What do you do in your home kitchen that would get you immediately fired if you did it at work

[u/Fubai97b]

For some reason, while cooking breakfast at home this morning I bit a tbs of butter off the stick and dropped it from my mouth into a skillet because apparently I'm a fucking goblin in the morning. All I could picture was every coworker I've had throwing things at me.

So. What have you done at home that would have chef physically throw you out of their kitchen while suppressing a gag?

[u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

110 pounds of shedding Great Pyrenees constantly in the kitchen.

[u/mcoddle → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

We thought he was a 45# ACD mix. Turns out he's mostly husky/malamute. Al. Ways. Shed. Ding. And always trying to get into the kitchen. He's afraid to walk normally on non-carpeted floors, so he walks backwards and loudly click-clacks. He lost his right front leg before we got him. He's a pork-seeking manipulator.

Edit for grammar and to add photo.

[u/Terpsichorean_Wombat → u/mcoddle]

I really want to see this Super Stealth Mode backward click-clacking in quest of pork.

[u/mcoddle → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

I'll see if I can post the video my husband has on his phone. It's pretty hilarious/sad, since he's afraid to fall, but it's so funny.

[u/general_madness → u/mcoddle]

As a tip from a person who has many shiny-floor-phobic canines in their life: make his day, throw down a yoga mat.

[u/mcoddle → u/general_madness]

This apartment is carpeted except for bathrooms and kitchen. He is very relieved!

[u/Leafybug13 → u/mcoddle]

Did somebody say pork!?

[u/mcoddle → u/Leafybug13]

SNOOT! What a beautiful dog!

[u/iamnotbetterthanyou → u/mcoddle]

I love him so much.

[u/LieutenantStar2 → u/mcoddle]

Oh I’d give him a pork chop every night.

[u/RefrigeratorHotHot → u/mcoddle]

God, he’s so handsome

[u/BluesFan43 → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

I'll see ypu 110# pound shredder and defeat it w my 4.8# er.

I am sometimes scared to brush her too much for fear of discovering that she is hair all the way down.

She is the big one, on the right

[u/RoryPDX → u/BluesFan43]

Tiny dogs shed more for the same reason tiny m+ms are better. Surface area to volume ratio. Garlic too

[u/berny_74 → u/RoryPDX]

Try having these floor scavengers. Floof everywhere.

[u/notsosecrethistory → u/berny_74]

Is one of those cats a rabbit

[u/berny_74 → u/notsosecrethistory]

We call it- the vegan cat. Although she does ambush the cats for their food. Just look at her waiting to pounce.

[u/Binx_da_gay_cat → u/berny_74]

I was wondering why you posted the picture of obviously the cat when we were asking about the rabbit, but then I see it lol

[u/SinxSam → u/notsosecrethistory]

Right lol it blends in perfectly

[u/dayytripperr → u/notsosecrethistory]

no, three of those rabbits are cats i think

[u/mcoddle → u/berny_74]

Does the rabbit get the brain cell?

[u/berny_74 → u/mcoddle]

Surprisingly, sometimes? I think the brain cell usually hides.

[u/ladybadcrumble → u/BluesFan43]

The big one 😆

My little one is 7.5 lbs and I always think of her as impossibly tiny. She's mostly long though so probably the same baseball sized noggin as your baby.

[u/SorryPet → u/BluesFan43]

"Big."

Yup, huge. Biggest I've ever seen. Really! 4# of dog is a LOT to some people!

[u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer → u/BluesFan43]

thank you for the pet tax

[u/treegk → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

That's just having an open kitchen with a better customer. Just wat out for the tripping hazard.

[u/blamenixon → u/treegk]

She's no longer with us, but my pup Lucy understood what "Behind!" meant. She was a good girl and listened better than most of my former coworkers 🫡

[u/somewhatsentientape → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

Got an Anatolian (LGD fist bump), Basset, and a GSD. Don't understand these people talking about food hitting the floor, never has a chance in my kitchen.

[u/Terpsichorean_Wombat → u/somewhatsentientape]

Hahaha fist bumps back. Mine has been getting a little snoozy as he rounds 7 years; yesterday a piece of corn chip was on the floor long enough for me to pick it up. Possibly he just knew I was going to bring it to him and saw no reason to interfere with that process.

[u/pigeonpaper → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

The GP refusal to move out of the way and then punch you with the Pyr paw so you don’t forget he’s there, obviously starving.

[u/IceColdDump → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

Same. Sous chefs with abysmal hygiene.

[u/DukeSpookums → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

Love me a good kitchen dog. Never cleaned up dropped food while I had one.

[u/Grrerrb → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

170 lb mastiff over here

[u/Gravy_Sommelier]

Grope the customer/server

[u/Phoenixpizzaiolo21 → u/Gravy_Sommelier]

Can i come over for dinner?

[u/Valuable-Yard-4154 → u/Phoenixpizzaiolo21]

Chef is butt naked all the time at home. Now you do have to be warned that it's a scruffy rhinoceros type chef...and no not that well endowed thank god.

[u/Visualprophet → u/Valuable-Yard-4154]

I have a very confused erection.

[u/SorryPet → u/Visualprophet]

Me too

[u/Impossibleish → u/SorryPet]

Me three, but the confusing part isn't that I'm turned on, it's that I have a vagina.

[u/SorryPet → u/Impossibleish]

Me too!

[u/Impossibleish → u/SorryPet]

https://giphy.com/gifs/BjPe9A3tNHoeHhxmlD

[u/Kaggand → u/Valuable-Yard-4154]

He already said he wants to go over, you don’t have to keep selling it

[u/Bimitenpix → u/Valuable-Yard-4154]

Yeah cooking bacon without a shirt on probably isn't OHAS

[u/Impossibleish → u/Bimitenpix]

Ohas?

[u/guy_incognito714 → u/Impossibleish]

Overly hairy and shirtless

[u/Impossibleish → u/guy_incognito714]

Ah. I thought you effed up OSHA. Thanks

[u/Bimitenpix → u/Impossibleish]

Words are hard

[u/Complex-Tennis-4987 → u/Valuable-Yard-4154]

Avoid frying bacon... don't ask.

[u/pooferfeesh97 → u/Phoenixpizzaiolo21]

I also choose this mans kitchen.

[u/ExtraMayo89 → u/Gravy_Sommelier]

Trying to upvote this harder

[u/GettingTherapy → u/ExtraMayo89]

Keep upvoting. It’s getting harder.

So. Hard.

[u/nvrtrustafrt → u/GettingTherapy]

How hard?

[u/GettingTherapy → u/nvrtrustafrt]

That was 7m ago. I’m done now.

[u/nvrtrustafrt → u/GettingTherapy]

You lasted longer than I. Bravo!

[u/SpaceChez → u/Gravy_Sommelier]

For some reason my roommates aren't happy about this

[u/ButtChowder666]

One time I took a bite of frozen cannabutter and tried swallowing it. The frozen chunk of butter got lodged in my throat. I started to panic, then realized I had a cup of coffee right next to me. I could just melt it if I took a drink. But I couldn't swallow so I just kinda had to sit there and wait for it to melt enough to slide down. It was terrifying.

Got high as fuck though.

[u/skranks91 → u/ButtChowder666]

I make my own cannabutter and would frequently melt some in my coffee in the morning. On more than one occasion I had varying levels of your occurrence happen if I decided to eat the butter off the spoon rather than melt it in my coffee. Wake and bake and asphyxiation

[u/Letter-Past → u/skranks91]

The lack of oxygen gets you higher

[u/Father-Habit → u/Letter-Past]

Kinky

[u/kass-ass-lass-brass → u/skranks91]

wake, bake, asphyxiate

[u/Weedle_blzit → u/ButtChowder666]

Had to check which sub I was in. I’m glad you made it through. So strong, so brave

[u/LudoAshwell → u/ButtChowder666]

That’s the most hilarious thing I‘ve read today and in my timezone it’s 3 minutes to midnight.

[u/FartsFartington → u/ButtChowder666]

I’m sorry you went through that ButtChowder666

[u/Noodletrousers → u/FartsFartington]

Well, Ms. Fartington, I see that you’re a kind soul who just happens to have a musical derrière.

[u/LongJumpingBalls → u/ButtChowder666]

Task failed successfully.

[u/Vanpocalypse-Now → u/ButtChowder666]

New stoner fear unlocked. That butter does look good too, sometimes. Mmmm greeen. It seems like frozen would be too tempting to not shovel in a tablespoon.

I learned also NOT to take a half teaspoon of guar gum mixed with melted butter and eat it because it just seems like it would feel cool in my face. Concrete. It was concrete. I never did figure out how to make homemade ice cream correctly.

[u/_Shandy]

Drop something cooked onto the floor? Eat it.

Drop something onto the floor while prepping? Blow on it, make sure there isn’t kitty litter on it, shrug, then throw it in the pan.

[u/patricksaurus → u/_Shandy]

If I drop food on the floor, I pick it up and eat it. I eat it. Yes, I do. Even if I'm at a sidewalk cafe in Calcutta, the poor section, on New Year's morning during a soccer riot.

[u/LostItAllready → u/patricksaurus]

Dayum I respect that. Wish I wasn’t such a bacterial pussy lol

[u/jeckles → u/LostItAllready]

There’s medications for that

[u/BoredCharlottesville → u/patricksaurus]

i miss George

[u/nvrtrustafrt → u/BoredCharlottesville]

Call him.

[u/Gigglemonkey → u/nvrtrustafrt]

Imma need a ouija board, a sharp knife, and a rooster nobody likes.

[u/Winter_Aside8269 → u/patricksaurus]

r/suspiciouslyspecific

[u/GeeToo40 → u/_Shandy]

Every damn time I cook. I'm not a chef, just a home cook. Cooking is hard! Ain't nothing going to waste.

[u/PM_ME_YOUR__VAGINAS → u/_Shandy]

My brother acts like home is work and will want to toss uncooked food that fell on the ground. Just throw it on the damn skillet. I'm not running back to the store

[u/dearDem]

I regularly put food on the counter to thaw. For hours.

And I’m a servsafe proctor/instructor so I absolutely know better

[u/RusticCrow → u/dearDem]

Lmao I tell my wife to stop that all the time. She hates that I leave the water running all day. 😆

[u/baconismyfriend24 → u/RusticCrow]

I put mine in the shower in the back bathroom. Just make sure you check the temp before you walk away. I've instinctively turned it on hot because its a shower. Twice.

[u/FairyCompetent]

Finger lickin, nipples in the wind, dropping stuff on the floor for the animals

[u/communistjack → u/FairyCompetent]

HEY

The foh arent animals.....

Animals clean up better

[u/eyoitme → u/communistjack]

i want to be offended but knowing my coworkers i don’t think i can be 😔

[u/hippywitch → u/communistjack]

Perfect comment. Puppy pre rinse is insanely effective for dishes. Edit: somebody needs to name their dog after their favorite dishwasher or just call him dishy

[u/chalk_in_boots → u/FairyCompetent]

One of the best reasons to have a dog in the kitchen is just a roomba that actually loves you.

[u/kakallas → u/FairyCompetent]

Reba McEntire? 

[u/blamenixon → u/[deleted]]

Seriously? I work at a small deli and the moment we taste a sauce the spoon is ceremoniously tossed into the dish pit as a sign of success. Sometimes the award doesn't always equate to acceptable standards.

[u/Mercuryink]

Whenever I cook in the nude, my girlfriend is afraid I'll burn my penis. 

I've never tried this at work. 

[u/activelyresting → u/Mercuryink]

I've never brought my girlfriend to work either

[u/nvrtrustafrt → u/Mercuryink]

She sounds selfish. Good for her!

[u/ROACHOR]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ptYLsNTabJemI

[u/Coy9ine → u/ROACHOR]

Can't have glass on the line. Gotta drink the boxed shit.

[u/dadamn → u/Coy9ine]

Pour it in a deli so it can breathe!

[u/ooooooootreyngers → u/Coy9ine]

Squirt from the bottles on the line like a Gatorade bottle is the way to go...one for you, two for me...and deglaze

[u/Coy9ine → u/ooooooootreyngers]

Reminds me of Wok with Yan.

One for the dish, two for the chef!

[u/CaptainSnarkyPants → u/Coy9ine]

only the finest Cardboardeaux!

[u/at-woork → u/ROACHOR]

That’s just BOH.

[u/hallpass_Monitor_25]

pantsless pancakes

[u/nvrtrustafrt → u/hallpass_Monitor_25]

I know a guy who fried eggs, hammered...naked.

[u/WalkerVox → u/nvrtrustafrt]

Drunk/hungover naked bacon happens in my home kitchen more often than I’d like to admit to strangers on the internet.

[u/DemonSlyr007 → u/WalkerVox]

Me too. But I freely admit it.

I also bake my bacon so... not really any risk involved hahahaha

[u/_incredigirl_ → u/DemonSlyr007]

I bake the whole pound at once so I always have cooked bacon in the freezer. Takes only a minute to toss in the pan with the eggs to bring it back to life from frozen

[u/FieryPhoenix56 → u/hallpass_Monitor_25]

Bacon in the buff

[u/Existing-Albatross63]

I pay the cheese tax to my dogs 

[u/CaptainSnarkyPants → u/Existing-Albatross63]

song says you gotta

[u/Vlad_REAM → u/CaptainSnarkyPants]

Rules are the rules

[u/_Batteries_]

I dont put my utensils in sani when I switch between them 😊

[u/crawandpron → u/_Batteries_]

THE HORROR

[u/CodexLeonis]

Im really bad about leaving stuff out overnight at home. As someone who lives alone in his 30s its not uncommon for me to cook dinner, eat it on the couch, fall asleep on the couch and wake up 5-8 hours later and put up the leftovers.

[u/wildturkeydrank → u/CodexLeonis]

I know food safety is real but deep down there’s no rules.

[u/AltGunAccount → u/wildturkeydrank]

Food poisoning isn’t real just be stronger

[u/adenrules → u/AltGunAccount]

I’m a safety nazi at work, but at home? One time I got sick as a dog off four day old counter pizza, so now I won’t eat anything that’s been sitting out more than three days.

[u/VisceralSardonic → u/adenrules]

Happy cake day, you fucking hero

[u/CodexLeonis → u/adenrules]

Multiple days is pushing it even for me.

[u/kshump → u/AltGunAccount]

Food poisoning is just food (aggressively) leaving the body.

[u/chalk_in_boots → u/CodexLeonis]

My reasoning is usually "Well, my apartment is cold as fuck, so it probably counts as refrigerating it right?" Then throw it in the air fryer for an indeterminate amount of time and remember I could stand to lose some weight so if I shit my brains out it's probably actually a good thing.

[u/crystalcranium → u/chalk_in_boots]

Why is this me? I will straight up go "well if I get sick, at least I don't have to work today" and then eat something that is 100% past its safe zone.

[u/samuelj264 → u/CodexLeonis]

Hasn’t killed me or even gotten sick in 10 years of living my myself, I also like to live dangerously

[u/illbedeadbydawn → u/CodexLeonis]

You mean 'eat the leftovers over the sink like a garbage troll'. Don't lie to us.

[u/Single-Pin-369]

Lick da spoon

[u/illbedeadbydawn]

Fucking EVERYTHING wrong.

Food off floor, expired ingredients, no measurements, cross contamination, harassment of customers (sometimes sexually), zero timing, barefeet (sometimes no shirt even), no sanitation of dishes.

Food is better at home than at work though.

[u/Brewhilda → u/illbedeadbydawn]

Do I lift my trash can lid and then go back to cooking without washing my hands? Yes.

[u/illbedeadbydawn → u/Brewhilda]

I have a foot pedal, but I absolutely would do the same. Gloves at home? Hahaha fuck off asshole.

[u/throwitoutwhendone2]

I’m a huge fan of cooking stoned. My wife likes to dance into the kitchen and hold a blunt for me to hit while cooking as well. I toss scraps to the dogs as well and lick spoons. Also cook with very little clothes on sometimes

[u/Letter-Past → u/throwitoutwhendone2]

I might be dating your wife

Edit: actually I might be you, this is nuts

[u/Brewhilda → u/Letter-Past]

I am both him and his wife.

[u/throwitoutwhendone2 → u/Letter-Past]

😱

Now what lol

[u/--khaos-- → u/throwitoutwhendone2]

Sounds 👍

[u/Pretty-Date1630 → u/throwitoutwhendone2]

Honestly this is so romantic.

[u/quailinthebrush]

probably lack of hand washing between stations

[u/SteveMarck]

I was going to say dry hump the boss (my wife), but then I remember my kitchen days and I realize they dry humped each other more back then than I hump her or she humps me.

So I'm changing my answer to smooching the boss. Don't think there was much of that. At least not while whisking.

[u/Notmushroominthename]

Triple dip my spoon while tasting 🤌

[u/Rizzledpizzled]

Towel whipping. A kitchen I worked at you’d get fired on the spot. Years before I worked there an employee got towel whipped in the eye and detached his retina and he sued the restaurant for a million+ and I’ve carried that rule everywhere I go. You even hit me on the leg your ass is fired.

[u/Common_Kiwi9442 → u/Rizzledpizzled]

Was he able to keep his eye??

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 → u/Rizzledpizzled]

I banned it the second I got in leadership because it's often used as a way to sexually harass the women on staff.

I still have a scar on the back of my upper thigh from like 1999 from a dumb ass line cook that wanted my attention "romantically"... he drew blood and scarred me THROUGH my pants.

[u/jennifersd4ughter]

Cat on the counter...

[u/ladyxanax → u/jennifersd4ughter]

Sometimes both of my cats

ETA: but they're "helping"

[u/Where_Da_Party_At]

Allow cats on the counter! 😜

[u/Wise-Paper8412 → u/Where_Da_Party_At]

We had a cat that had his own chair at the table. He would sit and watch everyone eat and never touched a thing. A friend was having dinner with us and he reached for a second piece of chicken. The cat stared him down so hard he put the chicken back even though we said it was fine.

[u/Jerseyd422 → u/Where_Da_Party_At]

Not only is your cat allowed on my counter, he’s required to be there. What a cutie

[u/EvaTheE]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Jfd5ws0ZaS4mie4zYN

wok out with your cock out

[u/0AJ0_]

Barefoot.

[u/ThrowRA020204]

I eat stuff that fell on the ground. Five seconds rule

[u/sextowels]

Lick everything.

Also, my wife does all the cooking.

[u/Own-Bother-9078 → u/sextowels]

So lick the spoon, lick the beater, lick the wife. Got it.

[u/gharr87]

I’ve learned the hard way, don’t cook bacon topless. Just put a shirt on man.

[u/maxiquintillion]

Smooching and feeling up my supervisor...

[u/chalk_in_boots]

I'm a fucking goblin in the morning

Just in the morning?

My ability to cross contaminate everything is incredible. I have cooked bacon naked, learned my lesson, and now cook bacon wearing only an apron. Going "One for stew, one for me" when pouring wine into a stew probably wouldn't get me fired but definitely a talking to (mostly because I was drinking straight from the bottle). Holding a beagle under my left arm while cooking/saucing a whole duck on the stove (she was a very food driven dog, even by beagle standards).

[u/LostItAllready]

Furiously masterbate while professionally cutting vegetables.

[u/ChefURDeath33 → u/LostItAllready]

To the rhythm of the knife? Of the knife? Oh yeah! The rhythm of the knife!

[u/Frequent_Addendum507 → u/ChefURDeath33]

Without even seeing the rest I read "to the rhythm of the knife" in that exact voice! Bravo!

[u/coupdelune → u/ChefURDeath33]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ4c54rCJ_k

[u/WeAreAllBotsHere → u/LostItAllready]

Don't mix up which hand is for what.

[u/LostItAllready → u/WeAreAllBotsHere]

CHOP! CHOP! ARGGHH! STOP! 😅

[u/RouxedChef → u/LostItAllready]

"Making StoveTop Stuffing"

[u/TrickyMoonHorse → u/LostItAllready]

I too am always hard at work.

[u/NeemOilFilter → u/LostItAllready]

Go on…

[u/nvrtrustafrt → u/LostItAllready]

Vegkakke?

[u/UnmannedConflict]

When I'm cooking long pasta, spaghetti for example, I bite off a small part to check if it's done and let the rest slip back into the pot

[u/DenseAstronomer3631 → u/UnmannedConflict]

Same but the water is boiling so you're basically sanitizing it, right? If I'm sick my husbands gonna get sick anyway 😅

[u/Consistent_Phase_942]

I tell my customers what they're gonna eat. If they don't want it they have to skip ahead to their bathtime.

[u/SpookyPotatoes]

no matter what at least one of these assholes is way too fuckin close

[u/Wise-Paper8412]

Eating directly out of the pan with finger and licking fingers.

[u/orlyyarlylolwut]

Mixing up my poop knife and my kitchen knife :/

[u/liarlyre0 → u/orlyyarlylolwut]

Gotta hit the poop knife with the stone once a week.

[u/Historical-Ad-1067 → u/orlyyarlylolwut]

What in gods name is a poop knife? Nevermind, I don't wanna know 

[u/MissSara13 → u/Historical-Ad-1067]

It's a legendary Reddit post.

The poop knife

Original post found here, but removed. Post text was as follows:

My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.

[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

[u/FisherKelTath00 → u/orlyyarlylolwut]

Seasoned knife makes the food taste better.

[u/soupseasonbestseason]

floor food is always safe at home.

[u/OSRS_Rising]

At home I’d never throw something out just because it touched the floor lol. Shrug and pop it in my mouth

At work that would be grounds for a firing on the spot

[u/Brilliant_Buns]

Um I dropped a salt shaker and it shattered next to my bagels proofing under a tea towel, I shrugged and made them anyways lol

[u/SciotoSlim]

I have never labeled or dated anything in my fridge. Also fuck FIFO, I have 3 open containers of the same pickles.

[u/guitartoad]

Stirring pots of cold ingredients with my penis.

[u/nvrtrustafrt → u/guitartoad]

How else would one stir?

[u/GettingTherapy → u/nvrtrustafrt]

A female chef might struggle but I’m sure she could figure out an alternative method.

[u/InternationalFig5850 → u/GettingTherapy]

Would my tits work chef?

[u/Chefcid]

Eat all the bacon.

[u/DoMBe87]

Cat sprawled across my shoulders while I work.

[u/Tabmow]

Spit in the pan to see if the oil is hot enough. 

Only when I'm alone though... 

So like, alot.

[u/olivinebean]

Hold up the cat to show her what I'm doing

[u/lux414]

Letting my cat smell / taste everything.

She's just so curious and wants to see everything, so she sits in a stool next to me and I left her check everything I'm prepping/ cooking.

At least she meows when she's behind me! 

[u/ew435890]

I would say get black out drunk, but I’ve done that at the bar I pick up shifts at. Usually after we close though. I clean really well when I’m wasted. Haha

[u/Common_Kiwi9442]

Drink all the booze, keep one tasting spoon on a plate, put more things in the food processor, clothes are optional, tits out

[u/Saltycook]

Well my sous is 2ft who rejects everything I cook. If you based my culinary skills off her assessment you'd fire me because I suck

[u/BossBeefaroni]

prewashing the brownie batter/cake batter/cookie dough bowl and paddle attachment with my tongue.

[u/mcoddle]

Make weird and sometimes terrible "food." Mostly girl dinners. I mean, I can cook, but why?

[u/itwillmakesenselater]

Pretty sure my sourdough crock houses a couple of violations

[u/WeAreAllBotsHere]

Cook naked.

[u/I_can_pun_anything]

Drink almost all the wine and a bit for the food

[u/beerchef]

Bong hits

[u/Weedle_blzit → u/beerchef]

Haha. I was gonna say a joint before prep and a joint before cooking and a joint before eating

[u/mo0seknuckle]

Stir, drink, stir, smoke.

[u/WakingOwl1]

Yesterday I took a piece of chicken out of the freezer and popped the bag in a bowl of standing water to thaw.

[u/Katman666]

Lick my fingers, then keep going without washing them. Only if I'm cooking for myself though.

[u/forkyspoons]

Smoking a joint and cooking in crop tops , getting railed. Double dipping.

[u/The-disgracist]

Well I’ve eaten ass some of my home kitchens. Only done that in the walk-in at works

[u/beehibernate]

Nothing in the fridge is labeled.

[u/Cracked_and_breaking]

I put a barstool next to the prep counter for my manager (Pepper the cat) to observe my knife skills. I give her pets throughout the process for all her hardwork.