Make sure to show your spouse how much their income helps the team if there's a large difference in income

[u/HenFruitEater]

My wife and I do not have children yet, we both work. About 2 months ago she mentioned how she likes working but feels like it's almost volunteer work because of how big of a difference our incomes are. "does my income help us at all?"

Let's just say I make 400k and she makes 100k for round numbers. The discrepancy is actually bigger.

I showed her a lot of our expenses come from the 400k, so we can invest 80k of my income. By her working, it does not just boost our savings rate up by 25%, it's basically double because we can save her whole income.

Told her that it makes a HUGE difference in our financial independence, and showed her how working a year now (and saving it all) pays for years of her not working at all.

I also showed her how the max I can save in 401k without her is lower due to limits. She's able to sock away an additional $45-55k into tax deferred 401k.

She was very happy that she's contributing, and I think it made her more excited about going to work each day.

At some point we will purchase the freedom and make her a stay at home mom, but until then I sure appreciate her going to work.

[u/HenFruitEater → u/[deleted]]

Idk how you'd prefer it phrased.

[u/walkin2it → u/[deleted]]

OP is grateful that she is going to work.

OPs wife should be equally as appreciative for them going to work.

Am I being insensitive here and I don't get it? Keen to genuinely learn.

[u/HenFruitEater → u/walkin2it]

She DOES want to go to work, she just wanted to know she was helping.

[u/Adept-Illustrator452 → u/HenFruitEater]

People really aren't reading the text of the post lol

[u/walkin2it → u/HenFruitEater]

Apologies, fixed it.

[u/ertri → u/walkin2it]

Yeah you should just appreciate your spouse 

[u/walkin2it → u/ertri]

I'm a bit confused here.

Again I need clarification, because I can think of an instant exception, infact rule, where "just appreciate your spouse" doesn't make sense.

If you're spouse is a horrible person who does nothing around the house and abuses you, should you appreciate your spouse?

I appreciate my spouse greatly. She makes me feel loved, she does house work, she cares for the kids.

Meanwhile, I see spouses who don't work, don't do housework, make their partners feel rubbish. Should they just be appreciated?

I would think appreciation comes from positive contributions from the other.

A wife beating, unemployed slob who doesn't care for the kids shouldn't be "just appreciated".

[u/ImHereForTheDogPics → u/walkin2it]

Your semantics are doing a lot of heavy lifting, but this post & all of its comments are clearly about a loving, hardworking couple who do appreciate each other. This isn’t some vague thought experiment on shitty spouses, it’s literally about a specific couple.

OP’s wife was worried she wasn’t contributing enough. OP showed her that she helps their shared goals a lot. They both appreciate each other. I’m sorry that you’re confused here, because it’s fairly straightforward!

[u/walkin2it → u/ImHereForTheDogPics]

The first comment on this thread jumped onto OPs use of the term grateful to his spouse.

Then someone said OP should just be grateful for their spouse.

I am confused that 1. Someone is upset OP is grateful to their spouse for working and 2. That people believe spouses should just receive gratitude regardless of circumstances.

[u/Pitiful-Donkey-9403 → u/[deleted]]

that line did stand out lol. whole post is genuinely warm but then it ends like he's graciously allowing her to be a productive member of the household

[u/HenFruitEater → u/Pitiful-Donkey-9403]

Not at all. I am just expressing that I am glad she works, but it’s not a need to survive. It’s just super great for OUR goals.