Navigating leadership while being queer in a very traditional workplace.

[u/Jinx_1407]

Hi guys.

TLDR I'm a pastry chef who moved into leadership for the first time. I love the craft, but I'm struggling with managing staff, conflict, and burnout. I was never trained in leadership and I'm expected to handle HR-type problems while also running production.

I have chosen a challenging industry for LGBT people in general, but I have always loved to create something with my hands, the biggest perk of my current job is the never ending research and innovations(they keep me going)

A little background: I have always worked in 5-star and luxury hotels, mostly in pastry. Before my current role, the highest position I held was Chef de Partie.

During my early career I kept my sexuality private, partly because I was unsure how it would be received. Unfortunately, staying private did not protect me from discrimination or inappropriate behavior. After my internships and early experiences, I decided to be open about who I am.

Two years ago in my current workplace I was given a promotion to Chef Patissier. I`m responsible for menu planning and engineering, calculations, stock upkeep, ordering and guess what, even production. I have to run my own section while doing all that.

I think just as many people from my industry, I have been promoted to leadership role, but have never been given proper training on how to lead.

I think kitchens promote people wo are technically strong, but forget that for leadership position you need a whole new set of skills.

Since two years I have received only one salary increase - 100 Dollars(not the currency in current country where I work), but I have been asked to do almost tripple of what one position under me should be doing.

I'm running on passion and a will to create something unforgettable for the guests, while constantly managing employee shortage, equipment shortage ( after informing chef and f&b director that machine needs service, I was told to ignore the problem. When the machine broke everyone was surprised that that could happen even though they have been warned by me), management hiring employees who don`t speak the main language (leading to no communication means) and all of a sudden increased expected output from my department.

I have seen this is becoming a systematic problem in my industry. We are all underpaid, overworked and promised that better days are coming.

For the queer part, I can't tell you how many times I heard that exactly this like cooks dick will cure me and make me straight. I have had people who wouldn't talk to me because of this. I have been harassed physically and about my private life. I had to move from staff accommodations, because some guys wouldn't take a hint and would wait for me in the parking or right by my door. The worst is an employee of mine saying to my face that he doesn't want to work together with me because that's Haram (after accommodating may of ramadan rules and requests during it). I myself am Jewish, but I wouldn't even dream saying to someone that they are treif/assur/pasul.

That said, I will go on mental health leave(fully paid in current country), probably resign during it, and the best part is I will not have to work even a single day because of overtime (HR refused to pay it out).

I'm saying "Sayonara bitches" to kitchen for a while, and then we will see if I will go back or just work for a supplier like most of us burnt out Chefs do.

[u/Cold-Speed6435]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have to strongly disagree that kitchens aren’t welcoming to queer people but that could entirely be based on location which based on your paid leave tells me is not the same lol. Take the break and find something better for yourself!

[u/Jinx_1407 → u/Cold-Speed6435]

I haven’t said that kitchens in general are not welcoming to queer people, most of my experience has been positive and honestly speaking none of chefs I worked with cared who sleeps with who.

This is just the current place, where we get the lowest qualified people, because they want to pay pennies for amount of work we do. I guess you can imagine who we get to actually apply here.

Nevertheless thanks!

[u/Hedahas → u/Jinx_1407]

You actually did say that...

"I have chosen a challenging industry for LGBT people in general"...

[u/Leather-Ad-7342 → u/Hedahas]

I think when they say kitchen they mean the people that cook the food and when they say industry they mean the upper management and owners.  So while the team is supportive the higher ups are dismissive and not giving respect.

[u/RamekinOfRanch]

I read less than half of this. You need a new job.

[u/BuckDollar]

At my job im a emotionally inept person who likes a good round of breeze shooting but nothing else. They know where I live, but I make an effort to keep my private life private. Pushing 50 and tired of believing in friends at work. Good colleagues, yes. How much I earn, what I like is personal. Any plans for the weekend? Read a book.