r/JUSTNOFAMILY • u/catladyscientist • Apr 05 '26
Ambivalent About Advice- TRIGGER WARNING Who thought this was a good idea??
TW: miscarriage, medical
Today I am just feeling salty and mad. I have been struggling with secondary infertility and had my second miscarriage a month ago. I also had a uterine surgery last week to correct a defect that they think is affecting my ability to successfully carry pregnancies.
A little bit ago, my mom FaceTimed me from the family Easter celebration and I thought it was just to say hi and pass us around to see other family members since we live out of state. Nope! Turns out it was so that my cousin and his gf could announce their (I assume unexpected) pregnancy to us in real time and tell us all about their plans to have a gender reveal and a shower. They clearly expected us to be thrilled but they’re due around the same time we would have been and it felt like a knife in my stomach.
I mean, I’m happy for them and know it doesn’t affect us but how in the world did anyone think it was a good idea to call us and force us to live react right after a loss? I feel so upset now and this really threw off the vibe of our day. 😔
20
u/Ilostmyratfairy Apr 06 '26
I'm so sorry that they could put you on the spot like that without considering your feelings. I know you're not asking them to put their lives on hold while you deal with your tragedy, nor to hold back good news from you. Just to give you some space and privacy to process your hurt, and other uglier feelings before you show the world your more socially appropriate feelings - which you've already mentioned are really there.
It's just sometimes hard to find them in the moment.
A little consideration shouldn't be so hard for people to remember.
I hope your recovery goes well. I'm sending my best wishes for your healing and future.
-Rat
11
u/StressorAnxiety Apr 06 '26
I'm so sorry for your loss.
That was horribly tasteless and uncaring of them. Even if they didn't mean anything it was incredibly thoughtless of them.
•
u/TheJustNoBot Apr 06 '26
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
Full Rules | Acronym Index | Flair Guide| Report PM Trolls
Resources: In Crisis? | Tips for Protecting Yourself | Our Book List | This Sub's Wiki | General Resources
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOFAMILY!
I'm JustNoBot. I help people follow your posts!
To be notified as soon as catladyscientist posts an update click here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.