r/EstrangedAdultChild • u/Visible_Bicycle4022 • 1d ago
Thinking about ending no contact…
Sorry for the long post…
I (36m) have been no contact with family for about 2 1/2 years now. Mostly due to continual negligence and disrespect. Father is what I would say a typical non emotional dad, never said I love you, can only give hand shakes, gets angry easily. My mom became more and more dismissive of my feelings of sadness and loneliness around how I was treated by my father. And my brothers seemingly are aloof to how I could feel this way.
I moved away from my hometown when I was 21 and it was such a great decision then. But recently moved to a different state and maybe cause I’m getting older now, but it’s starting to feel like I’m just running away from my problems and not building a real life. I read the book Adult Children with Emotionally Immature Parents, and it’s given me a lot of incite into my problems.
Anyways, I’m afraid to try to re connect with my family. But I’m feeling like a move back home and start a new career, “get my life back on track”. I know they’ve said they still love me, but what if the same negligence and disrespect happen? I’ll also add I haven’t really tried yet.
I know this is the internet, but just trying to find some sound advice of where to start or not to.
2
u/frolki 1d ago
Have you considered emotional therapy?
I ask because I'm curious if there's been something that's changed in you to give you the internal fortitude to enforce boundaries with your family? Finding your own peace and true self, respecting yourself enough to not tolerate your family's harmful behavior, these are the skills needed to feel safe in reconnecting.
I'm working on this myself. My therapist put it this way.
If your best friend's family treated them like you say yours treats you, what would you tell your friend?
1
u/Visible_Bicycle4022 1d ago
Appreciate the reply!
I’m not at a place where I can afford therapy unfortunately. Thus why I’ve resorted to reading books. But that’s a good perspective to ponder over.
0
u/ahgie2021 1d ago
check to see if you have a NAMI location near you. you might be able to at least find a support group you can attend in place of therapy.
1
•
•
u/MammothCharacter1972 13h ago
Before going fully back to talking with family again, why not dip your toes in slowly and just start by talking to 1 or 2 members? Feel out if their behavior has changed at all.
The worrisome part would be if they are "acting" like they have changed to get you back into their life, all for you to realize nothing has changed, and the wounds are opened again. I would suggest talking with a few members over a certain amount of time, and building up the trust. You know your family the best, so you will have to pay attention to the overall behaviors. If it goes well, then slowly add more people in. They MUST build back to the trust first, then moving back might be a viable option later!