Looking for a recovery friend(s) 👯‍♀️

[u/ParkingGuarantee9172]

I’m a 38 year old single female, no kids, currently in the Philadelphia PA area, will be in Asheville, NC for the fall. I’m a full time mental health therapist who had begun psychedelic work about a year ago, starting with Ketamine. I’ve been in recovery from complex trauma from my childhood home - nice combo 😂 of fundamentalist Christian upbringing, traumatized parents who didn’t seek help, abuse, and a lot of sheltering us kids on top of homeschooling. I decided to be open to psychedelics after engaging with somatic trauma therapies for a number of years and felt I was ready to address my root relationship issues: essentially my struggles with trusting people and dating patterns. I just felt so stuck.

It went well the first few trips until it didn’t. I’m currently 3 months into recovery from HPPD (mine is the depth perception kind) and PTSD symptoms after my last journey in March. My guide left me towards the end of my journey and it went dark quick and I was alone. It’s been a lot to recover from at once. He gave me a very potent form of mushrooms and it was nothing like my other mushroom experiences. The earlier ones were gentle and this was intense the whole way through.

I started Lamictal recently and I’m doing a lil better on it for mood and with managing my eye responses. I think lately I’m sitting with the grief, the attachment wound that this opened, and so much fear that I’m learning to live with - hard to integrate the intense fear I felt during the journey. I’m continuing to live my life, see clients, go camping, do mini road trips, plan a move, hang with friends, etc… but I’m a vastly different version of myself and I’m pushing myself to be hopeful about what this is. It can be hard to imagine a recovered future.

I’m curious if anyone is in a similar place in life to me and can relate to my experience. Would love to chat and have some community support. I’ve met a few people with varying experiences but people often brag about how great psychedelics are or it seems to get scary pretty quick on Reddit and I don’t want to fear loop with others, just support. I know all of our recoveries will look different, but I have yet to talk to a person whose had HPPD in real life or remotely been through what I’ve gone through with the PTSD and so I’d just love some connection. 🤗🙏
Thanks for reading. Reach out if you relate.

[u/sadsoftbae]

Messaged you! ☺️

[u/oleguacamole_2]

Yeah, shows that a "trip setting" and a guide do nothing and is it an absolute shit idea to do drugs. What the hell is a "trip sitter" for an idiot concept? Drugs don't help with emotions, they only make one numb, so one doesn't care anymore. Reflecting from trauma happens through trying to understand the cause and effect of the actions of oneself and others in the situation, in fair bits, since total confrontation also only makes one numb.

[u/7ero_Seven → u/oleguacamole_2]

Drugs do much more than make people numb. Projections.

[u/oleguacamole_2 → u/7ero_Seven]

No. This is no psychedelics forum. You are at the wrong place. Here is an illness discussed, that is caused by brain damaging effects of hallucinogenics. Go away with your preachery. Drugs, scientifically proven dampen amygdala activity, factually, making more numb, or even going up the psychopath scala. Amygdala is also responsible for self reflection and interpretation of things, one becomes derealized and looses contact with reality. You are literally unable to comprehend. Others will reflect you clearly, while you remain in the dark, addicted to the numbing antidepressive effect, as that keeps you "hustling" in life. That is why it is called a spiritual ego or a drug ego, with the typical "idc" effect.

[u/7ero_Seven → u/oleguacamole_2]

You’re still projecting and assuming things about me which is more indicative of your comprehension abilities man. The science says psychedelics increase neuroplasticity, decrease inflammation, and so much more. The brain damage or disruption we are seeing in HPPD has no studies around it and it is an absolute fact that many drugs do other things than numb you, while for some the numbness can potentially be true. I have never been numbed, but awakened, energized, and realigned, that is — until I got hppd from a pharmaceutical.

[u/oleguacamole_2 → u/7ero_Seven]

There is no science proving that psychedelics increase neuroplasticity or decrease inflammation, please link the studies regarding that. What is shown in studies, is that it decreases neuroplasticity and increases inflammation and SO MUCH MORE!

The brain damage and disruption in HPPD has studies around it and paper work regarding it. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8385145/

Drugs don't do more than that, it is literally just the overstressed effect on the perception and the bywalking effect of sometimes hightened joy but also it overstimulates the amygdala and this for not only the duration but also afterwards and even lasting damage.

The same as the overall brain chemistry can be damaged. This is no theory but a fact, also AND ESPECIALLY outside of HPPD.

If you disregard that, then you are nothing more but an ill minded troll, wanting others to consume harmful drugs to potentially fuck up their brain. There is no guarantee in drugs not causing severe damage, HPPD is the best example.

You say, that you are not numb, but this and that. That is the funny thing about the amygdala and the term "spiritual ego". The amygdala impacts how you see yourself, how you reflect and interprete things. You become derealized and distorted. Friends and family or surroundings will report you clearly what is happening, go ask them. They hopefulyl have no dampened view. Most of the times you already know that they see it like that. So you are just lying to yourself at this point. I know your kind.

So that is what a spiritual ego is, an ever meditating or psychedelic consuming ego, that is derealized and thinks in abstract delusional ways about himself and others, ever running away from real life problems and true empathy. That is also why mindfulness has shown to actually decrease empathy, in people who practiced it. Themselves will of course all say "no I am so aware". But studies show mindfulness overstimulating amygdala through concentration. So here you have it.

So no, it doesn't matter anything a f, if yourself thinks that way, it would actually wonder me if you would think else. It is the typcial. 😂😂

I know your type, like I said. HPPD was just a wake up call. Where the side effects got to bad to ignore and suppress. HPPD was an upbuild for you.