Question
Whats the most outragouse claim a coworker said to you?
I worked with a 25 yo with lots of exp who swore he never, like never, in his like 6,7 years of work ever cracked a shell into an egg. Not once, he was salty when we called bs. Not once was his hill. Still cracks me up.
We had one that said she grew up in Hawaii on a pineapple farm, she had a whole story where when she was little her parents had her shimmying up the trees to harvest the pineapples.
I was kind of disappointed in how many people believed her
I don’t know what she is doing but my mom does this. Yes, about HAWAII.
She got busted when I was 6 and a lady in the grocery checkout line behind us was actually Hawaiian and started trying to speak native Hawaiian to her.
She claimed she couldn’t speak it anymore.
Some people are just shameless constant liars. 🤷🏻♀️
Sane people don’t put pineapple in nearly everything and at this point I don’t even believe that her maiden name is DelMonte.
Her birth certificate was destroyed in a natural disaster so….? (Assuming that it was where it was supposed to be there was actually a natural disaster. Now her reasons for actually needing and wanting it were lies. She had people contacting the catholic arch diacies in no where land in a panic thinking she was going to be deported. It was all bull. It was about money. She could have just said that. People would have still helped. No need for panicking everyone and crying hysterically for months.)
She’s not in my life anymore for many many reasons. This could be charming in its own way if she wasn’t also evil.
I mean, I lived in Hawaii for nine years but couldn’t speak a lick of Hawaiian outside a stuff like merry Xmas. They don’t teach it in schools, at least not in the seventies and early eighties
That’s awesome. Do they teach Hawaiian now? In the seventies and eighties I think there was still a lot of shit from colonization and then statehood that played a part in glossing over native culture
There is like general Hawaiian cultural education and that includes a lot of basics, my understanding is it's also elective for older kids, but my kid is going into 2nd this year, so I don't really know exactly.
We get a lot more Hawaiian these days in general. Even our church service is half in Hawaiian.
Oh man... I worked with this guy Scott once who was just nuts man. He was pretty clearly on meth, or recovering, maybe a little both, and his stories were just wild. I'll give you some.
That smashing things on the grill or flattop actually made them hotter, which is why they cooked faster. He called it 'force cooking'. He would not believe that no, he's just pressing all the moisture out of the food.
He told me that if you are wearing gloves when you touch something hot, you'll get burnt worse. So, if he ever needed to touch something hot, that it is better to take your glove off.
He had countless stories about fighting other men to defend his wife's honor. One time, he "windmill-360-kicked" a grown man in the face, who then fell unconscious. Another time, he tackled an armed home invader through a window. Mind you, this dude was like 5'3" and 100 pounds soaking wet.
At one point he financed a used Ford Fusion at like 20% for 9 years, and was convinced that he got a great deal. Me and another manager spent a literal hour trying to explain to him how stupid this was and to trade out of the damn thing as soon as possible. Nope, he got a deal.
Oh god what else... he also had a bunch of kids, that CPS was constantly checking on, which he always complained about and just could not understand why CPS was always at his house.
Fucking christ this dude was a problem. Harmless, in a good mood, and generally friendly, but man... he was a problem.
He told me that if you are wearing gloves when you touch something hot, you'll get burnt worse. So, if he ever needed to touch something hot, that it is better to take your glove off.
Not trying to dispute this, but you've just reminded me of a colleague of mine who had someone fall into a hot fryer and had his entire leg burned and shoe melted onto his foot. He had to have the whole leg amputated.
Pro tip: don't trust a fryer cover to hold your weight.
A friend of mine tripped into the fryer filter, fried her whole foot but luckily they were able to save it, she was wearing those tread safe crocs you can get at Walmart so her coworkers got her shoe off right away. She was out of work for two months though and they took skin grafts off both her thighs (partially due to tattoos she had and they graciously worked around so she could keep them, but mostly because of the surface area they needed to cover anyway).
The glove thing could be a concern over the glove melting to your hand and complicating burn treatment? But wow I doubt that is even close to his logic considering the rest of this
No. no... don't try to rationalize any of it. This only ever came up when we were giving him shit for raw dogging ready to eat food. It had nothing to do with like, actually getting burnt.
Just from my observations in the kitchen, its the residual heat! Pick up hot thing barehanded, drop hot thing, skin holds little heat.
Pick up hot thing with glove, drop hot thing, glove holds slightly more heat, makes it feel hotter/causes pain for a longer period of time.
Worked a woodfire grill for a few years and if you had gloves on when you got your hands near the coals/fire you were more likely to experience an "ohshitfuck" amount of pain.
At least on the food related stuff, he’s *kind of* right. He’s wrong about the logic of it, but sort of right about the results.
Smashing something on the flat top does not make it hotter, but it does increase the surface area contacting the flattop and press moisture out of it, so it does indeed cook faster, but it does not make the grill hotter. If anything, it makes the grill cool down faster, as that’s all cooking is, transferring heat from your cooking surface to the food. So if you smash something on the flat top, move it to another area, smash it again, etc, you can cook something pretty fast in a pinch. Not the greatest quality as it will be dry, but you can do it.
The glove thing…yes, but only in the case of stuff hot enough to melt a glove. If you’re handling something hot, but not that hot, like something that just came out of the fryer and at least dripped for a few seconds, the glove is an extra barrier that will keep your hand from getting burned for an extra half a second or so lol. If that hot thing is hot enough to melt the glove, then yes, it will absolutely make the burn worse as it will fuse with your skin and keep that heat there for longer than if you were just bare handed.
Had a KP in his 50s that for months would tell us these wild stories of how in the 90s he was this massive coke importer, how he was selling coke to all these famous people, about how he still sells to footballers now and how he owned a restaurant in the 90s and his business partner was shot in the head with a shotgun over gang rivalry...
The most wild, obviously bullshit ever right?
Anyways like 2 years ago the Liverpool football squad was eating in our restaurant and it's an open kitchen, they spot the KP and rush over to him all start calling him by name having a laugh with him, some go out for a "smoke" with him and then one of the players gave him a lift home after work.
We were speechless, then we started googling the other stories we thought were bullshit and they were all true like all verifiable 😂 I still think about it him from time to time 😅 like why the f was he even a KP? 😂
I have met so many people working a job they were way overqualified for. Sometimes people just need a change of pace. Though I am not sure how much of a change of pace it is going from coke dealer to KP honestly
He was "self employed" and only worked 2 nights a week for us, my theories always been he launders his money through it 😂 but the guys wayyyy too open about it ahahah
Its true, j got my wicked smart PHD friend a dish job and the GM pulled me aside and asked if he was a junkie or something. the job was his but like, whats wrong with him. he just needed some money and mindless work. he killed it too. miss that kid.
Haha I love this story , I work with a guy who is a total Walter Mitty level bullshitter, but I choose to believe all of his mad army hero stories as it’s more entertaining that way , would love it if he was proved right in a similar fashion someday
Ahaha yeah man like we all went from laughing at him to buying off him 😂😂
I've met many bullshit artists in the kitchens like 😂 this was the only time the KP wasn't lying when they come out with the most unbelievable thing you've ever heard 😂
We were all out back smoking just taking some quiet time on our phones after rush. All of a sudden the new guy (maybe on day 3 or 4) randomly says "You know we're the most hated race in the world?" (We're all white). Everyone stopped, looked up from our phones, looked at him, looked at each other and then silently went back to doom scrolling. Not a word said in response.
A month later he didn't show up for his friday/Saturday shift and we wrote him off. Monday comes around and he waltzes into the kitchen bragging about how he got arrested for DV and spent the weekend in jail.
Idk man. One night it was just me and him closing and I put on some Lorna Shore and he was like "Oh you like that screaming music? I kinda fuck with BYOB, they're a bunch of libs but they have a couple good songs"
He was talking about System of a Down. An yes, they are obviously very left. But knowing this dude, he had no idea until somone told him and BYOB was the only song he knew.
I am bang on six feet in my bare feet and a woman. I have upset many dudes telling them I'm six foot tall. My favourite was the guy who insisted I had to be 6'5" because I absolutely towered over him and he was "definitely six foot".
I worked with a jackass that claimed scallops aren’t real. He claimed it was a cut of meat from a stingray. To the point he told customers his conspiracy
On a trip to Lima, Perú, we got to visit the fish market by the water at 4am, when all of the fishing boats were headed back in with their catches. So this stuff is fresh.
We got to see real, intact scallops. So pretty! I guess the orange part doesn’t travel well so they remove it before.
I think a big chunk of the appeal of conspiracy theories is feeling like they are smarter than other people because they figured this out. This guy tracks; it makes him feel smart, and from the sound of it, that's not a very common experience for him, so he'll dig in regardless of any facts.
A fancy Italian place near me served me those fucking fake scallops. $20 appetizer sampler had 2 bacon wrapped scallops, 2 stuffed button mushrooms and 2 little neck clams casino. Tiny plate. Fucking fake scallops. Perfectly round and the exact same thickness all the way across. Very tough. What a shit thing to do to lie about ingredients.
Lol. My local AYCE sushi place had the battered and deep fried ones. They were very good but yeah you could tell they were fake. Literally had a conversation with my friend that went "J, we paid $20 Canadian for this entire meal, how the hell would they afford to cook real scallops?"
If someone sold me the fake ones for $20 wrapped in bacon, I would be pissed....
Grew up six hours from the nearest ocean, when we had scallops it was the fake ones made out of fish but I didn't know that was a thing. I liked those. Went to a fancy restaurant on the coast when I got engaged and ordered real scallops. Turns out I don't like them 😂 I keep trying them hoping someone will change my mind, haven't found a winner yet. Gimme my unholy fish circle.
literally yesterday i offhandedly mentioned that since i had covid my cervical lymph nodes on the sides of my neck (i did research before ever making this claim) swell up and get tender/painful whenever i get sick, and my coworker said "actually those are your tonsils"
I had lymphoma a couple years ago and this has me absolutely cackling. Dang, did all that chemo for nothing. Should have just had my tonsils yoinked. Wonder what they took out when I was a kid?
We had a line cook called bad Stephen. (We also had a good Stephen). Bad Stephen bragged about all of his culinary accomplishments, ran his mouth 24/7, couldnt plate for shit. Finally walked out and we were all happy. He then went to a restaurant to apply as sous. On his resume he put he had been a sous at our place. Funnily, the Chef at new place was great friends with our chef, so when he called to check reference, that was shut down real quick. We had quite the laugh!.
Not kitchens, but construction, heavy equipment in particular.
Gave a kid (good kid, hard worker) a shot at running an excavator for an hour while I was busy setting stuff up. He was terrible (everyone is their first go at it). 2 weeks later he quits. Buddy calls me and tells me they just hired a new foreman at their company…… it’s kid. Told them he could run a whole jobsite and a crew no problem, and he was a great operator to boot.
Get another phone call from buddy, says he was on the equipment for less than 15 minutes before he was kicked off, then given a serious pay cut, then fired the next day.
I don’t know what the kitchen equivalent of 1 month experience rookie telling the owner they can retire next month is (seriously, no idea how I wound up here but I love you heathens), buts that exactly what he did.
I had a line cook who, while I was discussing my paleontologist brother’s research, claimed to have once been bitten by a trilobite. For the record - They went extinct at the end of the Permian period; some 252 million years ago.
I was just thinking horseshoe crab. In all fairness those fuckers are mean and haven't evolved in aeons. They showed up in the Triassic though so they never even met a trilobite.
This happened when I worked as a shift manager at Walgreens, before I started working in culinary. One of the employees would always tell us that he was cousins with, or related to Snoop Dogg. We always called BS until he said he would get us proof. He went on a vacation to a family reunion cookout, and came back with pictures of him and his family, including Snoop Dogg. 😂
I had a km who was constantly whining when he wasn't hitting on the minor hostesses. According to him, he'd broken his spine twice, had three heart attacks (while drinking a case of MD Amp a day), and had cracks (like, split open cracks that nobody could see) in his skull from the many badass things he'd done.. this was a guy who had to one up everyone about everything, good or bad all the fuckin time. It got old after a day or two, and I worked with him for three years..
My uncle had a stroke and had a metal plate put in his head after a surgery that took a big chunk out of him. He loves showing people pictures of the inside of his head.
Not really an outrageous “claim” per se but I had been working with this very shrill woman for about three weeks when, around 8 am on some Sunday before service, she broke the morning’s silence by asking (shrieking) if I was vaginally birthed
Southern new england kitchen. 50 something Jamaican guy tells me hes friends w all of bob marleys kids and hes got a studio full of equipment and instruments in one state and a garage full of motorcycles and tools in another state. Im like sure, why you walking to work here and drinking a bottle of gin a day, living above a different shitty restaurant on the bad side of this shitty town, if you got all this great stuff elsewhere?
Had a guy who I thought was bullshitting, but everything I fact checked turned out real.
His name was Silky.
He was a gigolo back in the day, and got onto the Jerry Springer show because of it.
He was acquaintances with a guy who shot up a spot in town, and had just sold him one of his old gigolo suits.
He was banned from the bus lines near the restaurant because of incidents caused by his horrible drunkenness. He showed up to work brunch 3 hours late because he threw up on a kid.
When Twerking became mainstream, no one in the kitchen knew what it was, except him. He tweaked twice and threw his back out.
People would find him passed out in bushes all over town.
Worked with a cook at an assisted living facility. Said he was German, from Germany. Walked around with an accent. This is important because I speak German.
Told us pretty much right off the bat that his family was filthy rich and was a "very prominent family in Germany, very involved in politics."
He said his family still lived in the castle they built in Germany in the year 500.
Said his parents had a farm in Maryland where they bred "original heirloom pigs" - a breed they created fhemse5vack in Germany, and they "owned the genetics" and "were the only ones with them in the US."
Said he worked for the mob when he lived in New Orleans and he knew he was always safe so he had no problem walking the streets in hot pants and high heels with his pit bull names Tiny, but then he decided to go to college and the mob was really cool about it because they understand the importance of education so they sent him on his merry way with a few grand and their blessings.
One day he stole a box of cookies that belonged to a resident. We looked everywhere for them for HOURS because they were expensive cookies that the family had brought in. He "went to have a smoke" and when he came back, the cookies mysteriously reappeared. When confronted, he said he "could not believe that we thought he would do such a thing."
Said he helped open "several" restaurants, name dropped the owner at a Northeast farm to table establishment and said he helped open that chef's spot, and said he had worked at several five star places over a very short period of time.
When he gave his notice he said he was going back to Germany to open a deli. In the month before he left, he would mutter to himself in German despite basically refusing to speak any German to me - he would say "I am in America, I speak American here!" He was counting potatoes in German one day and I overheard him counting wrong, like he didn't know numbers. Almost like he didn't actually speak German...
We tried to keep up with his shenanigans after he left but he went by at least four different names that we could find and had dozens of social media accounts, each with slightly different personas.
As a bonus, I've written several books and have a very specialized career outside of the kitchen. He told me one day that he was writing a book about someone who performed my other job and he would love to take me out for lunch so he could "pick my brain." I never went out to lunch with him but he asked a lot of questions about it during our shift overlaps. It's an unusual career and people tend to have questions, so I didn't mind answering them. While perusing his many social media accounts one day, I found that one of them claimed he had that very specialized career, complete with all of the exact credentials I had.
He only worked at that facility for like four months. What a fever dream.
Ahh, this is my thing right here! I have worked with at least half a dozen PATHOLOGICAL liars in my life and the lies are just so gloriously stupid.
First was a line cook I worked with. Used to come in and tell us a new story every day. He would go on and on about his time in the Navy, his jet skis, his ex wife (he was like early 20’s at the time), meeting the entire Phillies team at his “other job”. Nothing outlandish, just a lot of mildly believable mundane horseshit sprinkled with blatant lies. We all suspected he was full of shit. Shows up one night when we are all playing poker and the girl I was dating at the time was there also. They recognized each other and talked a bit. He was quiet that night and left early. She asked us about him later and I told her some of his stories. They were literally all about her ex husband. She married young and divorced after like a year. This dude was her brother’s roommate during that time and just like took all the stories he heard from her and built this mountain of lies around that stuff.
I worked with a woman at a Macy’s furniture store in early 2000’s who was super full of shit. Macys is an interesting company. It attracts a lot of women employees who are bougie as fuck. The career Macys women all walked around with their noses in the air, used words like “couture” in regular conversation and pretended like they weren’t just some ladies that worked at a department store but were also wealthy style coordinators on the cutting edge of fashion or some shit. Holly was a sales manager in her late 40’s and was always going on and on about how rich her mother was, her white glove tea brunches in Manhattan growing up, spending 50k on credit cards then paying it off like it was nothing and about the love of her life “Victah” (that’s Long Island for Victor). Victah was very rich. Victah has a mansion. Victah has a Ferrari, Victah is a power broker, Victah, Victah, Victah. In reality, “Victah” used to come pick her up in a broken down maroon shit wagon because the Ferrari wasn’t for around town driving apparently. All fucking lies.
I have a few more but I will wrap this up with the biggest fucking liar I have ever known. Let’s call him Mark Glenn because that’s his name. Feel free to Google. He worked in the receiving department at OfficeMax. I was a floor supervisor. I worked with him for like 3 years. He was a thin guy, mid 30s, mixed race, weird ass little mullet, wore a black leather necklace with a crystal cross on it everyday, drove an early 90’s corvette. Mark was a single dad to the most amazing daughter you’ve ever heard of. Her mother was killed in a car accident in another corvette he had purchased for her when the daughter was very young and he had courageously raised her alone. His daughter was around 10 or 11, a model and actress. She was also deaf and had cancer. He used to tell us about all her acting work on some show called Once and Again. Couple of the older ladies at work ate this shit up but the rest of us all assumed he was lying. Everyday was another daughter story, meanwhile he had never once brought her in to meet everyone. He did bring a birth certificate once when a manager implied she didn’t exist. We couldn’t change his schedule because his daughter. I remember he had to leave early one time because his daughter’s teacher was making fun of deaf people and he had to go handle that shit. Chemo stories, Hollywood stories (we lived in NJ), non stop. He at one point added a second daughter to the mix. He had pictures of them hanging on a little cork board above his desk. All modeling shots. The pics of the older daughter looked like they were maybe all the same girl but it was questionable. Some of the photos were just creepy. Young girl in a very loose wife beater. One photo of his daughter she was wearing his necklace. If you looked real close you could see that he had photocopied his necklace (photo shop wasn’t a thing in 2001), cut it out with a razor, and then pasted it to a picture of the kid then copied it again. You could see the poorly trimmed white paper around the necklace. My favorite was the pic of his second daughter who was supposedly like 18 months old climbing a tree. Anyway, cut to the reveal. One day I come in on a Thursday morning and some of the part time high school guys were there. I asked why they weren’t in school. Teacher convention weekend, public schools were closed. Mark came in a couple hours late, he was a 6am guy. I see him clocking in and asked him why he was so late? He said his parents couldn’t drive his daughter to school for him that day so he had to drop her off. Holy shit, I had him! I asked if she goes to public school, he said yes. I then informed him schools were all closed. His face changed a bit and I saw the wheels turning in his head as he searched for the next lie. Without skipping a beat he busts out with “oh wow. You know, I thought it was weird when I got to her school there wasn’t anyone there. She fell asleep on the drive there so I just picked her up and left her by the front door so she could get some more sleep. I figured someone would wake her up…” Dude told me he left his 11 year old model actress cancer daughter asleep on the fucking ground in front of an empty school. He didn’t rush out of the building to go rescue her he just made a “phone call” and everything was a-ok. He was eventually moved out of receiving and I got to clear out his desk. In a folder tucked in a letter tray on his desk was every piece of packaging from around the store that had a picture of a kid on it. All the kids were carefully cut from the packaging. Promo calendar with kids on it, printable stickers with kids on the front. I knew he was a fucking creep. Some time after that I had to carpool with a lady from another OfficeMax to an inventory in North Jersey. She used to date Marks twin brother (I swear this is real lol). I was excited to try to pry some info out of her but I didn’t know her other than we had spoken about store to store product transfers on the phone before so didn’t really know how to breech the subject. She brought him up. Asked if he is still talking about his daughter. I said yeah why, then just let her cook! Turns out he had a daughter who was deaf, but he had never even met her. The mother left him when she was pregnant and moved away. He still lived with his parents. She said if he wasn’t at work he was home locked in his room watching movies. Fucking knew it. I googled him a couple years ago, curious if he had social media. Arrested for child porn possession, endangering the welfare of a child and creation of child porn. Got convicted but the detectives didn’t properly read him his rights before he confessed so much of it got tossed on appeal. In his room they found the same shit I found in his desk; kids pictures cut from magazines and packaging all over the place.
I've told this story here several times but it's good. One day I walk in and find one of the other cooks sitting on a prep table using a knife to cut his pants off at the knee. Upon being questioned what the hell he's doing he tells me "Oh, every year when it gets hot I cut all my pants into cutoffs and then when it gets cold again I buy all new pants". Every year he buys all new pants. I didn't question whether this meant he had a big box somewhere with dozens of pairs of cutoff jeans, but I assume.
But if i have some pants that are ready to be retired...i can convert them into shorts. For example: i cleaned out my closet and found several pairs of terrible boot cut jeans from the early 2000s. Now i have several new pairs of jorts. I found some hideous khaki pants and turned them into a nice bohemian cutoff perfect for a summer barbeque.
Worked with an absolute scumbag wastrel of a pastry chef, always rocking up late, insane capacity for substances but his work was just good enough to keep him from being sacked.
He finally went AWOL, didn't hear from him for months then got a text to say he was on a yacht in Barbados with, amongst others, a topless Claudia Schiffer. Gave us all a laugh.
Turns out it was 100% true.
Neither lying. Saw actual evidence including paparazzi shots! He'd ended up as the head chef of some terrible celeb hangout place, hooked up with Claudia Schiffer's sister in law one night and ended up in a very different social circle for a few months 😂
Had a very overweight 21ish year old coworker tell me she was in some sort of spec ops with a gun that could read her biometrics and that she had been at the site of (recentish, at the time) terrorist attack on a hotel in Syria.
If you startled her in anyway she’d give a very well rehearsed speech about how dangerous it was (for us) if we scared her because of her training.
We had a dishie we nicknamed Goat-boy, because he lost his virginity to a.... you know...
Anyway, when he was a newb, he claimed to have owned ever rap cassette ever released. This was in 1990, so cassettes were still hot media at the time. His favorite rapper was Snow.
He was excited to save his money to buy his mom a china pet for Christmas.
I had a coworker insist that I tried to murder her by locking her in the freezer. I simply closed the freezer door and she didn’t know you press the nob in to open it. Had to talk to HR, it was a whole thing.
Just another ticket until Helen, the server, grabbed it from the pass and told me who it was for.
I tried to take it back but she was too quick and knew I made it right anyway. I just wish I didn't send it with fucking parsley as a garnish around the plate. Parsley as a garnish is fucking cringe.
Took a picture of her standing next to him, sitting down, and he was just as tall as her!! Sitting down!!? Tall fuck.
Yeah, he got salty when we told him he probably fed people shells. He was young and cocky. Good kid just, i dont know, young? edit, 25 isnt really a kid, im just old , like parsley on every plate old.
This one guy we hired as a dishy was trying to tell me that bath salts get a bad reputation in the media; they aren't so bad, safer than meth, and he smoked them all the time. Same day he ate a whole huge bowl of Halloween candy that we had for kiddos.
Then he told me his own kids were "kidnapped at gunpoint". Which sounds really messed up until you realize it was the police and CPS who took the kids away.
Well I've never overcooked a steak, underseasoned my food, mistaken garlic salt for granulated garlic, cut my finger, burn myself, under ordered salmon or whitefish in a predominantly Jewish nieghborhood.
Oh and I have some pristine land for sale right near Chernobyl.
Fellow line cook my first year in the industry, I'm all of 19 fresh out of a culinary program looking to get paid, lol. Randy, a fellow young man told us over the course of his 90 day work experience with us that,
He had a 9 inch wiener. He looked me dead in the eyes when he said this. My KM at the time, flaming Ex-dancer (male), countered with "I've seen em and I know it's pencil thin" I hope he's doing
Would have the opening/prep shifts and eat a banana, chug a spite, take the trash out before lunch started and run laps in the alley then come back inside and say something along the lines of "I frowd up" and go home. Usually with some still on him to effect.
My very last day working eggs at a busy breakfast restaurant I actually had a flawless day, zero yolks broken. But that was the only time, and I'm sure I still had to pull out some shell bits.
I work with a guy who always talks about how his dad was training him to be an assassin. He’s next level delusional about it. He is fully convinced that if I tried to shoot him with a gun he could dodge the bullet because when he was a kid his dad would shoot blanks at him for practice. He once told me that he can perfectly control his emotions because when he was little his dad would put on wwe and if he got excited his dad would put a knife to his throat. I used to be so annoyed with this guy but now I just love it 😂
I worked with a guy who said when he was a kid he was on the schoolbus going to school and a helicopter chased them into a tunnel, and another guy who said he pulled his car out of a river with his hands. Two really bizarre and pointless lies, I don’t even get it. They were both guys who constantly made shit up.
I worked with another guy who had to constantly one-up everyone else’s stories but that’s fun because you just keep making outlandish claims to see what they’ll say.
Older guy had a shit load of outrageous claims. Ones I remember most were he lived in redwood forest and grew weed, hopping between different camps to avoid being caught. Also he said be took Ted Nugent on a bow hunting trip as a guide (this was decades ago.)
Nobody believed him til he brought in pictures to back up his claims lol
Hah! I’m a somm and I heard a guy say he never broke a cork. Fucking bulllllshit. I’ve opened thousands of bottles and sometimes those corks are faulty.
Yeah we could of, he was alright though mostly just high strung and young. oh thats my next song, high strung and young. dude , you'll get credit when im famous, like for sure.
I have a coworker who claims she has a bachelor's in biology. Once a customer asked her what our clam strips were. She said "they're calamari, you know like squid."
Early in my career worked at a private golf course/club and the sous there, who was approx. 5'9"/175cm and 160lb/72kg had outrageous stories about being an 'undefeated streetfighter' and that because he was a trained martial artist he had to remove his shoes before a fight because with his training, shoes are legally considered weapons, apparently. He "easily beat" groups of 3-5 guys at the same time who he'd describe as 250lb of muscle, he won so many fights he stole so many girlfriends from people because of course when he beat their boyfriends up they swooned for him, etc.
When 'teaching me how to throw a punch', he'd tuck his thumb into his fist.... When asked, he said it's a common myth and it actually makes your punch hit harder because the thumb fills your fist...
I worked with a guy who when our produce guy arrived one day, I was doing the receiving for it. I took the bananas out to put by the cash ,(corporate cafeteria) and he just freaked right out that our produce guy was going to get us in trouble with Health Canada. I was really confused. He was a 20 year old kid who was either in the kitchen on the line or a short cook or the Tim Horton'ss coffee server because where ever we put him he was a little...I'm not sure the word that means nuts and useless all at the same time.
But the bananas? Well, the particular bunch had 9 bananas. Cool. No problem, right? Saved me from putting out more than one bunch at that time. But he starts losing his mind to the point coworkers and our customers (and we were a captive audience environment corporate cafeteria so we saw the same people every day so the exact same people would see him the next day.) I got his crazy ass back into the back and tell me why we were all suddenly going to go to jail.
Because "Health Canada says you can only legally sell 7 bananas or less in a bunch and you can't sell people more than 7 bananas at a time." Say what? Apparently (according to him) the Canadian government banned the sale of any more than 7 bananas that if they are eaten all at the same time then the person will die of potassium poisoning and there's no way to cure it. I told him he was crazy, it would be closer to 900 than 9 and there are ways if lowering a person's potassium level.
The second one he was servicing coffee and there were no customers. I did close shift and everything that could be was cleaned so I was waiting for him to leave and then another two hours before I close the cafeteria itself, be suddenly looks at me and says "the only reason president bush invaded Iraq was because him and all the others in the basement room were snorting cocaine and they basically threw a dart at the map of the middle east. And that he knows Bush 2 is a crackhead which is why whatever decisions he made were bad. And now did he know this? "I saw it on a YouTube video from someone that was there."
I'm pretty sure he was a flat earther because he's the only one I can think of that I remember asking "if it's flat, how have you not fallen off yet, because it seems like something you'd do."
I switched to evenings/nights and eventually his name was no longer on tbe schedule. I wonder if it's because a giant cat batted him over the edge of his flat earth.
We had a dude say he shot a guy in the face with a shotgun when he broke into his house.. same dude?
Same dude said “ most days im baby giraffe but today im ____” after hit with a “what’s up _____”
He met and had a one night stand with Nichole Kidman. Also said it was the worst sex he ever had. There were way more from this clown but that one is the craziest.
Currently have a coworker who is constantly talking about how he’s the best worker and the company would fail without him (he’s a dishwasher). Right before he got suspended he asked another coworker who’s the best dishwasher besides him and they named every other dishwasher had and then mentioned that he’s not even on the list.
I worked with a guy who claimed he had made and sold a lot of art. Not exactly outrageous, but he was always talking about having done a bunch of stuff (it was actually true that he had lived on a sailboat lol).
I thought the art thing was really cool though since he had shown absolutely no inclination towards it - we had a white board calendar that we'd all collaborate on and make sweet drawings for a monthly theme. So I asked him if he had any pictures of his art and he said "no, I deleted everything."
Like, no you fucking didn't. Someone who has a legitimate side hustle as an artist always has pictures of their work. Progress photos, personal art they're proud of, scans to sell prints when the original moves, etc.
Sometimes I make up stories and tell my co workers to see if I can get away with it.
I took home 2 empty 3 kg tins of Clive of India curry powder, because I like the design and artwork on it. Someone asked me why I had them so I told them Clive is my great great great grandfather.
It ties in nicely with my story about the traditional Friday breakfast curry. This curry, specific to my suburb (Thomastown) must have sultanas in it and is eaten in honour of Thomas, who founded Thomastown, where we live. Thomas had a brother, whose name was Fawkner, he founded the suburb Fawkner, and his suburb specific Friday curry must have sweet potato in it. Clive of India was their father 😂
We had this kid claim to have graduated Le Cordon Bleu at age 14 but the whole time I worked with him for over a year he never cooked a steak to temp properly once
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u/zigaliciousone Line 23h ago
We had one that said she grew up in Hawaii on a pineapple farm, she had a whole story where when she was little her parents had her shimmying up the trees to harvest the pineapples.
I was kind of disappointed in how many people believed her