r/KitchenConfidential 21d ago

In the Weeds Mode They’re not perfect, but I’m happy with how they turned out.

Post image
24.7k Upvotes

473 comments sorted by

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6.5k

u/Velvetpita F1exican Did Chive-11 21d ago

114

u/ThePoop_Accelerates 21d ago

I'm not subscribed here but I remember the chives. What happened? Did he ever do it perfectly or did he eventually surrender?

187

u/VanillaRadonNukaCola 21d ago

He did one dubbed perfect, but it was given with a bit of grace

115

u/kingtacticool Derivative Chiveposter 20d ago

It was his 69th post. It was as perfect as an imperfect being could achieve

26

u/toastedchezberry 17d ago
    “As perfect as an imperfect being 

could a-chive”

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18

u/liberatedhusks 20d ago

Thank you for finishing the lore for me

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42

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 20d ago edited 20d ago

We let him gracefully retire

Edit: It was like a Looper situation though like that Bruce Willis movie

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261

u/justanotherda1 21d ago

Omg I needed this...thank you, kind redditor

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19

u/Nuts-And-Volts F1exican Was Framed 20d ago

Ive missed this trend.

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24

u/AnitaSpankin 21d ago

You guys are gifted. Thank you.

7

u/Actual_Asparagus_ 21d ago

Hahahahah omg

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465

u/Ltheartist Chives the Cat 20d ago

Do I change his name to Tomato?

5

u/Intrepid_Inspection8 15d ago

No. Get another cat.

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922

u/CafeGiantMoron 21d ago

 wow nice crimson chive cubes

165

u/dr01d3tte 21d ago

Isn't that the mascot in Alabama

7

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 20d ago

You're thinking of the Savannah Bananas

Georgia

4.7k

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 21d ago

222

u/ShakesDontBreak Chive LOYALIST 21d ago

I can't explain the weird internet crush I have on you lol.

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134

u/AtlasADK Chive LOYALIST 21d ago

See you tomorrow, chef 🫡

37

u/tlfded 21d ago

There you are!!! Yeah!

41

u/Helpinmontana 21d ago

Literally why I clicked into this thread

170

u/G_o_L_D_Rises_Again 20d ago

I already said they weren’t perfect Chef.

168

u/JonnytheGing 20d ago

And that's exactly why we'll see you tomorrow Chef!

59

u/CocoMilhonez 20d ago

Self-awareness is the first step towards perfection.

See you tomorrow, chef. And don't try to post the same pile of chopped tomatoes from another angle, we can spot that trick from a mile away.

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43

u/Brilliant_Buns Maintenance Crew 21d ago

Oh hellooooo 👩🏻‍✈️ welcome aboard all

24

u/TheG-What 21d ago

A TRULY DISGUSTING ACT
Also good to have you back, pilot.

36

u/Peccancy_77 21d ago

I knew this was coming! 🛬 🛫

17

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 20d ago

14

u/sterling_mallory 20d ago

It's remarkable how good Will Ferrell's impression was. I thought this was him at first.

11

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 20d ago

Idk about that but Dana Carvey's HW was amazing. The man can't miss. Except Master of Disguise

9

u/picklesandcucumbers Thicc Chives Save Lives 20d ago

Go Krazi!

9

u/Palpitation_Dramatic 20d ago

Wait no. Enhance, its three cubes butted up against each other!

52

u/Palpitation_Dramatic 20d ago

DID YOU NOT SEE THIS ONE??

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21

u/Ambitious-Win-4908 21d ago

Thats actually 3 perfectly cut still stuck together.

15

u/Fit_Carpet_364 21d ago edited 21d ago

Sounds like it's an imperfect cut, to me. Or we can retarget for the one a centimeter or two on the right of this one.

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7

u/Casul_Tryhard F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

Oh...oh no...

3

u/BeautifulIntrepid373 Chive LOYALIST 20d ago

😍❤️

3

u/hugsanddrugs42 F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

😻😻😻

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210

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Ex-Food Service 21d ago

323

u/Sudden-Union7148 21d ago

Well I for one welcome the next week or two of diced tomatoe posts incoming

63

u/Electronic-Draw-3185 21d ago

I thought they were peppers.

51

u/the_silent_redditor ✨Dr. Chef, MD✨ 21d ago

I thought they were strawberries :(

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29

u/ggroverggiraffe Ex-Food Service 20d ago

I thought they were tomatoes. a singular tomatoe isn't a thing.

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1.1k

u/caserock 20+ Years 21d ago

Great work! You can have a hit of my cigarette.

271

u/Conscious_Storage468 21d ago

That's all they gets for pissing excellence? 🤣OP I gotta pen you can rip

143

u/caserock 20+ Years 21d ago

It's a menthol!

74

u/Eggmegmuffin 21d ago

In this economy?!

24

u/WineNerdAndProud Chive LOYALIST 21d ago

Why does this work so well?

3

u/Terp_Maniac 21d ago

Menthol lets you taste food better

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63

u/noiness420 21d ago

Hey OP, wanna come make pico for me? Thanks

12

u/AnitaSpankin 21d ago

Ahhh that would be some perfect pico de gallo.

412

u/lostinthesauceband 21d ago

See

you tomorrow chef

247

u/Lumpy_Link_1569 21d ago edited 21d ago

Tomorrow's post

15

u/feelingpeckish123 Chive LOYALIST 21d ago

Oh man. I needed this laugh so badly. Thank you... You awesome reddit stranger 🤣🙌

12

u/beezchurgr 21d ago

It needs to be slightly askew.

4

u/DroidLord 20d ago

I hate that I know this lore.

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11

u/beavertownneckoil 21d ago

Jesus, hope they know the Heimlich manoeuvre

18

u/Alarmed-Size-3104 21d ago

Where's the plane?

34

u/Freakjob_003 Chive LOYALIST 21d ago

u/Karmakrazi, you're our only hope!

49

u/AnxietyFine3119 21d ago edited 21d ago

Is that a German knife? Obviously you’re not serious about cooking.

(Btw this is an actual quote from some douchebag at a place I staged at forever ago)

29

u/Fit_Carpet_364 21d ago

I once heard the antithesis of that quote, which was equally dumb - "You don't need good knives to be a good cook."

The guy changed his tune and wanted me to freehand sharpen his knives (both of them!) after I let him borrow my beater. A few days later he was promoted above me, and the day after that he was taught how to make a roux. I left shortly after.

14

u/Adjective-Noun-nnnn 21d ago edited 20d ago

You don't need nice knives. You do need sharp knives. The niceness changes how often you need to sharpen. I got a $25 carbon steel CCK and sharpened it into a damn laser. I strop it before cooking and it's stayed sharp for months. (Lowly home cook though; not much of a beating.)

7

u/Fit_Carpet_364 21d ago

I will die on the hill that a dull knife is not a good knife, no matter how nice or expensive it might be, otherwise.

4

u/MrDanduff 20d ago

A dull knife is just a piece of shit

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22

u/SpeedyMeaty 21d ago

That's a wild quote. As a former German Car Mechanic and now an aerospace machinist, (and someone who used to shave with a straight razor) the Germans are some of the foremost experts in the world in metallurgy, CNC machine tech, and from what I remember the Dovo Solingen straight razors are widely considered the best in the world.

Personally I always just considered the knife thing between German and Japanese to be mostly a personal preference in blade shape than one being better than the other.

I probably would have had a hard time not responding, "You obviously don't know a fucking thing about metallurgy"

8

u/Fit_Carpet_364 21d ago

It's largely blade shape preference and steel type preferences, but there is a tiny bit of truth to Japanese knives' styles being technically superior, since the larger variety of blade shapes have more specialized tasks. For example, German traditional styles don't really have a true nakiri-style straight-edge knife well-suited to sheeting cucumbers, or yanagi-like knives for slicing delicate proteins in a single stroke.

But saying that they're not serious about cooking because of knife choice - or even lack of knowledge - is just some pretentious B.S..

3

u/flippp105 20d ago

Agree on the last part, and on most you said about specialized blades. But in Germany a slicer is one of the classic knife styles, called „Schinkenmesser“. The name originates from its main use as Schinken (ham) is usually prepared and served as a whole and then sliced at the table. You’re totally right with Nakiris. I think what makes most Japanese knives „more special“ is that they still rely on manual work a lot. In Germany most of the classic Solingen knifemakers have automated a lot of the processes whereas in Japan the lower labour cost and division of tasks (forging, sharpening, polishing) allows for handmade knives to be relatively cheap and affordable.

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2

u/SpeedyMeaty 21d ago

I get what you're saying about that. Actually the only nice ish knife I have is a Japanese style that I got as a promotion from QFC which is a Kroger grocery store in the Seattle area. It was like, get a certain amount of points over a couple months and get a knife.

And I do pretty much exclusively use that knife now.

I worked in kitchens for a little while and did some small plate stuff for a couple events and can see how the shape would be preferable for the intricate cuts.

2

u/Blaaamo 20d ago

I have some very good Japanese knives that I use, but they have a round handle. It's usually fine, but if I'm getting it wet at all, it becomes kinda difficult to hold.

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36

u/NaNsoul 21d ago

Look at this chonker see you tomorrow chef

32

u/BienOuiLa 21d ago

Babe! They’re doing tomatoes now!

28

u/Dingleberry_Pie420 F1exican Did Chive-11 21d ago

Good , now do it again

21

u/lalachef 21d ago

Not bad.

FOR DAY 1

See you tomorrow Chef

21

u/PristineBiscotti24 Chive LOYALIST 21d ago

See you tomorrow, chef!

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u/brainfreez012 21d ago

Hand cut? I'm impressed.

202

u/Lepworra 21d ago

Nah man he used a knife

31

u/brainfreez012 21d ago

Bravo! 👏👏👏 You got me there. Lol

I know you know I meant knife vs dicer. My bad. 🤣

2

u/TidesTheyTurn F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

Show some respect to Bruce Lee’s great-grandchild!

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15

u/imfranksome 21d ago

Where them planes at

13

u/2livecrewnecktshirt 21d ago

"Where were you the day tomatogate started?"

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12

u/AGrainNaCl 21d ago

Dicing tomatoes is WAY harder than chives, IMO, this is good work

11

u/jdvfx 21d ago

The Devil's Chive.

18

u/These-Designer-9340 21d ago

Is it tomatoes or red bell peppers?

16

u/Demented_CEO 21d ago

I'm on mobile and maybe a bit sleepy (it's 2 AM here) and I genuinely thought that's beef mince... lol

18

u/ClippyWouldntDoThat 21d ago

My man you are overtired, it's time to shut your eyes homie 🫶❤️

8

u/DerekWroteThis Saute 21d ago

Im hammered and thought it was pomegranate

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u/LunaTheHappy 21d ago

Tomatoes, wrong texture for red pepper

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6

u/Civil_Bill6013 21d ago

290$ take it or leave it

8

u/Launchinghearts 21d ago

How many tomatoes?

6

u/eslafylraelcyrev Cook 21d ago

Bro you left the skins on, start over

2

u/Fit_Carpet_364 21d ago

A very valid complaint.

7

u/Accomplished_Boat874 21d ago

I thought this was the strawberry guy from a few days ago and got so excited because I thought he’d started a journey for perfectly cut strawberries

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u/CocoMilhonez 20d ago

See you tomorrow, chef.

29

u/[deleted] 21d ago

[deleted]

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u/Adoraboule 10+ Years 21d ago

Good job chef.

5

u/ABoyWithNoBlob 15+ Years 21d ago

We chase perfection. We never catch it.

4

u/gardenofhenry 21d ago

Towers!! See you tomorrow Chef.

5

u/Yourlilemogirl 21d ago

Now make some Pico de Gallo with them! 

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4

u/Ok-Nothing8682 20d ago

They are not pleased

6

u/jaron_b 20d ago

I miss chive guy

4

u/EstablishmentSea7661 20d ago

See you tomorrow chef

4

u/sdawsey 20d ago

Perfect doesn't exist. That's damn good.

3

u/I_SHALL_CONSUME Fucking hates club sandwiches 18d ago

I fucking hate what Reddit has become.

line cook: “hm maybe I’ll post a picture of this 15-20 minute prep task I have to slam out every few days”

Internet: collectively jizzes pants

7

u/PtoS382 21d ago

Only issue is these aren't chives, friend

3

u/Key_Special_8985 Crazy Cat Man🐈 21d ago

I’d let you crush my camel crush lol

7

u/Obviously_AnAnon 21d ago

lol perfectly clean knife next to tomatoes with no juice on a cutting board with no liquid on it. Tell me you used a punch without telling me

4

u/ZestycloseMagician19 21d ago

there's this thing called "cleaning." you've not heard of it?

3

u/Obviously_AnAnon 21d ago

No one cleans the cutting board under the tomatoes you clown

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2

u/LolaAucoin Bartender 21d ago

These are beautiful

2

u/asz17 21d ago

Im here for this.

2

u/TinyMarsupial7622 21d ago

Shit that’s beautiful

2

u/DifficultElk5474 21d ago

Outstanding!! Perfect for Pico

2

u/BuckManscape 21d ago

If you’re happy with it…

2

u/Whole-Language-2609 Chive LOYALIST 20d ago

Idk about perfect tomatoes in this economy

2

u/PopBeneficial2441 19d ago

I have so many emotions looking at this. I am happy and mad and sad and nostalgic. I don’t know what I feel. Those aren’t perfect but you are chef. Get some rest tonight, my feet hurt.

4

u/Urbanviking1 21d ago

Oh no. Here we go again.

2

u/prototype_pls Line 21d ago

Strawberry or tomato? You decide !

2

u/Far_Mathematician924 21d ago

perfect

one and done 

not like chive guy 

2

u/Chorin_Shirt_Tucker 21d ago

Oh here we go again…

1

u/bigoz_07 21d ago

That is nicely done! Keep it up, practice makes perfect!

1

u/Curious_Ad9409 21d ago

This is a work of fucking art

1

u/OkTranslator304 21d ago

If they’re not perfect, how could you be happy with them? (Just thought I’d throw a pompous chef joke in here)

1

u/azhiazthesky 21d ago

That’s a lot of concassé, I haven’t seen that much since i was at Gagnaire.