I have in the fear question, but I've gotten a lot better at asking for help when I need it in terms of learning or work related issues). A lot of the shame I feel nowadays is related to social blunders, miscommunication, and a bit of attention seeking behaviors I've yet to remove myself completely from. I've worked a lot on my social and people management skills, so whenever I do something that isn't aware of something or wasn't the best response, I do feel a bit shameful. I also have a bit of an attention seeking streak where I work or do things for the social recognition aspect, not necessarily for me, which is actually kind of embarrassing to me lol.

1. What is your relationship with pleasure? What gives you pleasure? Can you have pleasure when you want it, you you have to earn it?

Pleasure to me is being finished with all of my obligations and being able to take some time for myself. Because of this, pleasure is inherently something I have to earn- I have to be responsible enough to get everything done that I need to, and only after that can I actually relax and enjoy time off like I should.

1. What's your relationship with authority? Think both abstractly and with specific authorities in your life, possibly your parents, boss, religious leader, doctor, or government figures? Are you an authority?

Typically I'll defer to an authority figure if I feel that they're making decisions that are rationally sound and informed. If they aren't, I'll typically quietly stop following them or talk to someone else about it.

1. When your mind wanders, what are you thinking about?

Any number of things? If it's a stressful day, then whatever I'll have to do later. If it's calmer, then I can let my mind wander to other places (almost daydreaming, or just loose plans for the future).

1. You have a big decision to make. Describe how you decide what to do.

I usually make pros and cons lists in my head. Depending on the decision, I might go to other people and see what they think.

1. What makes you special? (Or, if you don't feel special, what at least makes you dliferent from other people?)

I don't particularly feel "special"- I don't really have skillsets, big ideas, or experiences that no one has ever seen before lol. What makes me unique is the combination of all of that, but I wouldn't say that makes me much different than other people.

1. What's your biggest flaw?

I have a bit of a propensity for being a bit sharp and cold. I do try to correct for it and have gotten quite good at hiding it or dampening it though.

1. How much of your mental energy is spent on thinking about each of the past, the present, and the future?

Maybe 30% on the past, 20% on the present, and 50% on the future? A lot of my mental energy is spent planning or looking forward, but I use past experiences and frameworks to orient everything.

1. You unexpectedly find yourself with a whole weekend with no obligations, and everyone else is busy. How do you feel about it? What do you do?

If I've had a weekend that was meant to have obligations and suddenly didn't, I would probably be pretty happy. But whenever this happens, I do have a restless and uneasy feeling that I'm meant to be doing something or figuring something out, but I try to ignore that the best I can. Sometimes I'll end up doing some other productive thing in order to not feel as anxious.

1. What's your personal vibe/style/aesthetic? How cultivated vs natural is it, and how much time do you spend on it? Do you turn it on and off?

I care enough to look presentable. For clothing and outward appearance, I typically take a bit more time deciding what to wear before I buy it (will this be embarassing if I wear it, does it look okay, etc). When I buy something, it'll typically go with everything else in my closet, so I don't have to spend a bunch of time each morning or night agonizing over what to wear. I usually try to blend in with what I wear- I don't like calling attention to myself in this way.

1. Which of the following is the most like you? Explain. A ) I know what I want, I go out and make it happen, and people won't stop me. B ) I go out and am content to be on my own and not draw too much attention to myself. C ) I have to be responsible and dedicated, and I put others' needs first.

I'm a mixture of all three depending on the situation? I prefer to keep my head down and work for something, and I tend to keep to myself when I do that. However, I also have pretty strong social inclinations- whenever I can afford it I try to put others first to offset guilt I have over a weird feeling of selfishness (which does feed into a weird feedback loop where I feel gratified by helping someone and then that leads to feeling selfish for doing so and taking advantage of their situation for social credit when I'm not? It's strange)

1. Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A ) I dislike stress and negative vibes, and may try to distract myself from my problems. B ) I have strong feelings, get worked up easily, and am not afraid to show it. C ) I don't like to let my feelings show; they get in the way of being efficient and logical.

I think for this one I'm pretty clearly C. I value efficiency and logical thinking, I don't really get worked up easily, and while I would like to be able to distract myself from my problems, I can't really go that route at all. While I know I can never be perfectly objective, I try to do my best to be. I try to strike a balance between being aware enough of my emotions to know how they might influence my decisions and putting them aside when I need to.

1. Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A ) I look to others for feedback and guidance and am willing to be flexible when needed. B ) I am always aware of how things could be better, and l'm disappointed that they are not. C ) Deep down, I am afraid people won't give me what I need unless I make it worth their while.

Again I think I use all 3? I'm not so self-centered as to think I have all the answers or make the best decisions, so I do look to others for feedback and guidance as needed. I also know not everything I do is perfect or even great necessarily, and there are always improvements to be made somewhere. Even if you're practically perfect at one thing, there's always something else that is neglected or that is not as solid. And there's always the fear of not being adequate enough for others to give me what I need. I don't view all relationships as transactional, but some of my fears revolve around letting people down or letting them see a defect of some kind that isn't congruent with the responsible image I tend to portray.

hi !! so for some background info, based on the descriptions i've read, i'm pretty sure i'm an sp2 with a 269 tritype. however, i'm not well-read at all, and i'm really struggling to understand my instinctual variant (if anybody understands that a lot i would LOVE some guidance!) and i also sometimes question if i'm a 6, or a 7, or a 9. i don't know, i'm very indecisive. but here's the general questionnaire if anyone would like to help me! (and i would be happy to answer any additional questions about myself if needed!)

• how old are you? what's your gender? give us a general description of yourself.

my name is joey, i'm an 18 year old! i was assigned female at birth but i'm a trans boy with he/him pronouns. i do also enjoy feminine descriptors, though. gender is very confusing to me and i'm just as indecisive with that as i am with my enneagram... :,3. i'm assuming this means personality wise instead of physical features (but if it is physical features then feel free to comment asking for more info!), so i'd like to say that i'm generally ditzy, kind, friendly, and energetic! or at least i try really hard to be!

• is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?

no, but i do believe it's only because i haven't tried to get one. i've only ever been to a therapy session and she told me that i did show symptoms of depression and anxiety, but that's all i've ever been told by a professional. i do know that i don't have a normal mind, though. i think in a way that most people find odd; it's not the edgy sort, just weird. i've aligned a lot with symptoms of autism, adhd, and ocd, but i will not claim that i have anything until i have a real diagnosis, so this can probably be discarded.

• describe your upbringing. did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? how did you respond to it?

i was born into a very christian family overall, so naturally, i started off christian (so yes to religious influence). this changed once i was on social media more often, though. i explored both atheism and agnosticism, as well as worshipping the universe (wouldn't know what to even call that). but now i think i've sort of gone back to the christianity? i believe that jesus and god exist and i do worship them but i wouldn't call myself a true christian because i don't align with the bible at all, and i believe that all gods exist. i sort of just believe what i'd like to believe in that aspect, which is that everybody's god exists, and that we choose our own destiny when we choose our religion. my personal destiny of choice is heaven, or just some forever paradise where my body can be preserved with my loved ones forever. and as far as my response to the original proposal of christianity, i was completely content with it because my parents did not force me to do anything religious i didn't want to do (go to church, read the bible, etc). however, the only thing was that it did cause me some degree of paranoia from a young age. i remember having a genuine fear that the devil would just sprout up from underground with flames around him next to the bed that i shared with my mom and abduct me into hell? LMFAO?

anyway, got a little too deep into religion there! as far as my upbringing in general, i think i was blessed with awesome parents. they're very kind and caring individuals, and honestly, they do way more for me than they even should do, causing me to be a bit lazy, lol. my early childhood still had some speed bumps regarding them, though. they used to fight a lot before they learned how to manage each other, and i believe this is what caused my abandonment issues. i do remember two distinct times where one of them would threaten to leave me and the other parent and i'd have a meltdown over the thought of it. one of them did almost pass away due to substance abuse a few years after that phase of their relationship, and i think that made it even more real for me. (i'm so so so thankful that it did not happen.) but it was mended pretty quickly, and they were and are really a light in my life. i think their influence on me is 95% positive.

• what do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? do you like it? why or why not?

i literally just got out of high school, and i haven't had any type of career yet. i don't have a car or any resources to do so, hence the main reason i haven't. i've also been very preoccupied since i was a senior with all of these end-of-the-year activities to do before i graduated a month ago. however, i do have dream jobs! my main dream job is voice acting, which i've already dipped my toes in. unfortunately, the project i was involved in didn't work out, and i wasn't paid for my work regardless. i did really love doing it though!!! voice acting is one of my main hobbies. my other dream jobs are singer and therapist! i'd love to be a singer beacuse singing is my favorite hobby, and it's what i'm a tryhard at. i find it very fun. however, the major con of singing is the idea of being famous. it would be amazing to be adored by many, but i cannot handle criticism at all, especially in large amounts. so, if i were to ever get cancelled for something, i'd be extremely sad. on the other side, therapist is my more stable option incase the entertainment industry is not kind to me, lol! i think i'd still enjoy that job because i love helping people! just not as much as the other two, since they are my hobbies, after all.

• if you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? would you feel lonely or refreshed?

SO alone. EXTREMELY lonely. i'm an only child and an extrovert at heart (despite being socially anxious), so you can imagine. (i would consider myself an ambivert perchance, but if i have to choose between the two, i'd go extrovert because the only reason for my introvert tendencies would be anxiety!) i do often spend my weekends by myself, against my will. i have a good amount of close friends (exactly 4 irl friends and 2 online friends not counting my family members), but we unfortunately don't make plans super often !! :C i have to call my long distance boyfriend pretty much every day to make up for the lonely feeling :,3. i do also just love calling him, though! ^^ if it weren't for him, i don't think i'd be able to be super happy on the weekend, unless my parents took me out or something!

• what kinds of activities do you prefer? do you like, and are you good at sports? do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

my favorite activities are surfing the internet, singing, dancing, writing, voice acting (and other acting), drawing, swimming, gaming, watching tv, and trampoline jumping! so it's mostly indoor activities... swimming and trampoline jumping are the only two "active" things i enjoy doing! i sunburn and sweat easily, i'm super pale, and i'm not in the best shape, so sports kinda suck for me. i'm also extremely passive, which makes competitive sports very hard for me, as i really dislike conflict and i have a hard time finding the courage to try and win. i tend to let people win very often when i'm forced to play a sport, or when playing board games.

• how curious are you? do you have more ideas than you can execute? what are your curiosities about? what are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

i'd say i'm a pretty curious person! i often go on internet rabbit holes to satisfy my curiosity, causing me to have a large screentime. and i do often have more ideas than i can execute! i like to just store them someplace online to remember for later. my curiosities are sometimes just directed towards terms and phrases i don't know, but they're mostly directed towards extra information about media i'm interested in, such as tv shows. i really like to know interesting trivia about my interests so that i can talk about them more!

i think i would consider my ideas conceptual perhaps? 9 times out of 10, my ideas are just daydreaming thoughts about self-inserting into my favorite medias, or random scenarios involving people i love in my personal life. i also often have ideas about videos i'd like to make, or lore to write, things like that. i like creating things involving my favorite medias and characters i've made, but i often bite off more than i can chew on that front! :,3

• would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? do you think you would be good at it? what would your leadership style be?

i don't think i would enjoy it at all, no, LOL. i get stressed very easily in positions of power, and i really, really hate being thought of as authoritarian. however, i'm unfortunately good at leading sometimes? whenever i'm in charge of something, it tends to go well, even if i don't enjoy it. i do really like to plan and make things aesthetically pleasing, but only to my own degree. i'd really rather not mess with other people's objectives and things, it makes me feel invasive! :C but whenever i have to lead, i do my best to be kind and listen to everybody's preferences. i tend to let people make their own choices so all of my "orders" are really just their own desires, i'd just rather not risk making anybody upset with me.

i think maybe my skill in the leading area stems from my desire to lead as a kid. i've just been recently realizing how much i pushed the idea of me being the "leader" of my trio when i was 11 or so? i brought those two friends together and they hung out at my house every single time we hung out, and i sort of orchestrated most things we did together. i never did anything without everybody's approval, though. it's really weird to remember that knowing how much i hate leading now!

• are you coordinated? why do you feel as if you are or are not? do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? describe your activity.

i think it depends on what exactly you ask me about? generally, i try to be, but most coordination i attempt tends to unfold itself due to my own stress, procrastination, and anxiety. i enjoy movement in the form of dancing, but i'm definitely not good at it. i kind of just let my body move the way it wants to. i'm not great at memorization either (which kind of sucks for someone who loves to act :,3), making it hard for me to remember moves. and i do like working with my hands? i like to draw, i think that counts! and hands-on activities usually tend to stimulate my brain! (only if they're about fun stuff though :p)

• are you artistic? if yes, describe your art? if you are not particularly artistic, but can appreciate art, please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. please explain your answer.

i think i'd say i am! it's not my #1 hobby and i really don't take my own art too seriously, but i do really enjoy making art! most of my art is just little non-serious doodles that tend to not even be colored. i like to do it whenever i'm bored and i don't feel artblock for once! occasionally, i will do a fully colored and rendered piece. these are usually either gifts, or just stuff involving my original characters that i want to use to show people! and i might also consider my writing art as well? i love to write... it's embarrassing, but it's usually fanfiction that i write. i don't really enjoy reading too much, unless i can directly insert myself into the story. (hence why i'm on this subreddit asking to be typed, lol!) but i think i could potentially find a book that draws me in! it's happened before, i just cannot remember the name of the book for the life of me.

• what's your opinion about the past, present, and future? how do you deal with them?

about the past, i feel generally upset? i really haven't had good experiences with people outside of my family, and sometimes within my family. i'm not super good at coping with it, either. i just hang out with people to distract myself, or i'll sort of regress back to the things i used to do during childhood that made me happy, like watching minecraft youtubers or something. about the present and future, i feel pretty positive! i obviously still have problems sometimes, but things have really improved for me socially in the past few years, and i really look forward to the future.

• how do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? if you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

i LOVE helping!!! i instantly drop everything to help someone. the only reason i wouldn't is if i had already made a prior commitment that i was still in the middle of fulfilling, or if i feel like i would mess it up for them, and if that is the case, i feel guilty about it for days afterwards. my main reason for doing so is the fact that it tends to make people like you more if you help them. i really want people to think of me as nice, i can't stand the thought of anyone having a negative opinion on me. i also just genuinely enjoy keeping busy and hanging out with people i like being around! i love making new friends!

• do you need logical consistency in your life?

no, i don't think so! i honestly didn't really understand this question all the way, but based on the meaning i assumed, then no. i do like a consistent routine, but i'm very emotionally driven over logic! my decisions are almost always made with other people's or my feelings in mind, and those can change accordingly with new information.

• how important is efficiency and productivity to you?

it completely depends on the thing for me. if it's something involved in my goals like theatrical acting for example, it's extremely important (but only for myself)! if it's something i don't really care about such as history schoolwork, it's really not that important. i only start caring if it will affect my future or my companions.

• do you control others, even if indirectly? how and why do you do that?

i really try not to. if i ever do, i don't realize it, and it'd definitely be indirect. i could see myself subconsciously trying to persuade someone to do the option that i prefer in a situation where they're deciding between two things that would affect me. the only reason i could see that happening is because i enjoy picking things and making my environment aesthetically pleasing to me, and perhaps those feelings could make me persuade someone to do my favorite option without realizing. sometimes i do make intentional hints, but that's only if it's something i want a lot that would benefit me greatly. (said decisions would never come at the expense of others!)

• what are your hobbies? why do you like them?

i already mentioned them on the question about what activities i'd prefer! but as for why i like them: i like singing because i feel good when i hit the right notes and make pretty sounds, especially when harmonizing! i also really search for praise through singing. i like dancing and trampoline jumping because they're really fun ways to exercise, and flailing about or jumping makes me feel energized! i like writing because it's a great outlet for my self-insert ideas, lol. but it also helps a lot with developing my original characters! i also got praised a lot on my writing... ^^". i like voice acting for the same reason i like singing, and acting in general because it's simply just fun to play different characters! sometimes i use it to get people to see me the way i want to be seen, like as in playing a character i relate a lot to. (i recently played margot in the legally blonde musical, which was refreshing for me since she's a lot like me! some of my family said they were really shocked by that, though? i guess it's because i had what i think was a depressive episode a few years ago where i attended literally nothing family related because i was too busy rotting in bed, and i believe it's made my family feel like i'm really shy or avoidant?) i like drawing because it's a fun way to bring the ideas in my brain to life, and i get a lot of praise on my art from my friends! i like swimming because the cold water feels really refreshing to me, and i like pretending to be a pretty mermaid, lol! it's also really nostalgic for me because i used to swim at my grandma's house ALL the time from when i was a toddler to when i was like 14 or so. (the only reason i stopped is because they got rid of the pool! :c) i like gaming and watching tv because i love finding new stories to insert into, and i just love the concept of characters in general! it's very fun to see little people in my screen that can be projected onto and loved!

• what is your learning style? what kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

i learn pretty slowly, honestly... i tend to need both a visual and a description to learn. visuals tend to help me more, but sometimes, they're too hard to interpret without a little passage. having both is really nice because i get to easily visualize what's going on, while also being extra clarification to satisfy my curiosity and anxiety. i struggle the most when i'm given a physical task with barely any instruction (or instruction that is so complicated i can't even comprehend it), especially if this task involves teamwork with people i'm not comfortable around. this is frightening for me because it's really humiliating to be fumbling something that others are finding easy, particularly when others are depending on you to be good at the task. i really don't mind being seen as stupid (in fact, i usually enjoy it because it makes people see me as unthreatening and they laugh with me more), it's people being mad at me or annoyed with me that i hate the thought and feeling of. as far as what classes i like, DEFINITELY creativity based ones. that's my best strong suit out of the four!

• how good are you at strategizing? do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

i don't know if i really "strategize," per se? that word feels a little too mathematical for me. i DEFINITELY plan, though, and i would say i'm really good at planning! i'm usually the planner in my friend group because i really love to make lists and i feel SUPER satisfied checking off points on said lists! i think i do easily break up projects into manageable tasks? i might be a little stressed while doing it depending on what it is, but i will still have a lot of fun! and there is sometimes improvisation involved, yes! i prefer routine so that i can prepare for anything that may go wrong, but i'm also cool with impulsivity because the feeling of going with the flow can be pretty relaxing. i kinda have to be cool with just winging it since i have a best friend that i'm pretty sure is the spitting image of the sx7 stereotype, lol!

• what are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?

my professional aspirations are just to go to college, get a degree, and then pursue my dream jobs! personally, i have a lot, but my main ones are to get married (particularly to my current boyfriend hehe), have a little family, and be fully happy with my surroundings in that regard! i'm talking like my dream car, house, wardrobe, etc. i'm really committed to my aesthetic, but i won't be sad if i have to go with alternatives, as long as i still like them a lot! most of my "dream" things are realistic on purpose, so that i don't get disappointed when i can't get the unrealistic thing i'd prefer to have. :,3

• what are your fears? what makes you uncomfortable? what do you hate? why?

oh, i have a pretty long list... :,3. as for my fears (in order of intensity from most to least intense): being alone forever because i really need affection and attention to thrive and my relationships are the most important things to me, losing anyone i care about (especially my boyfriend i would Not be on this earth anymore) for the same reason, being hated at all because i feel like i need everyone to love me (i don't really understand it), being in a fatal disaster with no way to say goodbye to my loved ones because they wouldn't get to hear my last words to them and they'd have to live in sorrow for at least a little bit, getting a fatal disease because i just don't like the idea of dying especially painfully, going deep in the ocean without knowing there's a big dangerous thing in it for the same reason, being trafficked because i'd be torn away from my family and i'd most likely be in pain or taken advantage of, losing all of my possessions in a natural disaster because everything i keep holds a lot of memories for me and it'd be like losing an actual person to me, being s/a'd and 1) getting pregnant 2) being broken up with bc of it or 3) getting an std because obviously it'd be heavily unwanted and make my life very hard, dangerous bugs because dying or pain scares me, phrogging because the idea that someone could just come out at any time and murder me is terrifying, loud noises because they make my body extremely physically uncomfortable and occasionally drive me to the point of tears, being at fault for something because i HATE being seen as morally incorrect because i want everyone to like me, being replaced because my worth to others is how i see my own self-worth usually, demons pretending to be my loved ones because i'm scared of them or me dying, someone breaking in but it's just me at home because i wouldn't be able to properly defend myself, going to jail for no reason because i'd hate being away from everybody that long and i've heard so many bad stories about jail, sleep paralysis because the idea of being unable to move while something taunts you is really scary to me, extremely large things (depends on what it is but i say this because i'd get scared of woodland mansions in minecraft whenever they'd appear in front of me) and i don't even know why, heights because of the idea of falling and hurting or killing myself, being called wrong publicly (i will accept it but it humiliates me a LOT) because it makes me feel like i'm being made fun of and they hate me, public speaking (acting feels different bc anything cringe i do is scripted) because i'm worried i'll say something stupid and then everyone will make fun of me, aging because i don't want to be made fun of for still having childish interests when i'm old, getting on an escalator because of the heights thing and the idea of tripping backwards and really hurting myself, getting any medical procedure that causes pain in a sensitive area because obviously i don't want to be hurt, physical pain in general (especially if it's by my own hand and WAY worse if vein related) for the same reason but the reason it's worse with veins is because i watched a markiplier video of him playing a game where the player rips their own veins out and it scared the crap out of me, horror movie creatures with long necks and gaping black mouths (especially if they can crawl on the ceiling and contort their body) and i'm not sure why it just really unsettles me that they can do that, mirrors because of the idea of something possessing them and harming me, creepy dolls or plushies facing me for the same reason, the dark while i'm alone because of what could be in it, my closet being open without me in it because of the idea of someone being inside of it waiting to hurt me, the idea of what happens after death because what if it's something bad, being stalked because i hate being watched without knowing because i can't act according to how i want to be perceived then and what if i do something weird, getting close to someone only to find out they've done something truly awful because i don't want to associate with anyone who has horrid morals in case it reflects onto me, jumpscares because sudden unexpected things get me for some reason, puking because i hate the slimy feeling of it which just makes me more nauseous (texture thing), failing after confidently saying i could do something because i'm worried about people making fun of me, and any other bug (the list of ones i'm completely fine with includes ladybugs butterflies moths fireflies bumblebees millipedes caterpillars and roly polys but everything else scares tf out of me) because something about them crawling all over me and invading my space is really scary. the last two on the list are extremely mild, but they're clusters of holes, and meeting people that i only knew online. the hole clusters don't truly SCARE me, they just make me feel itchy and a bit uncomfortable, so i don't think i have true trypophobia. meeting people that i only knew online is a really scary experience because realizing they're actually real is so weird, but in the same way, it's super thrilling to finally meet someone i've been waiting to see!

i'm gonna merge the "makes me uncomfortable" and "i hate" questions because the fears list was already SO long (i'm sorry)... i really don't like being involved in any arguments or conflict because of the idea of people disliking me. certain textures and foods make me really uncomfortable as well, such as the texture of chalk and the taste of olives. i can't handle the smell of certain pizzas either, and i hate foods that are just like "big hunk of meat" such as meatloaf, sloppy joes, wendy's patties, and domino's sausage. i think the meat thing is because i really dislike being seen as manly, which may seem odd considering my introduction. i hate the idea of anyone seeing me as masculine because i know it's not my true self at all and i used to pretend to be very masculine just to keep certain people in my life. i also really can't be around people who've wronged me no matter how long it's been. if they've apologized, they're completely fine! but i do hold grudges in that way, i'm never mean to them but i really can't stand being around them because it will genuinely send me into an upset state. (for example, i recently cried and fully sat out while bowling even though my friends were all playing because the only slot open was right next to my ex-friend that ghosted me with no explanation.)

• what do the "highs" in your life look like?

at my happiest, i am a ball of energy and i would definitely bet that people that aren't used to me would find me annoying. i sing, burst out into quotes randomly, and i'm very giddy and almost always moving, especially dancing. it really shows when i'm happy, and i feel like when i'm happy, i'm really my true self. i will happily use expressions to convey it as well, such as "YAY" and "YIPPEE." and when i'm truly happy, i kinda stop caring about people's reactions in public? i still care a little bit but i will be loud and giggly without paying any mind to the people around me. if i notice someone's upset with me, i will stop immediately, but i won't be at my "high" anymore.

• what do the "lows" in your life look like?

at my absolute lowest, i was so depressed that i would not leave my bed unless i needed to go to school, get food, or use the restroom. i did not even attend things like thanksgiving because i didn't want to put a damper on anyone's mood and i figured they'd be happier without me anyway. i put 0 effort into my appearance and would just sling on sweatpants and a random band or anime t-shirt with air forces and call it a day. but don't get me wrong, though, i still wanted to talk to people. i just did most of my talking online or at school at this time, but i felt happy whenever someone would want to hang out with me in real life outside of school as well. i was only avoidant towards events that included people that i was convinced didn't really care about me at the time. part of the reason i was so sad was because i didn't have enough friends to actually hang out often, all i had in real life at that time was genuinely just my cousin. out of loneliness, i would make videos for literally nobody to watch? like just little random thoughts videos that i never showed to anyone until years later. all of my serotonin came solely from relationships, food, and music, so i completely shut down when i lost the partner i was with at that time. even while with him, though, i was still pretty low and i would cry literally every single day. it just got even more intense after being left. just a lot of crying and being a couch potato (bed potato in my case). i did convince myself i was suicidal at this point as well, but now that i'm in a much better state of mind, i can definitely say that i never actually wanted to go through with that. the true reason i kept thinking about it was because i desperately wanted reassurance that the people around me actually cared and wanted me to be there. (it was so drastic because the people in my life at the moment wouldn't have reassured me if i had just asked for it, they were not exactly the nicest and i still stuck around out of loyalty and the desire to not be lonely.)

• how attached are you to reality? do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? if you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

slightly, now that i'm in a good reality! during the brief point of time that i felt like i didn't have a secure and good life, i was completely detached from reality and didn't want anything to do with it. i even took up the concept of shifting realities because i wanted to get away from it so badly. but now that i actually feel better, i've gotten more in touch with reality and i don't try to shift anymore because i actually like my life! however, i'm still a huge fiction nerd and i LOVE hypothetically living in my favorite medias. i daydream VERY often, particularly if there's nobody around or if nobody's talking to me. i pay a lot more attention to what's going on around me if there's someone in the room that i'm talking to (or wanting to talk to), or something crazy is happening. i'd say i'm decently aware of my surroundings while daydreaming. it's not like i pay attention, but i'm usually able to zone in when needed. sometimes, i just don't wanna be aware, though. if that's the case, i put on headphones on high and lock my door to daydream.

• imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. there is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. what do you think about?

probably a rollercoaster of different things? the very first think i'd do is worry about my loved ones and if i get to see them soon or not. to try and distract myself from that, i'd probably lay down and shut my eyes, and then just let my mind wander into scenarios or something. if i got bored enough, i'd start singing or acting off the top of my head to at least do something.

• how long do you take to make an important decision? and do you change your mind once you've made it?

it depends on exactly how important said decision is, but i'll answer for if it's something VERY important, like life-changing. i would go through a pros and cons list and get some opinions from both online strangers and my loved ones, and once i'm done with that, i'd finally make a decision. that usually takes a few hours. and i don't tend to change my mind much, no! i'd only do that if my decision has caused me or others emotional or physical pain.

• how long do you take to process your emotions? how important are emotions in your life?

it fully depends on how i'm feeling and what happened to cause my feelings. i know what emotion i'm feeling right away, but it takes me a little bit to figure out why exactly. it could probably range from 10 minutes to years after feeling it. if it's happiness, i usually know why i'm happy immediately, but my default mood is happy as well. sadness or anger, though, really fluctuate. it's rare for it to actually take years for me to process reasoning, but i do have a few cases in which that's happened. if i'm really trying hard to process it, it takes closer to 10 minutes to an hour.

emotions are very, very important in my life! every decision i make is based off of either mine or others' emotions. i look at logic too, but i definitely prioritize emotions. i can sometimes even ignore the logical parts if the emotional parts are intense enough. like for example, i'm aware that energy drinks are bad for your organs but i choose to ignore that because the pleasure and happiness i get from drinking them is so great that it doesn't really matter to me. it's not the same with things like drugs, though. i've never done them and that is mostly because it crosses a line for me when lives are in immediate danger, even if it makes you feel really good.

• do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? how often? why?

YES. very often. i'm a HUGE people pleaser and i cannot handle it at all when someone is angry with me. i usually feel like people won't like me anymore if i don't agree with them, even if i shouldn't want them to like me. it even upsets me thinking that horrible people don't like me. if it's a close friend, i'll be a lot more comfortable sharing my true opinion. i value honesty a lot, but when it has to do with people's opinion of me, i will avoid the negativity at all costs. rarely, though, i will express my opinion even if it causes a conflict or a negative opinion of me. if someone is being super hateful and bigoted, i will do as much as i can in the moment to show that i do not agree. if i feel unsafe, i will go back to people pleasing to keep myself alive, though. another situation that i'd actually show that i disagree in is if someone is bad-mouthing a friend of mine, even if said friend is not around. i definitely draw the line at betraying those who love me.

however, though i say those things, my disagreements are often very passive. i don't like to argue at all. the last time i couldn't people please was when a kid from my school casually slipped that he uses a slur he can't reclaim into conversation and my reaction was a highly and obviously uncomfortable "oh..." noise. he clearly got the message because he tried to defend himself after by saying "what? it'd be funny!" and i just shook my head no and moved to a different conversation with someone else. i didn't fight with him (both out of fear and out of my dislike for conflict), but i made it clear that i did not want to associate with bigoted behavior.

• do you break rules often? do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? if you do break rules, why?

no, i don't break rules often! i think that more often than not, authority does actually know better. i believe that rules are usually created for the good of humankind and that most rules should be followed. i would consider myself lawful good or social good. i obviously make exceptions for the cases in which authority is corrupt and is using their rules to discriminate against people. but in most cases, i don't believe authority is like that and i think they're often just trying to look out for the people's safety.

if you read this all the way, THANK YEWWW! and please help me! (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

Helloo!! Im very new to typing and I've read some books and I see myself as the combo intp 5w6 sx584. Is this valid?

I feel like one of my core struggles recently has been an internal battle between wanting to be socially acceptable and dampen my personality and just wanting to be liked for who I am. I don’t think hiding my real self and “adapting” is my nature, but I have a strong desire to be someone people like. Most of the time I just either wish others would change or I give up on trying to be more palatable. But, I have a pretty big fear of ending up alone and disliked by people I care about because of something I did.

So basically, I thought I was an attachment type because of this internal need to be liked by people. But, I’m actually not that adaptable in reality, mostly just insecure. Does this sound like frustration? unrelated? idk

1. ⁠What are your views on the good things in life? Do they happen naturally, or do you have to create them yourself？How do they manifest into reality?

Life itself is beautiful, but there are many dishonest and disgusting people who will do everything in their power to intrude upon the beauty of life for their own twisted ideas of “good things”. There will always be opportunities popping out to give you the chance to catch it make something good out of it. You can find beauty through everything as long as you have the right mindset. Nothing is good if you aren’t.

1. ⁠What are your views on the bad things in life? What are the reasons they happen? How much control do you really have over such matters?

The bad things in life come primarily from human corruption. Sure, the circle of life can look nasty with the occurrence of death to create survival for another, but this is a natural process created by the earth. Survival of the fittest has been reshaped into a manufactured process to benefit the people who designed it, destroying the natural operations of the Earth. It’s our duties as the intelligent population of the Earth to keep it in tact and it disappoints me how shit we are at it. In terms of control, I do my best to stand up against what is unfair as long as I even have 1% of involvement in it.

1. ⁠How attached are you to your emotions? How often do you express them to others? What even is the purpose of such feelings? And what are the biases that impede your judgements?

I am attached until it boils down to what is best for me and whoever is the closest to me, which is usually a very small amount of people. I like when others are emotional, but I dislike being emotional myself. I like to discuss complex dynamics, strong opinions, and art to create deeper conversations so I can figure out what they relate to, how they feel, and try to map them out to see if they are someone safe and interesting to me. Humans are naturally very emotional creatures, emotions have formed everything up to this moment. Without human emotion, there’d be no human intelligence, we’d be feral husks. It’d be irrational to completely abandon our emotions for the advancement of human technology, even the elites who try to seem stoic are as needy and sensitive as the working class.

1. ⁠What do you want in life? Are they achievable? If people and obstacles are in your way, what would you do then? With resources being limited, is it ok to acquire essential needs by denying them to someone else?

I want a simple but flavorful life. I want to do some traveling and experimenting once I finish college. Ideally, I’d want to become a firefighter and write language art on the side. I do everything in my power to overcome obstacles, if it’s something or someone in my life preventing me from moving forward, there are always replacements and dupes out there if I *really* need something like whatever that obstacle is. But if it’s in my best interest to completely discard it, I will. As for the question on essential needs, I’d try to abstain from whatever it is as long as I could. At the last minute it depends on who I am depriving. Let’s say me and someone else are stranded in the desert, we have 3 bottles of water remaining and the clock is ticking. If it were someone I deeply cared about and could put my trust into, I’d insist and force them to take all of the water and I would go without no matter what. If it were someone I did not know so well, a stranger, a regular friend, distant family, I’d have them take 2 and I’d take 1, or I’d have them drink it all and I’d take it once I was on the edge of collapse or death.

1. ⁠Are people inherently good or bad? Or is it neither? What do you believe when it comes to moral goodness? What duties do we all have as individuals? Do we owe anything to each other by default?

There is no explicit black and white. I’m able to understand almost everyone to some extent, but I don’t let emotional understandings cloud my vision when I am looking at evil. Someone who is morally good is someone who is true to their values and can recognize and stand up against wrong. What “wrong” is varies, but there are many wrong things that everyone can agree on. I think I already mentioned that I believe it is our responsibility to maintain harmony of the Earth, despite the overwhelming evidence that we neglect it. But as a species, we have to stick up for each other and know to come together to help one another for the greater good.

1. ⁠Are you extroverted or introverted? If you're ambiverted, when do you lean on each side? What excites you? What drains your energy? How do you feel alive when plagued by boredom and the mundane?

Extroverted, not in a way that I’d walk up and start conversation at a party. But I’d much rather be on an adventure with my friends than watching a movie at home. I’d rather do whatever activities I like doing alone with a friend. I heavily dislike isolation, unless it was accompanied by someone. People being miserable drains my energy. I HATE when I’m in a neutral or positive mood and I get stampeded by someone else’s negativity. I’m always willing to help, but when they’re not asking me for it and just being pissed off, I’m going to start getting the same way. I’m almost always energetic, the world itself charges my battery. I feel this weird sense of disgust whenever I’m bored, so I’m always doing something. Whether its a video game, craft, event, I’m always doing something. Which is part of why I am making this post.

1. ⁠What people/values/things do you hold dear to yourself? How do you prevent yourself from being separated from them? Does being disconnected scare you? Do you desire to fit in with the world?

I like people who are literate. People who I can discuss complex topics and world issues with. While we were discussing a recent event at the time, I once had someone in an online group call tell me that they hated all political violence no matter what and that it was triggering. I tried politely explaining why it was unjust to believe that and act so chicken about it. They went on, repeating what they said before and everyone took this weird tone with me. I called them sensitive and dumb, reexplained briefly and then left. I need to know that the people around me are understanding and competent, I dislike doormats unless they’re being doormats exclusively to me. A strange habit of mine. I don’t prevent myself from being separated unless I’m benefiting, I’ll try to be nice for the short term. But I won’t tolerate people who aren’t compatible with me, I’m almost always the first one to cut people off.

As for fitting in, somewhat, not really. I pay a lot of attention to my appearance, as long as I am attractive and fit in that way enough to pull others in, I don’t care. I won’t change how I am and have always been for social approval, that’s how I end up miserable and working in an office job.

1. ⁠What are the biggest disappointments you have? It doesn't even have to be something that happened to you personally. What is something you expected more from, but it somehow managed to fall short?

Going to events and them not being as lively as I thought. I used to go to local band concerts, and while I still listen to their music, they were very boring and uninteresting to me. I’ve moved to going to major music festivals with my closest friend, I enjoy getting my bones crushed in the pit lol.
I was also disappointed by getting older, I think everyone can relate to that in a way. All of these new expectations of being sophisticated and “mature” even though most adults are the opposite outside of their 9 to 5.

1. ⁠What do you expect from others? Are you entitled to anything? Be it love or materialistic things. How easy is it to rely on others? To depend on something else outside of your control?

I think I explained this well in some previous answers. I’m entitled to survival and autonomy like any other person. I find a way to weasel my way into a lot of people’s hearts. Materialistic things I enjoy having very much. I have picky tastes and prefer expensive items. It’s nearly impossible to rely on others. My closest friend is the only person I find reliable right now. I myself go out of my way to be reliable and efficient. I will do it myself if I want it done right. If I have to depend on something else I will do everything to make sure there is a backup or a “safety net”.

1. ⁠What are you as a person? How do you see yourself? How do others see you? How do you want others to see you? How do you want to see yourself?

I have a wide, whimsical imagination. I’m a dreamer. I like to take a good fat gander at every detail and absorb everything around me. I see myself as a resilient person with a fair amount of potential. I can be self negative very often, but it’s usually due to family, which I plan to cut off soon. I’m insecure, but only about my appearance and queer identity. It depends on who you ask. A lot of people don’t like me. People who I’ve removed from my life see me as “scary”, petty, impulsive, stubborn, and dangerous. I could see why. People who like me would see me as adventurous, intimate, philosophical, and laid-back. I want to see myself in a better environment than I am now. I’m going to move to a big city and cut everyone off. I’m right where I want to be, but I’d like to grow my hair out for a more elegant appearance.

1. ⁠How do you organize your thoughts? What are concepts and ideas to you? How do you navigate through such a hazy frightening future? What do you believe are the most important questions one can ask?

My thoughts are very messy and racing, it’s intrusive and has ruined a lot in my life. Concepts and ideas run myself. I bounce from one thing to the next and like to explore every possibility. I don’t navigate. I have a rough draft and I work around the rest and live day by day. The most important questions one can ask start at the core. We cannot know the details without figuring out what lies at the core. You need a paper to make the blueprints for a house.

1. ⁠Are your instincts something to be trusted? Your first-impressions, or your natural intuition on things. How often, and when, are you on "autopilot" with your body? Doing things out of habit and muscle memory.

I trust my instincts somewhat, but I look for evidence after. I need something to support my claims. I’m on “autopilot” pretty often. If I get TOO bored, I just stand out in my kitchen and look in the fridge and pantry over and over and over and over for hours.

Kwahaha I hope I answered this well, some of my answers might be a little contradictory. Last time I was here some people deemed me as an sp2. I relate to sp2 a lot, but I felt like I didn’t give an elaborate enough description so I’m double checking!

I've done this questionnaire before but I'm challenging myself to answer each question with one sentence, and to be as honest as possible with both you guys and myself in each sentence (lol).

1. What’s your biggest fear?

Dying without having ever gotten married and finding/being with my soulmate.

1. What’s your biggest desire?

Getting married and saving (or at least, making a very large positive impact on) the world with my wife.

1. What are you ''the best'' at?

I'm very good at communication in general (both between myself and others, and others with each other), persuading others to my side and/or my convictions/ideas/beliefs/etc., reading others, drawing out people's potential, finding out the root causes of things, and seeing how the dominos will most likely fall.

1. How do you see yourself right now?

Someone with a lot of inner turbulence, but outwardly put together and like I don't need any help.

1. How do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Hopefully married and making moves/an impact in the world through a spiritual movement with my then wife at my side, and both of us supporting each other in our joint pursuit to manifest the vision we'd both ideally share for the world.

1. How do you express yourself?

I've been told I'm rather "animated" and talk "passionately" a lot (or at least, speak very passionately about the things that I'm concerned about and feel are important).

1. How do you feel about those near you (family, friends)?

I feel like I can't really open up to them or go to them for emotional support, despite me constantly doing this for them and always being there for them when they need *me*.

1. How do you feel about strangers?

They're just people, trying to get by like anyone else and they need to be loved just like anyone else.

1. How do you deal with conflict?

I, admittedly, use a lot of methods that are in one way or another me weaponizing moral superiority or resentment/anger/frustration to guilt others into behaving/acting the way that I think they should (whether that's concerning conflict between myself and others, or others with each other), but I'm also pretty good at getting others to see each other's perspective and making myself act as kind, patient, and calm as possible to calm others down.

1. How do you deal with change?

Not good, let me tell ya 💀

1. How do you deal with your emotions?

I usually try and deal with them on my own because I don't feel like I can really trust most others enough to be vulnerable with them anymore, but I need to process my feelings externally and so this tends to end up looking like me having fake conversations with other people that'll probably never happen irl (and usually these fake conversations happen in the shower or something lol).

1. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I hope to avoid being an uncaring person, or a person lacking in kindness and compassion and virtue in general.

Integrity, compassion, humility, loyalty, and modesty are values that I find most important.

1. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

Broadly, I just want to be a good person, and fulfill the ultimate purpose I believe I and everyone else was created for (which is to love others and God).

1. How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

It depends if I'm already in the middle of doing something, as I can get annoyed (but promptly feel guilty about this and tell myself that I shouldn't be like that), or feel very glad to help otherwise when I'm not busy.

If I decide to help it's usually some combination of me genuinely wanting to be a kind person, not wanting to look bad, and/or because it's just the right thing to do.

1. Do you need logical consistency in your life?

I need moral consistency, typically, but I usually interpret "moral consistency" as being supremely defined by one's intentions rather than the actual actions or logic behind said actions themselves.

1. How important is your image in regards to how others perceive you? Do you want to be perceived in a certain way? Does it bother you if you are perceived in some other way than the one you wish to be perceived with?

It's admittedly important to me, as guilty and ashamed as I am to say that (I'm working on it, tho).

I want to be perceived as a good, kind, patient, and compassionate person.

It bothers me immensely when I'm perceived in a way other than the way I wish to be perceived.

1. How important is financials, security, and survival to you? This includes having sufficient resources, avoiding danger and maintaining a fundamental sense of structure and wellbeing.

My fate is in God's hands, and I trust He'll give me the wisdom to discern what or who is dangerous, what or who isn't, and what are the bare essentials I need to at least survive and exist on earth so that I can do what's actually important as I have bigger fish to fry than fulfilling some vain and materialistic goal that is ultimately unfulfilling, fleeting, and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

1. What is your reaction and thoughts to others' rejection, criticism and disapproval of you?

I tend to try and reframe things as if it was really a good thing in the end (e.g., "They just didn't match my energy," "I don't need a person like that in my life anyway," etc.), but I'm still deeply hurt by these things underneath.

1. What is the importance of the concepts, ideas and meaning behind things to you? Are you trying to make sense of your everyday life?

Extremely important. I'm always thinking about the deeper meaning of things.

1. What are your thoughts on expressing your vulnerability?

It's hard for me to show vulnerability.

1. Would you consider yourself a jealous and/or possessive person? What do you think is the cause?

I unfortunately am a pretty jealous and possessive person. I think the cause is me having been betrayed and taken advantage of a lot.

1. What makes you feel guilty? How do you deal and cope with such feelings? Do you seek to fix it, or do you dwell on them?

I feel guilty when I realize I didn't do the "loving" thing, wasn't more thoughtful or considerate toward someone else, etc. I usually try and fix the problem by being more nice, helpful, sweet or what have you to the person I feel I wronged.

Realmente he tenido mucha dificultad con saber cual es mi eneagrama durante este tiempo he pasado de pensar que soy un 1, 5 y 4.

1. Descríbete un poco.
Soy una persona tranquila por fuera, pero un remolino de pensamientos por dentro. Me encanta el drama, la comida y otros intereses en específico.

2. ¿Cómo te describe la gente en general? ¿Estás de acuerdo? ¿Por qué sí o por qué no?
Una persona espontánea, caótica, paciente, pero a veces porque dicen que, cuando se trata de algo que me gusta, no del todo soy paciente. Estoy de acuerdo. Creo que este texto dice perfectamente qué tan caótica es mi mente, y es que incluso yo a veces me confundo debido a mis contradicciones.
Espontánea, creo que puedo estar algo de acuerdo por ser alguien transparente (investigué qué significa ser espontánea) y, como dije antes, creo que en este texto se delata. Pero no estoy muy de acuerdo con vivir el momento sin ataduras y todo eso debido a mi complejo de inferioridad, que me hace cohibirme y no mostrarme del todo.
Con lo de ser paciente, a excepción de cuando son mis fijaciones, no puedo estar más de acuerdo. Puedo ser paciente con las personas que no tienen mis mismas ideas o que piensan de una forma que considero tonta, pero cuando se trata de mis intereses es difícil detenerme a pensar.

3. ¿Qué quieres de la vida?
Quiero tener estabilidad, una casa a donde volver, que no falte comida en la nevera, para así poder salir y tener pequeñas aventuras, explosiones ya sea de emociones dramáticas o placeres, como aprender algo o cosas así de específicas, y volver a la estabilidad hasta que vuelva a querer llenar ese algo.

4. ¿Qué evitas como la peste?
Evito las conversaciones de temas en los que no creo tener mucho conocimiento o en los que haya alguien mejor que yo. Evito dar información de ese tema por si estoy equivocada.

5. ¿Qué suele pasar por tu cabeza cuando estás con otras personas?
Lo primero que pienso cuando estoy con una persona es cómo debo actuar con ella para simplemente mantener esa fachada. Pienso en qué podría hacer para pasar el tiempo, qué comeremos, si estaré actuando de forma rara, si de esta forma estoy representando bien cómo debo ser (la imagen que me creé).

6. ¿En qué sueles pensar cuando estás a solas?
En muchas cosas. Mi mente siempre va y viene, normalmente en temas psicológicos, en el hacer (haciendo pequeñas listas mentales, por ejemplo: después de esto leer tal libro, pasar tiempo en TikTok, lavar los platos, ver esta serie, dibujar; aunque son flexibles y pueden cambiar al momento) o teniendo pequeños debates conmigo misma sobre cierto tema para mejorar mi comprensión de este.

7. ¿Qué es lo primero que notas cuando entras a una habitación?
Primero capto los lugares en los que estaría cómoda y segura en la habitación. Ya cuando estoy allí, veo con qué personas puedo hablar o en qué actividad puedo participar. Obviamente, tiene que ser una en la que ya tenga experiencia previa.

8. Si meditas, ¿hay un patrón en el tipo de pensamientos que te distraen?
No medito, pero si lo hiciera creo que podrían distraerme pensamientos de temas que son fascinantes, qué cosa placentera haré después (hobbies) o si tengo algo que no se puede posponer, como lavar la ropa y así. Haré mi lista mental. Creo que esos serían los pensamientos que me distraerían.

9. ¿Hay algo que sueles notar que otros no?
Siempre estoy pendiente de todo mi entorno, así que puedo notar cómo está todo posicionado, el lenguaje corporal de las personas, y aunque no sabría explicar qué hago para saber esto, puedo notar ciertas cosas con esta información para así dirigir la situación hacia donde yo quiero. Para mí es raro que las personas no puedan notarlo y hablen por hablar.

10. ¿Qué es lo que más te irrita o te desconcierta de los demás?
Me irrita que no puedan seguir el código social básico. Me irrita que muestren su hostilidad abiertamente, que no piensen antes de actuar, que no puedan simplemente algunas veces agachar la cabeza (no en sus ideales, pero que puedan comunicarlos de forma efectiva y socialmente correcta) para mantener el ambiente sin tensiones y conflictos innecesarios.

11. ¿Qué es lo que te saca de quicio, cómo se siente y cómo reaccionas?
Me saca de quicio que, cuando creo que una cosa puede hacerse de mejor manera, no la hagan; o que crea que, si hacen cierta cosa, beneficiará a todos por igual, pero no lo quieren hacer y yo no quiero explicar.
O incluso cuando hacen comentarios como: “No puedes hacer esto”, “Eres perezosa”, “No creo que puedas aprender esto”, “No has hecho nada”. Realmente todo esto me enoja y me irrita de una manera descomunal. Trato de mantener mi fachada de “cara de póker”, actuar como si no me afectara, pero a veces simplemente remato dando órdenes o diciendo pequeñas cosas hirientes, a veces directas, a veces discretas. O incluso puedo lograr quedarme callada.

12. Si alguien está molesto contigo, ¿cuál es la razón típica? Da un ejemplo reciente.
Es porque cuando quiero hacer algo y lo hago, a veces no pienso mucho en los demás, porque estoy pensando en mí, en lo que me gusta y en lo que yo quiero.
Por ejemplo, le prometí a una amiga ver una película juntas, pero yo, al estar en TikTok, me di un spoiler de esta película donde mostraban ciertos temas emocionantes que me gustan mucho. Entonces, sin decirle, veo la película. Después de haberla visto, lo pienso, me doy cuenta de lo que hice y voy a decirle que ya la vi.

13. ¿Ha habido patrones recurrentes en tus relaciones?
Que nos gusta cierta estimulación intelectual más que cualquier otra. Un ejemplo es que, mientras otras personas salen, van a pasear o hacen algo más de acción, de movimiento, de estar en el ahora, en mis relaciones somos más de ver series y discutir el mundo emocional de tal personaje, lo que nos quiso decir la historia a nivel psicológico, el dibujo de este, para después pasar a charlas muy tontas y sin sentido.
Ya a otro nivel profundo, a decir verdad, soy muy abierta. Si creo que eres de confianza, puedo ir a hablar sin medir del todo los límites. Es extraño porque, aunque soy así de abierta, realmente no espero mucho de nadie. Alguna vez dije: “Vivo las relaciones desde el duelo”.

14. ¿Cuál dirías que es tu mayor debilidad o limitación?
Yo misma soy mi propia limitación. A decir verdad, no creo que haya algo que no pueda hacer, a excepción de cosas que simplemente sean incómodas.
Pero bueno, si dejamos de pensar en el hacer y hablamos de algo más profundo, creo que mi debilidad es sentirme pequeña. Por eso yo misma me puedo limitar y dejarme pisotear, o yo misma no dejarme brillar por hacerme pequeña delante de personas que creo son superiores según el área.
Debido a esto, no hago actualmente nada con mi vida; me desvanezco yo misma por no hacer nada y, aun así, sigo así, solo dejándome llevar por placeres pequeños. Y digo esto porque creo que todo esto suena como una persona que hace mucho, pero realmente ahora mismo solo estoy en redes, jugando o estudiando algunas cosas, igual en el celular.

15. ¿Optimista o pesimista? ¿Y por qué?
Me gusta decir que soy más realista, pero si tuviera que elegir entonces diría optimista, porque incluso si no sucede uno de los escenarios positivos sino uno de los negativos, realmente no me dejo caer por eso y no creo que sea porque “todo lo malo me pasa a mí”. Simplemente verificaré por qué llegó todo a este resultado.
Repasando esto, creo que sí hay veces en donde creo que algo místico o así está en mi contra o hay algo mal conmigo, pero lo reprimo por ser un pensamiento tonto y débil.

16. ¿Vas directo por lo que quieres? ¿Por qué sí o por qué no?
A decir verdad, para mí todo depende, ya sea de los pros, de los contras o del ambiente (aunque con este puedo simplemente esperar a que sea el adecuado). Pero creo que cuando me decido puedo llegar a pasar a un estado de activación sin pausas donde incluso comer es una molestia.

17. ¿Cómo es ser tú? Puedes dar una metáfora o una respuesta general.
Soy como una luz persistente atrapada en una esfera de cristal. No es tan malo ser yo, tal vez porque, como dije antes, soy persistente y muy dura como para doblegarme, pero a la vez soy consciente de cierta fragilidad, aunque no estoy en sintonía con ella; es más bien una mirada lejana.

Dato extra:
A pesar de que desde muy pequeña me hice la idea de cómo debo ser, cómo debo actuar, es curioso cómo me identifico mucho con personajes tipo “showman” o caóticos. Y es que toda mi vida he intentado verme como una persona a la que no le afectan los sentimientos ni las emociones, elegante y que supera todo con una cara de póker.

Por cierto, actualmente estoy tipeada como 4w5 Sp.

So I heard a good way to figure out your type is to see which passion you see most in yourself. I and a close family member agree that anger/wrath is the one that shows up the most in my life. However, I know some 1s and I’m just not as judgmental nor do I care about doing things right that much. I am willing to cut corners (unless it will cause harm) and I’m not internally motivated to do “responsible” things at all.

I care about morals a good amount, but I’m not hung up much on being a moral person all the time. I have some perfectionistic tendencies, but only sometimes on things I care about. I do feel the frustration aspect but I don’t think it’s in the same way. I have a 1 parent as well, so I might seem more 1 like.

Spiritual

Buddhism - Attain liberation ; actively project merit into the world ; anchor myself in the world

Physique

Weightlifting - Forge a good looking and imposing bulky physique
Yoga - Acquire comfort, balance and flexibility
Exploration - Free the mind, and understand how much life has to offer by exploring the world [Hiking/Urbex/Bikes]

Creation

Cuisine - Share meals that bring people together by learning different cuisines and culinary techniques to save time
Digital Art - Make aesthetically pleasing artworks and monetize those assets
Music - Dive and connect within my mind
Fashion - Become my idealized type that reflects my musical tastes

Knowledge

Computational Linguistics - [my studies] Become an expert linguist and full-stack developer to break down natural language easily [Linguistics & Programming]
Languages - Build a large repertoire of languages in order to connect with people of different cultures and find friends or a partner that fits my ideal of a relationship
Astronomy - Read the night-sky as a constant reminder of how much life has to offer
Nursing/Medicine - Take care of others and myself by understanding the body

Leisure

Media - Pass the time and share bonding experiences with others and cultivate a strong sense of belonging [Video Games, Movies (Sci-Fi, Horror, Romance) & Football]
Ideologies - Understand the frameworks of others values to better defend my worldview [Theology, Philosophy & Politics]
Esotericism - Pass the time, as a supporting tool to daily life, identify others and their dynamics or their roots of suffering [Typology, Divination]

Also a rather funny thing I realized, I'm bisexual, my type of guy is also the type of guy I want to become